So over in the Men’s Rights subreddit, the fellas are doing their best to address the burning Men’s Right issue of “date inequality,” or, as one recent poster put the question,“Hey feminists. How come men are still expected to pay for dates?”
I’m pretty sure that feminists aren’t the ones expecting men to pay for dates, so I’m not sure why feminists should be held to account for something they’re not doing, but in any case, the Men’s Rightsers don’t seem much interested in hearing explanations from feminists. No, they’re rather offer their own theories.
Enter a new convert to Men’s Rightsism called MrKocha, who enlists the aid of SCIENCE to offer his own explanation of this terrible date injustice:
I see a lot of problems with every day inequality between the sexes in mate interaction in various areas.
Attention, human female. Initiating mate interaction protocol.
First being, the average female has vastly different motivations in her mate selection. How much is nature vs nurture is up for debate, but I tend towards believing millions of years of evolution probably have left a significant mark there.
Huh. What are the odds that these millions of years of evolution just happen to line up with whatever regressive assertions about women — sorry, females — this dude is about to make?
Anyway her mate choice process often involves looking for signs of genetic fitness in male (attractive appearance, displayed dominance socially or physically, risk taking, higher social status), and weighing this against his ability to invest in her long term future: such as pay her dinner/bills). Paying for dinner displays two things: one a willingness to self sacrifice for women, and two the financial resources to continue to do so.
Let’s see. Human beings for the majority of their existence on this planet were hunters and gatherers. Even if we assume that men mainly did the hunting and women mainly did the gathering, the gathered food made up the bulk of the diet. So really, men on dates should expect women to bring them large salads in return for the carcass of a small mammal.
The second part of the problem is women also have a significantly stronger in group bias, to the point where considering points of view don’t immediately benefit females is actively more difficult.
Uh, I think you accidentally the sentence there.
The process of asking women to merely consider in the name of equality, whether there are social solutions to reduce inequalities between the sexes in mate selection scenarios commonly triggers a strong negative emotional response, that her ‘turf’ is under attack and whoever presents such a question is a threat.
Really? Lots of women have no fucking problem whatsoever with paying for dinner.
How women deal with this varies tremendously. Some experience a great deal of cognitive dissonance, denial, and explain away inequalities with whatever rationalization provides the most reassuring emotional responses.
Wait, are we talking about women or about MRAs now?
Some project their outgroup hatred upon whoever voices the opinion by attacking the individual with petty, poorly thought out attacks on their character.
He must be talking about MRAs, right?
Others, immediately jump miles past the idea of social equality being a noble (if potentially impossible goal), to the issue of consent, making accusations that somehow even considering the idea of more equality in gender relations is an attempt to violate consent of female mate choice? (MY CHOICE! DISCUSSION IS RAPEFUL!)
Um, how did we get from talking about dinner to talking about rape? Is he really suggesting that women have literally accused him of rape because he suggested they pay for their own dinner?
And finally, there do seem to a minority of women who are able to consider the issue rationally, even if it admittedly, challenges her immediate self interests and might be harder than other subjects to think about?
Wow, some women — albeit a minority — somehow manage not to be spiteful, narcissistic children! What a generous assessment of half the human race.
How to tackle the issue, when women potentially have 4 times the amount of in group preference, reinforced by feminist doctrine and a potential biological preference towards the behavior?
How is “getting dudes to pay for dinner” part of feminist doctrine exactly? I’m pretty sure The Rules isn’t a feminist manifesto.
All I can say is to continue to challenge any social doctrine that reinforces in group bias of women and praise women when they display the ability to think outside the spectrum of their immediate self interest even if ultimately there isn’t much other benefit to you?
Who’s a good woman for thinking outside the spectrum of her immediate self-interest? You’re a good woman for thinking outside the spectrum of your immediate self-interest!
Always try to keep in mind, that the negative responses, are basically a reflection of why the question is a valid one in the first place.
Exactly. Whenever women recoil in horror at some astoundingly misogynistic thing you’ve said, that just means you’re totally right!
