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Heartiste: Evil feminists are trying to “legitimize the biologically innate female imperative to f**k alpha males during ovulation and extract resources from beta males during infertile periods.”

Chateau Heartiste: Guarded by Elves?
Chateau Heartiste: Guarded by Elves?

The narcissistic racist pickup artist guru who goes by the ridiculous nickname Heartiste is a bit of an excitable fellow.

What’s got his man-panties in a bunch at the moment is an article on Slate noting that a small number of family therapists have begun to suggest that an affair might not mean the end of a marriage — and that in some cases a mature discussion of the raw feelings exposed by the discovery of an affair might possibly lead instead to a — gasp! — stronger marriage.

This isn’t exactly a revolutionary insight, and the therapists aren’t exactly urging married couples to all sign up to attend the next Polyamory Meetup in their town. But Heartiste is outraged. Though the word “feminism” isn’t uttered a single time in the Slate article, he has decided that it is proof of “The Feminist Push To Sanction Female Infidelity.” As he explains, in his typically overheated prose:

What feminists are attempting to do here is nothing short of legitimize the biologically innate female imperative to fuck alpha males during ovulation and extract resources from beta males during infertile periods of the monthly cycle.

You might think this is just some weird misogynistic crap he’s cooked up, but he DID say “biologically innate female imperative,” so it must be SCIENCE.

CH predicted it: Feminists and various “health professionals” would agitate to normalize the “alpha fux, beta bux” female mating strategy. As society becomes ever more feminized and emasculated, expect to see more of these rancid ideas percolate in mainstream discussion, as the pro-female directive and anti-male directive reach their demonic apotheoses.

Yes, he did indeed just say “their demonic apotheoses.” Heartiste is a bit of a drama king.

You might say, “Well, this means men can be unfaithful without consequence, too!” Oh, ye of precious naivete. Men won’t be let off the hook. The divorce industrial and family court complexes are rigged against the interests of men, and getting more rigged by the day. An army of leftoids fed on the swill of legalese will barely break a sweat holding the contradictory beliefs that women cheat for good reasons and men cheat because they’re oppressive patriarchs.

Eventually, with the help of dazzling sophistry, the law will be twisted to such a warped geometry that the people will come to accept injustice as fairness and lies as truth.

I think what he just said is that women will be allowed to get away with cheating, but men won’t.

Heartiste then goes on to suggest, naturally, that while female infidelity is inherently EEEEEEVIIL , male infidelity is no big deal, because reasons.

And then he just completely buries his head up his reactionary ass:

Feminism is the sick, wheezing spawn of its parent ideology, equalism, the belief in a magical flying spaghetti monster that imbues all humans with equal ability and equal worth, interchangeable flesh cogs that can as easily master astrophysics as lawn care given the right dose of self-esteem boosting pablum.

Oh, he’s not done yet:

Whatever the self-professed noble intentions of their advocates, these ideologies are as wicked and destructive as any genocidal revolutions that have come before them.

Yep, a couple of therapists saying “hey, maybe couples can work through affairs and come out better for it” is the equivalant of Auschwitz.

This is why CH, a citadel firm, guarded by sentries of ancient woods, illuminating a path to enlightenment, will never cease in its mission to utterly crush evil, sick ideologies like feminism so totally that there is no space for even the ashes of its immolation to gather in a stiff wind.

I think he must be drunk. “Sentries of ancient woods?” Are elves guarding his condo?

He ends with this final fantasy:

Feminism’s proponents will suffer endless ridicule should they choose to fight, or they will retreat from the public square to lick their wounds in the comfort of their silent seething thoughts. And, if the spoils of victory are rich indeed, some will self-deliver to release the pain.

Why do so many right-wingers write like this? Do they actually think this pompous nonsense makes them sound smart? I guess they must.

Well, back to my silent seething thoughts. And perhaps a light snack.

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Moma Sita
7 years ago

nitram,
” I did this one time when I was on fertility drugs and the hormones fucked me up emotionally”

I hope it gets better, but were you donating eggs? I’ve been thinking about that and have heard some people have become depressed when you mix birth control pill and fertility drugs to increase ovulation.

Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

kittehs – OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. O_O

Moma Sita
7 years ago

alice,
” Sentencing someone to read the Bible, or to attend church for the next ten years? ”

Agreed. Perhaps if it were a Jew or a Muslim they’d require them to read the Quran or Torah? But I agree there’s something very wrong with that, also how would they even know the person had read the Bible/holy book? You could just lie. How would you feel if it was a response to a hate crime, ie someone picks on a Jew and physically assaults them because of their religion, could requirement to read their respective holy book be advocating tolerance or would it be shoving tolerance down their throat?

Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

Moma Sita – I’m an atheist, so to me, it’s even MORE offensive. UGH.

kittehserf
7 years ago

Alice –

It wasn’t me, miss! It was Bina said that about stapling and folding! ::lip trembles::

Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

kittehs – STILL! OWWWWWWWWWWW.

The folding and the cutting and the stapling and the hole punching and the fitting and …

Falconer
7 years ago

Falconer, that house reminds me of the Madonna Inn in San Luis Obispo. (Mouse over, or click on, the room names for pictures.)

… I’m just going to claim a couple of these spare eyes to replace the ones I just burned out looking at Anniversary Room and Austrian Suite.

Let me know if I get a mismatched set, ’cause I can’t see very well.

kittehserf
7 years ago

It isn’t just offensive, it’s offensively stupid – the assumption seems to be that someone being forced to read the Bible (or anything else) is going to understand it, remember it and believe it. If the judge thinks someone’s going to be converted that way, zie’s kidding zirself.

Though I suppose it’s possible the judge hated having to read the thing as a kid and thought slapping the prisoner with Extreme Boredom would be appropriate …

kittehserf
7 years ago

Don’t remind me of that Austrian Suite, Falconer! I was trying to forget it!

Falconer
7 years ago

Yeah, I’ve seen Wiedmann’s pic too. If he’s a super seducer, then I’m the Queen of Spain.

Do the Leafs let you drive the Zamboni?

And YES to all the ACA talk. The Righties in the US have been screaming at the commies in their closets for so long I’m beginning to think they don’t actually know what communism is any more.

Also: it was the Republican’s idea in the first place.

Specifically, as I understand it, Newt Gingrich’s plan (at least in the broad strokes), which he spun as a counter-proposal to Hillary Clinton’s health care reforms.

And yeah, maybe we weren’t going to get Single Payer, but couldn’t we have started from there in the bargaining? Nope, off the table. Out of the question.

I’m going to stop now or else I’ll ruin my day.

Robert
Robert
7 years ago

A close reading of the Book of Job? That could make you wish Lovecraft was right. While the Great Old Ones might blast your sanity and devour your soul, at least they won’t expect you to be grateful for the experience. A universe actually and factually ruled by the YHWH of the Tanakh is a terrifying place in which to live.

Falconer
7 years ago

He’s a flippin’ baby, he’s gonna cry at some point no matter what you do!

*hands out earplugs*

He’s also living 2,000 years give or take before Boudreaux’s Butt Paste.

Moma Sita
7 years ago

lady mondegreen,
Much longer than 50 years.

Quakers,
I took the comments to be in a joking style, not serious.

Moma Sita
7 years ago

Huh, I thought the judge was handing out punishment that was at least respectful of their respective religions. Is there evidence the judge was handing down this sentence because it was an attempt to convert them? Was it being given to people who weren’t Christian? Was this punishment even maintained or was it fought against in the higher courts?

Moma Sita
7 years ago

alice,
I understand. I’m (liberal) religious but wholly support secularism and non-persecution of the non-religious. I was just wondering if the judge was making a non-Christians (whether Jews or atheists) read the Bible, so we don’t misinterpret it as a judge forcing non-Christians to read the Bible. I wholly disagree with a judge forcing someone to read the Bible-it sounds incredibly boneheaded. I’m sure the one who is being punished finds it too mundane to take to the higher courts, especially if they’re missing out on a worse punishment so this kind of thing perhaps is not challenged.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

Moma Sita — doesn’t matter if it their religion because seperation of church and state.

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
7 years ago

PPS: Do the words “bland-ass suburban DC condo with microscopic yard” mean anything, perchance?

I guess “guarded by sentries of ancient woods” refers to his garden gnomes, then.

Agreed. Perhaps if it were a Jew or a Muslim they’d require them to read the Quran or Torah?

It doesn’t work like that. The idea is, “If you’re a good Christian (of proper variety), we’ll let you away with hardly any punisment. The more you like going to church, the less you need punisment, so it works out perfectly. If this deal isn’t applicaple, we’ll just dole out a normal, formal punisment”

But I agree there’s something very wrong with that, also how would they even know the person had read the Bible/holy book? You could just lie.

This is probably a small town and the judge knows the perp and their pastor and trusts them, as they are Proper Christians. Anyway, the pastor has a vested interest in enforcing this “punishment” while not being officially associated with the judicial system.

How would you feel if it was a response to a hate crime, ie someone picks on a Jew and physically assaults them because of their religion, could requirement to read their respective holy book be advocating tolerance or would it be shoving tolerance down their throat?

It would be deemed very much against First Amendment to force Christian religious haters to contemplate the humanity of their victims.

