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The Daily Beast takes on the Men’s Rights movement — and takes down A Voice for Men’s John Hembling

John Hembling, possibly lying about something
John Hembling, possibly lying about something

The bad publicity bonanza for Men’s Rights activists continues — and it couldn’t happen to a worse group of  people.

Yesterday, the Daily Beast published a long-awaited piece on the Men’s Rights movement, and it’s a doozy. If you’re a regular reader of this site, trust me, you’ll want to read the whole thing, like now. The piece, by R. Tod Kelly, is long — some 6000 words — but worth it.

It’s mostly on the money, but with a few notable flaws.

Here’s what it gets right:

1) It captures the pervasive misogyny of the Men’s Rights movement in general, and of A Voice for Men in particular.

2) In an extended section, it profiles AVFM’s John Hembling, and tears apart some of his most blatant lies — including the now legendary box-cutter incident, in which Hembling claims to have stared down a mob of 20-30 feminists brandishing boxcutters.

As Kelly notes:

Vancouver police records show that there was indeed an altercation in September of 2012 between Hembling and others seeking to tear down men’s rights posters. However, according to the police, Hembling was arguing with two or three people, not being accosted by a “mob” of any size. When questioned by the authorities, neither Hembling nor witnesses mentioned seeing any weapons. …

Curiously enough, Hembling actually videotaped the events and had his AV4M Radio partner Karen Straughan post it online. The discussion with the police has been conveniently edited out, but the rest of the video clearly matches police records and not Hembling’s story. There are only a few young men taking down Hembling’s posters, and the video shows them choosing to ignore him except when he engages them in conversation. One of the men is seen using a box cutter to take down the flyers, but at no time does he use it as a weapon, raise his voice, or threaten Hembling in any way.

Kelly found some troubling, er, discrepancies in another story told by Hembling. Kelly writes:

According to Hembling, sometime around 1995 he was on his way home at 2:00 am after working a night shift when he came upon [a sexual] assault in progress. He says he used his steel-toed boots as weapons to chase off the perpetrator. When the victim was too distraught to speak with him, Hembling says he contacted the police, waited until they arrived, and then quietly left without speaking to them. He says they later tracked him down at his home, where he gave a statement.

It’s hard to know whether this event actually occurred or not. There is no record—at least, not in the Vancouver police files—of Hembling being a material witness to a rape, and police blotters from that time period do not show a crime that matches Hembling’s description. However, this does not necessarily mean the event did not occur. Vancouver police did not fully computerize their data until 2002, and it is possible the police never reported the incident. Hembling claims the incident took place at a specific hospital, where he says he worked as a contractor for 18 months. The address he gives, however, is for a different hospital in a completely different part of the city. This raises the curious question of whether Hembling forget the name of the hospital he contracted with for 18 months, or whether he forget what part of the city he worked in for that same period of time. The real truth of the matter is anyone’s guess, because Hembling wouldn’t comment to The Beast on that or any other matter.

In other words: Cool story, bro.

3) Another thing the story gets right: it makes clear just how little the Men’s Rights movement does to actually help men — and how in many ways it can actually be terribly damaging to men who need real help. As Kelly writes,

the movement’s radicals might … do … immediate damage to those who most desperately need the MRM to succeed.

“When we talk about recovery from trauma and abuse, there were two things that helped me,” says Chris Anderson, executive director of the male-victim advocacy group Male Survivor and a sexual abuse survivor himself. “The first was realizing that I’m not alone; the second was hearing that recovery was possible.” Anderson is quick to dissociate himself from the men’s rights movement: “In [the MRM] people get that first message, that they’re not alone. I don’t know that they ever get the second message. And when they don’t get that second message, it turns into an endless feedback loop and eventually they say, ‘Oh my God, all of society is f**ked.’”

Indeed, Kelly writes:

It is telling to note that of the professional male-victim advocacy organizations I spoke with, every single one specifically asked that I not allow readers to think they were in any way related to the MRM.

