Categories
a woman is always to blame alpha asshole cock carousel alpha males beta males cuckolding evil sexy ladies evo psych fairy tales grandiosity heartiste mansplaining misogyny PUA reactionary bullshit your time will come

Heartiste: Evil feminists are trying to “legitimize the biologically innate female imperative to f**k alpha males during ovulation and extract resources from beta males during infertile periods.”

Chateau Heartiste: Guarded by Elves?
Chateau Heartiste: Guarded by Elves?

The narcissistic racist pickup artist guru who goes by the ridiculous nickname Heartiste is a bit of an excitable fellow.

What’s got his man-panties in a bunch at the moment is an article on Slate noting that a small number of family therapists have begun to suggest that an affair might not mean the end of a marriage — and that in some cases a mature discussion of the raw feelings exposed by the discovery of an affair might possibly lead instead to a — gasp! — stronger marriage.

This isn’t exactly a revolutionary insight, and the therapists aren’t exactly urging married couples to all sign up to attend the next Polyamory Meetup in their town. But Heartiste is outraged. Though the word “feminism” isn’t uttered a single time in the Slate article, he has decided that it is proof of “The Feminist Push To Sanction Female Infidelity.” As he explains, in his typically overheated prose:

What feminists are attempting to do here is nothing short of legitimize the biologically innate female imperative to fuck alpha males during ovulation and extract resources from beta males during infertile periods of the monthly cycle.

You might think this is just some weird misogynistic crap he’s cooked up, but he DID say “biologically innate female imperative,” so it must be SCIENCE.

CH predicted it: Feminists and various “health professionals” would agitate to normalize the “alpha fux, beta bux” female mating strategy. As society becomes ever more feminized and emasculated, expect to see more of these rancid ideas percolate in mainstream discussion, as the pro-female directive and anti-male directive reach their demonic apotheoses.

Yes, he did indeed just say “their demonic apotheoses.” Heartiste is a bit of a drama king.

You might say, “Well, this means men can be unfaithful without consequence, too!” Oh, ye of precious naivete. Men won’t be let off the hook. The divorce industrial and family court complexes are rigged against the interests of men, and getting more rigged by the day. An army of leftoids fed on the swill of legalese will barely break a sweat holding the contradictory beliefs that women cheat for good reasons and men cheat because they’re oppressive patriarchs.

Eventually, with the help of dazzling sophistry, the law will be twisted to such a warped geometry that the people will come to accept injustice as fairness and lies as truth.

I think what he just said is that women will be allowed to get away with cheating, but men won’t.

Heartiste then goes on to suggest, naturally, that while female infidelity is inherently EEEEEEVIIL , male infidelity is no big deal, because reasons.

And then he just completely buries his head up his reactionary ass:

Feminism is the sick, wheezing spawn of its parent ideology, equalism, the belief in a magical flying spaghetti monster that imbues all humans with equal ability and equal worth, interchangeable flesh cogs that can as easily master astrophysics as lawn care given the right dose of self-esteem boosting pablum.

Oh, he’s not done yet:

Whatever the self-professed noble intentions of their advocates, these ideologies are as wicked and destructive as any genocidal revolutions that have come before them.

Yep, a couple of therapists saying “hey, maybe couples can work through affairs and come out better for it” is the equivalant of Auschwitz.

This is why CH, a citadel firm, guarded by sentries of ancient woods, illuminating a path to enlightenment, will never cease in its mission to utterly crush evil, sick ideologies like feminism so totally that there is no space for even the ashes of its immolation to gather in a stiff wind.

I think he must be drunk. “Sentries of ancient woods?” Are elves guarding his condo?

He ends with this final fantasy:

Feminism’s proponents will suffer endless ridicule should they choose to fight, or they will retreat from the public square to lick their wounds in the comfort of their silent seething thoughts. And, if the spoils of victory are rich indeed, some will self-deliver to release the pain.

Why do so many right-wingers write like this? Do they actually think this pompous nonsense makes them sound smart? I guess they must.

Well, back to my silent seething thoughts. And perhaps a light snack.

349 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Alice Sanguinaria
11 years ago

Don’t forget ladies, you’re always on display for the male gaze. Smile and don’t complain! We like you quiet!

kittehserf
11 years ago

Presumably, Bina. I was wondering too, how far this notion of hers goes. Or maybe she’s denying that harassment and rape are on the same spectrum.

Gizwardo
Gizwardo
11 years ago

“The US cosmetics market is the biggest market in the world, worth an astonishing $55 billion in 2012, and forecasted to just keep on growing.”

Stopped reading here. The us cosmetics market is bigger than the oil companies? Than the military defense industry? Color me surprised!

Alice Sanguinaria
11 years ago

JudgyBitch was the lady who came up with the Dumb Whores Registry too. *shudder*

Nitram
Nitram
11 years ago

Moma,

The fertility drugs episode was years ago, this recent episode is just plain ol depression.

Back then I had ovulated way too many eggs (for an IUI) so they cancelled the cycle, so I wouldn’t be Kate plus 8. Then I ovulated all those eggs (13) and had progesterone overload. Normally high numbers of eggs like that will get harvested for in vitro. Actually ovulating them in your own body is not good. The idea was to have 3-6 eggs I think. And then we conceived our daughter naturally after 2 years of that crap. Go figure!

Thank you for the well wishing. It’ll get better soon.

cloudiah
11 years ago

More brain bleach: a Flemish Giant male bunny napping next to a Sheltie.