Falconer
7 years ago

I just sat down and read the headline again and now all I can think is

YOU NEED MORE VESPENE GAS

Moma Sita
7 years ago

Ugh, in order to read some of the stories in which a judge ordered a person to read the Bible as part or as punishment I found some really gross and disturbing imagery showing torture of people in Muslim majority lands (ie hand chopping, ect).

Of the one I found on businessinsider it said it was part of her punishment for drunk driving. What I found problematic about it was that the judge had some knowledge of her child abuse when someone set her on fire after pouring gasoline on her and told her to read Job. I think that was callous and heartless of this judge to try and make her feel like she was Job having bad things happen to her all for some sort of ‘good purpose,’ at the end. I don’t know, I’m not articulating it accurately but it just struck me as wrong.

talacaris
talacaris
7 years ago

“YOU NEED MORE VESPENE GAS”

Women are Zerg, Men are Protoss?

Jessay (@jessay)
7 years ago

Umm, has this post been covered on here because HOLY SHIT!

http://www.avoiceformen.com/sexual-politics/criminalizing-the-male-gaze-giving-female-narcissists-the-upper-hand/

There is a really easy way to deal with “street harassment” ladies. It will require you to consider the point of view of someone other than yourself. It will require you to envision the person talking to you as human. It will require you to envision a world in which what you want is NOT the governing principle. It will require you to acknowledge that other people exist and they have different motivations than you.

“HEY BABY, NICE TITS!”

What do you say? How do you respond?

Listen carefully. Two words. You can’t go wrong.

T H A N K Y O U

The fucking nerve of this guy.

Jessay (@jessay)
7 years ago

Oh wait, it was by judgeybitch

kittehserf
7 years ago

It will require you to consider the point of view of someone other than yourself. It will require you to envision the person talking to you as human. It will require you to envision a world in which what you want is NOT the governing principle. It will require you to acknowledge that other people exist and they have different motivations than you.

And she addresses this to the harassed, not the harasser.

The irony, it burns.

kittehserf
7 years ago

Don’t forget, auggz, AVfM gets to define satire, just like they get to define All The Words.

Judgybitch, what a total loser. ::smh::

Bina
Bina
7 years ago

Judgy Bitch lives up to her name, I see.

And if I fight off a rapist, will I be denying sex to a poor deserving socially awkward loser? Jeebus.

Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

Don’t forget ladies, you’re always on display for the male gaze. Smile and don’t complain! We like you quiet!

kittehserf
7 years ago

Presumably, Bina. I was wondering too, how far this notion of hers goes. Or maybe she’s denying that harassment and rape are on the same spectrum.

Gizwardo
Gizwardo
7 years ago

“The US cosmetics market is the biggest market in the world, worth an astonishing $55 billion in 2012, and forecasted to just keep on growing.”

Stopped reading here. The us cosmetics market is bigger than the oil companies? Than the military defense industry? Color me surprised!

Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

JudgyBitch was the lady who came up with the Dumb Whores Registry too. *shudder*

Nitram
Nitram
7 years ago

Moma,

The fertility drugs episode was years ago, this recent episode is just plain ol depression.

Back then I had ovulated way too many eggs (for an IUI) so they cancelled the cycle, so I wouldn’t be Kate plus 8. Then I ovulated all those eggs (13) and had progesterone overload. Normally high numbers of eggs like that will get harvested for in vitro. Actually ovulating them in your own body is not good. The idea was to have 3-6 eggs I think. And then we conceived our daughter naturally after 2 years of that crap. Go figure!

Thank you for the well wishing. It’ll get better soon.

cloudiah
7 years ago

More brain bleach: a Flemish Giant male bunny napping next to a Sheltie.

Also, I want to point out that Dean Esmay whines about being harassed over his physical appearance in the comments on the Judgy Bitch piece. You can see it being made fun of here.

katz
7 years ago

…What possible frame of reference is he using that makes $55 billion on a global scale sound like a lot? Here are some Fortune 500 companies. Notice that they are making hundreds of billions of dollars of revenue. There are single companies making nearly 10 ties as much as “the biggest market in the world.”

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

I hope JB gets a huge blast of awareness someday. If her daughters get catcalled, is she going to ask them if they remembered to thank the harasser? She makes me fucking sick.

cloudiah
7 years ago

@auggziliary, Yup Judgy Bitch was the one who blamed children raped by Jimmy Savile for what happened to them.

Gizwardo
Gizwardo
7 years ago

Also, what about the times I’m walking my dogs, in the early morning, having just woken up and not even washed my face, with a heavy coat and I get cat called? What about the men who get violent and call me obscenely eat when I politely decline their invitation for a ride? What about when I do say “no THANK YOU” and this still happens?

