Here are some of the things Paul Elam of A Voice for Mens has said in the past that the $80,000 plus in donations his site aims to take in every year go to:
Dedicated servers, image royalties, legal fees, internet radio premiums, various kinds of computer and media hardware — and now traveling to different locations, like Toronto, in order to do what has been in the plans all along.
Here are a few things Elam has not said the donations have been going to:
Buying him sandwiches. Paying for the down payment on a condo. Paying his cable bill. Paying for DVD rentals. Buying tasteful framed art for the walls and tchotchkes for the end tables. Buying him suits for his big important media interviews.
Well, now he’s fessed up — sort of.
After a bit of a kerfuffle about financial transparency in his site’s comments section, Elam has finally admitted what a lot of us have been assuming but that he’s been loath to admit: that he’s been living off of his supporters’ donations — and a generous girlfriend. As he explained in a post yesterday:
Donations are used to meet my personal living expenses (with the help of a supportive partner), especially as I have not yet figured out a way to do this 14-16 hours a day and also hold a full time job.
Was that so hard to admit? Apparently it was, so hard, in fact, that he chose to admit it in the quietly evasive passive voice, so as to symbolically avoid responsibility for taking his donors’ money even as he acknowledged that this was what he was doing.
Now, is there anything wrong with making a living, or a part of a living, off of a “donate button” on a web page? Of course not. I have a donate button, and I run regular fundraisers; all of the money I collect — which I greatly appreciate, though it is only a small fraction of what AVFM takes in — goes directly to me, as I’ve always made clear.
Is it wrong for activists to make a living off of their activism? No. Plenty do, though few live lavishly. Most serious activist organizations depend both on paid staff and volunteers.
But I think there are two problems with what Elam has done.
The first is that he’s basically been fundraising under false pretenses, claiming that the money was going for various other costs and never — until now — admitting that a chunk of the money was going directly to him. He still won’t say what percentage of the money goes to him — and his silence on this point suggests to me that it is probably a large one.
His unwillingness to offer any real transparency beyond admitting that some of the money goes to him seems a tad, well, ironic in light of his site’s bad-mouthing of former AVFM-er Kristina Hansen for her alleged lack of transparency with regard to a much smaller sum of donated money.
The second big problem is the hypocrisy. Elam has been essentially urging his followers to adopt vows of poverty in order to devote more money to AVFM — and thus to him. He’s bragged, on several occasions, about getting $100 donations taken from a donor’s unemployment checks.
And in one notorious post, he literally offered a big “fuck you” to men who came to AVFM seeking help, telling them explicitly to “go fucking bother someone else with your problems” — if they hadn’t already offered help to AVFM by hitting the donate button.
I am tired of seeing a handful of men and women fight for a cause that should include millions. I am tired of seeing a comparative handful of men and women cough up the lion’s share of financial assistance when most, even some who come here every day to read and cheer on FTSU, won’t cough up five fucking dollars to help us out; who are just fine as long as none of the burden, even a trivial part of it, is on them.
After a bit more ranting, he offered this advice:
If you want things to change, then stock up on Ramen, get cozy in your studio apartment and join us in the fight to fix this shit. Don’t ask us to help you, but rather give your life the only meaning it may have left, as someone ready and willing to turn your meager existence into helping others who have been similarly screwed over.
Emphasis mine in both quotes.
Apparently the main “other” that doners have been helping has been Elam himself.
And as far as I can tell Elam hasn’t exactly taken his own vow of poverty. The photo at the top of the post is a partial screenshot from a recent AVFM video, which evidently shows Elam at home. To me, that doesn’t look much like the bleak studio apartment of a man living a “meager existence” on Ramen noodles.
Still, if there are men out there who want to send in hundreds of dollars from their unemployment checks to support Paul Elam in the lifestyle to which he has become accustomed, that is their right, I suppose. They should just be aware that’s what they’re doing when they donate to AVFM.
NOTE: I should make clear that I don’t know what exactly Elam has spent his donors’ money on. It is possible that he has not spent any of his donors’ money on sandwiches, condos, cable bills, DVDs, art, tchotchkes, or suits. Those were just guesses. As for me, I do spend some of the money I get from donors on sandwiches, rent, cable bills, Netflix, and of course cat food.
As someone whose spouse brings in the only salary in the house, I resent this. I’d explain to you why I’m not a parasite, but 1. my household finances are none of the internet’s business and 2. I’m standing at the kitchen counter about to shape some bread for its second rise and need to get to it. I also need to stir the spaghetti sauce and whizz up some salad dressing. Maybe Mr. S is a parasite for eating all this delicious food he didn’t make.
So PaulE takes his commenter’s unemployment money and sponges off his girlfriend. Hell of a guy. You know he’d tell someone to get a job if this weren’t him.
I figured all along. And it’s the part that took him a while to fess up with what he’s doing with the money that is the most telling part. Guilty conscience? Seems that way to me.
