Over on the Men’s Rights subreddit, the regulars are discussing the case of a Japanese man who set himself and his nine-year-old son on fire on a playground in an attempted murder-suicide; the man died, but his son, while severely burned, managed to survive.
The discussion amongst the Men’s Rightsers is actually less awful than one might expect, with only a few commenters making excuses for the man, or blaming his ex-wife. Many of the regulars are actually condemning his actions straightforwardly.
And then there’s TyphonBlue, the highly inventive female Men’s Rights activist who is one of A Voice for Men’s self-proclaimed “Honey Badgers.” She thinks the fact that the man tried to kill himself along with his son is a point in his favor and, more than that, a sign that men are better than women.
No, really. She blames “pedestalization” for it all.
You see, if you didn’t put women on a pedestal, they’d kill themselves along with their kids, and all would be well in the world. I guess? I really don’t see why this would be better.
Later in the thread, TB tries to explain her peculiar logic further:
I think it’s time to pull out the old Don Draper “what?!” gif again.
I will grant her one point: she’s correct that, while fathers and mothers are roughly equally likely to kill their children, men are much more likely to kill themselves as well. Why this would be a sign of moral superiority I don’t know.
I should also note that this doesn’t mean that the men and women kill children equally: while 57 percent of those who kill children under 5 are parents, the non-parents who kill children are mostly men.
In any case, “pedestalization” has pretty much nothing to do with it — unless you’re talking about the tendency of fathers who kill themseves and their children to overrate their own indispensablility.
So why do parents kill their children? Not surprisingly, mothers and fathers tend to have wildly different motivations. In Slate, Dahlia Lithwick summarizes what we know:
Researchers, building on the work of Phillip Resnick, have shown that women tend to kill their own offspring for one of several reasons: because the child is unwanted; out of mercy; as a result of some mental illness in the mother; in retaliation against a spouse; as a result of abuse.
It may be hard to understand how a mother can come to believe that killing her children would be an act of mercy, but that’s what postpartum psychosis can do to your brain.
The motivations for fathers tend to be rather different:
Most frequently … they kill because they feel they have lost control over their finances, or their families, or the relationship, or out of revenge for a perceived slight or infidelity. … more often than not, men kill their children to get back at a woman—to take away what she most cherishes.
As Charles Patrick Ewing, a University of Buffalo law professor and psychologist, told Elizabeth Fernandez of the San Francisco Chronicle
“These are narcissistic, self-centered guys who see themselves as the glue of the family. They feel they have to take their own life, but first, they have to kill the children. To them, it seems rational. They think they can’t manage and the family can’t manage without them.”
It’s also worth pointing out that when you look at murder-suicide in general — and not just when children are among the victims — it is almost exclusively (roughly 90%) a male crime, with the victims almost always female, generally the man’s wife, girlfriend, or ex. Not surprisingly, disproportionate number of those responsible for murder-suicides involving intimate partners were also domestic abusers. (As was, reportedly, the Japanese man who set himself and his son ablaze.)
The only heartening thing here is that TyphonBlue actually got downvoted in the Men’s Rights subreddit for spouting her toxic nonsense.
EDITED TO ADD, 12/30/13: The son, who had been in critical condition since the incident, has now died.
That’s so sad about the man killing himself and trying to kill his son. How horrible that someone would see this as evidence of some kind of moral superiority of men over women. Do we even know why the man did it? I hope that the child survives and that his burns won’t impair him too badly.
So murdering your kids makes you moral, so long as you commit suicide? And more women should commit suicide to make the world a better place?
Be right back. Going to scream into a pillow.
The news stories were really sketchy on details. The man and his wife were finalizing their divorce; presumably that was the trigger, as it often is in these sorts of cases.
Well, you have to credit them for truth in advertising when it comes to the name. It is the men’s rights movement, after all. The name technically doesn’t claim that they have any interest in helping boys.
(Can’t help but notice that this is the second recent case of a father hurting his son where they’ve been firmly in support of the dad and apparently not at all interested in supporting the son, even though he will someday be a man too. I’ve yet to figure out how old a boy has to be for them to give a shit about him.)
Brain bleach: kitty sleeping on potato (friend calls it an Irish cat)
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-h1D0qw9lnhs/T3ga_3n8gaI/AAAAAAAAQ7Y/QBRFEpU4l0Q/s1600/PotatoYouUnderstandMe-91873.jpg
Yep, control and revenge, they’re almost always behind men murdering intimates.
I wonder if Typhoid Blue thinks Robert Farquarson is a morally superior specimen? He didn’t commit murder-suicide – he just murdered his three sons in revenge for his wife divorcing him. He set out to ruin her life and he succeeded.
Cassandra – once a boy is arrested or just accused of abusing a girl or woman, they’ll be interested in his rights.
Alice, squeeee what an adorable kitty! Poor little sweetie, I just want to cuddle zir.
kittehs – Well, she said that it’s only moral if you commit suicide (and succed, I guess). So presumably she wouldn’t approve of the murder, but she’d probably sympathize and claim that Farquarson has moral justification.
And now I need to sanatize my mouth with hot water. BRB
*succeed. I am a TERRIBLE speller! 😛
It really shouldn’t be hard to figure out that the victim in this case is the son, not the dad.
RE: CassandraSays
I’ve yet to figure out how old a boy has to be for them to give a shit about him.
The reallllly cynical part of me thinks it’s however old THEY are. You note they always seem to empathize with the parent, rather than the child…
So, taking this horrible incident of a man setting himself and his 9-year-old child on fire and using it to take a dig at women?
You stay classy, TyphonBlue.
I really hope the boy is okay.
The combination of fire as the chosen means of murder/suicide and that fact that this happened in Japan makes me think that the guy didn’t just want to die and take the kid with him, he meant this to be some sort of protest. Which makes me wonder if there was some kind of MRA-type logic behind it, especially given the divorce element.
Is it just me, or has the MRM started to fall apart since the occidental thing?
They were ever TOGETHER?
TyphoidBlue needs to be quarantined. It’s not that most of the misters are murderous; it’s just that the controlling abusers who are reading r/mr or AVfM get such a strong, steady dose of endorsement for their worldview.
I’m thinking of shit drying out and falling off in crusty bits …
Appropriately enough when we’re talking about TyphoidBlue…
Thank you SO MUCH for that mental image, Kittehs. I’ll never forget that now.
And it was just as exciting as I thought it would be! I think I’ll join you folks for a spot of the brain bleach and pillow screaming. Typhon is a damned trip.
Ohhhh Typhon, you never fail to amaze. And by ‘amaze’ I mean horrify and cause psychological harm through intense secondhand embarrassment.
My pleasure, LBT. 😛
She really does write like a cartoon villain, doesn’t she? It would be funny if the things she’s saying weren’t so horrible.
Well, it’s TheIdesOfLight — Queen She-Bat herself (as I recall from one of the misters)!
Hi, and please accept one gently used Welcome Package.
Also, more brain bleach: CGTOW (Cats Going Their Own Way)
That why MRAs hate cats! Because going your own way is the natural state of being for a cat, it’s not something they have to aim for (and fail at).