Right, just hurting the precious men’s feewings.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

JudgyBitch is so desperate for the approval of these cretins, she’ll say anything to get it.

sparky
sparky
7 years ago

So, let me get this straight: a woman is a self-centered egomaniac if she expects to walk in public spaces without being objectified and sexualized. Because its just so selfish of women to expect men to not make rude, lewd comments at them. The right of men not to stifle themselves for the 5 seconds a woman takes to walk past trumps the right of women to be considered a human being, and not a sexualized object to be judged by random strangers. Women must consider the “need” of men to sexualize them, and to shout to the world for all the world to hear that women are nothing but sexual objects. But to suggest that men consider the need, and the right, of women to be in public spaces without being harassed is selfish of women.

I…just…can’t….

Bina
Bina
7 years ago

JudgyBitch was the lady who came up with the Dumb Whores Registry too. *shudder*

Oh, the irony.

I hope JB gets a huge blast of awareness someday. If her daughters get catcalled, is she going to ask them if they remembered to thank the harasser? She makes me fucking sick.

She has daughters??? *stunned look*

Jessay (@jessay)
7 years ago

It’s good to know that my personal needs are more important than those who are hurt by my acting upon my needs. I can go around punching misogynists in the face because they piss me off and not being able to punch them in the face is stifling my expression of my aggression.

How does she not get that her right to swing her fist ends where my nose begins?

And how does it help men to act as though their natural sexual urges involve hurting other people?

kittehserf
7 years ago

It’s always the lowest common denominator blokes who have to be catered to, isn’t it?

Ally S
7 years ago

MRAs are so predictable that I can make a Ruby instance method that can check whether any given MRA is a terrible human being.

def is_a_terrible_mra?(ze_is_disingenuous, ze_is_misogynistic, ze_is_a_rape_apologist, ze_calls_hirself_an_mra)
true if (ze_is_disingenuous or ze_is_misogynistic or ze_is_a_rape_or_abuse_apologist) and (ze_calls_hirself_an_mra)
end

judgy_bitch.is_a_terrible_mra? == true
toy_soldier.is_a_terrible_mra? == true
angry_harry.is_a_terrible_mra? == true

paul_elam.is_a_terrible_mra == false

(because, you know, he’s an MHRA.)

Ally S
7 years ago

Oh wow, that’s full of syntax errors. I didn’t even remember to pass any arguments to the method calls. X_X Another day, another failed attempt at coding-related humor.

Bina
Bina
7 years ago

She’s one of those female misogynists who are all in it for the attention, so she’s only a misogynist around women who aren’t her or her daughters.
She had one post about how her daughter(forgot age, I think 8) came home and told her some boys threatened to rape her. She blew up on those boys(also forgot age, about 10 at least). Sadly many of the comments told her that she shouldn’t have said anything since “boys will be boys”, and other horrible crap(I know they were probably not going to rape, my point is, how else are boys supposed to learn that threatening rape is bad? That’s the whole point of punishing kids, you understand that they don’t know better, so you teach them).

Well, duh — recognizing rape culture is MISANDRY!!! And nipping it in the threat bud, before it can blossom into actual rape, is MISANDRY!!!, too. Teaching boys to respect girls is TOTAL FUCKING MISANDRY. And expecting them to behave accordingly is what’s wrong with women today, those vain Slutty McHarlots.

/sarcasm

So instead of recognizing this teachable moment in the pervasiveness of rape culture and realizing that this is everybody’s problem and renouncing her sexist apologia as any thinking person would do, she turned that MRA lecture around on other women. Because hearing rankest sexism from another woman makes it Totally Not Sexist.

She’s even dimmer, and more of a panderer to the lowest common denominator of the Misodge-o-sphere, than I thought.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Part of me keeps hoping that some of these FeMRAs are just elaborately trolling Elam, but then I read shit like this and think no, they’re really that evil and stupid.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
7 years ago

Welp, when you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas. JudgyBitch really shouldn’t expect special treatment from them when it comes to her daughter.

@AllyS MRA logic can also be expressed as an SQL query:

select * from REDDIT.MENSRIGHTS
where (clue > 0)
No records found.

Bina
Bina
7 years ago

Special Snowflake is Special. Until she gets the bad news that she isn’t. She really, really isn’t. So then she has to reassert her Specialness by taking the MRA morality lecture that got laid on her, and lay it on other women instead. Whew! Specialness restored!

Ellie
Ellie
7 years ago

I believe one of judgybitch’s tween daughters was threatened with rape by a few boys her age. She flipped out and basically did what any normal parent would do, went to the principal, all that jazz.

Aka she’s a hypocrite.

Funnily enough some of her fanboys were askig if her daughter did anything to ask for it. Too bad she didn’t learn anything from it

Ellie
Ellie
7 years ago

Ahhh sorry, I didn’t notice that someone already said it up there :p