I think we’re a bit overdue for another open thread for personal stuff. As per usual, no trolls, no flames, no being a butthead.
I’ll paste in some recent personal comments from other threads.
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Open Thread for Personal Stuff: November Rain Edition
Ally — please see the words “open thread” above. Better to talk about it than let it fester and, well, open thread.
RE: Ally
As someone who’s somersaulted through a fair number of toxic relations, it’s actually really important to have other people reality-check you. Especially when you’re around gaslighters and manipulators of the calibre your father seems to be, eesh.
Totally different topic, but I’m just increasingly horrified/disturbed by the loss of life & the ongoing suffering caused by the recent typhoon in the Philippines. I often donate to Doctors Without Borders, and it appears they’re already distributing medical supplies and aid. Anyone know of other good organizations that need donations?
cloudiah – Doesn’t the American Red Cross usually go out there and help out in the case of disasters? You might want to check that out as well.
Oh, here, a list of charities asking for donations:
http://world.time.com/2013/11/10/how-to-help-typhoon-victims/
@Argenti, LBT
I know, you two are right – it’s just that I can’t easily shake off this feeling that I’m totally oblivious to me being annoying, rude, invasive, etc. towards other people. And I honestly don’t know why. Self-hatred is probably a part of it, but it’s not just that.
They’ve got, shall we say iffy, policies. Unfortunately, MSF // Doctors without Borders is really the only one I know enough good things about to endorse. I have heard good things about Unicef, but idk enough to rubber stamp them.
Argenti – I hear good things about UNICEF too, and of course MSF. Not really endorsing the charities in question, but it’s a starting point if one wants to research and check.
RE: Ally
I can’t easily shake off this feeling that I’m totally oblivious to me being annoying, rude, invasive, etc. towards other people. And I honestly don’t know why.
Gee, it’s not like your dad’s been totally telling you those things for fucking ages. It’s not like he has a vested interested in gaslighting you or anything.
What about care.org? I see Shakesville is recommending them, but I’m not familiar with them. UNICEF is probably good too.
And to Ally, listen to LBT and Argenti. You’re fine, and I think LBT’s right that it’s your father’s voice you’re hearing…
Ally, I’m sure part of it is that you don’t want to believe your dad is as bad as all that. And maybe he really isn’t, but you owe it to yourself to let YOU be the priority, not his feelings.
I’m trying hard not to armchair-psychology anyone, or get too evangelistic, but. Over the past year, I’ve discovered that when I eat gluten, not only do I get tummy issues and headaches, but I also get enraged, depressed, anxious, and paranoid, and it lasts for a good week after a fairly small exposure. For that whole week, I’m second-guessing everything I say or think or do, and resenting the hell out of everyone and everything around me, while at the same time feeling lonely and rejected. It’s baffling and exhausting. And then it goes away.
So, all else being equal, try giving up gluten for a couple of weeks and see if your jerkbrain calms down. It may be that it has no effect on you, but it’s starting to look like gluten impacts way more people than anyone thought.
(Just increase the volume of veggies you eat to compensate, I’ve found that gluten-free baked goods are expensive and unsatisfying.)
Seriously, Ally, that feeling you have, that you’re perceiving reality incorrectly, that you’re just too stupid/rude/whatever to see it? That’s gaslighting. Seriously. And I realize that you probably don’t believe that right now, but that’s okay. Just think about it for now.
And yes, everything LBT said.
Dittoing what everyone’s saying, Ally.
Ally, we really need to get you away from your dad. Pronto.
[Content note: physical aggression, gaslighting]
Gaslighting? Well, I do remember one time he was policing me about my diet while I was in the car with him, and I started yelling stuff like “Do you really think it’s okay to just force people to do things that don’t affect anyone but themselves!?!” He tried to pull my ear very hard and I tried defending myself by pushing his arms away, and apparently he didn’t like that so, when we reached a stop light, he put me in a headlock and gave me all sorts of taunts and threats. The next day, I told my brother about that incident in front of my dad, and my dad was like “What are you talking about? I didn’t do anything like that.”
So yeah, I do recall at least one incident of gaslighting, but perhaps there is a lot that I just haven’t really considered to be gaslighting (as you folks are implying). I’ll have to think about it.
Thanks for helping me sort out my feelings, everyone. I hope no one feels pressured to help me out because I’m not feeling well.
@katz
One of the reasons I’m trying to get a new job is that I want to help support my brother – he already has a job, and if we both have jobs, moving out will be much easier and we may even be able to move out by early next year. I’m keeping my fingers crossed – both of us are sick of this house.
Yeah. I mean, Ally, your dad makes my parents look like saints, and I chose a year of destitution, living in an attic closet full of rusty nails and rotten fiberglass, over living with them. I’m just saying, your dad makes THEM look good.
Also, ugh. The holidays are coming, and it looks like I won’t have any housing till January. Holidays are shit for me at the best of times; anyone got some ideas of what I could do to keep myself afloat for the New Year, preferably without doing my usual thing of sealing myself into a bunker and pretending the holidays don’t exist?
Wish you were here; you could kitty sit while we were traveling 🙁
*shakes fist* Accursed USA! Why must you be so broad, making LA so far away!
Write about giant maggots again?
I AM using my last open prompt for Spookathon to write about giant robot pilots spending the holidays with the flu in Alaska! So I guess that might help.
I thought you had the closet (crap though that is) for as long as you needed it, LBT? 🙁
RE: Kittehs
*sigh* Yes, I do have the closet, but it doesn’t have the air purifier anymore, and even with the insulation I put up, it gets very, VERY cold.
BUT IT’S OKAY! I HAVE A PLAN 8D It just means I might be spending a month and a half in Bumfuck, Vermont!