The bad publicity bonanza for Men’s Rights activists continues — and it couldn’t happen to a worse group of people.
Yesterday, the Daily Beast published a long-awaited piece on the Men’s Rights movement, and it’s a doozy. If you’re a regular reader of this site, trust me, you’ll want to read the whole thing, like now. The piece, by R. Tod Kelly, is long — some 6000 words — but worth it.
It’s mostly on the money, but with a few notable flaws.
Here’s what it gets right:
1) It captures the pervasive misogyny of the Men’s Rights movement in general, and of A Voice for Men in particular.
2) In an extended section, it profiles AVFM’s John Hembling, and tears apart some of his most blatant lies — including the now legendary box-cutter incident, in which Hembling claims to have stared down a mob of 20-30 feminists brandishing boxcutters.
As Kelly notes:
Vancouver police records show that there was indeed an altercation in September of 2012 between Hembling and others seeking to tear down men’s rights posters. However, according to the police, Hembling was arguing with two or three people, not being accosted by a “mob” of any size. When questioned by the authorities, neither Hembling nor witnesses mentioned seeing any weapons. …
Curiously enough, Hembling actually videotaped the events and had his AV4M Radio partner Karen Straughan post it online. The discussion with the police has been conveniently edited out, but the rest of the video clearly matches police records and not Hembling’s story. There are only a few young men taking down Hembling’s posters, and the video shows them choosing to ignore him except when he engages them in conversation. One of the men is seen using a box cutter to take down the flyers, but at no time does he use it as a weapon, raise his voice, or threaten Hembling in any way.
Kelly found some troubling, er, discrepancies in another story told by Hembling. Kelly writes:
According to Hembling, sometime around 1995 he was on his way home at 2:00 am after working a night shift when he came upon [a sexual] assault in progress. He says he used his steel-toed boots as weapons to chase off the perpetrator. When the victim was too distraught to speak with him, Hembling says he contacted the police, waited until they arrived, and then quietly left without speaking to them. He says they later tracked him down at his home, where he gave a statement.
It’s hard to know whether this event actually occurred or not. There is no record—at least, not in the Vancouver police files—of Hembling being a material witness to a rape, and police blotters from that time period do not show a crime that matches Hembling’s description. However, this does not necessarily mean the event did not occur. Vancouver police did not fully computerize their data until 2002, and it is possible the police never reported the incident. Hembling claims the incident took place at a specific hospital, where he says he worked as a contractor for 18 months. The address he gives, however, is for a different hospital in a completely different part of the city. This raises the curious question of whether Hembling forget the name of the hospital he contracted with for 18 months, or whether he forget what part of the city he worked in for that same period of time. The real truth of the matter is anyone’s guess, because Hembling wouldn’t comment to The Beast on that or any other matter.
In other words: Cool story, bro.
3) Another thing the story gets right: it makes clear just how little the Men’s Rights movement does to actually help men — and how in many ways it can actually be terribly damaging to men who need real help. As Kelly writes,
the movement’s radicals might … do … immediate damage to those who most desperately need the MRM to succeed.
“When we talk about recovery from trauma and abuse, there were two things that helped me,” says Chris Anderson, executive director of the male-victim advocacy group Male Survivor and a sexual abuse survivor himself. “The first was realizing that I’m not alone; the second was hearing that recovery was possible.” Anderson is quick to dissociate himself from the men’s rights movement: “In [the MRM] people get that first message, that they’re not alone. I don’t know that they ever get the second message. And when they don’t get that second message, it turns into an endless feedback loop and eventually they say, ‘Oh my God, all of society is f**ked.’”
Indeed, Kelly writes:
It is telling to note that of the professional male-victim advocacy organizations I spoke with, every single one specifically asked that I not allow readers to think they were in any way related to the MRM.
But there are also some things that I think the article gets wrong.
