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Paul Elam of A Voice for Men: In His Own Words

Paul Elam on 20/20
Paul Elam in a web-only clip from the 20/20 segment that never ran on television.

Paul Elam, the founder and primary animating force behind the website A Voice for Men, is probably, for better or worse, the most influential figure in the Men’s Rights movement (or, as he prefers to call it, the Men’s Human Rights Movement).

Elam is also a fierce misogynist with a penchant for angry, violent rhetoric full of only-slightly veiled threats. But don’t take my word for it. Perhaps the best way to get to know Mr. Elam is through his own words.

So here are some of Elam’s thoughts on a variety of issues, taken from postings on his own website.  I have linked each quote back to its source on A Voice for Men.

Paul Elam on Domestic Violence

In the name of equality and fairness, I am proclaiming October to be Bash a Violent Bitch Month.

I’d like to make it the objective for the remainder of this month, and all the Octobers that follow, for men who are being attacked and physically abused by women – to beat the living shit out of them. I don’t mean subdue them, or deliver an open handed pop on the face to get them to settle down. I mean literally to grab them by the hair and smack their face against the wall till the smugness of beating on someone because you know they won’t fight back drains from their nose with a few million red corpuscles.

And then make them clean up the mess. …

Now, am I serious about this?

No. Not because it’s wrong. It’s not wrong. Every one should have the right to defend themselves. …

But it isn’t worth the time behind bars or the abuse of anger management training that men must endure if they are uppity enough to defend themselves from female attackers.

Here, courtesy of the Wayback Machine, is the post as it originally appeared on A Voice for Men in 2010, where it was illustrated with a picture of a woman with a black eye, captioned “Maybe she DID have it coming.”

Elam now says this was “satire,” though its hard to see how it is “satire” when he clearly says that he doesn’t think his allegedly “satirical” solution is wrong. When Swift wrote his Modest Proposal he didn’t think that eating babies was actually a good thing; if so, it would not have been a satire.

Paul Elam on Rape

I have ideas about women who spend evenings in bars hustling men for drinks, playing on their sexual desires … And the women who drink and make out, doing everything short of sex with men all evening, and then go to his apartment at 2:00 a.m.. Sometimes both of these women end up being the “victims” of rape.

But are these women asking to get raped?

In the most severe and emphatic terms possible the answer is NO, THEY ARE NOT ASKING TO GET RAPED.

They are freaking begging for it.

Damn near demanding it.

And all the outraged PC demands to get huffy and point out how nothing justifies or excuses rape won’t change the fact that there are a lot of women who get pummeled and pumped because they are stupid (and often arrogant) enough to walk though life with the equivalent of a I’M A STUPID, CONNIVING BITCH – PLEASE RAPE ME neon sign glowing above their empty little narcissistic heads.

Elam, apparently trying to project a more respectable image, has replaced the original A Voice for Men post containing these passages with a disingenuous disclaimer. But the Internet never forgets. An archived copy of the original post can be found through the Wayback Machine here. The quote is not any better in context.

Paul Elam on Why He Would Vote to Acquit All Rapists

Elam feels that courts are “patently untrustworthy when it comes to the offense of rape” and so, he explained in one post:

Should I be called to sit on a jury for a rape trial, I vow publicly to vote not guilty, even in the face of overwhelming evidence that the charges are true.

Original post here.

Paul Elam Explains How the Thought of Harming His Critics Sexually Arouses Him

No, I’m not making this up. Here are the strange, threatening remarks he addressed to an opponent of his Register-Her website (on which, more below).

Do you think I am going to stop?

It’s a serious question, because the answer to that question … should inform you of what will work for you or not work for you in dealing with me.

And the answer is, of course, no, I am not going to stop. You see, I find you, as a feminist, to be a loathsome, vile piece of human garbage. I find you so pernicious and repugnant that the idea of fucking your shit up gives me an erection.

Original post here.

Paul Elam on the Necessity of “Inflicting Pain” on Opponents

Progress for men will not be gained by debate, reason or typical channels of grievance available to segments of the population that the world actually gives a damn about. The progress we need will only be realized by inflicting enough pain on the agents of hate, in public view, that it literally shocks society out of its current coma.

You can see this quote in context here.

Paul Elam, the World’s Strangest “Pacifist”

From a post on family courts:

I am a pacifist. I do not advocate violence. But I tell you this. The day I see one of these absolutely incredulous excuses for a judge dragged out of his courtroom into the street, beaten mercilessly, doused with gasoline and set afire by a father who just won’t take another moment of injustice, I will be the first to put on the pages of this website that what happened was a minor tragedy that pales by far in comparison to the systematic brutality and thuggery inflicted daily on American fathers by those courts and their police henchmen.

