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The Daily Beast takes on the Men’s Rights movement — and takes down A Voice for Men’s John Hembling

John Hembling, possibly lying about something
John Hembling, possibly lying about something

The bad publicity bonanza for Men’s Rights activists continues — and it couldn’t happen to a worse group of  people.

Yesterday, the Daily Beast published a long-awaited piece on the Men’s Rights movement, and it’s a doozy. If you’re a regular reader of this site, trust me, you’ll want to read the whole thing, like now. The piece, by R. Tod Kelly, is long — some 6000 words — but worth it.

It’s mostly on the money, but with a few notable flaws.

Here’s what it gets right:

1) It captures the pervasive misogyny of the Men’s Rights movement in general, and of A Voice for Men in particular.

2) In an extended section, it profiles AVFM’s John Hembling, and tears apart some of his most blatant lies — including the now legendary box-cutter incident, in which Hembling claims to have stared down a mob of 20-30 feminists brandishing boxcutters.

As Kelly notes:

Vancouver police records show that there was indeed an altercation in September of 2012 between Hembling and others seeking to tear down men’s rights posters. However, according to the police, Hembling was arguing with two or three people, not being accosted by a “mob” of any size. When questioned by the authorities, neither Hembling nor witnesses mentioned seeing any weapons. …

Curiously enough, Hembling actually videotaped the events and had his AV4M Radio partner Karen Straughan post it online. The discussion with the police has been conveniently edited out, but the rest of the video clearly matches police records and not Hembling’s story. There are only a few young men taking down Hembling’s posters, and the video shows them choosing to ignore him except when he engages them in conversation. One of the men is seen using a box cutter to take down the flyers, but at no time does he use it as a weapon, raise his voice, or threaten Hembling in any way.

Kelly found some troubling, er, discrepancies in another story told by Hembling. Kelly writes:

According to Hembling, sometime around 1995 he was on his way home at 2:00 am after working a night shift when he came upon [a sexual] assault in progress. He says he used his steel-toed boots as weapons to chase off the perpetrator. When the victim was too distraught to speak with him, Hembling says he contacted the police, waited until they arrived, and then quietly left without speaking to them. He says they later tracked him down at his home, where he gave a statement.

It’s hard to know whether this event actually occurred or not. There is no record—at least, not in the Vancouver police files—of Hembling being a material witness to a rape, and police blotters from that time period do not show a crime that matches Hembling’s description. However, this does not necessarily mean the event did not occur. Vancouver police did not fully computerize their data until 2002, and it is possible the police never reported the incident. Hembling claims the incident took place at a specific hospital, where he says he worked as a contractor for 18 months. The address he gives, however, is for a different hospital in a completely different part of the city. This raises the curious question of whether Hembling forget the name of the hospital he contracted with for 18 months, or whether he forget what part of the city he worked in for that same period of time. The real truth of the matter is anyone’s guess, because Hembling wouldn’t comment to The Beast on that or any other matter.

In other words: Cool story, bro.

3) Another thing the story gets right: it makes clear just how little the Men’s Rights movement does to actually help men — and how in many ways it can actually be terribly damaging to men who need real help. As Kelly writes,

the movement’s radicals might … do … immediate damage to those who most desperately need the MRM to succeed.

“When we talk about recovery from trauma and abuse, there were two things that helped me,” says Chris Anderson, executive director of the male-victim advocacy group Male Survivor and a sexual abuse survivor himself. “The first was realizing that I’m not alone; the second was hearing that recovery was possible.” Anderson is quick to dissociate himself from the men’s rights movement: “In [the MRM] people get that first message, that they’re not alone. I don’t know that they ever get the second message. And when they don’t get that second message, it turns into an endless feedback loop and eventually they say, ‘Oh my God, all of society is f**ked.’”

Indeed, Kelly writes:

It is telling to note that of the professional male-victim advocacy organizations I spoke with, every single one specifically asked that I not allow readers to think they were in any way related to the MRM.

But there are also some things that I think the article gets wrong.

1) I think it gives Men’s Rights activists way too much credit for their supposed good intentions. While there are some MRAs who do seem to be motivated at least in part by a sincere desire to help men, most of the MRAs I’ve encountered in the 3 years of doing this blog have clearly been motivated primarily by anger and hatred of feminists — and women in general. They don’t really seem to give a shit about doing anything to actually improve the lives of men — and the paucity of their accomplishments reflects this. In its relatively brief lifespan, AVFM has raised many hundreds of thousands of dollars. Has it set up any shelters or hotlines or helplines for men? Not a one.

