So over in the Men’s Rights subreddit, the fellas are doing their best to address the burning Men’s Right issue of “date inequality,” or, as one recent poster put the question,“Hey feminists. How come men are still expected to pay for dates?”
I’m pretty sure that feminists aren’t the ones expecting men to pay for dates, so I’m not sure why feminists should be held to account for something they’re not doing, but in any case, the Men’s Rightsers don’t seem much interested in hearing explanations from feminists. No, they’re rather offer their own theories.
Enter a new convert to Men’s Rightsism called MrKocha, who enlists the aid of SCIENCE to offer his own explanation of this terrible date injustice:
I see a lot of problems with every day inequality between the sexes in mate interaction in various areas.
Attention, human female. Initiating mate interaction protocol.
First being, the average female has vastly different motivations in her mate selection. How much is nature vs nurture is up for debate, but I tend towards believing millions of years of evolution probably have left a significant mark there.
Huh. What are the odds that these millions of years of evolution just happen to line up with whatever regressive assertions about women — sorry, females — this dude is about to make?
Anyway her mate choice process often involves looking for signs of genetic fitness in male (attractive appearance, displayed dominance socially or physically, risk taking, higher social status), and weighing this against his ability to invest in her long term future: such as pay her dinner/bills). Paying for dinner displays two things: one a willingness to self sacrifice for women, and two the financial resources to continue to do so.
Let’s see. Human beings for the majority of their existence on this planet were hunters and gatherers. Even if we assume that men mainly did the hunting and women mainly did the gathering, the gathered food made up the bulk of the diet. So really, men on dates should expect women to bring them large salads in return for the carcass of a small mammal.
The second part of the problem is women also have a significantly stronger in group bias, to the point where considering points of view don’t immediately benefit females is actively more difficult.
Uh, I think you accidentally the sentence there.
The process of asking women to merely consider in the name of equality, whether there are social solutions to reduce inequalities between the sexes in mate selection scenarios commonly triggers a strong negative emotional response, that her ‘turf’ is under attack and whoever presents such a question is a threat.
Really? Lots of women have no fucking problem whatsoever with paying for dinner.
How women deal with this varies tremendously. Some experience a great deal of cognitive dissonance, denial, and explain away inequalities with whatever rationalization provides the most reassuring emotional responses.
Wait, are we talking about women or about MRAs now?
Some project their outgroup hatred upon whoever voices the opinion by attacking the individual with petty, poorly thought out attacks on their character.
He must be talking about MRAs, right?
Others, immediately jump miles past the idea of social equality being a noble (if potentially impossible goal), to the issue of consent, making accusations that somehow even considering the idea of more equality in gender relations is an attempt to violate consent of female mate choice? (MY CHOICE! DISCUSSION IS RAPEFUL!)
Um, how did we get from talking about dinner to talking about rape? Is he really suggesting that women have literally accused him of rape because he suggested they pay for their own dinner?
And finally, there do seem to a minority of women who are able to consider the issue rationally, even if it admittedly, challenges her immediate self interests and might be harder than other subjects to think about?
Wow, some women — albeit a minority — somehow manage not to be spiteful, narcissistic children! What a generous assessment of half the human race.
How to tackle the issue, when women potentially have 4 times the amount of in group preference, reinforced by feminist doctrine and a potential biological preference towards the behavior?
How is “getting dudes to pay for dinner” part of feminist doctrine exactly? I’m pretty sure The Rules isn’t a feminist manifesto.
All I can say is to continue to challenge any social doctrine that reinforces in group bias of women and praise women when they display the ability to think outside the spectrum of their immediate self interest even if ultimately there isn’t much other benefit to you?
Who’s a good woman for thinking outside the spectrum of her immediate self-interest? You’re a good woman for thinking outside the spectrum of your immediate self-interest!
Always try to keep in mind, that the negative responses, are basically a reflection of why the question is a valid one in the first place.
