Over on Random Xpat Rantings the terrible excuse for a human being who calls himself Xplat sets forth an intriguing proposition: for men in search of sexy times, having money is the equivalent of a woman having tits.
In other words, it’s not absolutely necessary for a man to have big bucks to garner the attention of the opposite sex, just as it’s not absolutely necessary for a woman to have something in the tit department in order to garner the attention of men, but it helps. A lot.
Oh, by the way, the title of the post in which he sets forth this theory is “ALL women are inherently gold diggers down to their pussy juice.”
Let’s let him explain, in his own icky way:
Women know their value. They know they can trade their value for their benefit. In [South-East Asia] this is not a dirty little secret. It’s not even an open secret. It’s just a fact of life. Money is part of the equation, blatantly and openly. …
Money-and-power-and-social-status is exactly equal to breasts. It can be a cause of sexual attraction in and of itself, and can maintain a relationship when there is nothing else being offered.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure when someone is literally interested in nothing about you except your money, you’re not actually in a “relationship” with that person.
Women aren’t men with vaginas. Their sexual attraction triggers are different. It’s not just that they fuck for food. Not JUST a matter of pragmatic sales of a service. Actual attraction is ALSO involved.
I like big bucks and I cannot lie?
Now, of course Xsplat here is challenging the common PUA gospel that men shouldn’t rely on money to win over their “targets” but rather on being cool and caddish and, you know, going to places where there’s a good chance a lot of the women will be pretty drunk.
Manospherians hampsterbate about this with a zillion “ya buts”. Ya, but you don’t NEED money. Yup, and girls don’t NEED tits.
Having tits is better and more attractive anyway, and girls with tits can get more and better quality men.
Having money is better in exactly the same way. You don’t see many flat chested Penthouse centerfolds, nor are there many broke romance novel heros.
Well, I don’t know much about romance novels, but from what I hear there’s a shitload of slash fiction about two dudes named Sam and Dean who basically live out of their car.
It’s not the case that SOME girls are gold diggers.
It’s just a matter of all the gold diggers mining for gold in different ways.
And of course all of this turns out to be a justification for Xplat’s own use of his relative wealth, as a western expat living in Southeast Asia, to exploit impoverished women for sex.
For me sex is about ecstatic intimacy. Money helps to get more intimacy with a greater percentage of girls, and higher quality girls. I choose to allow egoic esteem to include finances. Money is not cheating. Money helps to skin the cat. Money is not separate from my fantastic ethereal self. Money is part of what I am; part and parcel of what I am to a woman.
That’s got to be one of the creepiest and most delusional excuses for sexual exploitation I think I’ve ever run across in the three years of doing this blog.
I’d like to point out that The Pean to My Male Feminist Leadership Madskillz centered on his amazing journey creating a feminist-themed Facebook page. I think his definition of “leader” may be a bit broader then mine, because to me there are very, very few leaders and a lot of activists and supporters in broad social movements. Also, fame doesn’t make you a leader, it makes just you well-known.
You can identify with feminist ideals, even call yourself a feminist, without crowning yourself King of Feminism. Tumblr has it’s charms, but it has infected a lot of people with petty narcism and faux-celebrity fantasies. For a guy that pedals in pseudo-Marxism, he seems pretty eager for people to fall at his feet (or kill themselves out of shame over refusing to agree with him).
Honestly, I could rail at this guy all day, after his passive-aggressive suicide is no biggie because the only thing that matters is ME fuckwaddery.
It being full of libertarians is enough reason to avoid any subculture, imo.
RE: CassandraSays
Yeah, exactly. And I can’t do casual. Really, I had my partner already, and I had no interest in changing that, just maybe learning more and being able to talk with folks who had similar interests. I guess I came in thinking maybe I could learn about different things and rules and safety concerns, workshops and things like that. But yeah, it obviously wasn’t to be.
RE: Kittehs
Well, my husbands’ brand of sadism is to overload me with pleasant sensations, which is its own variety of sadism. (“Now, do you want THIS fun thing or THAT fun thing? You can only choose one, mwahahaha!”)
RE: Cerberus
Unfortunately, the truth of the matter is that the kink community is like any other and is just as plagued with rapist abusive libertarians (oh did I not mention that most “dom righters” are also flaming libertarian assholes?) as any other subculture.
See, THAT’S what bugs me. If BDSM was marketing itself as “places for sex,” I’d accept that. But they market themselves specifically as being safe and more aware of consent. It SHOULDN’T be as plagued with rapists and abusers if that’s actually true. THAT’S what gets my goat, not that the rapists and abusers exist in and of themselves.
@ LBT
Yep. My first experiences of the community involved walking in going “hi, my name is Cassandra and I’m a domme” and having not one but multiple much older men go “no you’re not, you’re actually a sub, and you want to submit to me, right now”. More respect for consent and boundaries than the culture as a whole? No, not so much.
