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creepy men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny PUA sexual exploitation

A creepy expat in Southeast Asia explains why money = tits and how this makes exploiting poor women for sex ok

The sexiest man alive?
The sexiest man alive?

Over on Random Xpat Rantings the terrible excuse for a human being who calls himself Xplat sets forth an intriguing proposition: for men in search of sexy times, having money is the equivalent of a woman having tits.

In other words, it’s not absolutely necessary for a man to have big bucks to garner the attention of the opposite sex, just as it’s not absolutely necessary for a woman to have something in the tit department in order to garner the attention of men, but it helps. A lot.

Oh, by the way, the title of the post in which he sets forth this theory is “ALL women are inherently gold diggers down to their pussy juice.”

Let’s let him explain, in his own icky way:

Women know their value. They know they can trade their value for their benefit. In [South-East Asia] this is not a dirty little secret. It’s not even an open secret. It’s just a fact of life. Money is part of the equation, blatantly and openly. …

Money-and-power-and-social-status is exactly equal to breasts. It can be a cause of sexual attraction in and of itself, and can maintain a relationship when there is nothing else being offered.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure when someone is literally interested in nothing about you except your money, you’re not actually in a “relationship” with that person.

Women aren’t men with vaginas. Their sexual attraction triggers are different. It’s not just that they fuck for food. Not JUST a matter of pragmatic sales of a service. Actual attraction is ALSO involved.

I like big bucks and I cannot lie?

Now, of course Xsplat here is challenging the common PUA gospel that men shouldn’t rely on money to win over their “targets” but rather on being cool and caddish and, you know, going to places where there’s a good chance a lot of the women will be pretty drunk.

Manospherians hampsterbate about this with a zillion “ya buts”. Ya, but you don’t NEED money. Yup, and girls don’t NEED tits.

Having tits is better and more attractive anyway, and girls with tits can get more and better quality men.

Having money is better in exactly the same way. You don’t see many flat chested Penthouse centerfolds, nor are there many broke romance novel heros.

Well, I don’t know much about romance novels, but from what I hear there’s a shitload of slash fiction about two dudes named Sam and Dean who basically live out of their car.

It’s not the case that SOME girls are gold diggers.

It’s just a matter of all the gold diggers mining for gold in different ways.

And of course all of this turns out to be a justification for Xplat’s own use of his relative wealth, as a western expat living in Southeast Asia, to exploit impoverished women for sex.

For me sex is about ecstatic intimacy. Money helps to get more intimacy with a greater percentage of girls, and higher quality girls. I choose to allow egoic esteem to include finances. Money is not cheating. Money helps to skin the cat. Money is not separate from my fantastic ethereal self. Money is part of what I am; part and parcel of what I am to a woman.

That’s got to be one of the creepiest and most delusional excuses for sexual exploitation I think I’ve ever run across in the three years of doing this blog.

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leftwingfox
6 years ago

Apparently they were actually pretty good sometimes, as far as the discussions that went on, but the “no age limit” thing also meant that they got a lot of side-eye.

Yeah. That’s an area that seems much better suited to a website than a live conference. =/ While I don’t have any problem with teens learning safety and consent in a kink context, a live conference with hotel rooms to which underage participants may have travelled to seems like a ripe environment for abuse.

lightcastle
lightcastle
6 years ago

My recollection of the kink for all things is thst they were more like workshop/lecture/ted talk q and a things that were open to anyone showing up. Not so much conferences and hotel rooms. (I may be misremembering that.)

Molly Ren
Molly Ren
6 years ago

Hi, I just felt the need to comment on the Kink for Alls as I helped run 2 of them in DC. (This was before M. started acting on the Internet the way he does now.)

Though M originated the KFA idea, both the events I helped with didn’t allow people under 18 into the venues (a conference hall and the local lgbt center, respectively.) Despite the name (which there was debate on changing) KFA was meant to be a discussion space, NOT a sex space, so we did NOT hold it in a bar, dungeon, or hotel, and turned down hosting offers in those places.

At the time, even though many of the KFA volunteers thought that high school sex ed needed an overhaul, they also thought having under 18 people at the discussion a bit much and altered things accordingly. I don’t support M’s actions now, obviously, but yeah. We weren’t putting preteens in danger! : /

Brooked
Brooked
6 years ago

I wandered around MM’s blog empire a bit and he is a seething bundle of contradictions.
He’s bright, sympathetic and often makes good points and has done good things, but he’s also a prime example of how unhappy people can be narcissistic. In general, I’m wary of people who are emotionally grandiose, self-involved and tend towards “intense” relationships that end in flames.

There is nothing wrong with being critical participant of BDSM scene, in fact it’s generally positive, but a lot of MM’s criticisms seem to stem from how he currently really hates going to play parties. MM find the traditional ones alienating, less a community and more a non-inclusive clique that fails to police sexual predators, so much so that it’s painful to attend. He tweets how a queer BDSM play party “shows “how 1) deeply I internalized feeling “not queer enough” 2) triggering seeing public sex is”.

