So over in the Men’s Rights subreddit, the fellas are doing their best to address the burning Men’s Right issue of “date inequality,” or, as one recent poster put the question,“Hey feminists. How come men are still expected to pay for dates?”
I’m pretty sure that feminists aren’t the ones expecting men to pay for dates, so I’m not sure why feminists should be held to account for something they’re not doing, but in any case, the Men’s Rightsers don’t seem much interested in hearing explanations from feminists. No, they’re rather offer their own theories.
Enter a new convert to Men’s Rightsism called MrKocha, who enlists the aid of SCIENCE to offer his own explanation of this terrible date injustice:
I see a lot of problems with every day inequality between the sexes in mate interaction in various areas.
Attention, human female. Initiating mate interaction protocol.
First being, the average female has vastly different motivations in her mate selection. How much is nature vs nurture is up for debate, but I tend towards believing millions of years of evolution probably have left a significant mark there.
Huh. What are the odds that these millions of years of evolution just happen to line up with whatever regressive assertions about women — sorry, females — this dude is about to make?
Anyway her mate choice process often involves looking for signs of genetic fitness in male (attractive appearance, displayed dominance socially or physically, risk taking, higher social status), and weighing this against his ability to invest in her long term future: such as pay her dinner/bills). Paying for dinner displays two things: one a willingness to self sacrifice for women, and two the financial resources to continue to do so.
Let’s see. Human beings for the majority of their existence on this planet were hunters and gatherers. Even if we assume that men mainly did the hunting and women mainly did the gathering, the gathered food made up the bulk of the diet. So really, men on dates should expect women to bring them large salads in return for the carcass of a small mammal.
The second part of the problem is women also have a significantly stronger in group bias, to the point where considering points of view don’t immediately benefit females is actively more difficult.
Uh, I think you accidentally the sentence there.
The process of asking women to merely consider in the name of equality, whether there are social solutions to reduce inequalities between the sexes in mate selection scenarios commonly triggers a strong negative emotional response, that her ‘turf’ is under attack and whoever presents such a question is a threat.
Really? Lots of women have no fucking problem whatsoever with paying for dinner.
How women deal with this varies tremendously. Some experience a great deal of cognitive dissonance, denial, and explain away inequalities with whatever rationalization provides the most reassuring emotional responses.
Wait, are we talking about women or about MRAs now?
Some project their outgroup hatred upon whoever voices the opinion by attacking the individual with petty, poorly thought out attacks on their character.
He must be talking about MRAs, right?
Others, immediately jump miles past the idea of social equality being a noble (if potentially impossible goal), to the issue of consent, making accusations that somehow even considering the idea of more equality in gender relations is an attempt to violate consent of female mate choice? (MY CHOICE! DISCUSSION IS RAPEFUL!)
Um, how did we get from talking about dinner to talking about rape? Is he really suggesting that women have literally accused him of rape because he suggested they pay for their own dinner?
And finally, there do seem to a minority of women who are able to consider the issue rationally, even if it admittedly, challenges her immediate self interests and might be harder than other subjects to think about?
Wow, some women — albeit a minority — somehow manage not to be spiteful, narcissistic children! What a generous assessment of half the human race.
How to tackle the issue, when women potentially have 4 times the amount of in group preference, reinforced by feminist doctrine and a potential biological preference towards the behavior?
How is “getting dudes to pay for dinner” part of feminist doctrine exactly? I’m pretty sure The Rules isn’t a feminist manifesto.
All I can say is to continue to challenge any social doctrine that reinforces in group bias of women and praise women when they display the ability to think outside the spectrum of their immediate self interest even if ultimately there isn’t much other benefit to you?
Who’s a good woman for thinking outside the spectrum of her immediate self-interest? You’re a good woman for thinking outside the spectrum of your immediate self-interest!
Always try to keep in mind, that the negative responses, are basically a reflection of why the question is a valid one in the first place.
Exactly. Whenever women recoil in horror at some astoundingly misogynistic thing you’ve said, that just means you’re totally right!
In a followup comment, MrKocha returns to the notion that women love throwing around rape accusations, not only at men who argue with them about paying for dinner but at “sexually inexperienced men” generally. It’s bad enough that women aren’t attracted to these men, he argues, but
the amount of shame, condescension and hostility thrown their way is quite impressive.
