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The Daily Beast takes on the Men’s Rights movement — and takes down A Voice for Men’s John Hembling

John Hembling, possibly lying about something
John Hembling, possibly lying about something

The bad publicity bonanza for Men’s Rights activists continues — and it couldn’t happen to a worse group of  people.

Yesterday, the Daily Beast published a long-awaited piece on the Men’s Rights movement, and it’s a doozy. If you’re a regular reader of this site, trust me, you’ll want to read the whole thing, like now. The piece, by R. Tod Kelly, is long — some 6000 words — but worth it.

It’s mostly on the money, but with a few notable flaws.

Here’s what it gets right:

1) It captures the pervasive misogyny of the Men’s Rights movement in general, and of A Voice for Men in particular.

2) In an extended section, it profiles AVFM’s John Hembling, and tears apart some of his most blatant lies — including the now legendary box-cutter incident, in which Hembling claims to have stared down a mob of 20-30 feminists brandishing boxcutters.

As Kelly notes:

Vancouver police records show that there was indeed an altercation in September of 2012 between Hembling and others seeking to tear down men’s rights posters. However, according to the police, Hembling was arguing with two or three people, not being accosted by a “mob” of any size. When questioned by the authorities, neither Hembling nor witnesses mentioned seeing any weapons. …

Curiously enough, Hembling actually videotaped the events and had his AV4M Radio partner Karen Straughan post it online. The discussion with the police has been conveniently edited out, but the rest of the video clearly matches police records and not Hembling’s story. There are only a few young men taking down Hembling’s posters, and the video shows them choosing to ignore him except when he engages them in conversation. One of the men is seen using a box cutter to take down the flyers, but at no time does he use it as a weapon, raise his voice, or threaten Hembling in any way.

Kelly found some troubling, er, discrepancies in another story told by Hembling. Kelly writes:

According to Hembling, sometime around 1995 he was on his way home at 2:00 am after working a night shift when he came upon [a sexual] assault in progress. He says he used his steel-toed boots as weapons to chase off the perpetrator. When the victim was too distraught to speak with him, Hembling says he contacted the police, waited until they arrived, and then quietly left without speaking to them. He says they later tracked him down at his home, where he gave a statement.

It’s hard to know whether this event actually occurred or not. There is no record—at least, not in the Vancouver police files—of Hembling being a material witness to a rape, and police blotters from that time period do not show a crime that matches Hembling’s description. However, this does not necessarily mean the event did not occur. Vancouver police did not fully computerize their data until 2002, and it is possible the police never reported the incident. Hembling claims the incident took place at a specific hospital, where he says he worked as a contractor for 18 months. The address he gives, however, is for a different hospital in a completely different part of the city. This raises the curious question of whether Hembling forget the name of the hospital he contracted with for 18 months, or whether he forget what part of the city he worked in for that same period of time. The real truth of the matter is anyone’s guess, because Hembling wouldn’t comment to The Beast on that or any other matter.

In other words: Cool story, bro.

3) Another thing the story gets right: it makes clear just how little the Men’s Rights movement does to actually help men — and how in many ways it can actually be terribly damaging to men who need real help. As Kelly writes,

the movement’s radicals might … do … immediate damage to those who most desperately need the MRM to succeed.

“When we talk about recovery from trauma and abuse, there were two things that helped me,” says Chris Anderson, executive director of the male-victim advocacy group Male Survivor and a sexual abuse survivor himself. “The first was realizing that I’m not alone; the second was hearing that recovery was possible.” Anderson is quick to dissociate himself from the men’s rights movement: “In [the MRM] people get that first message, that they’re not alone. I don’t know that they ever get the second message. And when they don’t get that second message, it turns into an endless feedback loop and eventually they say, ‘Oh my God, all of society is f**ked.’”

Indeed, Kelly writes:

It is telling to note that of the professional male-victim advocacy organizations I spoke with, every single one specifically asked that I not allow readers to think they were in any way related to the MRM.

