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The Daily Beast takes on the Men’s Rights movement — and takes down A Voice for Men’s John Hembling

John Hembling, possibly lying about something
John Hembling, possibly lying about something

The bad publicity bonanza for Men’s Rights activists continues — and it couldn’t happen to a worse group of  people.

Yesterday, the Daily Beast published a long-awaited piece on the Men’s Rights movement, and it’s a doozy. If you’re a regular reader of this site, trust me, you’ll want to read the whole thing, like now. The piece, by R. Tod Kelly, is long — some 6000 words — but worth it.

It’s mostly on the money, but with a few notable flaws.

Here’s what it gets right:

1) It captures the pervasive misogyny of the Men’s Rights movement in general, and of A Voice for Men in particular.

2) In an extended section, it profiles AVFM’s John Hembling, and tears apart some of his most blatant lies — including the now legendary box-cutter incident, in which Hembling claims to have stared down a mob of 20-30 feminists brandishing boxcutters.

As Kelly notes:

Vancouver police records show that there was indeed an altercation in September of 2012 between Hembling and others seeking to tear down men’s rights posters. However, according to the police, Hembling was arguing with two or three people, not being accosted by a “mob” of any size. When questioned by the authorities, neither Hembling nor witnesses mentioned seeing any weapons. …

Curiously enough, Hembling actually videotaped the events and had his AV4M Radio partner Karen Straughan post it online. The discussion with the police has been conveniently edited out, but the rest of the video clearly matches police records and not Hembling’s story. There are only a few young men taking down Hembling’s posters, and the video shows them choosing to ignore him except when he engages them in conversation. One of the men is seen using a box cutter to take down the flyers, but at no time does he use it as a weapon, raise his voice, or threaten Hembling in any way.

Kelly found some troubling, er, discrepancies in another story told by Hembling. Kelly writes:

According to Hembling, sometime around 1995 he was on his way home at 2:00 am after working a night shift when he came upon [a sexual] assault in progress. He says he used his steel-toed boots as weapons to chase off the perpetrator. When the victim was too distraught to speak with him, Hembling says he contacted the police, waited until they arrived, and then quietly left without speaking to them. He says they later tracked him down at his home, where he gave a statement.

It’s hard to know whether this event actually occurred or not. There is no record—at least, not in the Vancouver police files—of Hembling being a material witness to a rape, and police blotters from that time period do not show a crime that matches Hembling’s description. However, this does not necessarily mean the event did not occur. Vancouver police did not fully computerize their data until 2002, and it is possible the police never reported the incident. Hembling claims the incident took place at a specific hospital, where he says he worked as a contractor for 18 months. The address he gives, however, is for a different hospital in a completely different part of the city. This raises the curious question of whether Hembling forget the name of the hospital he contracted with for 18 months, or whether he forget what part of the city he worked in for that same period of time. The real truth of the matter is anyone’s guess, because Hembling wouldn’t comment to The Beast on that or any other matter.

In other words: Cool story, bro.

3) Another thing the story gets right: it makes clear just how little the Men’s Rights movement does to actually help men — and how in many ways it can actually be terribly damaging to men who need real help. As Kelly writes,

the movement’s radicals might … do … immediate damage to those who most desperately need the MRM to succeed.

“When we talk about recovery from trauma and abuse, there were two things that helped me,” says Chris Anderson, executive director of the male-victim advocacy group Male Survivor and a sexual abuse survivor himself. “The first was realizing that I’m not alone; the second was hearing that recovery was possible.” Anderson is quick to dissociate himself from the men’s rights movement: “In [the MRM] people get that first message, that they’re not alone. I don’t know that they ever get the second message. And when they don’t get that second message, it turns into an endless feedback loop and eventually they say, ‘Oh my God, all of society is f**ked.’”

Indeed, Kelly writes:

It is telling to note that of the professional male-victim advocacy organizations I spoke with, every single one specifically asked that I not allow readers to think they were in any way related to the MRM.

But there are also some things that I think the article gets wrong.

1) I think it gives Men’s Rights activists way too much credit for their supposed good intentions. While there are some MRAs who do seem to be motivated at least in part by a sincere desire to help men, most of the MRAs I’ve encountered in the 3 years of doing this blog have clearly been motivated primarily by anger and hatred of feminists — and women in general. They don’t really seem to give a shit about doing anything to actually improve the lives of men — and the paucity of their accomplishments reflects this. In its relatively brief lifespan, AVFM has raised many hundreds of thousands of dollars. Has it set up any shelters or hotlines or helplines for men? Not a one.