Also, I want to point out that Dean Esmay whines about being harassed over his physical appearance in the comments on the Judgy Bitch piece. You can see it being made fun of here.

katz
11 years ago

…What possible frame of reference is he using that makes $55 billion on a global scale sound like a lot? Here are some Fortune 500 companies. Notice that they are making hundreds of billions of dollars of revenue. There are single companies making nearly 10 ties as much as “the biggest market in the world.”

hellkell
hellkell
11 years ago

I hope JB gets a huge blast of awareness someday. If her daughters get catcalled, is she going to ask them if they remembered to thank the harasser? She makes me fucking sick.

cloudiah
11 years ago

@auggziliary, Yup Judgy Bitch was the one who blamed children raped by Jimmy Savile for what happened to them.

Gizwardo
Gizwardo
11 years ago

Also, what about the times I’m walking my dogs, in the early morning, having just woken up and not even washed my face, with a heavy coat and I get cat called? What about the men who get violent and call me obscenely eat when I politely decline their invitation for a ride? What about when I do say “no THANK YOU” and this still happens?

Right, just hurting the precious men’s feewings.

hellkell
hellkell
11 years ago

JudgyBitch is so desperate for the approval of these cretins, she’ll say anything to get it.

sparky
sparky
11 years ago

So, let me get this straight: a woman is a self-centered egomaniac if she expects to walk in public spaces without being objectified and sexualized. Because its just so selfish of women to expect men to not make rude, lewd comments at them. The right of men not to stifle themselves for the 5 seconds a woman takes to walk past trumps the right of women to be considered a human being, and not a sexualized object to be judged by random strangers. Women must consider the “need” of men to sexualize them, and to shout to the world for all the world to hear that women are nothing but sexual objects. But to suggest that men consider the need, and the right, of women to be in public spaces without being harassed is selfish of women.

I…just…can’t….

Bina
Bina
11 years ago

JudgyBitch was the lady who came up with the Dumb Whores Registry too. *shudder*

Oh, the irony.

I hope JB gets a huge blast of awareness someday. If her daughters get catcalled, is she going to ask them if they remembered to thank the harasser? She makes me fucking sick.

She has daughters??? *stunned look*

Jessay (@jessay)
11 years ago

It’s good to know that my personal needs are more important than those who are hurt by my acting upon my needs. I can go around punching misogynists in the face because they piss me off and not being able to punch them in the face is stifling my expression of my aggression.

How does she not get that her right to swing her fist ends where my nose begins?

And how does it help men to act as though their natural sexual urges involve hurting other people?

kittehserf
11 years ago

It’s always the lowest common denominator blokes who have to be catered to, isn’t it?

Ally S
11 years ago

MRAs are so predictable that I can make a Ruby instance method that can check whether any given MRA is a terrible human being.

def is_a_terrible_mra?(ze_is_disingenuous, ze_is_misogynistic, ze_is_a_rape_apologist, ze_calls_hirself_an_mra)
true if (ze_is_disingenuous or ze_is_misogynistic or ze_is_a_rape_or_abuse_apologist) and (ze_calls_hirself_an_mra)
end

judgy_bitch.is_a_terrible_mra? == true
toy_soldier.is_a_terrible_mra? == true
angry_harry.is_a_terrible_mra? == true

paul_elam.is_a_terrible_mra == false

(because, you know, he’s an MHRA.)

Ally S
11 years ago

Oh wow, that’s full of syntax errors. I didn’t even remember to pass any arguments to the method calls. X_X Another day, another failed attempt at coding-related humor.

Bina
Bina
11 years ago

She’s one of those female misogynists who are all in it for the attention, so she’s only a misogynist around women who aren’t her or her daughters.
She had one post about how her daughter(forgot age, I think 8) came home and told her some boys threatened to rape her. She blew up on those boys(also forgot age, about 10 at least). Sadly many of the comments told her that she shouldn’t have said anything since “boys will be boys”, and other horrible crap(I know they were probably not going to rape, my point is, how else are boys supposed to learn that threatening rape is bad? That’s the whole point of punishing kids, you understand that they don’t know better, so you teach them).

Well, duh — recognizing rape culture is MISANDRY!!! And nipping it in the threat bud, before it can blossom into actual rape, is MISANDRY!!!, too. Teaching boys to respect girls is TOTAL FUCKING MISANDRY. And expecting them to behave accordingly is what’s wrong with women today, those vain Slutty McHarlots.

/sarcasm

So instead of recognizing this teachable moment in the pervasiveness of rape culture and realizing that this is everybody’s problem and renouncing her sexist apologia as any thinking person would do, she turned that MRA lecture around on other women. Because hearing rankest sexism from another woman makes it Totally Not Sexist.

She’s even dimmer, and more of a panderer to the lowest common denominator of the Misodge-o-sphere, than I thought.

hellkell
hellkell
11 years ago

Part of me keeps hoping that some of these FeMRAs are just elaborately trolling Elam, but then I read shit like this and think no, they’re really that evil and stupid.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

Welp, when you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas. JudgyBitch really shouldn’t expect special treatment from them when it comes to her daughter.

@AllyS MRA logic can also be expressed as an SQL query:

select * from REDDIT.MENSRIGHTS
where (clue > 0)
No records found.

Bina
Bina
11 years ago

Special Snowflake is Special. Until she gets the bad news that she isn’t. She really, really isn’t. So then she has to reassert her Specialness by taking the MRA morality lecture that got laid on her, and lay it on other women instead. Whew! Specialness restored!

Ellie
Ellie
11 years ago

I believe one of judgybitch’s tween daughters was threatened with rape by a few boys her age. She flipped out and basically did what any normal parent would do, went to the principal, all that jazz.

Aka she’s a hypocrite.

Funnily enough some of her fanboys were askig if her daughter did anything to ask for it. Too bad she didn’t learn anything from it

Ellie
Ellie
11 years ago

Ahhh sorry, I didn’t notice that someone already said it up there :p

1 8 9 10 11 12 14