1) I think it gives Men’s Rights activists way too much credit for their supposed good intentions. While there are some MRAs who do seem to be motivated at least in part by a sincere desire to help men, most of the MRAs I’ve encountered in the 3 years of doing this blog have clearly been motivated primarily by anger and hatred of feminists — and women in general. They don’t really seem to give a shit about doing anything to actually improve the lives of men — and the paucity of their accomplishments reflects this. In its relatively brief lifespan, AVFM has raised many hundreds of thousands of dollars. Has it set up any shelters or hotlines or helplines for men? Not a one.
2) It wildly exaggerates the importance of Hembling to the MRM — especially ironic given that Hembling has been more or less AWOL in recent months, producing only a few short videos and one article for AVFM.
3) It paints a picture of The Spearhead’s WF Price as a Men’s Rights “moderate.” Really? While it’s true that Price is not an AVFM-style hothead given to rants about “fucking your shit up,” his views are anything but moderate. This is a guy who thinks higher education is wasted on women, who blames the epidemic of rape in the armed forces on women, who celebrated one Mothers Day with a vicious transphobic rant, who once used the tragic death of a woman who’d just graduated from college to argue that “after 25, women are just wasting time.” He published posts on why women’s suffrage is a bad idea. Plus, have you met his commenters?
I was, however, kind of amazed to learn that Price is married … and to a feminist. No, really.
4) The article, while solidly researched, contains some small errors and simplifications that will no doubt give MRAs and others the excuse they need to dismiss the whole thing. Kelly refers to Reddit subreddits as Reddit “threads!” He refers to Matt Forney as an MRA! Oh no!
Still, whatever its flaws, this is an important piece, and one that tells a lot of truth about the Men’s Rights movement. Again — go read it!
Say, everyone: Cassandra mentioned a Scottish troll who used to be on here. It wasn’t someone calling himself Andy Mansfield, was it? He just got his MRA arse kicked of Pharyngula. Be a nice coincidence if it was the same one.
Are you playing “terms a feminist would never use” BINGO?
baileyrenee – I get a Canuck welcome package? 😀 Accomplishment achieved!
Bill’s wife – Is it alright to call you Ms. Price? I feel uncomfortable just referring to a person by their relationship to their spouse, it feels dehumanizing to me.
Anyways, I’m aware that I shouldn’t care about what people like your husband says. I don’t apply it to myself. But nevertheless, you can’t be apathetic to these things; apathy and thinking “this doesn’t affect me, I’m not like that” is dangerious, especially if the effect is advocating the idea that women are only good for sex and making sandwiches and looking pretty. Such dehumanization of half the human population is unacceptable. And while I do know that your husband has the right to say theses things, it doesn’t make them any less wrong.
Also, I hate responding on my iDevice. Apologies for typos.
re: BW comment about hanging onto love bc it’s rare: Please stop watching Hollywood romance movies and reading Harlequins. I love shellfish in a way I have never loved any other type of food, but if I develop an severe allergy that means I’ll suffocate and die if I eat it, I won’t end my brief existence eating it while watching Indecent Proposal.
Oh man, I now have a new goal in life: Being nice enough to get a Canadian welcome package!
Lolwait, I’m an awfully mean, vindictive person and will never live up to Canadian standards of niceness. I mean, I chewed some asshole out on Canada Day for being a douchebag during the fireworks display. I think there’s just no hope for me…
JohnTheOtter apparently thinks it’s super-cool that he was exposed as a compulsive liar who hates women. He added some comments about the piece to his original post in which he predicted he’d be called a loser who couldn’t get laid, Now he says of Kelly:
http://www.avoiceformen.com/mens-rights/jto-goes-under-bus/
Well, I guess if you’re a compulsive liar who’s part of a movement that hates women and that men who are truly trying to help want to have nothing to do with, then an article that portrays you as a compulsive liar who’s part of a movement that hates women and that men who are truly trying to help want to have nothing to do with is a win?
I’m using this discreet moniker because I don’t want this to turn into the shit storm that Minter’s affair did, yet I still wanted to explain myself because not that much was said about me in the Newsweek article.