In a followup comment, MrKocha returns to the notion that women love throwing around rape accusations, not only at men who argue with them about paying for dinner but at “sexually inexperienced men” generally. It’s bad enough that women aren’t attracted to these men, he argues, but
the amount of shame, condescension and hostility thrown their way is quite impressive.
It can range anywhere from rape accusations to golden ones like “I hope you never find someone and stay alone forever!”
Fun fact: each and every man on the planet earth, no matter how sexually experienced, was once a virgin. Somehow most of them managed to garner themselves a certain amount of sexual experience without being accused of rape and/or having women express the opinion that they should remain alone forever.
Assuming that McKocha is speaking from experience here, and assuming also (because I’m already disturbed enough by his comments) that the bit about the rape accusations is internet hyperbole, what exactly is causing all these women to get so angry at him?
I don’t think it’s the sexual inexperience. I think that maybe, possibly, it might be the fact that he obviously hates women?
Just a wild guess.
MrKocha started up a whole thread of his own to further discuss his scientific hypotheses about the human female and her mate choices. It’s called Females Oppressing Female Mate Choice. Because these evil females who put down sexually inexperienced men are also oppressing females who might choose to mate with these men!
Thanks to AgainstMensRights for clueing me in to the wonderfulness of MrKocha — here and here.
And they’d be right, at least about that. If they wanted to start calling out all of their members who admitted to trying to harm their partners, or shutting down folks who engage in masturbatory violence fantasies, or otherwise shunning folks who unrepentantly engage in abusive behavior, I’d have common cause with them. It’s a fair critique of one branch of contemporary feminism that H. Fucking S. got a pass from (some) feminists for as long as he did.
But instead they circle jerk over those violent fantasies and egg each other on, and hold those who are most excited by f**king other people up at the center of their movement, so they can step on all the legos (and land on all the cacti when they fall over) as far as I am concerned.
Russian, law, and pottery.
What kind of degree were you aiming at? Because that sounds fucking awesome.
You know what? FTS. Speaking of dinner (which I’ve paid for my share of, btw), does anyone have good bean soup or casserole recipes? I now have about 28 cups of delicious homemade turkey/chicken stock and I want to make some soups or bean recipes (because I keep edging ever closer to becoming vegetarian) that I can freeze in individual servings and reheat for lunches.
Sorry, gillyrosebee. I have a stew recipe, but don’t really make much soup or casserole. (It is very good stew though.)
And yeah, I think it is a good critique of parts of feminism that Schwyzer was given the slack that he did. Just ugh. The whole thing gives me the creeps.
Ally: I wasn’t pursuing a degree. Russian was maintenance, the legal classes and pottery were because I was interested.
gilly: I’ll try to remember to write some up. Too fried right now.
@pecunium
Ah, yeah I felt a little odd asking about degrees since I understand that college isn’t only about degrees. But I just asked that anyway because I didn’t know how else to convey what I meant.
Speaking of classes, I’m now in a position that maybe one day I’ll be able to afford to take a class or something! Probably not in art or anything… maybe just a community course in home repair or carpentry, something that’ll teach me a useful new skill. I’m really excited about that.
That’s great, LBT! =D I bet a class like that would be fun, too.
LBT, stew works for me as well.
I ‘broke up’ with some feminist communities and sites when they were too willing to give HFS (I will not type out the f**ker’s name) a pass for too long, so I get you.
@ pecunium, I always wanted to learn Russian. I had a Russian colleague in grad school and she taught me some words as well as some simple grammar. Now all I can remember is ‘koshka’ (not sure about the cyrillic any more) which is “cat”, which is what she used to call my cat when she came over (“melaya koshka”, I think, which is like little baby cat?)
I have a (teenytiny) little bit of spare cash at the moment, and faced with the idea of paying down some debt or spending it on some practical thing, I am considering buying an acoustic guitar and learning to play it.