It can range anywhere from rape accusations to golden ones like “I hope you never find someone and stay alone forever!”
Fun fact: each and every man on the planet earth, no matter how sexually experienced, was once a virgin. Somehow most of them managed to garner themselves a certain amount of sexual experience without being accused of rape and/or having women express the opinion that they should remain alone forever.
Assuming that McKocha is speaking from experience here, and assuming also (because I’m already disturbed enough by his comments) that the bit about the rape accusations is internet hyperbole, what exactly is causing all these women to get so angry at him?
I don’t think it’s the sexual inexperience. I think that maybe, possibly, it might be the fact that he obviously hates women?
Just a wild guess.
MrKocha started up a whole thread of his own to further discuss his scientific hypotheses about the human female and her mate choices. It’s called Females Oppressing Female Mate Choice. Because these evil females who put down sexually inexperienced men are also oppressing females who might choose to mate with these men!
Thanks to AgainstMensRights for clueing me in to the wonderfulness of MrKocha — here and here.
Enh, ToySoldier didn’t abuse me. He just mocked me for haha, stupid feminist, you got raped! *rolls eyes* It’s nothing I haven’t heard before. He’s just a self-righteous little prick that has gotten other people to believe his hype. I’d rather hang out with people who actually respect my history.
Okay, it’d merged into abuse as I remembered it – mind you, mocking someone for being raped pretty much fits that description, I think. He’s an all-round loser, that one.
LBT, if I ever sound like I’m engaging in some kind of appropriation when I get upset about how folks have treated you, I apologize. It really upsets me when I see people treating survivors like crap, and I fear that sometimes I go into “I’m just as upset as the person who was raped!” territory when I say that I find something anti-survivor upsetting.
Ally, as a survivor myself, I always appreciate the folks who get upset by the attitude and respond not appropriating, but by being (as you so often do) the kind of supportive ally who will be outraged for others, not outraged in place of them.
Maybe that doesn’t make sense outside of my head…
So diz doesn’t pay attention to us, or read the things we post, but knows all about what Dave did, and why, on the definition of rape.
Someone is lying.
I see… people calling you an asshole, for being an asshole = riled.
If it acts like a troll, then, to all intents and purposes, it is a troll.
Yeah, I noticed that too, pecunium. Disingenuous little dipshit.
And it’s okay, Ally. It SHOULD be upsetting, in my opinion.
gillyrosebee, it made perfect sense. It’s called empathy!
All right, thanks for letting me know, you two. I just want to be careful with these things – I can’t really be genuinely supportive if all I do is go on a righteously indignant crusade while ignoring the people I want to support. That’s like the definition of a terrible ally.
Where did I say that anything was wrong with rape jokes? I’m against rape, not jokes. Christ, I even made a joke about my own rape 10 years ago.
Weren’t you guys just saying that I took this all too seriously? So what, now I’m not taking you seriously enough? I’m sorry, but how seriously am I supposed to take you guys exactly? You’re the internet warrior equivalent to Dan from Street Fighter, even sites like Jezebel think you’re tools.
I’m just hoping to watch Moobz have a Hugo Schwyzer meltdown. Someplace where I can screencap it, preferably.
I’m against rape, not jokes. Christ, I even made a joke about my own rape 10 years ago.
That’s great for you. Your experience is not universal. It’s this amazing thing called empathy.
Weren’t you guys just saying that I took this all too seriously?
No, we said you were a disingenuous shithead. Totally different.
even sites like Jezebel think you’re tools.
My self-esteem is deeply injured by this.
I’m just hoping to watch Moobz have a Hugo Schwyzer meltdown.
Yeah, good luck with that. On a scale of 1 to NWOslave, you’re like, a “sand in shoes” at best.
Unfortunately for you, that doesn’t mean that there’s nothing wrong with you making rape jokes that aren’t about your experiences. You aren’t the only rape victim out there.
But Ally, he IS! And how he feels about his rape is exactly how all of us feel about ours, so obviously we should be totally okay with his joking. It’s not like our good ol’ buddy diz would ever be an asshole or anything!