I think staying anonymous is a wise move. While the commentators on this blog are a skeptical about a feminist married to Bill Spearhead, many of the posters on the MRM/MGTOW boards will flat-out hate your guts after reading this article. Once they learn that your not some submissive 20-year old breeding stock/hottie, that you disagree with some MRM talking points and you’re a self-described feminist, they will say some very nasty shit about you.
[I’m taking your word that you are really Bill’s wife rather than someone pulling a very dreary hoax.]
The first paragraph was a quote from Bill’s wife post. Blockquote fail.
“The Superstar characterization was obviously over the top” says John the Otter coyly while fluttering his eyes, “Am I blushing? Oh, do go on Mr Kelly!”.
I mean, honestly, Bill’s Wife, I have no idea how to talk to you. You seem to have no conception that social environments exist, or culture, or for that matter communication, and if you don’t understand that, then it’s awfully hard to explain and I’m not sure if it’s even worth trying.
Maybe you could think about advertising. Now, you’re probably one of those people who thinks “Ha ha, I’ve never seen a Chevrolet ad and then immediately felt the need to go out and by a car, I’m advertisement proof!” But advertisers spend billions every year on advertising and they have for a long time, so obviously it must have some effect, and it’s not just because people see the ad and then turn around and compulsively buy the product. Advertising does many other things. It increases name recognition, a huge factor. And even if you’re deliberately trying to not be affected by advertising, it’s influencing the sort of ideas you have about a product: Whether it’s fancy or everyday, whether it’s healthy or indulgent, what associations you have with it. And then those unconscious associations influence your decisions and make you more likely to buy a Chevrolet and so the company makes money from their advertising.
But that doesn’t just happen with advertisements. Every time there’s any kind of communication, the same sorts of things happen: You may not consciously turn around and forbid your daughter to go to college, but the more people hear something like that, the more parents are going to consciously or unconsciously focus not as much on preparing their daughters for college, the more girls are going to feel like higher education is maybe not that important, the more admissions people are going to favor male applicants over female, the more professors are going to neglect their female students because what does a woman need a college education for anyway, and so on.
Of course probably nobody totally believed in equality one minute and read your husband’s post and then suddenly change completely and think that women should have no education whatsoever, and lots of people like us will read the post and just be disgusted and not won over at all. But there are plenty of people out there who are, for one reason or another, are possibly influenced by that sort of argument: Misogynists who are looking for justification, misguidedly “moderate” people who feel like every argument deserves to be considered, young people who don’t know any better. And your husband has influenced them a little bit and nudged each of them a little bit closer to having feelings and making decisions that are opposed to women’s education. And so he’s made the world a little bit worse.
I hope this helps!
Mitt Rommey had binders of women (created by a Mass woman’s group he didn’t bother to credit), so clearly he is woman friendly. Just make sure you can fit in a binder.
As for the analysis of rape culture not being helpful… As a rape victim, raped by someone I loved, having a broader context to understand the fucked up thing he did to me, and why he didn’t see it as a problem despite the fact I was upset, helped a lot. I’m deeply grateful for the feminist analysis of rape culture and how rape within relationships occurs.
@katz, Very well said.
!!Massive trigger warning for rape and child sexual abuse.!!
When certain arsehole MRAs are claiming rape culture doesn’t exist they’re only one step away from saying victim blaming doesn’t exist and that fucks me off!
My uncle and father were raped on a daily basis for at least 15 years by my grandfather, who also raped a local child.
My uncle’s wife died suddenly from Anaphylactic Shock when I was fourteen and his sons were seven and thirteen, he was not eligible for a widower’s pension as, at the time, only women were eligible, he was very poor.
One year later my dad (his younger brother) got cancer and within two years was dead.
It was a few days after the funeral when my uncle broke down and talked for hours to me about what his father had done to him.
He and my father had never talked about it, and I never told my uncle that his brother had followed in their fathers footsteps. I think it would have ended him if I had.
One of the most meaningful moments I have had was when my uncle chose to confide in me.
Sadly, instead of doing so to gain comfort, he was still not thinking about himself, he was worrying about me.
