I think we’re a bit overdue for another open thread for personal stuff. As per usual, no trolls, no flames, no being a butthead.
I’ll paste in some recent personal comments from other threads.
Categories
Open Thread for Personal Stuff: November Rain Edition
@cloudiah
A pug hug!
http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/28/76/7c/28767c4d0359ae35f22403aeec93aeb1.jpg
Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that cloudiah. Best wishes to you and your family.
It’s so hard to see your parents unwell. Take all the hugs you want from the barrel. We have more.
Cloudiah, I am so sorry to hear about your mom.
Cloudiah, I’m so sorry, all the hugs.
Oh crap, Cloudiah, how awful. Hugs and kitty-head-boops, as many as you need!
I need to brain dump, and I feel terrible doing it when cloudiah’s mother is ill and my shit just seems so unimportant, but, well, that’s part of my problem.
TW: rape related PTSD, self-injury
I’m all kinds of depressed lately, my sleep “schedule” is a mess, nightmare land is particularly bad, and it’ll likely only get worse through St. Patrick’s day — aka rapist ex #1. And I feel like I’m imposing on y’all whining about it all over the place, and I know that’s jerkbrain talking but that doesn’t help much. And I should be hearing from SSI soon, almost certainly going to be denied since my fucking psychs flat out lied and, to top it off, said they don’t know if I’m malingering. Add in that I’m apparently borderline cuz I cut and…how they got four more of the criteria is beyond me, like, my gender and “boy or girl, pick one” “no” must be part of it, plus my “risky sex and drug use” (you know, poly relationship practicing safer sex and planned hallucinogen use)…so much pigeon holing! But that Dx makes it even harder to find a new psych, because so many refuse to take on BPD patients since “we’re” supposedly manipulative (add in another guilt trip about whether that’s what I’m doing by mentioning any of this)
I’m turning into a twitchy anxious mess, to the point of resorting to cutting cuz nothing else can get me to stop panicking long enough to breathe and calm down some and get my shit together enough to think rationally. And I’m afraid I’m really going to lose it when I get that denial letter.
I’m horrible at asking for help, I feel like I’m just a burden to everyone, particularly when there’s nothing anyone can do. I’m not asking for advice or anything, I just need to vent.
All I want to do is cry, and I can’t. Maybe I could manage it somewhere I felt safe to do so, but here isn’t that place.
Thanks for listening guys, you’re all awesome people. And if I do disappear, don’t worry, pecunium’s going to attempt to keep an eye on my sanity and not let me completely disappear into myself. I could never possibly repay him for all that he does for me…
@Argenti
Hugs, beagle kisses and puffer fish:
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/6c/a3/2c/6ca32cf1ebe9319f317a62f3d84559ca.jpg http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/93/4e/17/934e172d5e9cfb795921f0d64d2bd4a8.jpg
http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/4c/bb/12/4cbb12ebc4b3bd0ed0426e48909bf596.jpg
http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/2b/a4/65/2ba465018033dd4f761ea6166a6c3e52.jpg
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Argenti, I saw your message on my phone and wanted to say that you shouldn’t feel bad about brain dumping! We’re here for you (and I’m glad pecunium’s got your back too). All the cories and clown loaches I can find are swimming your way.
And my mom is sitting up in a chair, so yay! And also napping, which is why I pulled out the tablet.
Aww, this one is the same species as mine — http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/4c/bb/12/4cbb12ebc4b3bd0ed0426e48909bf596.jpg
And seems to have another GSP in there, odd, they don’t usually get along well, must be a fairly large tank. Lucky aquarist!
Thanks, cute fishies always brighten my mood at least a bit (which is part of why I’ve had some sort of tank for 10 years straight and have no intent to ever be without fish, they’re my babies (and now my babies babies have babies! The eggs and fry are from the daughter of the cory my brother named, she’s a grandma fishie! And I am banned from mentioning that this makes my mother a great-great-grandmother XD )
I’ve been up ~22 hours, I’m thinking about attempting sleep soon. But idk, for medication reasons once I lie down I have to stay down for at least a few hours and I’m too antsy. Could do the med later, this one isn’t really time sensitive or anything. Assemble my mother’s Christmas gift and make up my mind I guess…
Thanks cloudiah, I really didn’t want to host a pity party when your year has been the year from hell, glad your mother is doing a bit better — any idea yet what the long term damage could be? I hope it’s minimal, or none at all (preferably none of course!)
My mother survived a brain aneurysm and 3 days in a coma without any brain damage, so it is possible, and I hope your mother fares as well (minus the coma of course, though my mother does joke that spending the first 72 hours of nicotine withdraw in a coma made quitting easy [the first 72 hours are the worst, and idk how she never started smoking again, I’ve “quit” twice >.< ])
🙁 *offers non-contact hugs and Sneak boops to Argenti* I’m sorry I don’t have much useful shit to say.
It’s an axolotl — but my brother calls them mudkips 🙂
And thanks guys. *goes BLOOP at Sneak*
I just downed a half sleeping pill in hopes of getting some sleep (half because I downed it with an ativan and would prefer not to pass out when my blood pressure plummets, seeing how it’s normally around 90/60 [yeah, everyone always checks that at least twice]…funny, the meds psych from hell? 110/80, consistently. Cuz fucking fucker stresses me the fuck out)
Argenti, that’s awful. :< I'm sorry all of that is happening to you. Virtual hugs that transcend the bounds of the internet, if you want them.
Clown loaches and tiger barbs for Argenti:
http://youtu.be/1ptNIBUrmKQ
Kodi and Shorty being silly for cloudiah:
http://youtu.be/vMhCL8hl54s
Thank Ally, For pointing this Thread out. Since I mentioned It, And I do so love sharing things about myself (Narcissistic much, huh?) Ill go into a bit more detail about that time I fell for the ‘nice guy’ Ploy.
