I think we’re a bit overdue for another open thread for personal stuff. As per usual, no trolls, no flames, no being a butthead.
I’ll paste in some recent personal comments from other threads.
Categories
Open Thread for Personal Stuff: November Rain Edition
RE: emilygoddess
I have done it with both parents, and unfortunately by extension, all of my extended family except my grandmother and younger brother, both of whom specifically attempted to get in contact with me and were willing to communicate on my terms.
My breaking point was after I had left and come back once or twice, only to realize that I always, ALWAYS felt healthier when they weren’t there. And I was getting sicker and sicker at the time, and needed all the sanity I could spare, and I knew they would not be able to deal with me being sick.
Also, I realized that I found the idea of sleeping on the streets of Boston preferable to being in their company. That was the thing that kept me from coming back, that eerie realization that I was like, “Okay, if I end up on the street, I will survive that, but I CAN NOT go and stay with them.”
emilygoddess – not toxic that way, but I refuse to have anything to do with my father or brother. No regrets, either, they’re both oxygen thieves as far as I’m concerned. There wasn’t any drama in the sense of telling them so. I took great pleasure in telling my father exactly what I thought of him, years ago.
Though I will say this, emilygoddess: my family IMplodes, not EXplodes, so the only drama I really had to face were brother and grandmother trying to get me back together with them, (until I made it clear if they pushed it, I’d cut them too), unwanted emails and texts and calls pretending everything was fine (which I ignored or sent to a friend to read, or at worst, had one of my roommates call and dispense the requisite info), and some passive-aggressive shit that stopped when I said, “all contact you send me will be sent, unread, to a friend to read.”
Just as well, really. I was in no condition to deal with drama. However, if you ever want advice on how to avoid those unwanted contacts, I can totally help you with stonewalling tactics!
WTF? WordPress actually suspended my blog for “violating the terms of service”.
What the hell did I do that violated their ToS?
Do they have a system to contest the decision? And/or ask a human?
I’m sorta wondering if it might just be an error, WP 3.8 just got released and maybe it’s a bug?
Try the contesting it // ask a human thing if you can, I wouldn’t be surprised if an MRA reported feminism as hate speech.
Wut? They wouldn’t even suspend Governments Get Girlfriends and his blog is nothing but rape and death threats!
I did contest it. That was the first thing I did when I saw the message on my dashboard (while I was finishing up a post that I was going to publish today, believe it or not; the post is now sitting in the Borg’s dashboard, because I spent a few hours on that and I’m not wasting it).
I’m waiting for a response now, because this is bullshit and I know I didn’t do anything that violated their ToS, because I read it and made sure to not violate it.
katz – I KNOW RIGHT? I don’t ever call for ANYONE’s death on my blog, nor do I threaten to rape anyone. All I do is mock stupid ideas and bring them to light. What the hell did I do?
For my mom, it was when she gossiped about me and got me uninvited to my cousin’s wedding (and then called me to tell me to apologize to them); for my dad, it was the infamous pet-mutilation joke.
I have the attitude that my family are my friends and if they want to remain my friends they have to be the sort of people I want to be friends with. I have no desire to give them special treatment and spend time with someone I don’t like simply because I am related to them.
Auggz — “just get over it” is a terrible line that forces people to put up with abuse. If you want to cut her out, and can (I see that you can’ tat present, but when you can), don’t let “get over it” stand in your way.
Alice — I’m having a case of the blahs, but I’ll check the Borg dashboard in a bit. I think Hippodameia has Monday, so Wednesday for your post? But I’ll take this over there once I get my laptop out.
Argenti – Sure, it can be discussed on the Dashboard.
auggz – I’m sorry that your mother sucks. Whatever your decision is, *hugs*
Alice — comments have been made — other than one bit of grammar, you’re good to go!
Argenti – Cool, thanks! *goes to dashboard*
Emilygoddess, I’m far enough away from most of my family (and we’re not emotionally entwined, either) that I can easily ignore unpleasant relatives for years at a time, but I have divorced some friends.
I’m confrontation-averse, and it’s very difficult for me to say out loud what I’m feeling, so I mostly internalize and let things slide. But when I get to the point that I’m nauseated at the prospect of hanging out with somebody, or when I’m dreading the phone ringing in case it’s them, or avoiding other friends we have in common, or getting really ill is a relief because I can legitimately cancel a date, I finally realize things need to change.
And then I write a letter. I don’t necessarily send it, but my thoughts and feelings become more coherent to me when I write them, and rearrange them, and check them for authenticity… Written words just work better for me.
Finally, if I can drift away, I do. If I *have* to have a clean break, I write a script, and try to follow it so that I can clearly identify what the problem is. And then I hide away so I don’t have to listen to concerned people tell me that I’m not being fair. I fret and worry and rehearse/replay things in my head, but ultimately I just let the chips fall where they’re going to anyway.
It’s a lot easier because I’m a loner, and don’t have a problem showing up in the same places at the same times with ex-friends. So I’m probably not being helpful at all, really.
Maybe check out Captain Awkward? She probably already has letter with a similar problem.
Auggz, I’m so sorry. I have no idea what you can do, but all available hugs, if welcomed, are proffered.
Auggz — fuck, outside contacting mutual friends, there isn’t much you can do. Though I will note that in the US a psych hold can be extended if you’re still a danger to yourself, idk about India, but he may just still be in hospital.
auggz, so sorry! That’s a really tough situation. Hopefully he still is in the hospital.
Auggz, have you heard from your friend?
I’m feeling very down today. I don’t know if it’s just me but there seems to be so much death around right now. Does anyone else feel that? In my case not of anyone very close to me (thankfully) but friends are losing friends and people and animals have been dying of hypothermia in the cold. I see it in the news and on my FB feed. Then there’s the anniversary of the Newtown shootings and that most recent school shooting and the first anniversary of one of my dear friend’s brothers was yesterday (he was young and died suddenly of a heart attack on a bike ride). I didn’t know what to do to comfort my friend. It just seems like death is everywhere.
auggz – do you know what hospital it was? Could you contact them?
grumpycat – saying “death is always around” would be stating the bleedin’ obvious, but it sounds like a cumulative bad time for you in the US, publicly and personally. Hugs are all I can offer. 🙁
Thanks, kittehserf. Death is always around, of course. Maybe it’s just something about this time of year that makes it stand out and harder to cope with.
It can’t hurt to ask, I guess, auggz. They might be able to say if he’s there or not, at least.
grumpycat, maybe it’s because of all the emphasis on hap-hap-happy Christmas that sad events stand out more? (I’m thinking with my totes logical kidneys here, you’ll notice.)
Logical kidneys. You made me laugh! 🙂
Auggz, it was in Colorado last week. Only the shooter is dead (he killed himself) but a young teenage girl is in a coma: http://newday.blogs.cnn.com/2013/12/16/colorado-school-shooting-victim-in-a-coma/
My work here is done. 🙂
Auggz — they probably can’t say much, but if you word it as asking how to contact him, they may at least confirm if he’s there to be contacted. I’d try just asking to speak to him, it may give the best odds of being told something useful (and may let you talk to him, though idk if that would be weird)
E-hugs to anyone who wants them. Here’s a gif of a kitty being fooled: http://i.imgur.com/nW22xGg.gif