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a voice for men artistry paul elam

Logo contest! Win $300!

AVFMlogo

There’s just one little catch: You have to design a logo for A Voice for Men.

But the logo contest is a real thing, as is the prize. Go here for the details.

You can see my first attempt above. Post yours below! And maybe even submit it to the official contest.

Also, read the comments over at AVFM to see Mr. Elam bring the banhammer down on a graphic designer who offers to do the logo for free. No, really.

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katz
7 years ago

Here’s a new vector Pierre logo…but the logo it’s based on is kind of terrible, so this is kind of terrible too.

Charles Miller
7 years ago

I swear I’ve seen that black-V-with-sideways-bars logo before. A lot. It’s on the tip of my brain, but I just can’t place it.

I was also going to point out that a stark, angular, red/black logo screams fascism to me, and maybe the winning logo was itself the most successful troll, but it turned out that the colour scheme was in the brief anyway.

daintydougal
daintydougal
7 years ago

Its not even offensively bad, its just massively amateurish. I would expect nothing less if it was just one of their friends doing it, but to pay actual money to someone calling themselves a designer?
Awkward.

kiki
kiki
7 years ago

I swear I’ve seen that black-V-with-sideways-bars logo before.

Not entirely inappropriately, it reminds me of this:

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=ingsoc+logo&oq=ingsoc+logo&aqs=chrome..69i57.3417j0j8&sourceid=chrome&espv=210&es_sm=93&ie=UTF-8

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

Katz — I like it. Let me know if you need the HTML tweaked 🙂

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

RE: CassandraSays

The only advantage I can see is a slight increase in convenience for the client,

*snrk* Yeah. Definitely smells like a company made to make money rather than actually be useful, for sure. In a way, I feel bad for AVFM; they got cheated.

RE: Argenti

LBT — just please make them have edges and not be a rectangle?

Totally! I was planning on pretty much having the little animals done digitally, black inks and cell colors on a transparent background, like I did the Roll For It guests.

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
7 years ago

Those logical men over at AVfM seem to get taken in by every con, don’t they?

That would explain why they keep donating to AVFM.

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
7 years ago

Speaking of the issues with this contest model: the 99designs site doesn’t even lock the images against right-click-saving. Not only do designers so the work for free, but any idiot can come along and swipe their designs.

(I was right-clicking to do a Google “search by image” after Charles Miller said the logo looked familiar. For the record, all I got was a million very different red-and-black images. If someone is inclined to trim the image down to just the logo and search by that, it might yield better results)

katz
7 years ago

Emily: I tried that and still no dice.

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

RE: emilygoddess

Yuuuup. SO not ever using THAT place to sell my wares, kthx.

What really bemuses me is that AVFM used it at all. I thought they were a pretty popular site, with a commentariat comparable in size to Manboobz? Did Elam seriously not know if any of them were artists of a hireable quality? I mean, Manboobz has me, katz, and Shaenon, just off the top of my head. I guess I just feel weirdly CONFUSED by how Elam chose to do this.

CassandraSays
7 years ago

Maybe doing art is un-manly or non-alpha, and that’s why they don’t have any artists in residence.

(I’m guessing the real reason is that if anyone suggested that they might be good at something Elam’s ego wouldn’t be able to take it and he’d drive them off.)

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

LBT — those are perfect!

Shadow
Shadow
7 years ago

The thing is, from what I’ve seen of AVfM and the other main MRM sites, they don’t really have much of a community outside of the “she done me wrong” stories. We know a lot about each other because we enjoy each other’s company and we aren’t hellbent on talking about the same damn thing eleventybillion times. So, it would come as zero shock to me that Paulie only knows about the personal lives of, tops, 6 readers

CassandraSays
7 years ago

I don’t think Elam has friends, he has followers and enemies and that seems to be it.

Sir_Marcus
Sir_Marcus
7 years ago

Wow. That graphic designer was shockingly polite throughout that whole conversation. It’s almost too bad he’s an MRA bonehead.

I love Paulie’s “I am working on my anger this week!!! RAAAAAAARRRG” spiel as he bans someone for giving him free advice.

katz
7 years ago

Au contraire: They know the artistic skills of their members because of Artistry Against Misandry.

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

RE: Shadow

from what I’ve seen of AVfM and the other main MRM sites, they don’t really have much of a community

This shouldn’t be a surprise to me, but I find this sad. I love getting to know other Boobzers! I’ve made buddies through there! (Including, most recently, a lurker who turned out to be friends with one of my friends!)