But there are also some things that I think the article gets wrong.

1) I think it gives Men’s Rights activists way too much credit for their supposed good intentions. While there are some MRAs who do seem to be motivated at least in part by a sincere desire to help men, most of the MRAs I’ve encountered in the 3 years of doing this blog have clearly been motivated primarily by anger and hatred of feminists — and women in general. They don’t really seem to give a shit about doing anything to actually improve the lives of men — and the paucity of their accomplishments reflects this. In its relatively brief lifespan, AVFM has raised many hundreds of thousands of dollars. Has it set up any shelters or hotlines or helplines for men? Not a one.

2) It wildly exaggerates the importance of Hembling to the MRM — especially ironic given that Hembling has been more or less AWOL in recent months, producing only a few short videos and one article for AVFM.

3) It paints a picture of The Spearhead’s WF Price as a Men’s Rights “moderate.” Really? While it’s true that Price is not an AVFM-style hothead given to rants about “fucking your shit up,” his views are anything but moderate. This is a guy who thinks higher education is wasted on women, who blames the epidemic of rape in the armed forces on women, who celebrated one Mothers Day with a vicious transphobic rant, who once used the tragic death of a woman who’d just graduated from college to argue that “after 25, women are just wasting time.” He published posts on why women’s suffrage is a bad idea. Plus, have you met his commenters?

I was, however, kind of amazed to learn that Price is married … and to a feminist. No, really.

4) The article, while solidly researched, contains some small errors and simplifications that will no doubt give MRAs and others the excuse they need to dismiss the whole thing. Kelly refers to Reddit subreddits as Reddit “threads!” He refers to Matt Forney as an MRA! Oh no!

Still, whatever its flaws, this is an important piece, and one that tells a lot of truth about the Men’s Rights movement. Again — go read it!

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starterlifesydney
starterlifesydney
11 years ago

Wife even, that’s where he travelled too and said the women were slim and attractive..

La Strega
11 years ago

She’s from Latvia. And she is slim, blonde, and lovely.

starterlifesydney
starterlifesydney
11 years ago

Oh, a different broad… I must be 12 months ago

hellkell
hellkell
11 years ago

“Broad?” Are we in a ’40s film noir now?

Life’s long, and much better when you get to spend it with people who suit you well and keep you warm at night.

Maybe you feminists should think a bit about the fact that, as long as we are human, there will never be a resolution to this issue that doesn’t involve “sleeping with the enemy.”

Oh, lookit, it’s a veiled “you feminists will be alone with your cats” threat. Yo, Bill–I can tell you right now my husband is not the enemy. I wouldn’t date, forget marry, a man who thought I might be less than human.

starterlifesydney
starterlifesydney
11 years ago

“Broad?” Are we in a ’40s film noir now?

Sorry old mate, I am not American .

starterlifesydney
starterlifesydney
11 years ago

Should have called her a sheila

hellkell
hellkell
11 years ago

Not being American is really not relevant.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

Price taught me something today! Or rather, made something clear that had been slightly fuzzy.

For men who hate women, fucking said objects of loathing must produce so much cognitive dissonance. Hell, even wanting to fuck someone who you think is made of pure concentrated evil has to fuck with your head.

I sure am glad that I like the people who I want to fuck so I can get naked with them (and contemplate doing so) while feeling great about both them and myself!

(Is smug)

Xanthë
11 years ago

What a revealing choice of words in W(T)F Price’s comment, ‘sleeping with the enemy’, suggesting heterosexual relationships must be based on a fundamental mistrust between partners as though humans were two different species at war with each other. I wouldn’t want a relationship with someone who I viewed as inferior ( or vice versa), and I don’t think I’m alone in expecting men can do better than treating women as mere sexual objects that exist solely for their jollies. It seems to be too late for Price and his Spearcarriers to learn better, though.

