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Paul Elam of A Voice for Men: In His Own Words

Paul Elam on 20/20
Paul Elam in a web-only clip from the 20/20 segment that never ran on television.

Paul Elam, the founder and primary animating force behind the website A Voice for Men, is probably, for better or worse, the most influential figure in the Men’s Rights movement (or, as he prefers to call it, the Men’s Human Rights Movement).

Elam is also a fierce misogynist with a penchant for angry, violent rhetoric full of only-slightly veiled threats. But don’t take my word for it. Perhaps the best way to get to know Mr. Elam is through his own words.

So here are some of Elam’s thoughts on a variety of issues, taken from postings on his own website.  I have linked each quote back to its source on A Voice for Men.

Paul Elam on Domestic Violence

In the name of equality and fairness, I am proclaiming October to be Bash a Violent Bitch Month.

I’d like to make it the objective for the remainder of this month, and all the Octobers that follow, for men who are being attacked and physically abused by women – to beat the living shit out of them. I don’t mean subdue them, or deliver an open handed pop on the face to get them to settle down. I mean literally to grab them by the hair and smack their face against the wall till the smugness of beating on someone because you know they won’t fight back drains from their nose with a few million red corpuscles.

And then make them clean up the mess. …

Now, am I serious about this?

No. Not because it’s wrong. It’s not wrong. Every one should have the right to defend themselves. …

But it isn’t worth the time behind bars or the abuse of anger management training that men must endure if they are uppity enough to defend themselves from female attackers.

Here, courtesy of the Wayback Machine, is the post as it originally appeared on A Voice for Men in 2010, where it was illustrated with a picture of a woman with a black eye, captioned “Maybe she DID have it coming.”

Elam now says this was “satire,” though its hard to see how it is “satire” when he clearly says that he doesn’t think his allegedly “satirical” solution is wrong. When Swift wrote his Modest Proposal he didn’t think that eating babies was actually a good thing; if so, it would not have been a satire.

Paul Elam on Rape

I have ideas about women who spend evenings in bars hustling men for drinks, playing on their sexual desires … And the women who drink and make out, doing everything short of sex with men all evening, and then go to his apartment at 2:00 a.m.. Sometimes both of these women end up being the “victims” of rape.

But are these women asking to get raped?

In the most severe and emphatic terms possible the answer is NO, THEY ARE NOT ASKING TO GET RAPED.

They are freaking begging for it.

Damn near demanding it.

And all the outraged PC demands to get huffy and point out how nothing justifies or excuses rape won’t change the fact that there are a lot of women who get pummeled and pumped because they are stupid (and often arrogant) enough to walk though life with the equivalent of a I’M A STUPID, CONNIVING BITCH – PLEASE RAPE ME neon sign glowing above their empty little narcissistic heads.

Elam, apparently trying to project a more respectable image, has replaced the original A Voice for Men post containing these passages with a disingenuous disclaimer. But the Internet never forgets. An archived copy of the original post can be found through the Wayback Machine here. The quote is not any better in context.

Paul Elam on Why He Would Vote to Acquit All Rapists

Elam feels that courts are “patently untrustworthy when it comes to the offense of rape” and so, he explained in one post:

Should I be called to sit on a jury for a rape trial, I vow publicly to vote not guilty, even in the face of overwhelming evidence that the charges are true.

Original post here.

Paul Elam Explains How the Thought of Harming His Critics Sexually Arouses Him

No, I’m not making this up. Here are the strange, threatening remarks he addressed to an opponent of his Register-Her website (on which, more below).

Do you think I am going to stop?

It’s a serious question, because the answer to that question … should inform you of what will work for you or not work for you in dealing with me.

And the answer is, of course, no, I am not going to stop. You see, I find you, as a feminist, to be a loathsome, vile piece of human garbage. I find you so pernicious and repugnant that the idea of fucking your shit up gives me an erection.

Original post here.

Paul Elam on the Necessity of “Inflicting Pain” on Opponents

Progress for men will not be gained by debate, reason or typical channels of grievance available to segments of the population that the world actually gives a damn about. The progress we need will only be realized by inflicting enough pain on the agents of hate, in public view, that it literally shocks society out of its current coma.

You can see this quote in context here.