RE: katz

LOLZ. Touche.

opium4themasses
opium4themasses
7 years ago

Look likes an stylized bull to me. Which makes sense, because that’s what their site is. So, graphic accuracy?

Reminds me a bit of the texas a&m or texas tech logos.

kittehserf
7 years ago

katz, love the new AVfP logo! 😀

leftwingfox
7 years ago

I couldn’t resist. They want Vector art? Flash does Vector art.
http://imgur.com/FstLRh0

(Epilepsy warning: red-green strobe)

kittehserf
7 years ago

Yikes! That was like a look in Pauly’s alleged mind!

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

With Papyrus, no less! You sadist.

leftwingfox
7 years ago

With Papyrus, no less! You sadist.

Comic Sans is too good for them.

leftwingfox
7 years ago

Oh, and congratulations on the housing, LBT! 🙂

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

Woo, yeah! Now I just gotta survive the holidays, and I am SET, my friend!

katz
7 years ago

OT: Happy Veteran’s Day, USians, have a Leyendecker.

Shadow
Shadow
7 years ago

@LBT

This shouldn’t be a surprise to me, but I find this sad. I love getting to know other Boobzers! I’ve made buddies through there! (Including, most recently, a lurker who turned out to be friends with one of my friends!)

Exactly. I don’t interact with Boobzers outside of the site, but that’s more than enough for me to consider the regulars here as either friends or friendly acquaintances. I mean, I’ve known some of y’all for years now!!! With the MRM sites, I’ve yet to see people just goofing off together, or sharing in-jokes, or laughing about anything other than the real or imagined pain of the woman of the day. And, on that note, WHOOT for your housing!!

Happy Veteran’s Day USians (I’m looking at you pecunium), and happy Remembrance Day to my Canuckistan comrades!!

Crimson blade
Crimson blade
7 years ago
LBT
LBT
7 years ago

RE: Shadow

Yeah, that’s really sad. I mean, I knew inurashii and Cliff before I joined Manboobz, but since joining, I’ve physically met up with pecunium and Argenti as well. (And I was JUST ABOUT to meet aughochlorella, before my health shat the bed on me. Cloudiah and katz and possibly thebionicmommy were also on my list of to-meets!) It’s why I love the place!

And yes, happy Veterans Day to my compatriots!

Bonelady
Bonelady
7 years ago

The new logo is certainly very definite. But as said above, the way the letters are combined does look like a short-legged man with a strange looking penis. Or a weird diaper. I also have to say that I find their slogan confusing – I preferred the old one – Compassion for men and boys – whether it was actually true or not, at least it made some sense. But I suppose that there is some manly reason for the change. Btw, has anyone else noticed that Theodore Beale is trying to change the term “Manosphere” to “Androsphere”? He seems to think that using the Greek form is more impressive. It will be interesting to see if it catches on. And what the gentlemen at A Voice for Men think of the modification. Maybe someone should ask them!

CassandraSays
7 years ago

I think we should play dumb and pretend that we think androsphere means an online space for people who’re androgynous, just to irk him.

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

“Happy Veteran’s Day USians (I’m looking at you pecunium)”

He was up til like one talking to me about a troll on his blog, and had to be out and about by 6:30, idk if we’ll be seeing much of him today.

kittehserf
7 years ago

OMG katz that’s the best Pierre ever!

😀 😀 😀

scarlettpipstrelle
7 years ago

Agreed, best Pierre! And, with three cats I have been in that situation

DLColvin (llothcat)
7 years ago

Oh ouch. Well. Chances are that logo belongs to someone else. With logo contests, even with 99 designs, clip art usage is very very high. Should someone do the research and/or send the cease and desist blah blah blah paperwork?

pecunium
7 years ago

I see poor Julie was ignored:

I don’t see ‘hate for women’ in this logo activity and I’m starting to feel sorry for Paul Elam. I am sure it’s normal when mobs start to single out people and bully long term. The person being attacked starts to take a human identity and witnesses start to question the ring leader.

Perhaps you can extend your blogroll if you are struggling to find women haters so things don’t turn on you. Just a thought, otherwise, thanks for holding people accountable. Just don’t forget power corrupts and to keep yourself in check.

Let’s look at her rhetorical style.

I don’t see ‘hate for women’ in this logo activity

There isn’t much, active hate for women in the acquiring of a logo. There isn’t much hate for blacks/catholics/jews in a Klavern designing new badges either, but the who is is important as the what.