2) It wildly exaggerates the importance of Hembling to the MRM — especially ironic given that Hembling has been more or less AWOL in recent months, producing only a few short videos and one article for AVFM.

3) It paints a picture of The Spearhead’s WF Price as a Men’s Rights “moderate.” Really? While it’s true that Price is not an AVFM-style hothead given to rants about “fucking your shit up,” his views are anything but moderate. This is a guy who thinks higher education is wasted on women, who blames the epidemic of rape in the armed forces on women, who celebrated one Mothers Day with a vicious transphobic rant, who once used the tragic death of a woman who’d just graduated from college to argue that “after 25, women are just wasting time.” He published posts on why women’s suffrage is a bad idea. Plus, have you met his commenters?

I was, however, kind of amazed to learn that Price is married … and to a feminist. No, really.

4) The article, while solidly researched, contains some small errors and simplifications that will no doubt give MRAs and others the excuse they need to dismiss the whole thing. Kelly refers to Reddit subreddits as Reddit “threads!” He refers to Matt Forney as an MRA! Oh no!

Still, whatever its flaws, this is an important piece, and one that tells a lot of truth about the Men’s Rights movement. Again — go read it!

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SittieKitty
11 years ago

ahostileworld, I’ve relinked the same comment several times. If you can’t even answer that… I mean come on, you’re so high and mighty, it doesn’t bother you that you aren’t even able to respond to a simple comment? It’s kind of pathetic actually… I feel sad you aren’t able to figure out something as simple as a response. Kind of disgraceful.

ahostileworld
11 years ago

Everyone involved decides what the consent is. If consent is withdrawn from any party involved, they must be left alone.

katz
11 years ago

However, I am happy to announce that the world is partly scones and clotted cream.

ahostileworld
11 years ago

SittieKittie, if it means that much to you, I’ll get right on it.

Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

I’m waiting to see if he just out and out drops the survey and picks a new topic when he realizes he will never win against me when statistics and research are at hand.

pecunium
11 years ago

Hostile to reason: Ah… so the victim gets to decide if they were raped.

You have just proved rape culture exists.

Thank you.

You may go.

opheliamonarch
11 years ago

@Hostile

‘Tea, scones and clotted cream’

Yooouuuu! *wags finger*

I see you missed me 🙂

Now you obviously did THAT British reference on purpose, so I take it that’s a flag to start me trolling you again?

Okey dokey then:

http://m.wikihow.com/Speak-Fake-German

Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

Well, he got one of my questions about consent. How about the other?

I’ll repeat it — what if she’s too drunk to say yes but slurs out something that he takes to be consent?

Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

Pecunium — this one’s a bit dense, maybe you should include the middle step there? Cuz I get it, but I doubt he will.

pecunium
11 years ago

Argenti: But he’s so smart, and well edumacated (what will being a sophomore at 18).

I’m sure he gets it.

I’m also sure he won’t admit it, even when it does get spelled out.

katz
11 years ago

Maybe he meant he was still a high school sophomore at 18.

Radical Parrot
11 years ago

Love the Pierre comic, katz! The expression on ahostileworld’s face in the third to last panel is priceless. So pleased with zirself.

Also,

The world is not marshmallows and hot cocoa.
The world is not milk and toast and honey.
The world is not bacon and eggs.
The world is not spam, spam, spam and spam.

Now I’m hungry, too.

dustydeste
dustydeste
11 years ago

Alright, let’s try this a different way.

Hey, Assface, here’s a hypothetical:

A woman, in university, is approached by a man. They strike up a conversation, and, being as they’re some of the few people on campus for the summer, the man asks the woman over to his place for dinner. “Just to hang out,” he says; he’s lonely. Since she’s got nothing else to do, and he lives right above the place she works, which makes it a convenient place to stop off after her shift, she agrees. He seems pretty friendly, after all, and he’s a physics grad student — a department a number of her friends are in.

That night, he cooks them both dinner, which they eat on his bed, since he only has one chair. They talk about their romantic lives; he’s single, she’s in long-distance relationship and engaged. She confides the sexual frustration she feels only being able to be with her partner three or four times a year.

They decide to watch a movie, and he brings out a bottle of wine, saying he feels like a glass. As they watch the movie, he keeps urging another glass on her, and filling it back up when she’s not looking. By the end of the movie, she’s sleepy, and he says it’s fine if she just naps for a bit before heading out. He’s got some physics problems to work on anyways; he doesn’t need the bed.

