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Heartiste: Evil feminists are trying to “legitimize the biologically innate female imperative to f**k alpha males during ovulation and extract resources from beta males during infertile periods.”

Chateau Heartiste: Guarded by Elves?
Chateau Heartiste: Guarded by Elves?

The narcissistic racist pickup artist guru who goes by the ridiculous nickname Heartiste is a bit of an excitable fellow.

What’s got his man-panties in a bunch at the moment is an article on Slate noting that a small number of family therapists have begun to suggest that an affair might not mean the end of a marriage — and that in some cases a mature discussion of the raw feelings exposed by the discovery of an affair might possibly lead instead to a — gasp! — stronger marriage.

This isn’t exactly a revolutionary insight, and the therapists aren’t exactly urging married couples to all sign up to attend the next Polyamory Meetup in their town. But Heartiste is outraged. Though the word “feminism” isn’t uttered a single time in the Slate article, he has decided that it is proof of “The Feminist Push To Sanction Female Infidelity.” As he explains, in his typically overheated prose:

What feminists are attempting to do here is nothing short of legitimize the biologically innate female imperative to fuck alpha males during ovulation and extract resources from beta males during infertile periods of the monthly cycle.

You might think this is just some weird misogynistic crap he’s cooked up, but he DID say “biologically innate female imperative,” so it must be SCIENCE.

CH predicted it: Feminists and various “health professionals” would agitate to normalize the “alpha fux, beta bux” female mating strategy. As society becomes ever more feminized and emasculated, expect to see more of these rancid ideas percolate in mainstream discussion, as the pro-female directive and anti-male directive reach their demonic apotheoses.

Yes, he did indeed just say “their demonic apotheoses.” Heartiste is a bit of a drama king.

You might say, “Well, this means men can be unfaithful without consequence, too!” Oh, ye of precious naivete. Men won’t be let off the hook. The divorce industrial and family court complexes are rigged against the interests of men, and getting more rigged by the day. An army of leftoids fed on the swill of legalese will barely break a sweat holding the contradictory beliefs that women cheat for good reasons and men cheat because they’re oppressive patriarchs.

Eventually, with the help of dazzling sophistry, the law will be twisted to such a warped geometry that the people will come to accept injustice as fairness and lies as truth.

I think what he just said is that women will be allowed to get away with cheating, but men won’t.

Heartiste then goes on to suggest, naturally, that while female infidelity is inherently EEEEEEVIIL , male infidelity is no big deal, because reasons.

And then he just completely buries his head up his reactionary ass:

Feminism is the sick, wheezing spawn of its parent ideology, equalism, the belief in a magical flying spaghetti monster that imbues all humans with equal ability and equal worth, interchangeable flesh cogs that can as easily master astrophysics as lawn care given the right dose of self-esteem boosting pablum.

Oh, he’s not done yet:

Whatever the self-professed noble intentions of their advocates, these ideologies are as wicked and destructive as any genocidal revolutions that have come before them.

Yep, a couple of therapists saying “hey, maybe couples can work through affairs and come out better for it” is the equivalant of Auschwitz.

This is why CH, a citadel firm, guarded by sentries of ancient woods, illuminating a path to enlightenment, will never cease in its mission to utterly crush evil, sick ideologies like feminism so totally that there is no space for even the ashes of its immolation to gather in a stiff wind.

I think he must be drunk. “Sentries of ancient woods?” Are elves guarding his condo?

He ends with this final fantasy:

Feminism’s proponents will suffer endless ridicule should they choose to fight, or they will retreat from the public square to lick their wounds in the comfort of their silent seething thoughts. And, if the spoils of victory are rich indeed, some will self-deliver to release the pain.

Why do so many right-wingers write like this? Do they actually think this pompous nonsense makes them sound smart? I guess they must.

Well, back to my silent seething thoughts. And perhaps a light snack.

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kittehserf
11 years ago

You shudder to think what it’d take for her to get it, don’t you? She calls child rape victims attention whores. The special snowflakism is mind-bogglingly horrible.

Coolies
Coolies
11 years ago

@ Buttercup
Shouldn’t that be (clue > 1)?
select * FROM REDDIT.MENSRIGHTS
WHERE (clue > 1)
= no records found?

Coolies
Coolies
11 years ago

Oh wait no! Lol
This > is greater than isn’t it?
Ok never mind. Me am stupid

Galunadi
Galunadi
11 years ago

Still don’t understand how a woman can hate herself and other women enough to be/want to be a FeMRA. And how a woman w/daughter (s) can spew such awful tripe is really beyond me. Does she want her daughter to be treated the way she says all women should get used to? Really?

Galunadi
Galunadi
11 years ago

And that’s just vile to say the Saville victims asked for it (not that it isn’t vile to say *anyone* has, but w/kids it seems especially so)

Galunadi
Galunadi
11 years ago

Auggz, that’s an interesting question (does she have a job?) Who would want to hire or work with someone like that?