2) It wildly exaggerates the importance of Hembling to the MRM — especially ironic given that Hembling has been more or less AWOL in recent months, producing only a few short videos and one article for AVFM.

3) It paints a picture of The Spearhead’s WF Price as a Men’s Rights “moderate.” Really? While it’s true that Price is not an AVFM-style hothead given to rants about “fucking your shit up,” his views are anything but moderate. This is a guy who thinks higher education is wasted on women, who blames the epidemic of rape in the armed forces on women, who celebrated one Mothers Day with a vicious transphobic rant, who once used the tragic death of a woman who’d just graduated from college to argue that “after 25, women are just wasting time.” He published posts on why women’s suffrage is a bad idea. Plus, have you met his commenters?

I was, however, kind of amazed to learn that Price is married … and to a feminist. No, really.

4) The article, while solidly researched, contains some small errors and simplifications that will no doubt give MRAs and others the excuse they need to dismiss the whole thing. Kelly refers to Reddit subreddits as Reddit “threads!” He refers to Matt Forney as an MRA! Oh no!

Still, whatever its flaws, this is an important piece, and one that tells a lot of truth about the Men’s Rights movement. Again — go read it!

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Athywren
Athywren
11 years ago

Damn you, blockquote monster!

baileyrenee
baileyrenee
11 years ago

Kittehserf – You mean like by the neck? I’ve heard that before, definitely.

Tulgey Logger
Tulgey Logger
11 years ago

If only it were so easy that MRA views not being in the overwhelming majority rendered them harmless. Color me uneasy with Bill’s wife’s sanguine outlook.

Quackers
Quackers
11 years ago

there will be plenty of white knights in America who will rush to assist women – trust me, there is more of them here than in Europe.

yeah…I’m having doubts “Bill’s Wife” is who she claims to be.

and if you are, indeed, Bill’s Wife…seems like you’re rationalizing away his bigoted views. Has he told his daughter how he feels about women voting?

I wouldn’t get comfortable, the moment you’re comfortable is the moment your rights are taken. If I hadn’t found out about the manosphere 3 years ago, I wouldn’t have thought there was a threat to women’s rights. But knowing how many misogynist freaks out there like your hubby and his followers who think women should literally, get back in the kitchen and write essays and comments about it daily…well lets just say they’ve opened my eyes to how much one needs to remain vigilante. Just looking at the abortion issue in the US right now…yeah, this is America alright.

I hate using this cliche phrase, but wake the fuck up.

baileyrenee
baileyrenee
11 years ago

Erm, I just noticed something else that bugs me…

most men are not interested any more in having housewives, they want that and for the wife to work on top of it.

That… isn’t really a good thing.

Viscaria
Viscaria
11 years ago

Jesus. Good luck, Bill’s Wife. Hope it all works out for you.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

“I don’t think it is actually true that young students can take out federal loans if their parents refuse to fill out their part of the FAFSA”

Yep. I used to joke that I should just get married, anyone want a sham marriage? Because my parents were ass about actually helping and I was actually sulf-sufficient and not claimed on their taxes or anything, but 21 = they have to pay before the gov’n will consider helping.

Now, their kids might be okay-ish for the same reason I was — my father had his head up his ass, but only I had to sign it and my mother mailed me what I needed. So assuming this is his wife, and she isn’t full of it, she can do the forms without him having any part of it.

kittehserf
11 years ago

No, on the outer curve – where the shoulder curves down to the arm. I know the neck one, too.

Athywren
Athywren
11 years ago

Speaking of shoulders, anyone heard of someone having a – well, an erogenous zone, on the curve of the shoulder?

It’s been a while since I’ve experienced it, but I only seem to have one erogenous zone – the tips of a girlfriend’s fingers. I might just have ridiculously sensitive skin, though?

baileyrenee
baileyrenee
11 years ago

kittehserf, hmm, I guess I haven’t heard of it then! The human body is very weird.

dustydeste
dustydeste
11 years ago

@kitteserf – *raises hand, blushing*

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

Oh yeah, American politics are just so woman friendly. That’s how “she has a way to just shut down that whole process” and Sandra Fluke’s testimony (and the aftermath) occurred. There aren’t any “crisis pregnancy centers” that specifically advise against ever seeing a gyno that does abortions or using planned parenthood (things I discovered this morning — the local one had told my mother to ask her gyno is she does abortions, my pro-life mother was all “I like my gyno thank you very much”)…and I’ve gone to PP, and not for abortion.