My uncle had stopped seeing his father years before, but my dad had not. Instead of gaining comfort, this lovely man took responsibility, he apologised for not protecting me or his little brother from this evil man.
How could my poor uncle be responsible? He was so broken by what had happened, so unable to see that he hadn’t caused it. He had spent years trying to talk to my dad, trying to stop his brother taking his kids to see this man.
He didn’t feel sorry for himself, he just fretted for me, he blamed himself for everything.
And even though I could see he was not to blame, somehow I still, predictably, absorbed the same crap myself, and blamed myself for not being better, not stopping my abusers. Hell I STILL kind of think I should have said no louder, done more to stop it!
At the time my uncle told me about his childhood I had no words for him that would have helped to explain why he felt that way, and why he was wrong. If I had the concepts of rape culture and victim blaming back then, it might have helped him see that it was not his fault.
I have little patience with men who shout about men’s rights for their own ends, when I know my own history is littered with abused men who needed real help.
My uncle has had a hellish existence, but never once has he hated! I am sick and fucking tired of them using men like my uncle as excuses for their hate and propaganda.
@ahostileworld, you fucker! Rape culture does fucking exists, but then you know that don’t you?!?
Rape culture exists, that is why I’m repeating such a personal story here. This stuff has to be talked about, it has to be said.
If highlighting it at every possible opportunity helps just one person feel a little bit better and maybe know that the abuser was to blame, that they couldn’t have done anything any different, that it wasn’t their fault, then the concept of rape culture is worth it.
Truly though, no matter how many MaleRapeApologists try to say otherwise, I KNOW simply talking about rape culture helps everybody, that is, unless you have a vested interest in blaming the victim.
JtO was pleased that someone ripped him a new asshole? Well, that’s something I’ve never expected.
I wonder what would have happened if a female reporter wrote the exact same thing. Would JtO be equally delighted or outraged that someone implicitly called him a liar?
Sounds to me like he just didn’t read very far; he got as far as “superstar” and assumed it was saying something good about him.
Nice comment, katz. I agree completely.
*gives Ophelia and uncle all the hugs* I’m sorry that that happened to you, and I’m sorry that it happened to your uncle and your father.
Interesting reaction from JtO when this was in the article (in fact, these were my favorite four sentences in the whole thing. Especially the BBC’s reaction to the query).
@Alice Sanguinaria God, I hadn’t thought of that. I was just assuming he scanned the article for his name and squee’d till his nose veins burst that someone outside of his creepy little tribe called him a ‘superstar’. You’re absolutely right: if that piece was written by a woman, it would be hair-on-fire, bombs-away bullshit and crying like the sky had collapsed. So gross.
opheliamonarch, you are very brave to share your story. Internet hugs if you want them, and thank you.
Jedi hugs if you want them, ophelia. :<
Thank you Alice Sanguinaria and Grumpycatisagirl, I really appreciate it, freaking out a bit now I’ve posted it. 🙁
Oh and Ophelia’s a bit easier to type if you prefer.
First, all the hugs to everyone else with person stories how the concept of rape culture helped them. Somehow I doubt our new little piñata will get it.
Second, pecunium goes…
“I never brought up the topic of feminism.
Liar.”
And I hear —
http://youtu.be/A69OpUrU46E
Been awhile since I did a random EA of the day huh? I’m failing as a plague rat…
“Because if men expect their wives to work full-time and still do all the housework and childcare and they still treat women as lazy bonbon eaters, that sounds worse, actually.”
Well, that was my point – this is a real problem. Men haven’t moved on like women have or they don’t want to. Some have, but not all. That’s why I said ALL work should be shared. You can choose the proportions with your spouse. One feminist recently put a book out about this – that women now are expected to be some sort of superheroes that do everything. Now again, you don’t HAVE to be that, but the expectation still kinda lingers in the air. This is why MRAs won’t win if the women “go back into kitchen” because these days they actually do more – that and a job on top of it. Many men are egalitarian, but at the end of the day, men don’t do as much child rearing – even the most egalitarian men don’t. And those men are a minority anyway.