Ophelia, I’m so sorry for what you and your uncle had to go through at the hands of men who believe other people can be treated as a means to an end. *hugs*

La Strega
11 years ago

Crap, my dog woke me up at 4:00 am so he could go out (didn’t need to pee; just wanted to go out), and then I read Price’s little message here, and now I really can’t sleep!

That “sleeping with the enemy” along with the smug “bonne nuit” comment creeps me out. (Maybe because I keep thinking about that old Julia Roberts’ movie of the same name.)

mildlymagnificent
11 years ago

“Sleeping with the enemy” is supposed to be the same as me sharing my bed and everything else with the love of my life? And I might add, he would happily claim me as the love of his life. Even our children tell stories about us to “prove” their contention that we are, in their words, soulmates.

I actually feel a bit sad for Bill and his wife that she’s stuck with a man who thinks and talks in such terms.

MordsithJ
MordsithJ
11 years ago

Hm. “Delusional” was not a possibility that had occurred to me when I made my list, but it seems to be the explanation. Looks like Funshine Scary is going to up against a major contender for the Special-est Snowflake award this year.

La Strega
11 years ago

She’s not stuck with him long term, and personally I would be very surprised if the marriage lasts much longer than it takes for her to establish residency. I suspect there is quite a differential between them, and not just in terms of age and physical attractiveness.

ahostileworld
11 years ago

“There are men who comment here as well as women, and people who don’t fit as easily into the traditional gender binary; we talk about issues that affect everyone.”

At the very best negligible. Didn’t your recent commenter survey reveal that not only is this blog’s commenter demographic less diverse than even the worst men’s rights websites, but also that it is basically little more than a large group of über-privileged middle-class whities?

MordsithJ
MordsithJ
11 years ago

@LaStrega, I hope for her sake that you’re right..

titianblue
titianblue
11 years ago

Didn’t your recent commenter survey reveal that not only is this blog’s commenter demographic less diverse than even the worst men’s rights websites, but also that it is basically little more than a large group of über-privileged middle-class whities?

Puts on the popcorn while waiting for our resident stats genius to take you down.

La Strega
11 years ago

@a hostile world,

If memory serves, our self-survey did show most of us were white, but beyond that commonality we seemed to be a fairly diverse bunch at least in terms of gender, sexual orientation, religion, and age. Anyway, what’s your point?

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

Ah, I love the smell of grudge-wank in the morning.

ahostileworld
11 years ago

Only *one* example? That’s a softball:

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/FNF

pecunium
11 years ago

La Strega: I had the same thought. The idea that my partner(s) are my enemies? WTF? I don’t have cordial relationships with my enemies. Opponents, perhaps. But personal enemies? No.

pecunium
11 years ago

starterlifesydney: That you aren’t american is no excuse for using a distancing term for women.

mythago
11 years ago

it’s a little hard for me (and obviously for others here) to see how your wife can reconcile her notions of you as the decent person she knows in real life with the things you write on your blog, which are pretty far from decent.

David, surely you know how widespread the cultural trope of “he is a moody asshole who shuns women but not ME, I am the special one who will win his heart!” For many people, being the savior of the broken hero/ine is a powerful romantic pull.

As for Bill, it’s very common for bigots to engage in the doublethink whereby Bob is their best buddy even though he’s a member of hated.Group, because He’s Different Than Those Guys; it’s wholly unsurprising that Bill would cheerfully able to square marrying a woman with his hatred of women, because She’s Different.

Also, of course, I’m sure it is very useful to Bill to be able to point to his wife as proof that he can’t possibly hate women, else why would she be with him.

