I think we’re a bit overdue for another open thread for personal stuff. As per usual, no trolls, no flames, no being a butthead.
I’ll paste in some recent personal comments from other threads.
Categories
Open Thread for Personal Stuff: November Rain Edition
“I’m going to need to hand in my two week notice, since I have encountered some unforeseen complications. Is there anything specifically you would like me to focus on in these next two weeks, to ease this transition for both of us? Best of luck with XX”
If someone goes: “BUT WHY? STAY WITH US!”
You repeat:
“I’m going to need to hand in my two week notice though, because of those complications. So what can I do to make this easier for the company?”
And they say: “Is this about Stacey? Is she blackmailing you into doing this? I thought you loved me! We just installed that icing rink on the third floor, please stay, we need you to alphabetize our random letter pile!”
And you repeat:
“I just have a lot on my plate right now, and I can’t continue to perform here, it’s the best decision for me at this time. What can I do to make this easier for the company at this time?”
—
You are not obligated to provide any more information than the fact that there is a lot of complications in your life right now (This is true: The complication is your work environment sucks, and you can’t be bothered to continue putting your mental health at risk for it) and that you are handing in your notice. By asking what you can do to make it easier for everyone, you also deflect time, attention and energy off yourself and back on to the job at hand.
Dear Employer,
Please consider this my two weeks’ notice of resignation. My last day of work will be XXX.
Sincerely,
toujoursgai
Also:
Being polite, effecient and friendly is on you. Not being a dysfunctional to work with is on your colleagues too. Being friendly is fantastic, and all the best, but if the work environment is really, utterly, crushingly, entirely, terrible, I’m going to have to admit that the phrase:
“I’m going to need to hand in my two week notice today, because I cannot continue to put my mental health at risk by working here at this time. My therapist agrees with this decision. I wish you all the best of luck, and what can I do to make this easier for everyone?”
is pretty much as nuclear as the option gets. What are they going to do? Criticize your therapist? Also deflects attention of you and into the nebulous realm of “Doctors Orders”. You might not be comfortable telling that to an entire company of people, though, since it’s a short step from that particular phrase to “Fibi (Your name here) has a host of unresolved issues and is a ball of crazy waiting to go all murderous on us”, to provide you with an illuminating quote of one e-mail I once received after saying something to the effect of that.
Hmm … I can’t help there, because diplomatic didn’t come into it the only time I left a place because of stress. I liked the people there but the job itself sucked hugely.
FIBINACHI HAZ KITTEH GRAVATAR
I mean, if they sincerely would like some feedback in order to make it a better workplace for your replacement and former co-workers, then have at it in the exit interview (if there is one), but you’re not required to give them any kind of explanation at all. You’re moving on, and you’re giving them notice. Anything else is really not their business.
In my experience, attempting to tell them that you’re leaving because they’re sucking the creativity, joy, and will to live out of you will come across as passive-aggressive whining anyway. (To be fair, I *was* being pretty passive-aggressive and whiney.)
Anyway, just say you’re moving on, and thanks for all the fish.
Yeah, well, it’s not like I like you people… or anything like that! I just, erh, got tired of random fractal patterns is all. Felt the need for change, purrfect change.
I’m sorry, I’m so used to pretending not to have emotions it’s difficult to stop. You’re lovely people and I figured I’d get infected and join the Hive Mind(tm) and become a cat q:
Actually do that exact thing.
“So long and thanks for all the fish
Iiiiit’s
Been great but now it’s come to this
and I
Must say that I would rather die than stay
At this hellish hole of a soul sucking companeigh
But I would just
Like to also add
That tit for tat and this for that, It’s not been all bad
I mean, it’s all been jabs and no stabs
So thank you lot for that
And now goodbye!”
Then burst into the air and fly off the planet. No bridges burned, everything great. Unimaginative has great advice. You don’t owe the company anything more than “Goodbye, so long, be well”
Thanks, Fibinachi, Unimaginative, and kittehserf.
@toujoursgai, Unimaginative and Fibinachi have it right. Put a short, professional letter on the boss’s desk telling them you’re leaving and asking if there’s anything you can do to ease the process. Remember that you don’t have to give anything more specific than “personal complications” if you don’t want to.
Uff, all these retail horror stories are stressing me out, since it looks like I’ll have to find another retail job soon. My heart goes out to all of you.