The solution seems to be stop attending these functions, but he’s see this as his “job”, so he keeps going, discussing how miserable it makes him and railing about how the whole current BDSM scene needs to be burnt to the ground. I’m sympathetic towards how activists can be in denial over their burnout, but even he seems to recognize that his current mindset is leaning towards nihilism, which suggests he should consider focusing on something else for a while.

Cliff Pervocracy (@pervocracy)

MollyRen – Oh, okay, that’s good to hear. I did know it wasn’t a sex event, but I saw so much controversy at the time about “wtf are you doing, high-schoolers will run into creepy predatory people there” vs. “adultism!!!” that I didn’t realize people were going ahead and enforcing age limits anyway.

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

RE: Kittehs

After all, Louis’s bi, so I’m not gonna argue!

He didn’t know that, and he says that this is obvious proof that bi soulmates are awesome. (His word, not mine.)

RE: asexual/sexual/demisexual stuff

I took on ‘demisexual,’ just because… well, from what I’ve seen, it’s considered REALLY weird to be a gay man and NOT having sex like a rabbit. I got really tired of having people boggle and assuming I was religious, or had some really weird hangups. (An atheist man who DOESN’T MASTURBATE? He must be a liar or need a doctor!) I couldn’t say I was ace without erasing hubby, who was just coming into his own bisexuality. So demi was the best thing I had. (And I wasn’t saying I was himsexual, just because it felt to much like the old, “I’m not like THOSE faggots, I just like sucking guys’ cocks every once in a while! But I’m still totally a he-man!”)

There was also a fair amount of pressure on me to have sex… but that was because we seemed fucking surrounded by creepers from the ages of 16 – 18. They WANTED us to believe we were broken and could only be fixed by their super-special cock, because they saw it as the most expeditious (and altruistic!) way to stick their cocks in us. It wasn’t that they were creepy; they were FIXING us!

So yeah, I’ve had some of those horrible experiences some aces talk about. But I think it’s because it combined with a bunch of other shit, and we had the bad luck to run into a conga line of rapey creepers at an early age.

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

Oh hell, got modded.

RE: Kittehs

After all, Louis’s bi, so I’m not gonna argue!

He didn’t know that, and he says that this is obvious proof that bi soulmates are awesome. (His word, not mine.)

RE: asexual/sexual/demisexual stuff

I took on ‘demisexual,’ just because… well, from what I’ve seen, it’s considered REALLY weird to be a gay man and NOT having sex like a rabbit. I got really tired of having people boggle and assuming I was religious, or had some really weird hangups. (An atheist man who DOESN’T MASTURBATE? He must be a liar or need a doctor!) I couldn’t say I was ace without erasing hubby, who was just coming into his own bisexuality. So demi was the best thing I had. (And I wasn’t saying I was himsexual, just because it felt to much like the old, “I’m not like THOSE queers, I just like sucking guys’ cocks every once in a while! But I’m still totally a he-man!”)

There was also a fair amount of pressure on me to have sex… but that was because we seemed fucking surrounded by creepers from the ages of 16 – 18. They WANTED us to believe we were broken and could only be fixed by their super-special cock, because they saw it as the most expeditious (and altruistic!) way to stick their cocks in us. It wasn’t that they were creepy; they were SAVING us!

So yeah, I’ve had some of those horrible experiences some aces talk about. But I think it’s because it combined with a bunch of other shit, and we had the bad luck to run into a conga line of rapey creepers at an early age.

MollyRen (@MollyRen)
6 years ago

@Pervocracy The whole thing was very native in hindsight. I remember M being equally adamant about the fact that it should be completely discussion-based, it COULD NOT be held in a bar or dungeon, AND that younger people should be able to attend. He didn’t seem to see any contradiction in it, and there was a lot of internal push-back against his last point.

Also, at the time (2009ish) I was inexperienced enough that, at the outset, an event that would help teens from having the same kind of horrible high school sex ed experience that I did seemed like a great idea. I thought we were gonna be the next Scarleteen! It was only when someone sat me down and explained that abuse and pedophilia were real issues, even at an event where we’d be talking about consent, that I was like “Oh.” I still think most sex ed sucks, but I no longer think we were the people to address that.

MollyRen (@MollyRen)
6 years ago

Gah. *KEEP teens from having!

Cliff Pervocracy (@pervocracy)

MollyRen – In a perfect theoretical world, I love the idea of educating young people about kink. The problem with having a live event, though, is that young people are going to be perceived as saying “I’m kinky and vulnerable” (whether this is true or not) just because they showed up. It’s not an issue of them hearing naughty words in the presentations, but of the other participants they’ll be exposed to by coming there.

…I know you already understand this, I’m just pontificating.