1 point

and I’m starting to feel sorry for Paul Elam.

Non-connected thought, though the implication of ongoing engagement with the site, and implications of unfairness sort of balance.

On balance, it’s not quite deft enough for merit, nor inept enough for demerit: neutral.

I am sure it’s normal when mobs start to single out people and bully long term.

This is perhaps the most interesting part of the comment, it’s actually the core argument. Kudos for having a preamble, and for relating it back to the, “feeling sorry”. But the use of, “mobs” is perjorative, and doesn’t have enough prefatory set-up in the sorrow. The use of bully (esp. in an online context) is topical to social events, but lacks merit. To bully the target of the attack has to be unable to avoid it. None of what is said here, in the comments [which must be included in the reference of this sentence, because “mob” (the collective noun for a violent, and uncontrollable group of unthinking people) was used is sent to Elam. That he, or his various sycophants and minions, are interested/obsessed enough to keep tabs on us doesn’t make our commentary (no matter how public) bullying.

Since the rhetoric of the commentariat is surprisingly free of desire for harm (save the regular use of the passive, “may s/he step on a Lego” in it’s various forms) it’s also hard to support the idea that “bullying” is going on.

Just because a person, or group, dislikes someone, and is not shy in saying so doesn’t make for a bully.

-2 for overblown, -1 for poorly established argument, and -2 for so weakly structuring the anchoring idea of the argument.

The person being attacked starts to take a human identity and witnesses start to question the ring leader.

Oh dear, after such a promising (if pedestrian) start, even with the stumble of the Thesis, there was some hope, but this is starting to look like fresh pineapple Jell-O.

The idea that Dave hasn’t presented enough rounding detail to make Elam a human figure undercuts the implication of long term readership. The use of the idea that becoming familiar with the humanity of a “victim” is also sort of bathetic. With dozens of examples of his beliefs, behaviors, actions and reactions, there isn’t much to support this idea that nothing more than repeated exposure to his words will make him sympathetic; just because he is one of the targets of Dave’s focus on manospheric misogyny.

You also introduce the idea that the commentariat are passive, that or you are making reference to those lurking without comment. If so you undercut it with, “ringleader” (which is harkening back to the aforementioned slur of “mob”, with the added quality of diminuition. If carried on; in a longer piece, slowly building, it can be an effective tool. Sadly this isn’t more than extended quip, a passing jibe; and so it doesn’t really manage to overcome much, but it shows a basic understanding of device), as that requires a shared goal/aim. As such it’s hard to support the defense that you mean lurkers. Again we are left to think you are referring to a “bullying mob” which is both localised in a comment section the target need not read, and passive enough to never read anything else about the object of their, “two-minute hate”.

Failure to actually extend the core argument -1 Undercutting the dominant theme, -1 use of device… a wash; it’s a decent extension, but requires more support later, which fails to materialise, neutral. Arguments which are internally inconsistent, -3 (it would be greater, but the failure isn’t immediately obvious. It isn’t so great as to be immediately obvious to the casual reader, which keeps it from gaining the full Five marks of demerit it might otherwise).

Perhaps you can extend your blogroll if you are struggling to find women haters so things don’t turn on you.

Argh… whiplash. There is no transition. That’s an automatic deduction. Making the shift with a passive structure isn’t so bad; your general tone is quasi-avuncular, but again, it’s hard to sustain. If all Dave wrote about were Elam, or Elamites, you might be able to avoid more demerit, but he’s got a fairly wide range of topics, and the regular inclusion of outside referents means the readership can see he is widely read.

The second half of this, “so things don’t turn on you” is histrionic. What/who is going to turn on him? His “mob/ring”? The people who read, but don’t comment? Those who come in at random? This needs support, evidence. Some, otherwise friendly audience who is decrying Dave’s monomania with Elam.

Lack of transition -2. Poor use of tone -1 complete failure to find a valid target for this line of argument -5

Just a thought, otherwise, thanks for holding people accountable.</I<

Banal. You've no standing, from lack of ongoing interaction, to be in the position to give casual advice. Inconsistent. All you have done is say Dave is wrong; from the "lack of hate, to the thematic use of gang/mob, hounding and bullying, nothing in this comment shows any sense that Dave is doing any good. At, an implausible, best, you are saying he's doing the right thing but ineptly.

-5

Just don’t forget power corrupts and to keep yourself in check.