It would not even so much be a tragedy as the chickens coming home to roost.

You can see the comment in context here.

Paul Elam on Mothers’ Day

To all you mothers of the world, please give your Mother’s Day flowers and give them all generously. Most importantly, give them where they will do the most good. Place a bunch of daffodils at a dumpster near you, perhaps one in which one of you, or one of your kind, has tossed an unwanted baby, leaving it there to slowly die alone in a pile of trash.

Perhaps you could lay a single rose at the base of a bridge that has been used by a mother to throw her baby into an icy river. Perhaps you can lay it there with hands that have beaten or shaken a baby to death. …

Inspired? Good. Now perhaps some of you could place large, colorful arrangements at the abortion centers where women go to have children cut out and laid to rest in those colorful and attractive biohazard containers that are all the rage in the clinics.

He continues on in this vein for some time before getting to this:

This is not a request for some mothers, or a percentage of them, but all of you. In fact, you don’t even have to be a mother. If you have a vagina, the blood of all those children, who are abused far more at the hands of women than men, has stained your skin and caked around the cuticles of your fingers.

And he continues on for several more paragraphs of abuse, until this:

In Daffodils for Dumpsters the gash gets you in, and you don’t really have a choice.

After several more paragraphs of this he makes clear that this time he’s not even claiming he’s writing satire:

Now, do I really mean all this? Yes.

You can read the whole remarkable thing here. He also wrote a similarly unhinged post about Valentines Day, which I wrote about here.

Now, Elam not only says many terrible things; he also does terrible things. Here are a few posts detailing some of these things.

Here’s a post about his website Register-Her, a fake “offenders registry” where feminist writers and activists are vilified alongside female murderers and child abusers, and threatened with the exposure of their personal information, in an attempt to silence them.

Here’s a post about A Voice for Men’s glorification of Thomas Ball, a disturbed man and self-admitted child abuser who set himself on fire on the steps of a courthouse in hopes that his death would inspire Men’s Rights activists to launch a campaign of firebombing attacks against courthouses and police stations.

Despite Elam’s claims of non-violence, A Voice for Men published Ball’s long terrorist manifesto — including his calls for firebombing — on its website, in its “activism” section. It was only after the Boston Marathon bombings that AVFM finally took the manifesto down.

Here’s a post about the time Paul Elam (along with a ragtag team of online misogynists and white supremacists) viciously attacked a young woman as an anti-male, anti-white bigot, resulting in threats directed at her and at her alma mater, Georgetown University. As it turned out, all the attacks on her, from Elam and other, were based on bogus information — as Elam would have known if he had taken ten minutes to fact check his sources.

These quotes, and these articles, are really only the tip of the iceberg. I invite anyone interested in finding out more about what Paul Elam believes to look through my archives at some of my other posts about him, and about A Voice for Men more generally.

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Alice Sanguinaria
11 years ago

I’m quite sure the “increase” in mental illness diganoses is due to newer (and better?) diganosing criteria. Autism, for example, has widened its diganosing criteria and screening programs since at least the 1980s/1990s, which is why we think it’s much more prevalent than it is in the past. If we used the same criteria and screens we use now in the past, I think we’d see the same proportion of those diganosed with autism.

This is not to ignore other mental disorders (or physical ones, like cancer, for that matter), all of which whose dignostic criteria and screening programs have been improving over the years.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

Did someone ask about mental illness in the Victorian era? (And earlier)

I’ll attempt to keep this brief, and probably fail.

So, bethlahem royal hospital (bedlam) opened in the 13th century, by the 14th it had the reputation as bedlam. But that was the era of demons and turning your relatives over to the church (bedlam was church run initially). Pretty much, if you could hide it, you did. On the flip side, you probably had to be seriously ill for anyone to treat you as more than an oddball. (This is not my period, this is background)

Insert a few hundred years of quackery, bedlam getting to be…disgusting…and we arrive at the 19th, which is my area!

I assume you’re familiar with hysteria? Where pretty much anything a woman did that a man found improper could get her thrown in bedlam? But then again, it wasn’t like men were totally immune and this was just misogyny, still plenty of hiding it if you could — this is, after all, the era of Van Gogh (fetch my fainting couch, those brush strokes!)