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

RE: MollyRen

Yeeaaah. “Sexual education” indeed. Good idea, but man, that just sounds like a disaster and lawsuits WAITING to happen.

MollyRen (@MollyRen)
6 years ago

@LBT Yeah, that was the OTHER big reason people went in and imposed rules anyway. No one wanted to get sued!

kittehserf
6 years ago

He didn’t know that, and he says that this is obvious proof that bi soulmates are awesome. (His word, not mine.)

You just know our husbands are gonna do some mutual back-slapping if we meet up next year. 😉

CassandraSays
6 years ago

@ MollyRen

Since you worked with this person back then…any idea what happened? I’m just curious where the whole YOU ARE ALL BASTARD PEOPLE AND I WILL DESTROY YOU, OTHER PROMINENT KINKSTERS thing is coming from.

MollyRen (@MollyRen)
6 years ago

@CassandraSays I’ve been wondering that for years and am still clueless.

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

Honestly, CassandraSays, it doesn’t seem that surprising to me. They seem to be living a very rough lifestyle, very high-stress. I mean, I’m living kinda similarly out of necessity, and even with healthcare, my mental health is crap. I wouldn’t be surprised if the stress alone gets someone kinda bitey, especially if you add stuff like victimization and a noble cause.

This isn’t an excuse. I feel sorry for them, even as I find them pretty reprehensible; there’s a lot of, “There but for the grace of god go I” feelings in it.

CassandraSays
6 years ago

I guess it just seems like they have a grudge against a lot of the prominent people in the scene, which could just be “why didn’t they let me be boss?”, or could be that some of those people did something genuinely nasty to hir.

MollyRen (@MollyRen)
6 years ago

… I just realized I’ve been using the wrong pronoun for M. all this time. Crap. ><

@LBT I was under the impression that the "technomad" lifestyle was something they planned, rather than was forced to by economic necessity. They have a whole "cyberbusking" website devoted to it, and an itinerary.

kittehserf
6 years ago

I read that as “techno mad” rather than “tech nomad”. 😛

CassandraSays
6 years ago

I was picturing the bug-eyed guy from The Prodigy dancing.

(Shows age)

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

Really, all he truly wants is to go to a rave party with glowsticks, Kittehs.

RE: MollyRen

Enh, just because you choose a lifestyle doesn’t necessarily mean it’s easy. Like, it’s possible I’m just projecting, but I doubt I could manage that lifestyle, and he’s been doing it way longer than I have!

serrana
6 years ago

Shit, that was Serrana, not you, don’t mind me!

I saw that!

I read that as “techno mad” rather than “tech nomad”.

Yep!

kittehserf
6 years ago

Really, all he truly wants is to go to a rave party with glowsticks, Kittehs.

After seeing that pic of the face Mac pulled, suddenly I’m thinking of him partying on and waving glowsticks around. 😀

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

Heh. Mac loves to dance, but he’s never espoused much love for techno!

kittehserf
6 years ago

I dont like techno at all, but if it was like this I could be tempted.

belledame222
belledame222
6 years ago

So, I was telling a friend about the ten-way trainwreck that is Me Me, and she remembered him from ancient days of Internet yore (2005, to be precise), with this entry. I thought it was…telling. Any more recent former colleagues spelunk the archives and find stuff like this? “Cleansing fire behind my eyes.”

http://maymay.net/blog/2005/03/02/cleansing-fire-behind-my-eyes/#comments

belledame222
belledame222
6 years ago

I’m just curious where the whole YOU ARE ALL BASTARD PEOPLE AND I WILL DESTROY YOU, OTHER PROMINENT KINKSTERS thing is coming from.

I only met him the one time, but based on following his online and reported offline hijinks on and off over the past few years, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that he’s basically saying he’s not going to be IGNORED, Dan.

belledame222
belledame222
6 years ago

For a start, he also appears to be angry at all of Burning Man, “social justice activists,” “the sex positive community,” not to mention capitalism (of course), and, on occasion, the entire world which can go burn, not necessarily in that order.

belledame222
belledame222
6 years ago

“They,” excuse me.

CassandraSays
6 years ago

@ belle

Yeah, it feels like his issue with the BSDM community is personal, which is why I keep wondering what exactly happened. He seems toxic enough to provoke conflict in just about any social circle.

CassandraSays
6 years ago

I deal with my dislike of Burning Man by not attending. Maybe he should try that.

belledame222
belledame222
6 years ago

Well, more recently we learn one of the ways in which capitalism has affronted them: by asking for a “commitment,” and offering to pay by the hour instead of just trading them a car (which the employer would have to buy, with money, but never mind). Something.

http://maymay DOT net/blog/2013/06/14/i-quit-because-capitalism/

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

Welp, judging by the sidebar on his blog, I’d say mental issues out the wazoo are a definite factor. So too is a rather massive ego. Not a good combo…

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