Exactly. Whenever women recoil in horror at some astoundingly misogynistic thing you’ve said, that just means you’re totally right!
In a followup comment, MrKocha returns to the notion that women love throwing around rape accusations, not only at men who argue with them about paying for dinner but at “sexually inexperienced men” generally. It’s bad enough that women aren’t attracted to these men, he argues, but
the amount of shame, condescension and hostility thrown their way is quite impressive.
It can range anywhere from rape accusations to golden ones like “I hope you never find someone and stay alone forever!”
Fun fact: each and every man on the planet earth, no matter how sexually experienced, was once a virgin. Somehow most of them managed to garner themselves a certain amount of sexual experience without being accused of rape and/or having women express the opinion that they should remain alone forever.
Assuming that McKocha is speaking from experience here, and assuming also (because I’m already disturbed enough by his comments) that the bit about the rape accusations is internet hyperbole, what exactly is causing all these women to get so angry at him?
I don’t think it’s the sexual inexperience. I think that maybe, possibly, it might be the fact that he obviously hates women?
Just a wild guess.
MrKocha started up a whole thread of his own to further discuss his scientific hypotheses about the human female and her mate choices. It’s called Females Oppressing Female Mate Choice. Because these evil females who put down sexually inexperienced men are also oppressing females who might choose to mate with these men!
Thanks to AgainstMensRights for clueing me in to the wonderfulness of MrKocha — here and here.
auggzillary: Of course diz takes it seriously… this is THE civil rights movement of the 21st century.
I mean really, not getting a mate is as bad as being murdered!
In equally hilarious things, my brother got the new xbox. It’s very finicky, we’re not allowed to say “the x word” because it never seems to know what’s a command and what isn’t.
The first rule of the xbox is…
Not yelling XBOX TURN OFF. Also out — Xbox go home (yes that’s seriously a command). And sinc it’s fucking dumb — Xbox fuck off is also banned (and anything else using the dreaded x word)
As our mother put it, this is the funniest he’s been in ages. How can you not laugh at someone saying “Xbox turn off” a half dozen times in increasingly frustrated tones? (Does the thing not have a power button?)
That sounds like a real-life version of a scene from The Games – John Clarke trying to imitate Gina Riley’s voice to get her voice-recognition computer to turn on. 😀
Oh, right! I remember diz now. That’s the person who valorized Toy Soldier and then mysteriously disappeared when I remarked that he seemed totally okay with mocking ME, a male rape survivor he’d never met, for getting grilled on my rape experience.
Yeah, diz, you sure seem authentic.
I don’t remember you or your post. I try not to spend to much time reading what you guys have to say.
Anyway, the guy in the OP stated that he has a mental handicap, on the autistic spectrum I believe. So, add ableist to Dave’s growing list of “quirks.”
Also, Dave never did actually admit that female on male rape is actually rape. He just kind of backed away from the discussion after MRA’s and feminists alike started sodomizing him over it.
For someone complaining about Dave not admitting female on male is rape (he did, btw, you moron – you want to criticise, try READING his words) you seem very quick to use a term like “sodomising”.
Even if the fucker who Dave’s quoting here is on the autism spectrum, since when is that an excuse for being a misogynist, or any other sort of bigot? Are you implying bigotry derives from disabilities, or that bigots who happen to have a disability get a free pass? Sounds like you’re the one being ableist here.
David didn’t mock MrKocha for having mental disabilities. He only pointed out the silliness of MrKocha’s arguments – he didn’t even call MrKocha dumb, stupid, etc. And while it’s true that MrKocha states elsewhere that he has some mental disabilities, that fact about him isn’t indicated anywhere in the threads David linked to. So it’s entirely possible that David didn’t know.
Maybe you should have paid more attention to what happened in that thread, then, because he clearly changed his position. He didn’t back away from any discussion.
Also, using the word “sodomizing” to describe something negative? I think I know who the real asshole is here. Fuck off.
