I think we’re a bit overdue for another open thread for personal stuff. As per usual, no trolls, no flames, no being a butthead.
I’ll paste in some recent personal comments from other threads.
Categories
Open Thread for Personal Stuff: November Rain Edition
Also, I recently tried to convince my little sisters to not listen to or sing “Blurred Lines,” and I think I’ve made a little progress. They kept saying “Oh, I know what the song means!”, so I asked them what they thought it meant. And they just said “It’s about a boy kissing a girl.” I responded by telling them that the song has meanings way worse than that, without being specific as to why. Hopefully that has pushed them away from the song at least a little bit, although it’s difficult because I can’t easily and effectively explain things like why the song is anti-consent without also explaining what sexual assault is. And they’re just 8 and 9.
Thanks for the e-hugs and kitty gif, Ally. And sorry “Blurred Lines” is making your life difficult – damn song is everywhere!
So my brother told my previous boss, who is close friends with my dad, that I’m an anarchist. Now there’s a possibility of my boss telling my dad what he heard. Granted, telling my dad that I’m an anarchist isn’t nearly as terrible as telling him that I’m trans and non-religious. However, given that anarchism is often (and wrongly) regarded as inherently anti-religion and anti-theist, I’m definitely not okay with my dad possibly knowing that I’m an anarchist. I’ve forgiven my brother, but it still sucks.
Your brother really needs to learn to engage brain before opening mouth, doesn’t he?
I guess it’s a reminder that you need to be out of there soon, away from where random remarks have the potential to make things worse for you. Screw your siblings fretting about having to deal with it emotionally, you need to be safe.
I’m grateful that he’s very protective of me when it comes to hiding the fact that I’m trans and non-religious. But yeah, I do think he has a problem with being careless about the things he says.
I really, really hope that my father doesn’t angrily confront me about my political beliefs. Aside from what I mentioned, I’m worried about him getting furious at me for lying to him. He tries to make me feel like the worst person in the world whenever he thinks I’m lying to him.
He’s projecting his own shittery, Ally, keep that in mind if you can. He wouldn’t qualify as worst person in the world but he is an abuser.
::looks at watch:: drat, time to catch the train – later!
Hugs, Ally and auggziliary. Can you use Skype to call?
Anarcho-hugs to Ally. I hope all will be good.
I confess that I am scared that some people will find out I am an Anarchist. Not my family but others. I still prefer to keep that private for the time being.
Hugs to auggziliary as well. I hope he still is in the hospital and that he is well!!
I am sorry, but that opened a little wound I have….
I had a friend from Japan I haven’t heard in a while and searched his name online. His name is rather unique so I found a site with some of his pictures. I contacted the site’s owner if he knew how I could contact my friend.
He answered in a very nice way and told me that my friend had killed himself. He was deeply depressed and not contacting anyone for months. I was devastated to find out. The guy I emailed said that nobody knew how bad he was feeling. He had moved town and kept saying that he was busy. This was more than 6 years ago and I still get sad when I remember it.
Fingers crossed that your dad doesn’t find out, Ally. Why doesn’t he ever pick on your brother, anyway?
Auggz — get a phone card? I know they sell international ones both up here and in Pittsburgh, I imagine any city with an immigrant population will have shops specifically offering them cards that will call home.
Ally — your brother really needs to learn to engage his brain to mouth filter. Hugs if they’re wanted.
Pineapplecookies — that sucks, I’m sorry.
Eesh, lots of D: today. Sorry everyone’s having a rough go. And just remember, Ally, you’ll be gone soon and then you’ll never have to deal with the guy again.
Here is some dogs to add to the barrel of hugs and critters:
http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/98/60/72/9860724a87eb3ea9111d62d4f961b3f0.jpg
hahahahaha thank you, I need that video and those pictures!
I mean, *I needed
@katz
[Content note: violence, physical abuse, fat-shaming]
When my brother was 14, my dad got furious at him for something he did, and he charged at my brother. My brother was in the kitchen, and in self-defense he pushed my dad away so hard that my dad’s back slammed against the fridge. My dad slumped against the fridge, shocked that my brother actually decided to fight back. And that’s why he doesn’t harm my brother anymore nearly as much as he harms me: I’m more vulnerable and less likely to fight back. The last time my dad physically assaulted me, I just stood there and took it because I was afraid of making him angrier. Another reason he isn’t abused nearly as much these days is that he is much more confident than me and finds it easier to deflect my dad’s attempts at guilt-tripping, manipulation, etc.
Nevertheless, he used to be even more abusive towards my brother than he has been towards me. When my brother was 6, he lied to my dad about something very trivial (my dad didn’t want my brother to see his uncle’s car and my brother did it anyway and lied to my dad about it). And my dad decided to teach him to never lie again. My dad heated up a butter knife on the stove until it was so hot it could cause severe burns, and he threatened to burn my brother’s hand if he ever lied again. My dad later said that he won’t ever do it again, but he felt justified in doing what he did because he “just wanted to teach him a lesson.”
