Open Thread for Personal Stuff: November Rain Edition

THOSE PICTURES ARE TOO ADORABLE

Is it in his name as well or just yours? If it isn’t in his name, all he can get for info is what the ATM will output — a human won’t give him info (at least not legally) unless his name is on the account.

Do you get any sort of direct deposit into it? If not, just clear out your portion of it when you leave (not before as I assume he can check the balance)

Assuming you don’t get anything directly deposited, it’s not that big of an issue — withdraw your portion on your way out of town. Then, even if his name is on the account, all they’ll know is which ATM you used, and if it’s local to him and not Katz, big fucking whoop.

Long term it’d have to be transferred to his name or him withdraw his money and open his on account or whatever, but if your portion is a static balance, just withdraw it on your way out. Oh sure, he’ll have a fucking fit, but nothing he can do about it even if his name is on the account.

Ally, is any of your own money in the account? If so, withdraw it if you can, just before you leave. If not, don’t worry about it. You’re not responsible for it in any way. I’m assuming this was an account he set up for you when you were a minor? Either way, he’s completely responsible for it, even if you were 18 when it was set up. You don’t have to give the bank your new address. If he overdraws on it, it’s on him, not you. You can just walk away.

@Argenti, @serrana

Well, the good thing is that it’s just a checking account in my name – he’s just using it because I gave him the credentials (PIN, email/password for online stuff, etc.). BTW, I got this account when I was 18.

As for my cell phone, I’m going to avoid using it once I’m with katz because I’m still under my dad’s plan, and his plan allows him to activate a tracking software any time – it will track my exact location when the phone is turned on. I’ll take with my phone with me, of course, because it has numbers that I need to remember, but I can’t really use it or else my dad will be capable of knowing exactly where I am. After I’m in a more stable situation, I’ll either change my number or get a new phone (my current phone is shit anyway).

@cloudiah

I understand. It’s just that I want to avoid as many potential problems as I can. I feel constantly overwhelmed and afraid and I really don’t want to cause anyone excessive hardship because of this escape.

kitteh — it works that way here. Fuck, grocery stores carry those phones sometimes. And they’re more or less untraceable, if you don’t pay cash and the police really want to find you, they probably will. But pay cash and even the cops probably can’t trace it. As for her father tracing it? Never gonna happen.

Ally — do you know if you have to use it for him to trace it, or just turn it on? Because afaik most of those programs just need the phone to be turned on. Burner phones are cheap, and pay-as-you-go so you won’t have to worry about the bill or a contract. Also “I really don’t want to cause anyone excessive hardship for anyone who isn’t my father because of this escape.” FTFY 🙂

Seriously, fuck him. That your step(?) siblings need the money in that account is reason not to just close it out and take his money (much as that sounds unethical, he put it in an account with just you name on it, technically speaking it’s only still his as long as you decide to let him have it. A rather stupid move on his part)

Apropos of nothing — http://www.csectioncomics.com/csectioncomics/comics/2013-10-30-feminism-70p.jpg

Ok, back to working on my Borg post. We’re doing pregnancy as the December theme, just so you slackers busy people know. (Ally, I don’t mean you, or anyone else with something in the queue, I mean the mass “I’ll write!” who seem to have gone *poof!* — pregnancy includes abortion so unpoof, this one should be an easy one to write about! [Unlike my stupid self who’s decided to write on c-sections v forceps and vacuum delivery and OH MY GODS SO MUCH RESEARCH {I was narrowly not a c-section, only because my mother’s OB/GYN was an older man who knew how to use forceps and wanted to try that first — it worked}])

This is what the FAQ for the tracking application says:

In some situations, AT&T FamilyMap will not be able to locate a phone. The most common reasons are:

-The phone that you are trying to locate is deep inside a building or car.
-The phone is surrounded by tall buildings, hills, or trees.
-The phone is powered off.
-The phone’s battery has run out.
-The phone is not in AT&T network coverage.
-Service on the particular line/number has been terminated or suspended.

In these cases, AT&T FamilyMap will tell you that the phone was not able to be located.