This is your closing? It tails off. Given the charges further up it either needed to rise to a denunciation, or close with a Parkeresque zinger. Really, given how many balls you have in the air this is too soon to call it quits. You need to expand on either the ways Dave could be better holding these more valid targets you think exist (in the “expanded blogroll” you recommend), or detailing why various exposures of Elam are a poor episode in his otherwise worthy endeavors.

It raises more questions than it answers, uses the passive voice in closing, and is insincerely worded.

-10

So, looking at the deviation from the mean (where neutral = being inoffensive, neither causing the reader to think good or ill) to positive, where the audience is moved to think well of the argument presented, or negative, where the argument is undercut by the style (this isn’t a comment on the substance of your claims, merely on the way you present them).

You scored -28 pts

Given the short length of this piece, and you being in a place where the substance was already going to be less than favorably received it’s a very poor showing. Had you continued in this vein while actually attempting to get into the details you sketched out… odds are you would have been in triple digits below the line, since you collected you had nine rhetorical phrases, and only one of them with positive marks.
I see poor Julie was ignored:

I don’t see ‘hate for women’ in this logo activity and I’m starting to feel sorry for Paul Elam. I am sure it’s normal when mobs start to single out people and bully long term. The person being attacked starts to take a human identity and witnesses start to question the ring leader.

Perhaps you can extend your blogroll if you are struggling to find women haters so things don’t turn on you. Just a thought, otherwise, thanks for holding people accountable. Just don’t forget power corrupts and to keep yourself in check.

Let’s look at her rhetorical style.

I don’t see ‘hate for women’ in this logo activity

There isn’t much, active hate for women in the acquiring of a logo. There isn’t much hate for blacks/catholics/jews in a Klavern designing new badges either, but the who is is important as the what.

1 point

and I’m starting to feel sorry for Paul Elam.

Non-connected thought, though the implication of ongoing engagement with the site, and implications of unfairness sort of balance.

On balance, it’s not quite deft enough for merit, nor inept enough for demerit: neutral.

I am sure it’s normal when mobs start to single out people and bully long term.

This is perhaps the most interesting part of the comment, it’s actually the core argument. Kudos for having a preamble, and for relating it back to the, “feeling sorry”. But the use of, “mobs” is perjorative, and doesn’t have enough prefatory set-up in the sorrow. The use of bully (esp. in an online context) is topical to social events, but lacks merit. To bully the target of the attack has to be unable to avoid it. None of what is said here, in the comments [which must be included in the reference of this sentence, because “mob” (the collective noun for a violent, and uncontrollable group of unthinking people) was used is sent to Elam. That he, or his various sycophants and minions, are interested/obsessed enough to keep tabs on us doesn’t make our commentary (no matter how public) bullying.

Since the rhetoric of the commentariat is surprisingly free of desire for harm (save the regular use of the passive, “may s/he step on a Lego” in it’s various forms) it’s also hard to support the idea that “bullying” is going on.

Just because a person, or group, dislikes someone, and is not shy in saying so doesn’t make for a bully.

-2 for overblown, -1 for poorly established argument, and -2 for so weakly structuring the anchoring idea of the argument.

The person being attacked starts to take a human identity and witnesses start to question the ring leader.

Oh dear, after such a promising (if pedestrian) start, even with the stumble of the Thesis, there was some hope, but this is starting to look like fresh pineapple Jell-O.

The idea that Dave hasn’t presented enough rounding detail to make Elam a human figure undercuts the implication of long term readership. The use of the idea that becoming familiar with the humanity of a “victim” is also sort of bathetic. With dozens of examples of his beliefs, behaviors, actions and reactions, there isn’t much to support this idea that nothing more than repeated exposure to his words will make him sympathetic; just because he is one of the targets of Dave’s focus on manospheric misogyny.

You also introduce the idea that the commentariat are passive, that or you are making reference to those lurking without comment. If so you undercut it with, “ringleader” (which is harkening back to the aforementioned slur of “mob”, with the added quality of diminuition. If carried on; in a longer piece, slowly building, it can be an effective tool. Sadly this isn’t more than extended quip, a passing jibe; and so it doesn’t really manage to overcome much, but it shows a basic understanding of device), as that requires a shared goal/aim. As such it’s hard to support the defense that you mean lurkers. Again we are left to think you are referring to a “bullying mob” which is both localised in a comment section the target need not read, and passive enough to never read anything else about the object of their, “two-minute hate”.