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

@ Coolies no worries! : D (Did you hear the one about the DBA who walked into a bar, saw two tables, and said “Can I join you?”)

I’m sure JudgyBitch has a flaming double standard when it comes to exempting her speshul czneauphlaque offspring from catcalls and harrassment. It’s always “rights for me, but not for thee” with these types. They don’t see the moral contradiction in that. Christian exceptionalism allows them to behave like bathtub scum.

Also, reading that headline again: “blah blah biological imperative to fuck alpha males during ovulation and extract resources from beta males during infertile periods”….does Roissy actually think women swing wildly in their preferences from week to week, lusting after fighter pilots one minute and then going “OK, done ovulating, now I’m attracted to Donald Trump!”

Either way, there is never a point in the cycle where MRAs seem attractive. In fact, the film they showed us in fifth grade actually said that out loud.

Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

$MRA = array(
insert MRA’s name here => array(
$terrible_views = array(list terrible views of that MRA here, separate with commas
),
repeat for each MRA
);
);

foreach ($MRA as $MHRA) {
echo ‘<p>$row[‘Name’] . ‘ believes:<br />’;
$i = 0;
foreach ($terrible_view as $misogyny) {
echo $misogyny;
++$i;
if ($i > 1) { echo ‘,<br />’;}
};
if ($i == 1) {
echo ‘Which is ‘ . $i . ‘ terrible thing.</p>’;
} else {
echo ‘Which is ‘ . $i . ‘ terrible things.</p>’;
}
}

If I did that right…
It’ll return something like:

Elam believes:
Rape victims are begging for it,
In FTSU,
Etc
Which is 2 terrible things.

TS believes:
Feminism endorses abusing boys
Which is 1 terrible thing.

Etc

I probably screwed it up somewhere though, I hate working with nested arrays.

Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

Damnit, all my careful indenting went away!

Also, that assumes they have something in the $terrible_views array. Which is kinda how they made the list, but I have no idea what it would return for 0 terrible views. Prolly —

$row[‘Name] believes:
Which is 0 terrible thing.

>.<

Galunadi
Galunadi
11 years ago

 “In fact, the film they showed us in fifth grade actually said that out loud.”
Beautiful, Buttercup

Brooked
Brooked
11 years ago

I find this more tiresome than offensive because they all riff on the same goof-ball “theory” over and over again. It’s endless ‘moral agency’ twister, where anti-Feminists always end up casting women as moral agents in the wrong, while men are the moral patients who are being wronged. Bingo Bango Bongo.

Women continue to expect all the benefits of so-called “benevolent” sexism, while accepting none of the downsides. They continue to demand all the privileges of the feminine, while refusing the costs. They accept all the rights, and reject all responsibilities.

Well, wake up, bitches. You can’t have it both ways. If you are going to demand the right to shove your tits into push-up bras and unbutton your shirt to the waist and go sashaying down the street trying your best to attract high status men (however you define that), all the while expecting him to be the pursuer, then guess what?

If you point out that men seem to be the active agent in “catcall” scenario, well you just refuse and/or are unable to perceive how women are society’s puppet masters and main beneficiaries. Men, those poor well-meaning saps, fall in line and do whatever society/TPTB/biology/four humors/female overlords/feminists/liberal dictators/TBA demands of them and are eternally blameless. Women, on the other hand, are somehow always both full of manipulative guile and devoid of basic self-awareness. This is why the “world” (warning: world is larger, complicated and more inclusive than it may appear in MRA discussions) is going to hell, because women are the driving force these days and we all know about women drivers, amirite?

I am enjoying how MRAs think a few news articles and the near-mythical 20/20 segment will catapult them into mainstream respectability. They’re a bunch of cranks who haven’t bothered to check-in with any reasonable ideas of how the world actually works. JB’s oohing and awing over the US cosmetic market suggests she probably not subscribing to The Economist or WSJ. The opening sentence is right out of a 7th Grade Social Studies report:

The US cosmetics market is the biggest market in the world, worth an astonishing $55 billion in 2012, and forecasted to just keep on growing.

Also, outside of desperate freelance writers banging out Psychology Today-flavored piffle, no one loves meaningless, one-off Psych/Soc studies as much as the MRA ‘think tank” does.

The article JB smugly misreads was not merely produced by “two researchers at Gettysburg College”, the authors’ byline is:
Aurélie Porcheron, Emmanuelle Mauger
CE.R.I.E.S. – the CHANEL R&T skin research center on healthy skin, Neuilly-sur-Seine, France
Aurélie Porcheron, Richard Russell
Gettysburg College, Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, United States of America

It’s super-cute how JB overlooks the obvious reason why this article on “age perception” uses “a large sample of adult Caucasian females”. Spoiler: Chanel is part of that astonishing Cosmetics Industry that focuses on white female consumers.

You know what you call a woman who thinks the entire fucking world should revolve around what she wants? Who thinks she is the star of her own universe? Who has a grandiose, inflated sense of her own self-worth? Who is convinced only her desires and her needs and her wants have any currency?