Then there’s the profound hypocrisy where he scorns people who don’t donate to him and goes on a rant to make them feel bad about not helping men. Apparently it’s about helping to fund Elam’s pockets, in part?, with “personal living expenses”. I wonder if he means what the legal definition of it states off this site:
http://definitions.uslegal.com/p/personal-living-expenses/
Personal living expenses refer to those expenses that are reasonably necessary to maintain health and well-being, to enjoy life’s activities, and the capacity to earn money. Personal living expenses do not include recreational expenses
Personal living expenses may reasonably be interpreted to include such items as housing, food, clothing, and transportation, and whatever ancillary expenses would be considered necessary to those broad categories, such as utility costs and vehicle insurance, to list a few examples. [Kelly-Whitney v. Kelly-Whitney, 2011 VT 12, P4 (Vt. 2011)].
Thirding Ally. My Furrinati is not gainfully employed, but isn’t a parasite. She brings something of value to the relationship- just not financial.
It is hard to image what Elam brings to any relationship that is of any value.
Personally I’d make an exception to this regarding MRAs, considering their constant whining about how all women stay home eating bon bons while men hunt the mammoth for them.
I mean, I understand why people might jump ahead and accuse Elam of being parasitic given that he’s known to be a terrible person, but the problem here is essentially dishonesty – not whether he’s dependent on others. There is no shame in one receiving financial help so long as one isn’t exploiting any supporters.
Integral — that makes him a hypocrite, not a parasite. Not for this anyways.
He’s a HUGE hypocrite.
No, I’m pretty sure that in Elam’s world it only applies to the female partner in a heterosexual relationship. No matter what she does.
Y’all are right, people in relationships who don’t work for pay aren’t parasites. But Elam’s hypocrisy is staggering, says I.
Posted before I refreshed and saw Integral and Argenti’s comments. Jinx!
I know it’s very tempting to throw Paul’s words back at him, but I’m nthing the calls to avoid describing him as a parasite or gold digger. Too much collateral damage there — and the problem isn’t that he’s being financially supported by a partner but (as others have noted) his hypocrisy.
Compassion for Men and Boys™! The Greatest Human Rights Movement in the History of Fucking EVAR™, youse guys! Get off your sorry impecunious duffs and cough up cash you’ll never see again so Paulie doesn’t have to get a real job, one where the employer doesn’t look kindly upon his extracurricular FTSU antics –er, activism! Eat ramen and make sacrifices so Paulie doesn’t have to! Chop chop!
As for his girlfriend: I don’t know whether to feel sorry for her, or grudgingly admire her high tolerance for this toxic stew of whiny-assed ignorance, bullshit, evil, and sponging. Right now, I’m feeling all the same vibes I get for women who are being pimped by utter shitweasels.
To me, this was the funniest AVfM comment on the fundraiser:
Nope. He would have half-assed it, alienated most of his investors, and failed to deliver the goods, just like he’s been doing all along.
Well, how appropriate for Mr. Elam post this on this day of Epiphany.
Usually I regret it when I go look at AVfm comments but today the comments on this “revelatory” post are striking me as hilarious. Especially this:
“In a world full of scams, AVfM is one of the most anti-scam operations going on anywhere.”
lololol
MRA is hypocritical douche. Why am I not surprised?
He’d be more manly if he could just say “Know what? I live off my girlfriend, and anybody who doesn’t like it can blow me” instead of going through all these contortions.
People, the 80 grand includes money from this alleged girlfriend. Now unless she’s supplying the majority of it (which would mean she’s loaded), she’s helping support someone who doesn’t need it, knows he doesn’t need it, and spends his time ranting about how he wants women to be beaten up, or raped with impunity.
So yeah, I’m with Robert in calling him a parasite. Not partners in general who don’t go to work, but fuck, Elam’s a human-shaped tape-worm.
He’s also a parasite to the suckers who pay the rest of it. Snake-oil salesman and hypocrite, as everyone’s said, but he definitely lands in the parasite category for me, in every way, not just in his relationship.
… It’s still the claim he has a girlfriend that boggles me the most. WTF has he to offer anyone?
I Can’t believe how hateful he talked to them /about them .(his followers) “your meager existence .” ???
Oh, I’d say he’s a parasite, and a gold-digger, but the host isn’t his girlfriend, it’s the poor saps at AVfM, who think the money he berates out of them is going to “The Cause”.
And I don’t think he’s a hypocrite at all. I think he’s a fraud.
I suspect he’s also something of a tax-cheat.
Surely he’s being parasitic off his followers, though? Among partners, one may not work, but they’re all enjoying a similar level of living; he’s parasitic because he’s demanding that his followers live in abject poverty so that he can enjoy comfort, like the CEO of a company that pays minimum wage. (And CEOs like that are clearly parasites.)
I’d feel comfortable calling someone a parasite if they didn’t work and their partner did and they took all their partner’s money and spent it on stuff for themselves that their partner got no benefit from, too. Because that’s taking advantage of someone.
So what’s up with the 20/20 episode? When is it supposed to air or did I miss it? This would be something for him to be interviewed about.
Grifters like Elam try to create a symbiotic relationship with their marks. They give him what he wants and he gives them what they want.
Think people are missing something… Elam takes expenses – JtO is salaried, I believe?
I don’t actually think any of the “top tier” at avfm are in it for money, they’re in it for the sense of importance, narcissistic supply and to vent their anger.
Esmay will get a paid position, sooner or later, I think.