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Heartiste: Evil feminists are trying to “legitimize the biologically innate female imperative to f**k alpha males during ovulation and extract resources from beta males during infertile periods.”

Chateau Heartiste: Guarded by Elves?
Chateau Heartiste: Guarded by Elves?

The narcissistic racist pickup artist guru who goes by the ridiculous nickname Heartiste is a bit of an excitable fellow.

What’s got his man-panties in a bunch at the moment is an article on Slate noting that a small number of family therapists have begun to suggest that an affair might not mean the end of a marriage — and that in some cases a mature discussion of the raw feelings exposed by the discovery of an affair might possibly lead instead to a — gasp! — stronger marriage.

This isn’t exactly a revolutionary insight, and the therapists aren’t exactly urging married couples to all sign up to attend the next Polyamory Meetup in their town. But Heartiste is outraged. Though the word “feminism” isn’t uttered a single time in the Slate article, he has decided that it is proof of “The Feminist Push To Sanction Female Infidelity.” As he explains, in his typically overheated prose:

What feminists are attempting to do here is nothing short of legitimize the biologically innate female imperative to fuck alpha males during ovulation and extract resources from beta males during infertile periods of the monthly cycle.

You might think this is just some weird misogynistic crap he’s cooked up, but he DID say “biologically innate female imperative,” so it must be SCIENCE.

CH predicted it: Feminists and various “health professionals” would agitate to normalize the “alpha fux, beta bux” female mating strategy. As society becomes ever more feminized and emasculated, expect to see more of these rancid ideas percolate in mainstream discussion, as the pro-female directive and anti-male directive reach their demonic apotheoses.

Yes, he did indeed just say “their demonic apotheoses.” Heartiste is a bit of a drama king.

You might say, “Well, this means men can be unfaithful without consequence, too!” Oh, ye of precious naivete. Men won’t be let off the hook. The divorce industrial and family court complexes are rigged against the interests of men, and getting more rigged by the day. An army of leftoids fed on the swill of legalese will barely break a sweat holding the contradictory beliefs that women cheat for good reasons and men cheat because they’re oppressive patriarchs.

Eventually, with the help of dazzling sophistry, the law will be twisted to such a warped geometry that the people will come to accept injustice as fairness and lies as truth.

I think what he just said is that women will be allowed to get away with cheating, but men won’t.

Heartiste then goes on to suggest, naturally, that while female infidelity is inherently EEEEEEVIIL , male infidelity is no big deal, because reasons.

And then he just completely buries his head up his reactionary ass:

Feminism is the sick, wheezing spawn of its parent ideology, equalism, the belief in a magical flying spaghetti monster that imbues all humans with equal ability and equal worth, interchangeable flesh cogs that can as easily master astrophysics as lawn care given the right dose of self-esteem boosting pablum.

Oh, he’s not done yet:

Whatever the self-professed noble intentions of their advocates, these ideologies are as wicked and destructive as any genocidal revolutions that have come before them.

Yep, a couple of therapists saying “hey, maybe couples can work through affairs and come out better for it” is the equivalant of Auschwitz.

This is why CH, a citadel firm, guarded by sentries of ancient woods, illuminating a path to enlightenment, will never cease in its mission to utterly crush evil, sick ideologies like feminism so totally that there is no space for even the ashes of its immolation to gather in a stiff wind.

I think he must be drunk. “Sentries of ancient woods?” Are elves guarding his condo?

He ends with this final fantasy:

Feminism’s proponents will suffer endless ridicule should they choose to fight, or they will retreat from the public square to lick their wounds in the comfort of their silent seething thoughts. And, if the spoils of victory are rich indeed, some will self-deliver to release the pain.

Why do so many right-wingers write like this? Do they actually think this pompous nonsense makes them sound smart? I guess they must.

Well, back to my silent seething thoughts. And perhaps a light snack.

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nerdypants
nerdypants
10 years ago

This is completely unrelated to anything, but I thought it might amuse the commentariat to know that my 5 year old son spied the image to this post while I was browsing and he was so inspired that we made a Lego forest together. It was great fun.

Heartiste is still a bit of a jerk though. But then again his overwrought style almost makes up for it.

nerdypants
nerdypants
10 years ago

(silver linings)

kittehserf
10 years ago

Funny how all those journos and commenters feel they have to keep quiet in an industry not noted for its lack of sexism.

sparky
sparky
10 years ago

The blockquote monster is going to be cranky when it wakes up from its nap. O_O

Brooked
Brooked
10 years ago

The Heartiste comment section is a collection of Manosphere’s greatest hits.

It’s got piles of general misogyny (natch), a good amount of “scientific” racism talk about breeding, a Daily Mail link, fury over The Frankfort School’s evil influence, Obama bashing, discussions about how fathers are much more important than mothers and a generally adverse reaction to the idea of female sexuality. Cap it off with excitement over how all these stuck-up women will be replaced by “fembots” in the future.