Judgy Bitch, lady MHRHAH crank extraordinaire?

For another example of MRAs cluelessness, there’s a dopey AVFM post about the success of the cable network Investigation Discovery that shows how their understanding of popular culture rivals the Amish.

Coolies
Coolies
11 years ago

@ Buttercup I see what you did there.. Lawl nerd jokes FTW

Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

Idk about all Amish people, but the Pennsylvania Dutch get tourists and thus probably have a better understanding of pop culture than MRAs.

Jessay (@jessay)
11 years ago

If she really wanted to do MRAs a favor, instead of standing up for their “right” to “express their sexuality” through cat calls, she would inform them that cat calls do nothing but creep women out. If any of you have heard a story that started with a cat call and ended in marriage, please share it. There is a GIGANTIC difference between chatting up a woman (and accepting her disinterest, treating her as if she’s a human being) and screaming, “NICE TITS!” The former is done in an attempt to get to know a woman, the latter is done to dominate and embarrass a woman, letting her know that public space is unsafe.

So I ask you, judgybitch, when the class bully tripped me, should I have gotten up and hugged him? When I get called an “ugly c**t” on youtube, should I thank them? Should I just be grateful for any and all attention, even if it’s negative and meant to embarrass or hurt me? You cannot tell me that the intention of cat calling is to flatter. That’s the excuse of course, but not the reason. Just because you are desperate for male attention judgybitch, doesn’t mean the rest of us are.

For those of you saying she’s the special one, well, yeah, that’s the whole thing with internalized misogyny. I used to accept a ton of misogynistic behavior from my male friends SO LONG AS some other girl was the target. It relates to the whole “chivalry as a protection racket” idea, where so long as I condone their misogyny towards others, I’ll be safe from it… until I’m not.

Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

“When I get called an “ugly c**t” on youtube, should I thank them?”

Yes…

http://youtu.be/uz2jbCJXkpA

Jessay (@jessay)
11 years ago

Haha, oh god.

sparky
sparky
11 years ago

Women continue to expect all the benefits of so-called “benevolent” sexism, while accepting none of the downsides. They continue to demand all the privileges of the feminine, while refusing the costs. They accept all the rights, and reject all responsibilities.

Well, wake up, bitches. You can’t have it both ways. If you are going to demand the right to shove your tits into push-up bras and unbutton your shirt to the waist and go sashaying down the street trying your best to attract high status men (however you define that), all the while expecting him to be the pursuer, then guess what?

I really just want to switch the genders around in this nonsense:

Men continue to expect all the benefits of so-called “benevolent” sexism, while accepting none of the downsides. They continue to demand all the privileges of the masculine while refusing the costs. They accept all the rights, and reject all responsibilities.

Well, wake up, gendered slur. You can’t have it both ways. If you are going to demand the right to shove your pecs into tight t-shirts and unbutton your shirt to the waist and go sashaying down the street trying your best to attract high status women (however you define that), all the while expecting her to be the pursuer, then guess what?

sparky
sparky
11 years ago

What happened to blockquotes? There should be blockquotes around the first two paragraphs. For the record, the first two are from JB.

I guess the blockquote monster decided to mess with me today by refusing to blockquote anything.

sparky
sparky
11 years ago

And I also just noticed that the “Mirkwood Eld Gaurd” Lego set comes with its own Lego fly agaric:


http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amanita_muscaria

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

Well, wake up, bitches. You can’t have it both ways. If you are going to demand the right to shove your tits into push-up bras and unbutton your shirt to the waist and go sashaying down the street trying your best to attract high status men (however you define that), all the while expecting him to be the pursuer, then guess what?

MRA to English translation – I am incredibly butthurt about the fact that many of the women who I approach aren’t interested in me. How dare they walk around being all attractive to me and then not be willing to give me what I want (sometimes sex, sometimes ego strokes, sometimes just attention)? The world will not be right again until women are forced to respond to my approaches in a way that pleases me. Fuck all this “women are people” crap.

Alice Sanguinaria
11 years ago

sparky – I think blockquote monster used up all of the fail blocking with kittehs’ comment a while back. *nod*

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

Seriously, guys, “I’m angry that some women don’t want me” is a shitty basis for a political movement, partly because no political movement can control what people want. You can force people to constrain how they express the things they want, but actually changing their underlying preferences? Not going to happen.

kittehserf
11 years ago

Alice, just what I was thinking. It’s resting!

pecunium
11 years ago

This may be one of my favorite Roissy supporters:
Jim & Co have done something huge for men – he has many fans among well-known journalists and commentators, who of course keep quiet

Yeppers, the lurkers support him by… telling no one.

serrana
serrana
11 years ago

This may be one of my favorite Roissy supporters:
Jim & Co have done something huge for men – he has many fans among well-known journalists and commentators, who of course keep quiet

Yeppers, the lurkers support him by… telling no one.

Well of course. It makes perfect sense for journalists and commentators to keep quiet. It’s not like they write about and comment on things by definition or anything. *nods wisely*