@Unimaginative, am I reading that incorrectly or are you writing 20 pages a day plus what you do for NaNo? o_O
Anyways, yay, I managed to write 2,000 words today! That puts me at 5,000 total, which is way better than I’d feared I’d be at this point. I’ve found this weird trick that lets me channel my anger towards my writing into more writing, which is an interesting bit of applied cognitive dissonance.
Good heavens, no! I’ll be writing 20 pages a day, and posting my total on the class message board AND the nano board. Double-dipping, as it were. My delusions of competence aren’t quite that grandiose.
Thanks, DireSloth. And that’s awesome about your word count! I have two paragraphs so far. I don’t think I’ll be winning this year, but that’s okay. I just needed a kick in the butt to write something.
That is an excellent trick. Feed that trick, and treat it well.
While we’re talking about quitting jobs, I’ll pass on the advice my dad gave me the first time I quit a job. I’d been fretting about it, because I was working on this big project, and I wanted to give them plenty of notice so as not to leave them in the lurch.
My dad said, “Never give more than two weeks’ notice, because they don’t have to actually accept that.”
And I said, sure, whatever, and moved on with my life. Twenty years later, I was working in a union environment, and the management team morphed into petty tyrants. One of my co-workers finally couldn’t take it anymore, gave her notice, and they walked her off the property within two hours.
So that’s two weeks’ worth of pay that she didn’t get, because they were even bigger douches than we even realized.
She checked with the union, and the upshot was that, while they required two weeks’ notice, there was nothing in the contract that said they have to let you stick around that long if they decide you’re a risk.
ASSIMILATION. COMPLETE.
Update: my father has officially prohibited me, my older brother, and my cousin from going on hikes as long as we live close to him. That’s nice.
What excellent parenting skills your father has, Ally. He should teach a class.
What a charming piece of work he is.
Who the hell is he to be prohibiting your cousin from doing things (never mind that the rest of you are adults anyway)?
Guys, I honestly just want to cry right now. I’m so sick of him trying to control me. He even makes me call him “Daddy” instead of “Dad” because the latter term is an insult to him and because he wants his children to feel humble and affectionate with their father.
Hugs if you want them. Your dad sounds manipulative and awful.
Your dad is the absolute worst. I hope you can find a way to be rid of him soon. Meanwhile, it is OK if you need to cry, I think.
Ally S: Holy crap that sucks. I wish you could just walk away with no consequences, but I realize that’s not an option just yet. Internet hugs if you want them.
toujoursgai: I’d honestly avoid even the words ‘complications’ and ‘personal’ in the course of giving your two weeks’ notice.
“[Boss]: I am leaving the company in two weeks’ time. My last day will be [date]. I would, of course, like to make this as smooth a transition as possible; is there anything specific that would help in that regard?”
After that, deflect like Bruce Lee fighting the Persians. No inquiries into why should be entertained. If anything, seem like the queries confuse you. Tautologies are your friend, here: You’re leaving because you’re quitting. You’re quitting because you’re leaving.
Surgery isn’t actually happening.Which is about a billion times more upsetting than if it was happening because I would really like to be able to take my shirt off in front of people without my freaky lumps.I want to go swimming again.
But anyway it seems they gave me a surgery date and then didn’t actually book me in for that date and now I don’t know what’s happening. So I have a lot of sadness.
Thanks, everyone. *hugs back*
@freemage
You know, a little earlier today I was feeling confident and empowered because of the hike – it was, of course, a terrifying ordeal, but I felt like it also showed that I was capable of much more than I had previously realized. Even the thought of me being able to handle the whole process of leaving my dad for good seemed less daunting to me. I no longer feel that way, though, ever since an email thread involving my dad and his siblings started about the hike and how stupid, reckless, etc. we were. They do a great job at making me lose my confidence.
BTW, fistbump to everyone doing NaNoWriMo. I’m not doing it this year but I am a 4-time winner and I love talking to other people about their novels, so anyone is welcome to hit me up at any time if they have problems or questions or just want to natter.
Not posting my email address here, but you hit me up in the fora or on DA or give me some other private way to contact me I’ll happily tell it to you.
@Ally – regardless of what your parental unit and his siblings say (and remember how poisonous they are, and how this is aimed at controlling and undermining you, because they are abusers) the fact is that you DID come out of that hike, you DID make the phone call that got help, and you WILL be able to get away from bumface* one day. You did these things, and what’s the bet he’s fucking frightened of you finding out just how capable you are, and eventually telling him to go take a running jump?
*wonderfully childish insult used on New Tricks the other night.
@WeeBoy – feckin’ incompetent idiots! 🙁