Yawn. dizzie, you are being tedious. Isn’t it past your bedtime already?
No you tool, I’m not saying that anything I have to say matters to Moobies. I’m saying that when he inevitably DOES lose his shit after his supposed feminist friends throw him under the bus, I want him to do it where I can watch and hopefully screencap it.
Anyway. Yeah, I’m aware that some of you might be offended by rape jokes. That was the point. Cripes, whats not to get about that?
I also don’t recall asking for permission to make such a joke. Don’t be so arrogant as to expect everyone else to fall in line with what you deem right and wrong.
when he inevitably DOES lose his shit after his supposed feminist friends throw him under the bus, I want him to do it where I can watch and hopefully screencap it.
You realize that Hugo Schwyzer got “thrown under the bus” for admitting he planned to kill his girlfriend, right? If we can’t kick someone out for attempted murder, what CAN we kick someone out for?
Yeah, I’m aware that some of you might be offended by rape jokes. That was the point.
You’re such a sweetheart. I feel so honored to share your presence, where you come to upset us, offend us, and wait for us to have meltdowns. Truly, my fellow Manboobzers, we are in the presence of someone great, a veritable duke among trolls. *rolls eyes*
*sigh* Where have all the DISTINGUISHED trolls gone? I remember the days when trolls were REAL trolls, prophesizing about superdogs and Section IX. Whatever happened to those halcyon days?
We do get why you used that word. And because of that, we’re calling you out for being an insensitive jerk. What’s not to get about that?
Don’t be so arrogant as to expect everyone else to fall in line with what you deem right and wrong.
Right and wrong? I just said you were an asshole. Ain’t nobody taking you to the Thought Police for being an asshole. We’re just calling you an asshole.
We’re arrogant for expecting you to not be a jerk. Interesting.
Yeah, Ally, not like HIM! He’s not arrogant at all to come into someone else’s social space, making rape jokes, and get his jollies trying to piss us off. He’s a paragon of humility!
How boring. I won’t mind when David bans him for actually breaking one of the few rules here.
You know, there’s an interesting point there that MRAs seem to get stuck on. If a supposed feminist/ally gets called out for behaving in a radically unfeminist way (by, you know, trying to kill their girlfriend and then being all “poor me!!” about it instead of owning it, getting their head on properly and making honest and good-faith amends) MRAs are all “see the feminists attack and destroy one of their own!!” while the example of a feminist who doesn’t get called on their anti-feminist shit is proof positive that feminists are all EEEEEEEBIL!
It’s almost like something matters other than as an example of the category ‘things I can use to whine at feminists about online”.
RE: gillyrosebee
What I find most interesting is, can you IMAGINE what the MRM would do if, I dunno, GWW or one of the other Honey Badgers confessed to attempting to kill her boyfriend? They would FLIP THEIR SHIT. They’d froth at the mouth and gnash their teeth and have her out on her ass faster than you could say GTFO. Think about that shit earlier this year with Woolly Bumblebee. I can’t IMAGINE an MRA defending a Honey Badger who admitted to trying to kill their boyfriend for being a rape survivor.
And yet, feminists are supposed to be oh so evil and backstabby for doing that to Schwyzer. Hmmm….
Claims to care about rape + doesn’t give a shit about hurting rape victims beyond himself = unrepentant asshole.
diz: Anyway. Yeah, I’m aware that some of you might be offended by rape jokes. That was the point. Cripes, whats not to get about that?
We got it. And we called you on it.
You
are
an
asshole.
This is not news.
You are too stupid to understand that you aren’t entitled to be an asshole without consequence. Here the consequence is to be mocked.
Schwyzer was an asshole: in lots of ways. A lot of feminists cut him slack for some of his asshole behaviors (I think they were wrong to do so; then again I’ve thought him an asshole for a long time; in part because he taught at a school I took classes in, so I was a bit more familiar with him; though I never took any classes from him [he wasn’t teaching classes on law, Russian, nor pottery]).
When he admitted to something which transcended asshole (by way of being a confession of attempted murder) most of those feminists decided maybe he was an asshole.
Even at at that a lot of them are still being a lot more forgiving than he deserves.
If Dave ever confesses to something like that… I’ll call him an asshole too.