Before my marriage, I was on the periphery of the local BDSM world. One thing I noticed while topping/domming was the degree to which I could make a good impression just by treating my partners as human beings and not second-hand RealDolls. It was somewhat unsettling, to be honest, and was why I tended to socialize in non-sexual ways with subs rather than my fellow doms.
In (non-BDSM) gay romance novels, the phrase “topping from the bottom” usually has connotations indicating that the bottom is being manipulative, rather than upfront about his needs and wants. For what that’s worth.
Ah, an “exotic” variation on the All Women Are Crazy theme! Gawd, I love that. Whenever I hear a dudebro complain-bragging that all the women he’s been with are “crazy”, I think to myself: Yup, they like totally are. And guess who the common denominator is!
I’m never going to get the lint off my eyeballs at this rate. Though goodness knows why I should be surprised at that revelation.
Now that’s really evil!
Cassandra – was one of those the occasion you told us about when some jackass was trying to pull Mr Dommy Dom Dude shit and you told him to stand up and tuck his shirt in … and he did?
RE: CassandraSays
Yeah. I’m a male sub, but I recognize that my perceived gender is a geographical phenomenon, and here, I’m mostly perceived as female. I am NOT interested in fulfilling someone’s trans fantasy, at all. I’m not interested in fulfilling ANYONE’s fantasies, except hubby’s.
LBT-
Yeah, that’s usually my sticking point too and a big reason why I’ve been cold about getting any more into the scene than just attending kink stuff and trying some periphery activism to improve stuff. And why I tend to skew very strongly in the direction of trans* kink events or trans-inclusive women’s kink events, simply because it means the least amount of interaction with fuckhead men who think “extraordinary respect for consent” means “occasionally I ask her if she wants it before I stick it in”.
I may seem calmer and resigned now, but when I first encountered doms rights assholes and the dudebros who seemed to have no real respect for consent and avoiding abuse despite all the work to make kink spaces inclusive and safe, I had endless rants about the subject. Those people still make me flames on the side of my face furious for trying to ruin the big critical thing that separates BDSM from just being abuse.
And as I said, I think there’s greater effort now to avoid resting on the laurels of just saying the community is better on consent than general culture and actually enforcing that shit like they should have been all along.
But like always, most of the hard work of that is all on the backs of feminists and queers within the community while the white dudebros whine every step of the way.
@ Kittehs
No, these were actual doms, and they were nasty scary dangerous people.
@ Cerberus
See, that’s the thing. I already have to deal with dudebros attempting to block progress in every other area of the culture whether I like it or not, so why would I choose to join a social group where they’re being catered to at everyone else’s expense? Especially when in that context their being catered to is less “everyone rolls their eyes when dudebro expects someone to go fetch his coffee” and more “someone is getting raped and abused”.
Cassandra – oh shit. 🙁
RE: CassandraSays
I already have to deal with dudebros attempting to block progress in every other area of the culture whether I like it or not, so why would I choose to join a social group where they’re being catered to at everyone else’s expense?
YES. THIS. THIS THING HERE. Especially if this group may end up a part of my sex life, urgh! No thank you!
Oh, also! I love it when people in the scene argue that if someone is scaring you by invading your space and attempting to cross your boundaries then you must not be a real dom, and they were just testing you. Dude, I am 5ft2. Of course I’m scared of people twice my size when they make it clear that they don’t care whether or not I’m OK with what they want to do to me.
(Although granted it’s that weird angry/scared hybrid where you’re spitting mad and shaking at the same time. Fight or flight response – sometimes your body’s answer is “both”.)
CassandraSays-
… The possibility of having an “accident” during your fire play scene and “accidentally” setting their hair on fire?
Yeah, I got nothing. And just like you, that shit is the biggest barrier of me being super deep in the community instead of just doing perpetual lurker mode as I do now.
Worst interaction with these fucks might be the first asshole who identified himself as doms rights in my presence. He was leading a workshop on what was supposed to be mindfucking, but it was just him trying to train all the other doms to be just abusive to their subs as he was as he proceeded to demonstrate a style of “hey, anything not explicitly not consented to is implicitly consented to, but it’s okay that that violation just fucked up your sense of having boundaries you can trust and you are visibly taken out of the scene because I’m abusing you in front of an audience of people (as in for real abuse, not mock abuse or edge play) because I didn’t actually do that thing I said I was doing so the emotional impact of that should also go away”. The whole thing massively triggered me and straight up ended my advertising myself as potentially being up for anything. And I’m glad to say I was part of the outcry that made sure he wasn’t invited back as a presenter the following year.
He is of course a white libertarian male dom who is a prominent figure in the community owing to his successful line of books and educational videos.