There is a good amount Jewish conspiracy talk as well.

As you may ( or may not ) have noticed, I am not convinced the Jews are behind all this, but then again I do find things from time to time that give me pause…

Seriously, this is one sad ass sub-section of humanity.

Alice Sanguinaria
10 years ago

MRA intersectionality: racism, sexism, homophobia, and trans*phobia. *nod*

kittehserf
10 years ago

Is there a variety of loserdom they don’t have? O_O

Sparky – I just hope the blockquote monster’s sleeping sweetly after a job well done yesterday. That would have to go in its Greatest Hits collection.

kittehserf
10 years ago

Their fear of women’s sexuality says it all about them, doesn’t it? These are the guys who’re forever on about tricking/manipulating/coercing reluctant women into sex, but women who actually enjoy sex (with not-PUAs, of course) frighten the bejezus out of them. Just more evidence that it’s not really a desire for casual sex that motivates them, it’s the desire to control and harm women.

sparky
sparky
10 years ago

Alice said:

MRA intersectionality: racism, sexism, homophobia, and trans*phobia. *nod*

Intersectionality: MRAs, UR doin it Rong.

kitteh: I’m going to have the giant sippy cup full of dudebro tears ready for the blockquote monster for when it does start stirring.

kittehserf
10 years ago

Perfect, sparky, that should keep it happy!

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
10 years ago

Don’t forget that they also hate cats, presumably because of some sort of weird inversion of the principle that “the enemy of my enemy is my friend”. The pet of my enemy is my enemy?

kittehserf
10 years ago

They know what’s gonna happen to them come the Catpocalypse.

Alice Sanguinaria
10 years ago

They’ll be made into cat toys?

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
10 years ago

Eaten and then puked up as hairballs, I assume. Our feline overlords are cruel and capricious.

neuroticbeagle
10 years ago

Nope. They will be the ones scooping the litter box- getting rid of shit instead of adding to it.

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/72/b2/cc/72b2cc16796e958e7dddb431059f16a5.jpg

kittehserf
10 years ago

Oh drat. It embeds from here, though.

The dudebros are not going to win this one.

http://youtu.be/c_rUTL_lCRg

Brooked
Brooked
10 years ago

Yes, I left out cats, manginas and white knights.

One poster, Zombie Shane, is openly pushing White Nationalist racist hate and apocalyptic fantasies. These people are conversing with someone who discusses how they should “put buns in white bitches’ ovens” while prepping for the end times. (He’s a home school proponent, which tells you a lot about the extremism tied in with home schooling).

Does Heartiste and his fans view that as socially acceptable political talk? That you can have what they consider serious discussions with far right racists, because that’s way better then, say, Jezebel’s commenters?

One guy posted this amazing observation:

The truth is that a man can have an affair with 4 women and actually love and take care of and be a net giver, not net taker, with all of them. When a woman cheats on her beta husband, she resents the beta husband with a seething contempt not even a convicted rapist could inspire, and she gives said beta *nothing* while taking *everything*, including all of his money, property, and the very soul he needs to have the energy to be a man every day.

A bunch of posters chime in and agree, including one that points how this phenomenon relates to The Frankfurt School destroying Western Civilization (“Equalism and feminism are derivitives of Marxism, blah blah blah”). A dreary PUA flavored discussion of what women are attracted to follows. (Spoiler: All women are attracted to the “same demonstrated traits” because Science.)

kittehserf
10 years ago

::rolls eyes::

They got their scripts from Dr Strangelove, didn’t they?

The joke is that they can’t command the sexual services of as many women as they want. They can fantasise about it as long as they like, but it’s not happening.

It’s a joke when they talk about love. Only thing these guys love is their own egos (and their boners, probably). Nobody else is actually alive, to them.

kittehserf
10 years ago

Also, what are these “same demonstrated traits”? I’m curious, because I’ll bet Sir has few or none of ’em, now or in his earthly days (and it was his earthly self I fell for).

Bina
Bina
10 years ago

PRECIOUS BODILY ESSENCE!!!

Sorry, I just had to say that.

And ye Gods, but these dudes are obsessive.

sparky
sparky
10 years ago

Beta husbands are worse than convicted rapists?

Alice Sanguinaria
10 years ago

sparky – Obviously. Didn’t they teach you this in FemHiveMind school? 😛

kittehserf
10 years ago

PRECIOUS BODILY ESSENCE!!!

Sorry, I just had to say that.

Oh yes, and Bat Guano to you, too! 😛

freemage
10 years ago

kittehserf: I particularly like the fact that the kitten is spewing out swarms of Feminist BEES!