But yeah, mental illness has been around for as long as my history goes back, I’m trying to recall how the Romans dealt with it and just coming up with blaming demons, which I know is a bit later.

In any case, Freud was actually revolutionary for his time in that he figured out that plenty of these issues were actually treatable with talk therapy. These days he’s beyond outdated, but before him it was, at best, “treated” with a trip to the countryside and fresh air. At worst…hydrotherapy and the like (these methods are torture by modern standards)

And I need to get moving, so this ends our history lesson! Mostly, this story may be of interest — http://www.library.csi.cuny.edu/dept/history/lavender/wallpaper.html

Alice Sanguinaria
11 years ago

I do recall something about women with mental illness (e.g. postpartum depression) being told that they needed “bed rest” and that they should not “exert” themselves too much during the Victorian Era(?), isolating them and forbidding them from writing, thinking, etc. because it would hurt their ladybrain. Or something like that.

The short story “The Yellow Wallpaper” highlights this; it’s a rather good read if one’s curious.

Nitram
Nitram
11 years ago

Alice,

I read that in college! English 101 or 102. I was very common to have your wife “rest” when her nerves act up or if she wants something more out of life. And all of us who have experienced depression know that rest, inactivity, and isolation are the WORST things you could possibly do.

Marie
Marie
11 years ago

@Nitram

Idk, sometimes rest helps me (or at least not trying to continue on like nothing’s wrong). Like just a chance to recuperate mental health? If that makes sense. Not that rest sounds good in the context of the ‘don’t trouble your pretty little head’ conversation, but it does help my depression. ::shrugs::

Alice Sanguinaria
11 years ago

Nitram – I read it in high school and have a copy of it on my PC. 🙂

*nod* I can see why rest would be helpful in the short run, but in the long run it’s not very helpful. Resting (e.g. napping) is nice when you’re in the moment, but the isolation and the “don’t care” and the inactivity? Oh gods, no, I don’t want to go back to that.

AK
AK
11 years ago

The Yellow Wallpaper is just devastating. I cried the first time I read it. I wish it was taught more widely.

Scary Loot (@AaronMDellutri)

I recall reading “The Yellow Wallpaper” somewhere around 8th grade. I’m sorry to report that I was just too young & dumb to understand it, though I remember it was kinda chilling.

pecunium
11 years ago

Danny-Boy: It’s a mental illness when you confuse not giving a shit as being a rapist, pro rape, pro child abandonment, pro woman abuser, or whatever else you feel like accusing someone of that usually results in getting a felony.

Nope, more logic fail (you don’t logic much, do you).

1: Not caring if someone expresses disinterest in sex = rape.
2: Statistically factual allegations of rape don’t lead to charges, much less convictions, so the bloody shirt of felony convictions is just rhetorical flourish.
2a Since we know the facts, using that trope is worse than useless, as it shows you to be, at best, an ignorant fool who engages in passive rape apologism.

Me, I’m going for ignorant fool who engages in active rapa apologism, and probably would commit crimes he would fob of as, “rape by misadvertence”, when he knew just what it was he was doing.

But, I have experience in the real world.

Scary Loot (@AaronMDellutri)

@AK | October 20, 2013 at 11:29 am

I think it’s impossible to know for sure, but I suspect that rates have held fairly steady and that it’s a factor of increased diagnosis in modern days

That is my go-to hypothesis as well.

Alice Sanguinaria
11 years ago

Scary Loot – It is a VERY chilly tale of why bed rest was bad. It is said that the author wrote it to highlight how bed rest actually harms women more than it helps.

Marie
Marie
11 years ago

@Alice

*nod* I can see why rest would be helpful in the short run, but in the long run it’s not very helpful. Resting (e.g. napping) is nice when you’re in the moment, but the isolation and the “don’t care” and the inactivity? Oh gods, no, I don’t want to go back to that.

Maybe we’re thinking of different things for resting? Or just different opinions, can’t cross that out 😉 But when I say resting helps me I mean when I’m too overwhelmed and depressed sometimes it just helps to back up and take a break for my mental health…not like napping all the time, just like relaxing. Idk if that makes any sense.

LBT
LBT
11 years ago

Aw, Dan is just so sweet. I hope he goes and has a nice fulfilling life like a good paraplegic.

As for Romans, they probably used the Greek explanation of imbalanced humors. But I’m not too clear on that.

There are lots of grand people with mental illness. Where would we be without Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill? The cartload of artists? Einstein? My life would be terribly weakened without all of my wonderful friends who have mental ilnesses; why would I forsake them?