RE: gillyrosebee
In that case! My hubby’s stew recipe is as follows. (I’m just putting up enough for one meal, so multiply it according to your needs)
2-3 small potatoes, or one big one
1 carrot
leafy green thing, however much you want (spinach, pre-cooked kale, bok choy, spinach, all of these work)
a handful of mushrooms
tomato puree or sauce (though if you’re fond of the broth, you can ignore this)
a spoonful of honey or molasses (optional)
salt, pepper, cumin, hot harissa, and/or your spices of choice
Pour in just enough broth to keep your potatoes and carrots submerged, and raise to a boil. Keep adding broth as needed; I tend not to like it too watery, but no harm will come to you if you decide to do all the broth together. When the potatoes and carrots start getting soft, add the leafy green thing and mushrooms and spices, plus sauce and honey. Stir together, let cook for a minute, then take off the heat and OM NOM NOM!
This is also a good kitchen sink dish to get rid of leftover veggies and meat! We have met few things that couldn’t be worked into this dish somehow. Beans would have to be cooked beforehand, but if you have a big tin of them or something, that would go in fine.
This stew is delicious and filling, and goes best with nice crusty bread.
Yeah, Ally, I’m trying to take advantage of this time for me and learn some new skills, since customer service wrecks my mental health so quickly. Maybe I can learn a trade or something, or just generally learn more down-to-earth skills to cut down on expenses. I look forward to it!
LBT, I have leftover roasted potatoes (I use them as a ‘rack’ to cook the turkey) and bordeaux spinach and tuscan kale that I grow in the basement (housemate is very patient and indulgent with me, especially when I tell him that he and BoyToy can help themselves) as well as tomatoes from this summer’s garden that could be substituted for the puree, so I will be trying this, thanks!! I have black eyed peas that I can soak overnight and then add in, and I’ll try that and report back!
I also have a carefully cultivated sourdough starter, and I make regular loaves, especially through the winter, so crusty bread is no problem for me!
Perfect! You’re all set then. I don’t know if black eyed peas have protein; if not, I highly encourage adding some frozen edamame or other beans to it, just to round out and give yourself a fully balanced stew. And if the potatoes are already roasted, you can dump them in with the kale and stuff; otherwise they’ll turn to mush while the carrots cook.
Not as good as black beans but better than most, is the protein verdict (I think) for the cowpeas. I know they grow anywhere and are good as a post-garden fall crop (the last of them just died off in our recent freeze) so I love them. I put about two cups in to soak overnight. I still have the last of my purple dragon carrots and I’ll try those, and add the potatoes with the greens.
Thanks! I’m excited to try a new recipe!
Sweet! Hope you end up liking it! I should make some of my own, when I get a chance…
That stew sounds yummy.
You should call me an asshole again. It might hurt this time 🙁
Also, when did I say I was an MRA? I’m not really arguing a particular side here, I long ago gave up using logic and reasoning here. I’m simply mocking you for my amusement right now. One thing that I did learn in my time as a feminist is that some people are just better off being mocked than reasoned with, and if you can have a chuckle while doing it, why not?
Besides, its a joke, not a dick. Don’t take it so hard.
ooh… the, “I used to be a feminist, now I insult them for “bashing” men, but I’m not taking any side here”.
As stated before, someone is lying.
I long ago gave up using logic and reasoning
here.FTFY,
Insensitive creep. GTFO
It is, BTW, not a joke. It was a jibe.
You can’t even claim you were trying to be funny, and missed the mark; since you admit your intent wasn’t to amuse anyone* but rather to cause offense.
Honesty, it isn’t in you.
*save yourself
Oh, no no. I’m not trying to be funny for you. I am saying things that are funny to me, and I also find your reactions funny. There was a time when I would have shown more compassion here and not said such things for my own amusement, but I quickly learned that compassion is wasted here, and that most of you are the types who deserve all the bad things that happen to them in life.
So, if I am triggering anyone, I would be happy to hear of it 🙂
If there’s anyone I want to teach me to be compassionate, it’s definitely the person who has a victim-blaming mindset and is okay with deliberately triggering victims of sexual violence who suffer from trauma. Yep.
Again, you misunderstand. I’m not interested in teaching any of you anything. I’m just killing a bit of time by watching terrible people suffer. Remember how glad everyone was to see Saddam swinging from a rope? Its kinda like that. I don’t feel bad in the slightest for saying terrible things to terrible people. Its kinda cathartic, actually. I can see how you guys get so addicted to being assholes all the time :3