But there are also some things that I think the article gets wrong.

1) I think it gives Men’s Rights activists way too much credit for their supposed good intentions. While there are some MRAs who do seem to be motivated at least in part by a sincere desire to help men, most of the MRAs I’ve encountered in the 3 years of doing this blog have clearly been motivated primarily by anger and hatred of feminists — and women in general. They don’t really seem to give a shit about doing anything to actually improve the lives of men — and the paucity of their accomplishments reflects this. In its relatively brief lifespan, AVFM has raised many hundreds of thousands of dollars. Has it set up any shelters or hotlines or helplines for men? Not a one.

2) It wildly exaggerates the importance of Hembling to the MRM — especially ironic given that Hembling has been more or less AWOL in recent months, producing only a few short videos and one article for AVFM.

3) It paints a picture of The Spearhead’s WF Price as a Men’s Rights “moderate.” Really? While it’s true that Price is not an AVFM-style hothead given to rants about “fucking your shit up,” his views are anything but moderate. This is a guy who thinks higher education is wasted on women, who blames the epidemic of rape in the armed forces on women, who celebrated one Mothers Day with a vicious transphobic rant, who once used the tragic death of a woman who’d just graduated from college to argue that “after 25, women are just wasting time.” He published posts on why women’s suffrage is a bad idea. Plus, have you met his commenters?

I was, however, kind of amazed to learn that Price is married … and to a feminist. No, really.

4) The article, while solidly researched, contains some small errors and simplifications that will no doubt give MRAs and others the excuse they need to dismiss the whole thing. Kelly refers to Reddit subreddits as Reddit “threads!” He refers to Matt Forney as an MRA! Oh no!

Still, whatever its flaws, this is an important piece, and one that tells a lot of truth about the Men’s Rights movement. Again — go read it!

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opheliamonarch
11 years ago

Oh hey Ally S, I did say Hi on the other thread a few days ago, but it might have been too late, sorry.
Lovely, lovely Jedi hugs. 🙂

cloudiah
11 years ago

@Ophelia, It took courage to share that–thank you for trusting us with your story. All the hugs if you want them.

katz
11 years ago

Ophelia, I’m really sorry for everything you and your dad and uncle have gone through. You are brave for sharing it.

Alice Sanguinaria
11 years ago

Ophelia – You can just call me Alice, I’ll figure it out. *offers more hugs if you want them*

Quackers
Quackers
11 years ago

@opheliamonarch

your story put tears in my eyes, for real 🙁 I am so sorry for your uncle, father and yourself. All the hugs in the world if you want them!

dustydeste
dustydeste
11 years ago

@Ophelia – Hugs if you want them. Thanks for sharing your story; I know it’s the kind of thing that’s hella hard to talk about, but it’s good to have the stories out there, so everyone knows how egregious the things people like Mr. Asshat there say are.

opheliamonarch
11 years ago

🙁 Crying now, erm, anyone got blain breach?

Marie
Marie
11 years ago

@ophelia

All the internet hugs, if you want them.

Marie
Marie
11 years ago

@ophelia

Would http://myhumblebadfanart.tumblr.com/tagged/rats> an entire page full of cute rat pictures be brain bleach?

dustydeste
dustydeste
11 years ago

Many men are egalitarian, but at the end of the day, men don’t do as much child rearing – even the most egalitarian men don’t.

That’s not a feature, honey, that’s a flaw. And it doesn’t mean that women should be obligated or expected to do all the childrearing, that it’s fair to relegate women to such, or that we shouldn’t be fighting for an equitable distribution of the unpaid labor of raising a family. Or that your husband’s views on the matter are acceptable in any sense of the word.

Also worth noting: Dudes who can’t be fucked to pick up their fair share of the housework/childwork aren’t dudes who deserve to be called egalitarian. Maybe “more egalitarian than average,” but when it’s that relative, they’re really not worthy of the word.