Paul Elam, the World’s Strangest “Pacifist”

From a post on family courts:

I am a pacifist. I do not advocate violence. But I tell you this. The day I see one of these absolutely incredulous excuses for a judge dragged out of his courtroom into the street, beaten mercilessly, doused with gasoline and set afire by a father who just won’t take another moment of injustice, I will be the first to put on the pages of this website that what happened was a minor tragedy that pales by far in comparison to the systematic brutality and thuggery inflicted daily on American fathers by those courts and their police henchmen.

It would not even so much be a tragedy as the chickens coming home to roost.

You can see the comment in context here.

Paul Elam on Mothers’ Day

To all you mothers of the world, please give your Mother’s Day flowers and give them all generously. Most importantly, give them where they will do the most good. Place a bunch of daffodils at a dumpster near you, perhaps one in which one of you, or one of your kind, has tossed an unwanted baby, leaving it there to slowly die alone in a pile of trash.

Perhaps you could lay a single rose at the base of a bridge that has been used by a mother to throw her baby into an icy river. Perhaps you can lay it there with hands that have beaten or shaken a baby to death. …

Inspired? Good. Now perhaps some of you could place large, colorful arrangements at the abortion centers where women go to have children cut out and laid to rest in those colorful and attractive biohazard containers that are all the rage in the clinics.

He continues on in this vein for some time before getting to this:

This is not a request for some mothers, or a percentage of them, but all of you. In fact, you don’t even have to be a mother. If you have a vagina, the blood of all those children, who are abused far more at the hands of women than men, has stained your skin and caked around the cuticles of your fingers.

And he continues on for several more paragraphs of abuse, until this:

In Daffodils for Dumpsters the gash gets you in, and you don’t really have a choice.

After several more paragraphs of this he makes clear that this time he’s not even claiming he’s writing satire:

Now, do I really mean all this? Yes.

You can read the whole remarkable thing here. He also wrote a similarly unhinged post about Valentines Day, which I wrote about here.

Now, Elam not only says many terrible things; he also does terrible things. Here are a few posts detailing some of these things.

Here’s a post about his website Register-Her, a fake “offenders registry” where feminist writers and activists are vilified alongside female murderers and child abusers, and threatened with the exposure of their personal information, in an attempt to silence them.

Here’s a post about A Voice for Men’s glorification of Thomas Ball, a disturbed man and self-admitted child abuser who set himself on fire on the steps of a courthouse in hopes that his death would inspire Men’s Rights activists to launch a campaign of firebombing attacks against courthouses and police stations.

Despite Elam’s claims of non-violence, A Voice for Men published Ball’s long terrorist manifesto — including his calls for firebombing — on its website, in its “activism” section. It was only after the Boston Marathon bombings that AVFM finally took the manifesto down.

Here’s a post about the time Paul Elam (along with a ragtag team of online misogynists and white supremacists) viciously attacked a young woman as an anti-male, anti-white bigot, resulting in threats directed at her and at her alma mater, Georgetown University. As it turned out, all the attacks on her, from Elam and other, were based on bogus information — as Elam would have known if he had taken ten minutes to fact check his sources.

These quotes, and these articles, are really only the tip of the iceberg. I invite anyone interested in finding out more about what Paul Elam believes to look through my archives at some of my other posts about him, and about A Voice for Men more generally.

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kittehserf
11 years ago

Pretty well everyone who’s a regular starts off with a bit of trepidation, then finds they fit in fine. Even people who trip up at first, but are not assholes, fit in fine, because they say “I’m sorry, I fucked up!” and do better, instead of the whiiiiiinnnnnnnne about how naaaaaasssssstyyyyyyyy we are.

katz
11 years ago

I refuse to believe this is Pell, despite his penchant for socking under short male given names. Pell would have said that he knew we were all mentally ill because he was a doctor. And he never would have claimed to date a single mom.

opheliamonarch
11 years ago

Hey Kitteh, thanks :), just off to try and get some sleep.

P.S. Sorry ’bout the ‘c’ word in that last one, was seduced by the ‘Dan you wanker’ bit.

Nighty, night.

kittehserf
11 years ago

Sleep well, ophelia! 🙂

katz – maybe this IS Uncle Monty! :O

Marie
Marie
11 years ago

@opheliamonarch

Night 🙂

@katz

Pell would have said that he knew we were all mentally ill because he was a doctor. And he never would have claimed to date a single mom.