This also led to me noting a theory that the worst two groups of doms on consent are those who are completely fresh because they haven’t shaken off the rape culture bullshit they come from and those who are “big names”, because they’ve gotten to a point where they think it’s okay to get lax on focusing on consent and sub pleasure because “they have proven their cred”.
Sort of like how the least safe lab practices are by people who haven’t done labs before and long time lab techs who start taking shortcuts because “they got this shit” and it’s running on automatic at this point.
And yeah, not enough rage in the world for those fuckers or those who would enable these vile reprobates instead of committing to a kink community that actually practices what it fucking preaches.
CassandraSays-
That spitting mad and shaking combo is usually my post-traumatic event space. I tend to have a bad habit during actual trauma or watching someone be traumatized of just freezing up and then immediately feeling guilty for freezing up. I tend to be a little better at speaking up for others being traumatized than myself and break out of it for them. For myself though, I tend to bat at .0000. I suck at protecting myself.
This is such a perfect illustration of how wrong things have gone. Surely the ultimate cred as a dom should be in all of your subs leaving their encounters with you feeling satisfied and raving about how awesome you are.
Explat is the one that thinks he’s a PUA cause he goes to Asia and has “relationships” with young women/teenagers who are extremely small for their age. He had a picture posted on his website and she looked about 12 (if that). He has them do his secretarial and housekeeping but doesn’t allow them to have any access to any money. He pays for everything, and when he takes them to eat he doesn’t allow them to order for themselves. Also thinks it’s appropriate if they are saying something he doesn’t like to pinch their noses shut and put his hand over their mouth to shut them up. He lives with them until they start getting too old probably about 23 or so, and then kicks them to the curb. He had one die when she was with him, but I don’t know what happened.
Cerberus – fucking hell. That specimen sounds like he should be in prison just on general principles. The very word “mindfucking” sounds abusive, whatever it’s supposed to mean.
Being better at protecting or speaking up for others than oneself is so common. The “I don’t deserve it/it’s not serious enough to warrant help” jerkbrain stuff we learn, or just not being able to recognise shit when we’re in the middle of it and being emotionally manipulated, rather than the relative detachment of an observer, can totally undermine someone, even when they’re really good at sticking up for others.
Heh … until last night I wouldn’t have had any idea what “batting at .0000” meant, but I’m reading Bill Bryson’s latest and he explains some baseball stuff in his chapter on Babe Ruth. Serendipity!
Re: Topping from the Bottom
I can see how the term represents the opposite of some sort of “ideal” play scenario, where the dom should be able to fulfill the needs of both dom and sub without any instruction. But it ignores a lot about human interaction in general, and more specifically the whole foundation of bdsm interactions; that is: As long as the play is safe, sane, and consensual, then what goes on is at the discretion of the participants.
If the sub and dom enjoy play that involves the sub providing ample and unsolicited feedback? Then good for them. If the sub and dom enjoy play that involves the sub being completely incapable of feedback other than a full-stop safe word/signal? Good for them, too.
Not to mention the harm that this sort of “real sub” enforcement can do to people new to the scene. If during play a sub doubts for a second whether or not they have the “right” to provide feedback or even use a safeword, that has absolutely crossed the line into “unsafe”.
CassandraSays-
Which is why I think they started the whole doms right thing to begin with. If the whole point of a dom is to make the sub happy and bring them a unique experience that connects them with a dangerous fantasy in a safe environment then it might be just a wee bit suspicious that these so-called “real twue doms” are just abusive pricks who don’t seem to care about that stuff (because it’s viewed as feminizing them in the same way that MRAs think it’s feminizing to give a woman an orgasm).
So if they claim to be standing up for their “rights” (to be abusive pricks instead of good doms) who are being “abused” themselves (by subs expecting a better community and to be treated as a human being rather than some power-tripping asshole’s Real Doll TM) then it might seem noble to have completely lost the fucking plot.
The only good thing I can say about the rot and infection this represents is it looks like it’s in the process of being cured and the bigger names these days seem to be the type of doms that make “real twue doms” go silent because they actually care about their subs and place sub enjoyment as the most if not only important thing.
If there is something terrible I can say about the rot, it’s that these actually decent doms get audible nervous silence from the crowds of doms when they say something no-brainer like “subs should keep doms honest and call them on their shit when they are no longer serving the sub’s interest”.
It’s really bad at a really high level and that’s probably going to take a while to fully fix. And I begrudge no one for looking at that and just going “nope, not gonna do it”, especially since I’m mostly doing the same damn thing.
Wah, I’m being abused by my subs thinking that they’re people. Feel sorry for me.
Nope, dude. Laughter and mocking is all you’re going to get.
So, “doms’ rights” = “how to commit elaborate forms of rape with even less chance of being arrested than usual”.
kittehserf-
Yup, pretty much a kink version of MRAs that way.
Cerebus – Ew. That’s an awful thought.