Nawh, the anti-PP campaigns are cuz we hate STD testing, not because of abortion. That’s it, I’m sure!

damselindetech
11 years ago

Gosh, I’m having financial difficulties with my expensive taste in black truffle bon bons encrusted with diamonds. Where can I find these white knights? Do they all have albinism or a membership card? How does one recognize them? Can I just stand at the edge of a puddle, sighing and looking distressed, and wait for one to come along and toss his jacket in the puddle for me to step on?

kittehserf
11 years ago

Athywren, I has a confused – your erogenous zone is your girlfriend’s fingers? Or you mean anywhere is when it’s her fingers? (Okay, that’s a TMI question, ignore if you prefer!)

dustydeste – blush not, you’re in good company! (Not mine – speaking of TMI, I’m asking ‘cos Louis shared his memory of yesternight’s doings, and that was part of it: his shoulder was really, ahem, sensitive, and I’d never been aware of that, earthside. As in, not aware of it generally, and didn’t remember/know about him in particular.)

baileyrenee – yup, the human body is weird. And stays that way! 😛

hellkell
hellkell
11 years ago

damselintech: just go sit in the street and cry. You get money, food, whatever you want.*

*to anyone who doesn’t know, that is what a past regular troll thought was all women had to do to get anything.

Athywren
Athywren
11 years ago

Nawh, the anti-PP campaigns are cuz we hate STD testing, not because of abortion. That’s it, I’m sure!

Surely it’s because of the evils of giving health advice to pregnant women who want to stay pregnant until they become not pregnant and level up into motherhood? You know how much those pro-lifers hate it when women carry their pregnancies to term, like the monsters they are!

Alice Sanguinaria
11 years ago

ceebarks – So long as your parents cooperate and give you the documents you need, you could, theoretically, do it yourself. I just told my parents to give me copies of their W2s, and I file the entire FAFSA (student and parent portions) myself. I also know what my father’s PIN is (because I was the person who requested it on his behalf; parents do not do computers), so I can complete it on campus with very little imput from them. Then a few months later I get the IRS to fix their numbers using their retriever tool and I’m good.

katz
11 years ago

Erm, I just noticed something else that bugs me…

most men are not interested any more in having housewives, they want that and for the wife to work on top of it.

That… isn’t really a good thing.

I noticed that too. So the logic is “We’re not likely to go back to the exact same particular sort of oppression we had in the 1950s, so everything is okay?” Because if men expect their wives to work full-time and still do all the housework and childcare and they still treat women as lazy bonbon eaters, that sounds worse, actually. And it doesn’t sound like progress for women so much as men finding even more ways to take advantage of us.

damselindetech
11 years ago

Thanks for the tip, hellkell. I live 10 min outside a small town. Will that street do? Yeah, I’m sure that’s what Google maps is for, right?

kittehserf
11 years ago

Bill’s wife’s definition of being a feminist, and zir awareness of feminist issues, or political issues, or just stuff generally, seems … idiosyncratic, shall we say?

damselindetech: “Where can I find these white knights? Do they all have albinism or a membership card?”

::dies::

Quackers
Quackers
11 years ago

And Bill has told me in private how hard it can be to raise small children. He knows first hand as he at one point took care of two toddlers ALONE. Most of the other MRA guys have not done that. PUAs have not spent a single day caring for a baby or an elderly person, yet they whine and complain about women.

Well golly gosh gee!! taking care of children is actually WORK…who would have thought? Perhaps hubby would like to mention that to his lovely followers who frequently claim that superior men created civilization and invented everything while freeloading women just sat on their asses all day. Oh wait, I forgot that he’s espoused those same views himself in one way or another.

*bites her tongue…err…fingers* really finding it hard to be nice here….really really hard…

kittehserf
11 years ago

Boss: “I’ve got news for you about White Knights. They’re just chocolate-covered mint.”

Alice Sanguinaria
11 years ago

katz – I want to be charitable and say that what was meant was that women should take their share of their housework and the men should do their share (as in maybe he does the dishes while she sweeps the floor), even if she has her full time job.

But I don’t know.

kittehserf
11 years ago

Quackers! Don’t be biting that tongue or those fingers, let ‘er rip!

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

Athywren — my mother wants to know if she’ll level up again, and as grand kids are unlikely, I want to know if fish babies count (if so she’s a great-great-grandmother, the mother of my fry is the child of one of the cories downstairs [yep, I have grandbaby fishies!])

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