She wakes up with his dick in her face. He holds her down as he rapes her. She tells him to stop, but she can’t get him off of her. When he’s done, she leaves as quickly as she can.

The next day, he’s found her on social media, sending her messages asking what her problem is, saying she should be grateful, he only had sex with her because he felt bad for her, that she’s so fat no one in their right mind would want to fuck her anyways, she should be glad he was nice enough to fuck her sad sorry ass!

Many of her friends brush the incident off. She wasn’t raped, they say; it’s her fault for drinking with someone she didn’t know well. She never should have gone to sleep on his bed. Why was she hanging out with some stranger anyways? What a whore, what a slut, what a tease.

Her friends in the physics department opine that that guy is an asshole and always has been. Too bad she didn’t know to keep away from him.

The authorities say there’s no evidence. It’s just her word against his. There’s no proof of anything. And it’s not like she was a virgin beforehand. She’d slept with a bunch of guys. Maybe she just regretted it the morning after. Maybe she just wants to save face. There’s no proof of anything. It’s not like she was a virgin angel beforehand anyways.

So, Oh Hostile One, whose fault was the rape? What advice would you have for the woman? And why was the rapist let go, with no consequences?

Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

Pecunium — fair enough, on both counts.

Katz — he said uni didn’t he?

LBT
LBT
11 years ago

Ahostileworld is still here? Well, blow me down.

He never did answer my question, did he?

In nicer news than him, I am designing a logo for the lovely woman who runs this Iowan B&B. I feel very professional, even if I AM houseridden today. :

pecunium
11 years ago

LBT: He’s pretty much ignored all questions.

Mind you, when led to the water, he did drink, and so made it plain he’s got some seriously willful blindness, but it’s not as if we’d not sussed that out heretofore.

Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

Pecunium — check your email, please?

titianblue
titianblue
11 years ago

@hostileteatime

They did not got to jail, they went to juvenile detention. Part of the ruling found that they were too young for an adult penitentiary institution.

Nope. The justice system had a choice – try them as adults which meant trial by jury. Or try them as juveniles which meant trial by a single judge. And the justice system knew that there was a strong chance that any jury in the Steubenville area would let these rapists off. Because rape culture. And this was Steubenville where people apparently believe that a rape victim is at fault and should be punished for being raped while her rapists are just young guys having a bit of a laugh ….

So the justice system went for trial as juveniles because at least that would mean a conviction, even if the punishment would be limited to months rather than years, and in juvenile detention rather than an adult prison.

Them’s the decisions rape culture forces upon us – do you want some sort of minimal justice or no justice at all?

opheliamonarch
11 years ago

@kitteh.

“So, hostilehissyfit is gradually working around to “if he hasn’t been convicted, he’s not a rapist”, eh? That’s what the stuff Athywren quoted looks like to me. Didn’t think it’d be too long before rape-culture apologist showed his colours as an out and out rape apologist – and the next question from there for me is just why he, and all the shitheads who take that stance, are so eager to downplay rape’s prevalence.”

(Sorry, my luck ain’t good today, I say NO to the blockquote monster!)

I once saw a great reply when someone asked what’s a rape rape?

Reply: One you haven’t got a sneaking suspicion you might have committed yourself.

I can’t help but think the correlation between rapists and rape apologists would be significant.

Wait…I think I hit on something there…it’s almost like there’s a rape culture or something!

Also, penis beakers! 🙂

@katz, I emailed Mr M. Your Pierre, he said to send his regards, he actually used emoticons!

Bloody 9.30 and he’s still at work, being married to a games developer not always great.

Sooooooooo lonely. 🙁

Alice Sanguinaria
11 years ago

Argenti – I’m cis* female, so she/her is fine. 🙂

I’m studying Latin right now, and I was doing homework when I realized “oh yeah, huh!”.

opheliamonarch
11 years ago

Of gods @dustedest.

If that fucker comes back and actually starts the usual victim blaming stuff on your hypothetical I might have to get qualified in STEM and invent a machine that allows you to punch assholes through my iPad!

Now THAT would be an iOS update I could get behind!

opheliamonarch
11 years ago

Sorry, dustydeste.

Seriously I DID type that, but iOS 7 keeps fucking it up.

And why won’t it type ‘i’?

*mutter, mutter*

Alice Sanguinaria
11 years ago

Ophelia – Can I join you? I’ll have to take some time off to learn some programming, and work harder in physics, but still!

opheliamonarch
11 years ago

@argenti, are you okay? This thread is a bit upsetting.

opheliamonarch
11 years ago

@Alice please do. 🙂

We could call it:

“The Boobinator!”

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