In essence, I was under the impression that feminism was ridiculous because sexism was ‘mostly’ gone, and That feminists say the craziest things! (Obviously, In hind sight, I just lacked research into the subject and went with the ‘mainstream’ Idea.) Anyway, I had this Friend, who never really made it clear He liked me until I had been through a turbulent relationship or two. Honestly, He was a sweet guy,(Or so I thought.) And he seemed genuinely upset that I had passed him over for ‘jerks’. obviously, I had no idea the relationships I had been having were going to turn out so bad, and I was annoyed he had never told me Until this very moment that he liked me, And acted like I was to blame for all those times I talked about my relationships to him. (‘It hurt because I wanted you more and he was a jerk!’ Isn’t romantic when you never gave any indication At all.)
Anyway, Feeling bad for him because I was ‘aware’ of how ‘all’ Woman went for the jerks rather then the ‘nice guys’ I decided to go into a relationship. Everything went well, I suppose, for the first month or so,but I should have seen warning flags immediately. Like how I was having to change for him to fit his ideal, With little to no reciprocation. (For example. I was and still am Very Polygamous In how I view relationships, and despite knowing this, He wanted me to ‘try’ being monogamous, which was honestly fine for me, so long as he ‘tried’ being polygamous.. and of course, He held me to ‘trying’ until the day we broke up a long time later, While never actually Trying to understand my point of view. This alone could be chalked up to us both having hooked up despite completely disparate views on love, I suppose, but It should have clued me in that It wasn’t going to work in the end.)
Anyway, the relationship made me miserable because of the.. Emotional manipulation. while I was unhappy, he would guilt me into giving him copious amounts of my time, and not talking to other people very often.(especially other guys. If I spent time with another guy, he would be upset about it, and demand I make it up to him later.) He also reminded me consistently that I was the only thing keeping him happy, and how without me, he would kill himself because nothing else was good in his life. He managed to drag the relationship on for a Long time like this. Personally, I value my Independence greatly, and I enjoy being able to do my own thing, most of the time. Not being able to do ANYTHING alone, because It would make my boyfriend upset because it isn’t romantic isn’t my kind of relationship. Not only all the above, but he had a grating habit of consistently telling me he loved me more then I loved him, because he put more effort into the relationship, by putting in HIS ideal of romantic availability, and HIS idea of ‘togetherness’
When I was finally out of that nightmare, I swore off Relationships all together, more or less. I should note however, He WAS pretty young at the time, and Has recently came and apologized to me Rather directly for such a parasitic relationship. He didn’t even ask me to forgive him or anything, nor did he seem to expect it. So a lot of my resentment to him has been blunted considerably. (I doubt It will go away entirely, despite my Wish It would. I don’t like feeling this way about people. even ones who made me miserable.)
@Kittehserf
Daww. I love Kodi and Shorty. Most adorable Youtube cats ever.
@Argenti
You make my past problems sound like a cake walk. I really wish the best for you, an I hope these rough times get out of th way soon.
@Cloudiah
Ouch. The best I can Give are my condolences, and maybe a few E-hugs.
*offers hugs for Argenti* I’m sorry that your psychs are shitty assholes.
marinaliteyears – aren’t they just? I only subscribe to two youtube channels and that’s one of them. 🙂
More hugs, Cloudiah and Argenti, corporeal or otherwise.
Here’s a feel-good video for Xmas, about a wonderful stunt by Westjet (very popular Canadian airline). Yes, it’s ultimately marketing, and all about commercialism, but I love it anyway. And I really like Westjet; I’ve never had a bad experience with them.
Kodi & Shorty are hilarious.
I’m tossing a few extra hugs into the barrel because I <3 you boobzers.
Oh dear, my little sisters (one is 8 and the other is 9) apparently love the song “Blurred Lines.” And they keep singing the lyrics like it’s just some fun, harmless song.
The youngest one kept repeating the lyrics “OK now he was close, tried to domesticate you.” And she defended herself by saying “What do you mean? That’s just about wanting to make someone more social by keeping them with their other friends.” Little does she know that the entire song is misogynistic and pro-rape.
I’m trying to persuade them to not listen to the song or sing it, but it’s hard because I can’t tell them anything beyond “It’s a song that is very mean towards women.” They’re too young to know about what the song actually means.
Ugh, this is just terrible. X_X
Ally – Point out the “I know you want it” line and ask them whether they’d like to have someone else tell them what they’d like, as if that person knew more about them then they do? I don’t know, it’s the more family-friendly version on “why this song is not okay”.
Not that important, but I REALLY need to tell my jerkbrain to shut the fuck up. Jerkbrain keeps telling me that I’m going to fail out of college and how inherently idiotic I am, but I know that’s not the case at all. But it won’t shut up. >_<
That’s again guys!
Ally — could you go for consent but not rape as the issue? Like, they understand why being hit isn’t okay? How about tickled? It’s fun when you want it, but someone else saying they know you want it can get very unfun. Or some sort of food they like — yummy when offered, icky when shoved in their faces with how you know they want it.
*pokes Alice’s jerkbrain* you behave now, the Borg needs its writers! (Not that you have to write or anything, but you’re good at it, so you’re probably just fine school-wise)
Have any of you ever made the choice to cut off contact with a toxic family member? Not an abusive one, but just someone who’s mean and backstabbing and seems to revel in the family’s dysfunction and drama. At what point did you decide that the drama of telling them you don’t want to see them any more was still better than having to suffer their bullshit?