Nitram
Nitram
11 years ago

Rest does help, in that you can feel so sapped of energy – forcing it is impossible. The hell of it is, when you’re depressed, the very things that may help you get out of it feel damn near impossible to do. Anything from taking a walk, to calling your doc seem like insurmountable tasks. There’s always a bit of forcing oneself involved when trying to claw out of the hole. Even asking for help is ridiculously hard sometimes because the most obvious solution won’t enter my brain because it’s too overwhelmed with emotional pain.

(Walk, doc, brain, pain – The rhyming is completely accidental. I sound like self help bumper stickers.)

Support systems are a must.

Marie
Marie
11 years ago

@Nitram

Support systems are a must.

Ditto. Without my sister I probably wouldn’t have even started anti depressants.

Alice Sanguinaria
11 years ago

Marie – Ah, okay, that makes sense. I used napping to escape depressive thoughts, so that’s why I associate resting with napping. It’s very much possible that we spoke of two different things. In the initial post, “resting” was meant as “stay in bed and don’t get out or you’ll hurt your delicate ladybrains” (sentiment given by the narrator’s husband/doctor in “The Yellow Wallpaper”). Apologies if it weren’t clear.

Nitram – RAmen. Support systems are a must, otherwise I would have never made it here.

Marie
Marie
11 years ago

@Alice

It’s very much possible that we spoke of two different things. In the initial post, “resting” was meant as “stay in bed and don’t get out or you’ll hurt your delicate ladybrains” (sentiment given by the narrator’s husband/doctor in “The Yellow Wallpaper”).

Yeah, I got that, I probably shouldn’t have butted in, since my rambling was off topic. Just that I felt weird hearing ‘resting’ wasn’t good when you were depressed because I associate it with trying to regain my mental health so I got a case of rambles. Idk if that makes any sense? Anyway, sorry for the confusion.

Nitram
Nitram
11 years ago

Yes Marie, thank heavens for those people! My hubby is very good at helping me and even spotting it before it gets outta hand. Like if I’m starting to want to sleep more or doing that zombie thing where I sit and stare and look pitiful. It’s like central casting for any antidepressant commercial “Depression hurts, but you don’t have to!” Lol.

Nitram
Nitram
11 years ago

“Yeah, I got that, I probably shouldn’t have butted in, since my rambling was off topic. Just that I felt weird hearing ‘resting’ wasn’t good when you were depressed because I associate it with trying to regain my mental health so I got a case of rambles. Idk if that makes any sense? Anyway, sorry for the confusion.”

Marie, you gotta stop apologizing and saying that you ramble! I’ve noticed you apologize a lot, and I have never thought you needed to. I doubt anyone here has ever thought you were rambling, and you are free to butt in to anything, silly.

LBT
LBT
11 years ago

One of the benefits of being multi is that I have added motivation and other people to help keep me in line–switching won’t magically reverse brain chemicals, and I don’t want the kids to be suicidally depressed.

And I admit, I made The Bad Day Book and Feeling Worthless? specifically to try and counteract the whole “brain too blitzed to do anything” thing. It’s handy having the knowledge of your sane brain to help you in the future for your sick brain!

Alice Sanguinaria
11 years ago

Marie – No need to apologize. After all, isn’t this how conversations work?

(I think. Right? People discuss their experiences and add on new information to better the group having said discussion as a whole?)

Nitram
Nitram
11 years ago

Also Marie, you may find one day that you are supporting someone else, and all your past suffering will have made you a valuable ally to someone in need. I recently helped coordinate free therapy and meds for my depressed friend who is a laid off teacher who lost her benefits. I KNEW why she couldn’t organize her thoughts and figure out how to get help herself. None of this is in vain.

Nitram
Nitram
11 years ago

LBT, ever read First Person Plural? Fascinating autobiography written by a man with DID who ultimately got his doctorate and became a therapist to help those like himself.

Nitram
Nitram
11 years ago
Marie
Marie
11 years ago

@Nitram

Marie, you gotta stop apologizing and saying that you ramble! I’ve noticed you apologize a lot, and I have never thought you needed to. I doubt anyone here has ever thought you were rambling, and you are free to butt in to anything, silly.

Thanks :3 I just worry a lot.

@alice

Marie – No need to apologize. After all, isn’t this how conversations work?

I guess 😛 I just think I was being a bit confusing. Oh well, I guess things got clarified anyway?

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