Also “I really don’t want to cause anyone excessive hardship for anyone who isn’t my father because of this escape.” FTFY 🙂

Seriously, fuck him. That your step(?) siblings need the money in that account is reason not to just close it out and take his money (much as that sounds unethical, he put it in an account with just you name on it, technically speaking it’s only still his as long as you decide to let him have it. A rather stupid move on his part)

(yep, they’re step-sisters)

And even though it’s my dad we’re talking about here, I don’t want anything bad to happen to him if I can help it. I’m just the kind of person who strives for win-win situations, although perhaps that’s not really a good thing…anyway, that’s just how I feel.

“It sounds like switching it on to get friends’ numbers off it will activate the tracker.”

Yeah, it does.

Ally — there is no win-win when dealing with abusive assholes.

emilygoddess — idk that that’s possible with a burner phone, it might be though. *checks* My tracfone does have a sim card, so that might work.

RE: Ally

What could happen if I leave suddenly and he still has a bank account that is in my name?

He can take the money out of it. There’s not really much you need to do about it; you can just bolt, create a new bank account elsewhere. As long as you can take your money out without his consent, you’re fine. You can just ditch it.

I would also HIGHLY advise you get a new phone ASAP. You can hide a lack of permanent address, but it’s a lot harder to get jobs and such without a reliable phone number. I got my phone for about $30, maybe $10 for the sim card; it’s on a pay-as-you-go plan that requires no contract, and before that, I just paid for the minutes I needed. Take the numbers from your phone now and just ditch it when you leave.

If you want, I can ask around my friends around here, ask if any of them have old phones they don’t want anymore. I know a lot of techies and packrats.

I’ll be honest; there are times I wish that my relationship with my dad could improve. This might come as a surprise to all of you, but even though he is persistently abusive towards me whenever he makes me do educational things, he is the one who has instilled in me a love for math, programming, and exploring new places.

You know how I’ve talked about Ruby here several times? If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t even bother trying to learn that programming language. He taught me basic programming stuff in a very fascinating and helpful way, even though he had a tendency to yell at me whenever I asked him questions he didn’t like. I don’t talk to him much these days, but when I do, I try to be positive and talk about one of the few things we have in common: our interest in programming. Just the other day he asked me to look at this one error in a program he was working on, and I was actually enthusiastic as I was trying to figure out what the problem was.

One thing I want to make clear is that I really wish I didn’t hate him. Even though he’s a horrible human being, I feel very sad when I think about cutting myself off from him. And I’ve even had good times with him – we once went to Nagoya together when I was 11, and from what I remember it was a really nice trip. We didn’t fight at all, and he made the trip very exciting and interesting for me.

And I remember the last good phone conversation I had with him was about what I wanted to do after graduation, and he was suggesting that use my computer science skills for some kind of government job involved in surveillance. This was when the whole NSA PRISM stuff became widely known, so I said that I didn’t want such a job, and he said “That’s great! I’m proud of you because that means you have strong principles.” Just thinking about this is making me cry right now, because those words meant a lot to me – it was one of the few times he sounded very genuine and sincere. Sometimes even the words of the people I hate the most mean a lot to me.

The fact that I have to leave him because he’s abusive and dangerous is really hard to cope with. I’m not ashamed of not living up to his expectations, but I feel horrible about disappointing him despite all that he’s done to hurt me.

Hey um maybe I have no business posting here because I very rarely participate here anymore…but lately I have become very worried about things and well= I just kind of wanted to see what everyone here thought. Not sure if this is stupid but I am really getting scared of global warming up to the point of panic attacks…like I am afraid of humans becoming extinct in like 100 years or so and I really don’t know what to do to levitate that fear. Also I am really scared of robots taking all our jobs……like I am studying to become a math teacher and I read an article on robots taking over doctors teachers, ect. Most comments were like NEAT and I start having panic attacks. Am I behaving irrationally?

Thanks for the virtual hugs…I need to stay away from disturbing news articles…IK am likewise disturbed about hearing about how other life may become extinct through global warming and poaching and overhunting….its like why is sooo much of humankind so freaking destructive:(

That’s true…I read an article that in Japan and North Korea schools are using robot teachers…and I find that really distressing. Also was reading about robot nurses too and robot waiters…..its like what are we going to do about unemployement? and selfishly I would much rather deal with people then machines.