Marie
Marie
11 years ago

Damn, borked the link.

brain bleach?

katz
11 years ago

Well, that was my point – this is a real problem. Men haven’t moved on like women have or they don’t want to. Some have, but not all. That’s why I said ALL work should be shared. You can choose the proportions with your spouse. One feminist recently put a book out about this – that women now are expected to be some sort of superheroes that do everything. Now again, you don’t HAVE to be that, but the expectation still kinda lingers in the air. This is why MRAs won’t win if the women “go back into kitchen” because these days they actually do more – that and a job on top of it. Many men are egalitarian, but at the end of the day, men don’t do as much child rearing – even the most egalitarian men don’t. And those men are a minority anyway.

You are all over the place here. You originally brought this up to show that there wasn’t a problem, then here you say there is, and then at the end you say there isn’t again.

I know, I know, you’re trying to say that women being expected to have careers and also be homemakers are one problem, and women being expected to be homemakers only are a completely disjoint problem, and the latter isn’t a real problem, and since MRAs espouse the latter, they aren’t a real problem.

But you can’t actually be foolish enough to think that men who order women to do all the chores instead of working have no influence whatsoever on men who end up expecting women to do all the chores even though they work?

Shaun DarthBatman Day
11 years ago

http://www.ted.com/talks/gary_slutkin_let_s_treat_violence_like_a_contagious_disease.html

I’m derailing because this is made of awesome. And it’s the only reason I came in. And I’m immediately leaving. Good night all!

As you were.

grumpycatisagirl
grumpycatisagirl
11 years ago

Nyan Pug!!! My day is complete and fulfilled. Good night, every lovely person.

opheliamonarch
11 years ago

Thanks everyone, you’re all lovely. Sorry for being a bit blargh 🙁
Think I’m gonna go to bed now.
Nighty, night

Marie
Marie
11 years ago

@ophelia

Goodnight. And don’t worry, you aren’t being blargh.

grumpycatisagirl
grumpycatisagirl
11 years ago

Good night, Ophelia. And no apologies needed. I’m grateful for your willingness to share and help.

pecunium
11 years ago

Bill’s Wife: And why do you have to listen to it and take it into account and apply to your own life?

Apart from him trying to convince other people to share his beliefs and act on them?

That’s the thing he’s not sitting at home yelling at the television. He’s got a following. He’s proselytising that toxic shit; and doing better at it than many.

That’s why I care.

mildlymagnificent
11 years ago

I’m also old enough to have looked for a job in those sex-segregated newspaper columns. And I’m a real live veteran 2nd wave feminist.

Bill’s wife.
I believe that feminism gives women options to live their lives as they want. I also believe that there are significant portions of society, American society in particular, that act decisively and deliberately to deny those benefits to the women in their families and communities.

If you seriously believe that a home-schooled girl from a fundamentalist or Quiverful household is in any position to “make her own decisions” about education, or working outside her family home, or sex, or contraception, or marriage then you have either not paid attention to the world around you or you’ve deliberately averted your eyes. Just as you are doing with your husband’s pernicious activities.

I’m happy that feminism allows women to make their own choices about how they live their lives and marry whomever they choose or not marry at all. But that doesn’t mean that all those women can legitimately call themselves feminists, they’re just women with freedoms they wouldn’t have had 40 years ago.

If they have no perception, let alone understanding, of the political, business, educational and family obstacles restricting, prohibiting or, as now, taking away, rights and freedoms of women then their claim to be feminist may be self deception. It’s certainly a very weak claim.

kittehserf
11 years ago

banditbeach – excellent kitteh gravatar!

ophelia – ALL THE HUGS for you and your uncle. That is so terrible, I haven’t the words.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

Bill’s wife sounds very confused. I guess living in a state of constant cognitive dissonance, like you’d have to do to live with a misogynist with a sideline in fascism and call yourself a feminist, would do that to a person.

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