Failure to actually extend the core argument -1 Undercutting the dominant theme, -1 use of device… a wash; it’s a decent extension, but requires more support later, which fails to materialise, neutral. Arguments which are internally inconsistent, -3 (it would be greater, but the failure isn’t immediately obvious. It isn’t so great as to be immediately obvious to the casual reader, which keeps it from gaining the full Five marks of demerit it might otherwise).

Perhaps you can extend your blogroll if you are struggling to find women haters so things don’t turn on you.

Argh… whiplash. There is no transition. That’s an automatic deduction. Making the shift with a passive structure isn’t so bad; your general tone is quasi-avuncular, but again, it’s hard to sustain. If all Dave wrote about were Elam, or Elamites, you might be able to avoid more demerit, but he’s got a fairly wide range of topics, and the regular inclusion of outside referents means the readership can see he is widely read.

The second half of this, “so things don’t turn on you” is histrionic. What/who is going to turn on him? His “mob/ring”? The people who read, but don’t comment? Those who come in at random? This needs support, evidence. Some, otherwise friendly audience who is decrying Dave’s monomania with Elam.

Lack of transition -2. Poor use of tone -1 complete failure to find a valid target for this line of argument -5

Just a thought, otherwise, thanks for holding people accountable.

Banal. You’ve no standing, from lack of ongoing interaction, to be in the position to give casual advice. Inconsistent. All you have done is say Dave is wrong; from the “lack of hate, to the thematic use of gang/mob, hounding and bullying, nothing in this comment shows any sense that Dave is doing any good. At, an implausible, best, you are saying he’s doing the right thing but ineptly.

-5

Just don’t forget power corrupts and to keep yourself in check.

This is your closing? It tails off. Given the charges further up it either needed to rise to a denunciation, or close with a Parkeresque zinger. Really, given how many balls you have in the air this is too soon to call it quits. You need to expand on either the ways Dave could be better holding these more valid targets you think exist (in the “expanded blogroll” you recommend), or detailing why various exposures of Elam are a poor episode in his otherwise worthy endeavors.

It raises more questions than it answers, uses the passive voice in closing, and is insincerely worded.

-10

So, looking at the deviation from the mean (where neutral = being inoffensive, neither causing the reader to think good or ill) to positive, where the audience is moved to think well of the argument presented, or negative, where the argument is undercut by the style (this isn’t a comment on the substance of your claims, merely on the way you present them).

You scored -28 pts

Given the short length of this piece, and you being in a place where the substance was already going to be less than favorably received it’s a very poor showing. Had you continued in this vein while actually attempting to get into the details you sketched out… odds are you would have been in triple digits below the line, since you collected -28 in only nine rhetorical phrases. Worse, of those nine, only one had positive marks.

pecunium
7 years ago

FUCK… The formatting was stripped, and it repeated.

I see poor Julie was ignored:

I don’t see ‘hate for women’ in this logo activity and I’m starting to feel sorry for Paul Elam. I am sure it’s normal when mobs start to single out people and bully long term. The person being attacked starts to take a human identity and witnesses start to question the ring leader.

Perhaps you can extend your blogroll if you are struggling to find women haters so things don’t turn on you. Just a thought, otherwise, thanks for holding people accountable. Just don’t forget power corrupts and to keep yourself in check.

Let’s look at her rhetorical style.

I don’t see ‘hate for women’ in this logo activity

There isn’t much, active hate for women in the acquiring of a logo. There isn’t much hate for blacks/catholics/jews in a Klavern designing new badges either, but the who is is important as the what.

1 point

and I’m starting to feel sorry for Paul Elam.

Non-connected thought, though the implication of ongoing engagement with the site, and implications of unfairness sort of balance.

On balance, it’s not quite deft enough for merit, nor inept enough for demerit: neutral.

I am sure it’s normal when mobs start to single out people and bully long term.

This is perhaps the most interesting part of the comment, it’s actually the core argument. Kudos for having a preamble, and for relating it back to the, “feeling sorry”. But the use of, “mobs” is perjorative, and doesn’t have enough prefatory set-up in the sorrow. The use of bully (esp. in an online context) is topical to social events, but lacks merit. To bully the target of the attack has to be unable to avoid it. None of what is said here, in the comments [which must be included in the reference of this sentence, because “mob” (the collective noun for a violent, and uncontrollable group of unthinking people) was used is sent to Elam. That he, or his various sycophants and minions, are interested/obsessed enough to keep tabs on us doesn’t make our commentary (no matter how public) bullying.

Since the rhetoric of the commentariat is surprisingly free of desire for harm (save the regular use of the passive, “may s/he step on a Lego” in it’s various forms) it’s also hard to support the idea that “bullying” is going on.

