I think we’re a bit overdue for another open thread for personal stuff. As per usual, no trolls, no flames, no being a butthead.
I’ll paste in some recent personal comments from other threads.
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Open Thread for Personal Stuff: November Rain Edition
Thanks, Alice and Argenti! I’m feeling much better today. 🙂
toujoursgai – 🙂 That’s good. You’re nearly there now!
Ally – I’m sorry. That just sucks. 🙁 *offers hugs*
Oh, dear. I told my older siblings about the plan I’ve made with katz, and they are really pissed off at me. They 1) don’t trust her 2) think that they’ll face legal repercussions in case my dad files a missing person report and they don’t tell the police where I am and 3) they think it’s better if I stay with them.
Sigh. I’m in a sticky situation here.
Yeah, this is not a good development.
Anyone got legal knowledge about the missing persons part?
When you say “stay with them,” this is not a solution that gets you away from your dad, right?
Missing persons: We had one locally, someone I knew slightly. (Not getting into details.) He cleared out his apartment and just disappeared, leaving aside a bunch of unmet obligations, mystified friends and family, etc. The police eventually tracked him down, but he was safe and not a danger to himself or anyone else, so that’s all they told the people who reported him missing: we found him, he is okay.
I am not a lawyer, but I thought this was how it went for adults.
They want me to stay either my mom or with them. The thing is, I want to get away from all of my family members temporarily. I need to start living my own life, and while they’re welcome to help me out I don’t want to stay with them unless I have no choice. I want to be away from everyone in a safer place, where I can start building my life and being out as a trans girl. And putting aside the possibility of legal repercussions, they are going to face shit from my dad no matter what they do. Maybe those aren’t good enough reasons, but that’s how I feel. Besides, there’s not even any guarantee that I’ll be able to stay with any of them until early next year.
I feel so disappointed. My siblings even told me that the worst thing my dad could possibly do to me is try to take me to a therapist, but I fear much, much worse than him. At the same time, I sympathize with their concerns because they worry about me a lot and always want to make sure I’m safe.
I’m not a lawyer and don’t work in law enforcement, but I believe you are correct. When you file a missing persons report for an adult you a basically asking the police to check on their welfare. After the police find the missing person all they are allowed to tell the person who filed the report is that the missing person is not missing, is safe and left voluntarily. They aren’t private investigators (who will track down people, including stalking victims).
Hmm…I really hope that’s true. I’m trying to look up this stuff but I’m not having much luck.
Anyway, what I’m really concerned about is whether the police (if they come) would tell my dad where I am. For obvious reasons, I cannot afford to let him know katz’s whereabouts.
Ally, all I know was that in the specific case I have a tiny bit of knowledge about, the man’s family really wanted to know where he was and the police would not tell them anything but that he was safe and not a danger to himself or anyone else. He hadn’t left any outstanding debts, which they might have needed to report, just a bunch of people he owed (non-financial) things to, and his mystified family.
RE: Ally
I have a friend who was much in your position, and they ran. Would you like me to ask them about missing persons stuff on their end? They might be knowledgeable, and I’ll likely see them tonight.
As for your family… just run. That’s all I can say, really. Just run.
But yeah, seconding that as a legal adult, they can’t freakin’ just truck you home. You’re an adult, there’s no law against living on your own. That’s about all I know, though.
Adding to all this, you’re an adult and have the legal right to live where you want and it’s not the police’s business.
How much have you told your siblings about your plan? Whatever, don’t tell them any more. The less they know, the less they can tell, and it’s not for them to control your life any more than it’s your father’s right.
If he does file a missing person’s report and the police find you, you could tell them he was abusive and you’re scared to go back or to let him know where you are, which is the truth. Do you know how much shit they would get in if you told them that, they subsequently revealed your whereabouts and he came after you? That alone would keep them quiet. But I’m almost certain that cloudiah is right and they legally can’t (and won’t) say where you are.
Just wanted to add, Ally, that you leave when you are ready. Only you know when it is right for you. Keep you self safe and know that there are lots of people on here looking forwards to seeing you spread your wings and fly.
Alas, no commons style debate – more like the USA presidential ones, I think.
https://www.facebook.com/charles.clymer/posts/10153506835475290
Bummocks, wrong thread. /embarraseed
Please do. That would be a huge help.
I’m still covered under my dad’s taxes – would that be a valid reason for the police to disclose my location? I’m sorry if that question sounds silly, but I’m just trying to understand things here.
@Ally
I don’t think the police care about your father’s taxes. The IRS, if your father keeps claiming you after you leave, would be VERY interested but only in your father and the fraud he would be committing.
Ally, I think at worst that would be a valid reason for the police to disclose your whereabouts to the IRS, but not your father. But I suspect there’s no valid reason for that either. I don’t know, though, I’m just trying to make a reasonable assumption.
Now next April, you’d have to worry about your own taxes, where you’d have to work that out.
(Your questions aren’t silly! You’re trying to think of everything.)
Seems to me the reaction of your siblings is even more reason to get the hell away from there. If they’re scared enough of your father that they may tell him what they know, they’re not to be trusted – I don’t mean that they want to harm you, but that they aren’t really helping you stay safe, and you can’t let them know stuff.
Ally, this is LAPD, so idk if it’s state wide, but — http://www.lapdonline.org/lapd_adult_missing_persons_unit
“Once the missing person is found by police, the Department will notify the person who made the report. However, police cannot disclose the location or whereabouts of the missing person without his or her consent.”
Actually, you may want to try finding a lawyer who’d answer a question pro-bono, and if that’s correct — the cops cannot disclose your location — cut your father off at the pass and call the cops from katz’s and tell them he’s probably going to file a report, but you’re fine and left of your own free will.
There is no reason the IRS would need to know your location, Ally. If they visit your dad, they can perfectly well see that you’re not living with him, and they can check his bank records to see that he’s not supporting you financially. Where you actually are shouldn’t really matter to them.
Argenti, please have as many cookies as you want. Thank you so much for finding that out for me. And thanks to everyone else who addressed those other issues I mentioned.
I love you guys. And I mean that.