1) Nothing says “I am an advocate of rape victims” like using “sodomized” to mean “argued with” 2) ASD doesn’t force people to be bigots and it’s really gross to pretend it does 3) fuck off, you little jerk.
Not to mention that using the word that way says “homophobic gobshite” about the user, too.
“What?!? You think I should engage with the world outside my mom’s basement? No way, I just come here to pee in the corner.”
Aaaaannnnnd, no. What David actually did was engage with people who disagreed with him, examine his assumptions and their impact on others and make a decision to reconcile his behavior with that impact. You know, that thing that adults do. Learn. Grow.
But, hey. Stay classy, diz.
Heck yeah it does.
Oops, sorry, that should have been addressed to Kittehs.
Curious, isn’t it, how ToySoldier and his little buddy here don’t actually give a shit about male rape victims – when it’s not attacking someone who’s been raped by another man (witness LBT) it’s using the language of rape and homophobia as abuse.
Yup, classy indeed.
Someone’s trying to use ASD as an excuse to be a fucking asshole?
ALLTHEFUCKINGRAGE.
I don’t care if you have ASD. I have ASD. I also know that it’s not a “get out of jerkass” card. Pretending that it does pushes the idea that people with ASD are unempathetic shitheads, which is totally not true. Go step on Legos.
It’s the real double-whammy, isn’t it? Gives them the excuse to heap shit on people with disabilities (like calling women crazy, or trying to target women they see as having mental illnesses) and gives them the let-out for their own disgusting behaviour because they’re awwwwkwaaarrrrd and on the spectrum and it’s not faaaaairrrrr that b1tches turn them down, amirite?
Ob mai gawd, that’s why them bitches won’t look at me! Cause I’m a motherfucking special snowflake! But I’m like Sheldon, see? I’m UBER FUCKING SMART, and totally anti-social! And I know this cause I looked it up on Wiki-fucking-pedia five minutes ago!
Seriously. This kind of shit is the reason why ASD looks bad: because of jerkwads using it as an excuse for their own behavior. Sorry, nope, still your fault that you’re a misogynistic jackass.
Yup. It’s like the fuckwits who do all this shit at SF or atheist conventions – “oh you are being cruel to the poooor ASD menz!” It’s probably not ASD guys who are the ones being predatory shitbags (or just generalised shitbags), given the majority of people there presumably aren’t on the spectrum at all, and if someone on the spectrum is … tough fucking shit, it’s not an excuse for that behaviour!
Plus of course nothing’s ever said about anyone except cis het dudes. Nothing’s ever said by these scumbags about other people on the spectrum, the ones likely to be harassed, not be harassers.
I’m pretty sure that Toy Soldier has also used rape-y language like diz. Compassion for men and boys indeed.
Tbf I’m not sure if MrKocha claims that we can’t criticize his misogyny because he has ASD, or if he simply mentioned that he was on the spectrum and it’s diz who is connecting that to his misogyny. I guess the only way to know for sure would be to dig into MrKocha’s reddit history and… nope. Not doing that.
The ASD = get out of jerkass free thing is like a beserk button. I hate it when people do that. We’re not all jerks. Gah.
It just makes me rage. That and using autistic as an insult. Fuck you asshole.
The thing about the argument that the reason men harass women at cons is because the men are on the spectrum is, the same people who make that argument also throw a fit about the idea of cons implementing clear rules about harassment. And what’s one of the biggest stereotypes about people on the spectrum? That they’re good at following rules, as long as the rules are made clear to them. So if it was really a matter of confused men who’re on the spectrum not understanding what is and isn’t OK, then the rules would be welcomed as helpful.
Rules are misandry!
Expecting men to not harass women is misandry!
How will PADs (poor awkward dudes) ever be able to get teh secks if they’re not allowed to harass women?
I’m curious about how often harassment results in sex, because in my experience it mostly results in stink-eye and/or swearing.