Just because a person, or group, dislikes someone, and is not shy in saying so doesn’t make for a bully.

-2 for overblown, -1 for poorly established argument, and -2 for so weakly structuring the anchoring idea of the argument.

The person being attacked starts to take a human identity and witnesses start to question the ring leader.

Oh dear, after such a promising (if pedestrian) start, even with the stumble of the Thesis, there was some hope, but this is starting to look like fresh pineapple Jell-O.

The idea that Dave hasn’t presented enough rounding detail to make Elam a human figure undercuts the implication of long term readership. The use of the idea that becoming familiar with the humanity of a “victim” is also sort of bathetic. With dozens of examples of his beliefs, behaviors, actions and reactions, there isn’t much to support this idea that nothing more than repeated exposure to his words will make him sympathetic; just because he is one of the targets of Dave’s focus on manospheric misogyny.

You also introduce the idea that the commentariat are passive, that or you are making reference to those lurking without comment. If so you undercut it with, “ringleader” (which is harkening back to the aforementioned slur of “mob”, with the added quality of diminuition. If carried on; in a longer piece, slowly building, it can be an effective tool. Sadly this isn’t more than extended quip, a passing jibe; and so it doesn’t really manage to overcome much, but it shows a basic understanding of device), as that requires a shared goal/aim. As such it’s hard to support the defense that you mean lurkers. Again we are left to think you are referring to a “bullying mob” which is both localised in a comment section the target need not read, and passive enough to never read anything else about the object of their, “two-minute hate”.

Failure to actually extend the core argument -1 Undercutting the dominant theme, -1 use of device… a wash; it’s a decent extension, but requires more support later, which fails to materialise, neutral. Arguments which are internally inconsistent, -3 (it would be greater, but the failure isn’t immediately obvious. It isn’t so great as to be immediately obvious to the casual reader, which keeps it from gaining the full Five marks of demerit it might otherwise).

Perhaps you can extend your blogroll if you are struggling to find women haters so things don’t turn on you.

Argh… whiplash. There is no transition. That’s an automatic deduction. Making the shift with a passive structure isn’t so bad; your general tone is quasi-avuncular, but again, it’s hard to sustain. If all Dave wrote about were Elam, or Elamites, you might be able to avoid more demerit, but he’s got a fairly wide range of topics, and the regular inclusion of outside referents means the readership can see he is widely read.

The second half of this, “so things don’t turn on you” is histrionic. What/who is going to turn on him? His “mob/ring”? The people who read, but don’t comment? Those who come in at random? This needs support, evidence. Some, otherwise friendly audience who is decrying Dave’s monomania with Elam.

Lack of transition -2. Poor use of tone -1 complete failure to find a valid target for this line of argument -5

Just a thought, otherwise, thanks for holding people accountable.

Banal. You’ve no standing, from lack of ongoing interaction, to be in the position to give casual advice. Inconsistent. All you have done is say Dave is wrong; from the “lack of hate, to the thematic use of gang/mob, hounding and bullying, nothing in this comment shows any sense that Dave is doing any good. At, an implausible, best, you are saying he’s doing the right thing but ineptly.

-5

Just don’t forget power corrupts and to keep yourself in check.

This is your closing? It tails off. Given the charges further up it either needed to rise to a denunciation, or close with a Parkeresque zinger. Really, given how many balls you have in the air this is too soon to call it quits. You need to expand on either the ways Dave could be better holding these more valid targets you think exist (in the “expanded blogroll” you recommend), or detailing why various exposures of Elam are a poor episode in his otherwise worthy endeavors.

It raises more questions than it answers, uses the passive voice in closing, and is insincerely worded.

-10

So, looking at the deviation from the mean (where neutral = being inoffensive, neither causing the reader to think good or ill) to positive, where the audience is moved to think well of the argument presented, or negative, where the argument is undercut by the style (this isn’t a comment on the substance of your claims, merely on the way you present them).

You scored -28 pts

Given the short length of this piece, and you being in a place where the substance was already going to be less than favorably received it’s a very poor showing. Had you continued in this vein while actually attempting to get into the details you sketched out… odds are you would have been in triple digits below the line, since you collected -28 in only nine rhetorical phrases. Worse, of those nine, only one had positive marks.

katz
7 years ago

I really do like the new tagline far more: The old one gave the wrong impression that they might actually care about men and boys or even do things to help them. The new tagline gives the far more accurate impression that they just sit around and argue all the time.

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