Yeah, I thought Pell only dated virgins. Or was it just young people? I can’t keep my Pell stuff straight. Though now I’m just trying to imagine a Pell/Dan combo. “As a doctor, I know you’re mentally ill, because you have empathy!”

aaaannnndddd I really should go to bed, too. So goodnight all :3 have fun with the troll, assuming he comes back and fun is possible. (I mean it probably isn’t. He’s pretty dang repetitive.)

kittehserf
11 years ago

Sparky – “He unfortunately doesn’t know anything about mental illness, either, or he wouldn’t be trying to use it as an insult. As if it was.”

I was thinking about that before, and then thought, there must be some physical illnesses that make no more sense as insults but would be more interesting than Dannyboy’s weaksauce efforts. They’d want to be minor but irritating, sort of like trolls/stepping on legos.

kittehserf
11 years ago

Niters, Marie! Nice seeing you online again, too. 🙂

katz
11 years ago

katz – maybe this IS Uncle Monty! :O

😯

Marie
Marie
11 years ago

@kittehs

Thanks :3

(…I’m going to bed…I swear…::tries to pry self away from computer::)

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

Maybe this is what happens when Pell comments without raiding his mom’s liquor cabinet first.

kittehserf
11 years ago

If it is him, he’s taking a long time to melt down. Which is a pity, ‘cos this incarnation is So Boring.

katz, how do you get that bug-eyed smiley to work?

marinerachel
marinerachel
11 years ago

I get the impression Dan REALLY needs to take a dump.

sparky
sparky
11 years ago

“Sparky hasn’t been around long, and zie seems to have fit in right off the bat, because zie is not a whiny asshole.

Awww, thanks CassandraSays. I try my best. :).

kitteh:
Hmmm. Physical ailments that are irritating but not life threatening. There’s “toxic megacolon,” but that one is nasty. And “necrotizing fascitis,” but again, not pleasant. “Scrotal edema?” That’s a symptom of something that could be a bigger problem, but can be benign. “Onychomycosis” is the fancy-pants medical term for toenail fungus. And “ptosis” is a droopy eyelid that is generally benign.

That’s all I can think of.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

You find cats more interesting than me?! How dare you! You must have a personality disorder! /snark

Does he get that all he’s doing is showing his prejudices?

I’m also off to bed, g’night.

Dan
Dan
11 years ago

Good morning

Nitram
Nitram
11 years ago

Yes Dan, I’m mentally ill. Fortunately it has never interfered with my ability to have empathy, or argue logically. Can’t say the same for you though, oh sane one.

I love it when trolls start flinging the mentally ill insults, completely showing their ass that they know diddly fuck about it. One in six people will seek out help for mental illness in their lifetime. Those are just the ones that seek. The stigma is so horrible, I felt I couldn’t tell anyone about my depression, let alone I’m taking *gasp* meds to manage it. I have more courage now. I will delightfully tell anyone who’s concerned about themselves or someone they know about my experiences, instead of the whole “my friend struggles with depression” rather than admit its me. I smile at everyone I meet eyes with in the waiting room where normally everyone avoids eye contact and thinly veils their shame. Do you realize how many high functioning, intelligent, successful, and powerful people suffer from mental illness?

Now Danny boy is gonna leave here and go tell his friends “dude, I started calling these feminazis mentally ill, and it turned out they totally were! Hahaha!” Not even realizing there’s a HIGH chance some of them are suffering from some mental illness themselves. Guess what? You will be the last person they will confide in if they get slammed with depression or anxiety. But that’s probably best, since empathy’s not your strong point.

hellkell
hellkell
11 years ago

Good morning and fuck off, Dan.

Scary Loot (@AaronMDellutri)

By the way, have you read this excellent medium-length piece * on antidepressant meds, and the quacks who try to argue they don’t work?

* “A Confederacy of Quacks: The War Against Antidepressants”, John Dolan, NSFWCorp, Oct 9, 2013

Scary Loot (@AaronMDellutri)

@Nitram | October 20, 2013 at 10:38 am

The stigma is so horrible, I felt I couldn’t tell anyone about my depression, let alone I’m taking *gasp* meds to manage it. I have more courage now. I will delightfully tell anyone who’s concerned about themselves or someone they know about my experiences, instead of the whole “my friend struggles with depression” rather than admit its me. I smile at everyone I meet eyes with in the waiting room where normally everyone avoids eye contact and thinly veils their shame. Do you realize how many high functioning, intelligent, successful, and powerful people suffer from mental illness?

I bet it’s a lot of good folks who have some sort of mental illness, yea. I sometimes wonder if people always had these problems (say, in the 1800s), and just dealt with them? Or is the prevalence of mental illness caused by environmental or social factors? I must admit I don’t know.