My dad has also been extremely cruel to him when my brother sprained his ankle at the age of 14. He forced my brother to walk on his sprained ankle because he was embarrassed by and annoyed at my brother’s obvious limping – as if my brother was trying to be a burden on others. I face the same treatment from my dad whenever I have a sprained ankle.
These days, he mostly fat-shames my brother. He tells him that he looks disgusting, and I know it’s hard on my brother’s self-esteem because he often says “You know, I remember when I was skinny and people greeted me on the street and smiled at me. I rarely get that now.” As for my older sister, he’s mostly just bitter and manipulative towards her – he seems to be on better terms with her. But since my little sisters are young and immature, he likes to be an abusive shit to them.
Thanks for the hugs and the cute pictures, everyone. I went to my 9-year-old sister’s honor roll ceremony and she was so shy that she hid her face behind her certificate. I hope her shyness has nothing to do with the fact that my dad calls her fat all the time just because she wears clothes of size 11 (she only wears clothes of that size because she’s tall). I wish I could give her a hug, but she wouldn’t understand why.
Funny moment: last night I was in the lounge and Mum called from the hallway (ie. out of sight) “There’s a poor collapsed cat here.” I went there expecting to see Mads flaked out on her side, as she usually does. Nope: she was lying in the middle of the hall on her back, with all four feet sticking up in the air.
I fell around laughing and she went off in a huff. Wish I had a picture!
I’m sorry, that was a super inappropriate question from me. It just seems like your dad specifically picks on you a bunch >:(
But that really sounded like I wish your dad would abuse other people more, as if that would somehow make things better, and of course that’s not right at all.
@katz
Oh, no worries. I didn’t think it was inappropriate. It was a legitimate question. I definitely didn’t interpret it as “I wish your dad was terrible towards more people!”
[Content note: physical abuse]
He does pick on me a lot, but the last time he physically abused me, he said something to me that I now think of with pride: “Why do you have such a rebellious look in your eyes?” He said that to me because it was the first time I ever stared directly back into his eyes – usually I just look away out of fear because his angry facial expression is terrifying. The night ended with me crying and shaking in a ripped-up t-shirt, but now I think of the same words that were used against me as empowering words. Maybe it’s cheesy for me to think positively about those words, but doing so makes me feel better.
I’ve had some interesting stuff happening with Louis in the last few days, conversations mostly, but stuff that makes me think about our situation and hope maybe I can get jerkbrain to STFU about it. Yeah, I call it jerkbrain when my mind still questions and asks “Is this real?” after all this time, and it’s fucking annoying. He seems not to mind but I feel like it must be like living with someone whose memory’s shot, like a dementia sufferer, someone asking the same questions over and over.
Anyways.
He knew about me long before I knew (consciously) about him, and it was strange for him to have someone’s perception of him being formed from books. How weird would it be, to know someone had read biographies of you? I’d never even thought of that before. It had him thinking more about his earthly life, which he’d hardly bothered thinking about for such a long time. It wasn’t like bringing up painful things, not after so long, but … I dunno, it was an odd thing for him. I know when we were first in contact, he was almost impatient that I wanted to know stuff from then. Not surprising, given how long we’d been waiting to get together.
The other thing (one of ’em) that is on my mind fairly often is wondering if my perception of his character now is accurate, because he’s so different from his earthly self. I mean, how could he not be – who would expect to stagnate so long? – but it’s still one of those stupid things jerkbrain gets hold of. But last night when I was back on that merry-go-round* he asked “Would you want me to be as I was?” Rhetorical question, of course, he knows I wouldn’t. Hell, one of the wonderful things is experiencing how much he’s moved on, seeing him content and happy, because he conspicuously wasn’t, back then. After we’d talked a bit he just said, “It is,” meaning him and us and everything.
I really hope I can chuck this stupid niggling shit. I don’t believe this is made up, or delusion, or whatever. I just want to settle in as comfortably here as I do there. Is it partly because I’ve not had any other relationships, and it’s inexperience with intimacy showing? Maybe, I’ve no idea.
One hopeful sign: I could hear him when I woke up today. I always say good morning, but mostly I’m too focussed on morning preparations to hear him. Today we had a bit of a conversation (we went ice-skating last night, yay!). Be lovely if that’s a bit of progress.
The other thing I’d like to lose is the feeling of being less. It’s me feeling this, not him, and I think it’ll evaporate once I’m Home permanently – when I remember time spent there, the feeling isn’t there at all. It’s not an inferiority thing, so much, but just our comparative ages/experiences or being stuck here still – the I’m-not-quite-good-enough sense people are so often plagued with, even when they don’t have shitbrains tearing them down, and do have someone who loves them and supports them hugely.
I wanted to get this out. I might put it in my blog, but I just want to say it here.
*not, take note, a carousel. 😉
*Offers Kitteh e-hugs and anti-jerkbrain pepper spray*
*Hugs Ally back, gives jerkbrain blast*
You should be proud of that! He wants to have complete control over you but he does not.