WRT “sleeping with the enemy”, as has been pointed out by persons wiser than I, for many people gender opposition and the war-of-the-sexes bullshit is a fetish, and given the cultural context, one that they’re not happy to simply limit to being a kink for them and people of like mind; they need to believe that that’s how everybody really is or ought to be, deep down. It’s like the guy who wrote Gor who needed to believe not only that some women enjoy submission, but that evolution mandated that all women be submissive deep down, even if they don’t know it yet.

eseldbosustow
11 years ago

A little late to the conversation, but am I the only one who has no problem “gatekeeping” when it comes to feminism? I can understand the aversion to going all “no true Scotsman” on it, but I don’t see the problem with someone proclaiming themselves a feminist, engaging in some questionable rhetoric, and then having an eyebrow raised on them.

Considering the amount of people I’ve met in my life who were self-described feminists and yet clearly didn’t even understand the fundamental ethic of feminism, i.e., equality of rights and status regardless of gender, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking a self-professed feminist what the word means to them. For example, my mother thinks feminism means that women can choose to work instead of being a homemaker and can wear pants. Little mention of equal rights and status on a pervasive cultural level resonates with my mother when she hears the word. Christina Hoff Sommers calls herself a feminist too, but I find that questionable given her endorsement of clearly-defined gender roles and the fact that she’s a conservative aligned with the same people who deny women body autonomy.

Proclaiming oneself a feminist doesn’t make it so any more than proclaiming that one is not a racist necessarily does. I’m always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I don’t see the problem in questioning someone when suspicions are raised. I won’t interrogate Bill’s wife or anyone for that matter, but it would be comforting to hear out of a self-described feminist’s mouth that they have a foundational ethic that includes equality of rights and status for all people regardless of gender (and even better if they’re intersectional and can make the same proposition for other classes of people beyond gender). In my opinion it’s safe to dismiss someone’s claim of feminism if they can’t say that, though I understand that they can just persistently lie about it anyway.

But it’s important to me that anyone who is a feminist, or wants to be called a feminist, agrees on that one thing even if they don’t agree on how it should play out or don’t know how. I can forgive a person who is a naive feminist, so to speak, but not someone who is a non-feminist using the word out of ignorance or out of defiance of its meaning and supplying their own in its place. Methinks something about Bill’s wife’s views would make me, at least, label her a non-feminist who feels compelled to call herself a feminist, a la Christina Hoff Sommers.

Keith
Keith
11 years ago

As a male rape survivor myself I feel the same as LBT in that the MRM and more specifically sites such as A Voice for Men do absolutely nothing for Male Rape Survivors. They claim they do but in fact they really could care less. I also see a lot of homophobic comments on MRM sites. If I or any other male rape survivor attempted to seek any help by the MRM I would be alienated as too weak and scoffed at because I let another man rape me I was not
strong enough. The MRM does has done absolutely nothing for male rape survivors. There are more resources for help on most Feminist websites than any MRM site will ever had.
In addition I think Elam or John the Other were supposed to start up a mens shelter in Canada, and I do not think it even got off the ground. Another reason the MRM is all talk and no action. All the MRM wants to do is spew misogynistic, racist, anti semitic, and and any other hate for people who they do not agree with.

pecunium
11 years ago

hostilityboy:

“There are men who comment here as well as women, and people who don’t fit as easily into the traditional gender binary; we talk about issues that affect everyone.”

At the very best negligible. Didn’t your recent commenter survey reveal that not only is this blog’s commenter demographic less diverse than even the worst men’s rights websites, but also that it is basically little more than a large group of über-privileged middle-class whities?

More proof that you don’t logic.

1: Having social diversity isn’t required to have people discuss things which affect everyone; just look at Parliament talking about laws, or the US Republican Party bloviating on healthcare.

2: Dave didn’t say we were racially diverse, but that there were men here, and people who don’t fit into the trad gender binary. No claims of vast diversity, but a simple statement of fact. A fact of which you are aware, as you just admitted to either spending some time here, or having gone to some effort to do research (since that survey wasn’t so recent as all that).

The truth is giving you trouble; but given your aversion to answering simple questions, keeping the goalposts in one location, etc., this comes as no surprise.

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