Scary Loot (@AaronMDellutri)

@Dan | October 20, 2013 at 10:17 am

Good morning

‘Morning. So, Dan, may I ask do you want to talk with folks here? Or are you more interested in insulting us?

Marie
Marie
11 years ago

@Scary loot

By the way, have you read this excellent medium-length piece * on antidepressant meds, and the quacks who try to argue they don’t work?

Nope, but I’ll check it out now 😀

AK
AK
11 years ago

I was thinking about that before, and then thought, there must be some physical illnesses that make no more sense as insults but would be more interesting than Dannyboy’s weaksauce efforts. They’d want to be minor but irritating, sort of like trolls/stepping on legos.

How about, “You had chicken pox as a kid and so now you might get shingles as an adult!” It isn’t terribly minor, but it’s very common and it doesn’t affect most people who have the shingles virus.

@Nitram:

I have a question about ableism that I would like to pose to the regulars here.
I usually don’t have any objections to political correctness, but Some of it confuses me. My close friend’s sister was diagnosed “mentally retarded” in the 70′s. my friend, whom I met in the 80′s, described her to me as “mentally retarded”. Nowadays, her whole family still refers to her as “mentally retarded”. When I told my husband about my friend’s sister who is “retarded” he looked at me sideways and said I shouldn’t describe her that way. now it’s supposed to be referred to as “developmentally delayed”. Has the phrase changed because insensitive pricks have hijacked the word and used it to fling “retard” “fuck-tard”, or avfm’s latest “rape-tard” as insults at people, Or is it just a DSM thing?

Also, I have black friends and I never know if saying “black” is now wrong. African American seems so wordy and goofy when I use it, and what would black people be called who are born in Britain?

I am asking sincerely, I hope I don’t come off as ignorant. Regulars here are a brilliant bunch. I figured if anyone can clear up my confusion about this, it would be you guys.

I don’t think you come off as ignorant (except in the very literal, judgment-free sense of the word, I guess ;)).

WRT developmentally delayed, I think it’s a combination of both. “Mentally retarded” used to be accepted social terminology based on the medical diagnosis, but it became such a pervasive insult in our culture that hearing it can be hurtful to both the patient themselves and their family. In addition, “developmentally delayed/disabled” is more accurate as a catch-all term, because what those delays are can vary a lot. For example, people in the autism spectrum may not be mentally retarded (they can have average or above-average intelligence), but they have developmental delays.

“Black” is pretty widely accepted terminology, IME. The issues only arise when you use it badly. For example, saying “the blacks” is not good. Saying “black people” or “black Americans” or whatever (where it’s an adjective rather than a noun) is fine. It’s also a red flag if you describe someone’s race when it isn’t relevant. For example, if you say, “My black friend went to that store and said the service was terrible,” makes you sound racist, because there’s no reason to bring up race. “My black friend went to that store and they pegged her as a shoplifter just because of her race,” is okay because her race is relevant to the story.

AK
AK
11 years ago

I bet it’s a lot of good folks who have some sort of mental illness, yea. I sometimes wonder if people always had these problems (say, in the 1800s), and just dealt with them? Or is the prevalence of mental illness caused by environmental or social factors? I must admit I don’t know.

I think it’s impossible to know for sure, but I suspect that rates have held fairly steady and that it’s a factor of increased diagnosis in modern days. I mean, if you were a poor laborer in the 19th century suffering from depression, what were you going to do?

Also, Nitram, I replied to your questions from yesterday but my comment is stuck in moderation due to discussion of the r-word. Just thought I’d let you know. 🙂

Nitram
Nitram
11 years ago

Scary loot,

Some good, some bad. Mental illness actually has little bearing on whether or not you’re a good person. There are murderous psychopaths and completely benign ones who are simply anti social and/or lack empathy. Some hold positions of great power. Abraham Lincoln suffered from depression. So many people suffered, untreated, of “melancholia”. Jackie Kennedy would have “melancholy” and jumping on the trampoline at the White House helped her get out of it. She recognized exercise helps (which it totally does). That’s why I’m so sick of the media and the NRA spouting off about mental illness being the cause of people doing horrendous acts. The stats just don’t support this. Most mentally ill people are harmless, and/or harm themselves. This includes schizophrenics and psychopaths. I know I haven’t provided citations. I’m lazy.

Nitram
Nitram
11 years ago

Thanks AK! I’ll look for it.

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