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Paul Elam of A Voice for Men: In His Own Words

Paul Elam on 20/20
Paul Elam in a web-only clip from the 20/20 segment that never ran on television.

Paul Elam, the founder and primary animating force behind the website A Voice for Men, is probably, for better or worse, the most influential figure in the Men’s Rights movement (or, as he prefers to call it, the Men’s Human Rights Movement).

Elam is also a fierce misogynist with a penchant for angry, violent rhetoric full of only-slightly veiled threats. But don’t take my word for it. Perhaps the best way to get to know Mr. Elam is through his own words.

So here are some of Elam’s thoughts on a variety of issues, taken from postings on his own website.  I have linked each quote back to its source on A Voice for Men.

Paul Elam on Domestic Violence

In the name of equality and fairness, I am proclaiming October to be Bash a Violent Bitch Month.

I’d like to make it the objective for the remainder of this month, and all the Octobers that follow, for men who are being attacked and physically abused by women – to beat the living shit out of them. I don’t mean subdue them, or deliver an open handed pop on the face to get them to settle down. I mean literally to grab them by the hair and smack their face against the wall till the smugness of beating on someone because you know they won’t fight back drains from their nose with a few million red corpuscles.

And then make them clean up the mess. …

Now, am I serious about this?

No. Not because it’s wrong. It’s not wrong. Every one should have the right to defend themselves. …

But it isn’t worth the time behind bars or the abuse of anger management training that men must endure if they are uppity enough to defend themselves from female attackers.

Here, courtesy of the Wayback Machine, is the post as it originally appeared on A Voice for Men in 2010, where it was illustrated with a picture of a woman with a black eye, captioned “Maybe she DID have it coming.”

Elam now says this was “satire,” though its hard to see how it is “satire” when he clearly says that he doesn’t think his allegedly “satirical” solution is wrong. When Swift wrote his Modest Proposal he didn’t think that eating babies was actually a good thing; if so, it would not have been a satire.

Paul Elam on Rape

I have ideas about women who spend evenings in bars hustling men for drinks, playing on their sexual desires … And the women who drink and make out, doing everything short of sex with men all evening, and then go to his apartment at 2:00 a.m.. Sometimes both of these women end up being the “victims” of rape.

But are these women asking to get raped?

In the most severe and emphatic terms possible the answer is NO, THEY ARE NOT ASKING TO GET RAPED.

They are freaking begging for it.

Damn near demanding it.

And all the outraged PC demands to get huffy and point out how nothing justifies or excuses rape won’t change the fact that there are a lot of women who get pummeled and pumped because they are stupid (and often arrogant) enough to walk though life with the equivalent of a I’M A STUPID, CONNIVING BITCH – PLEASE RAPE ME neon sign glowing above their empty little narcissistic heads.

Elam, apparently trying to project a more respectable image, has replaced the original A Voice for Men post containing these passages with a disingenuous disclaimer. But the Internet never forgets. An archived copy of the original post can be found through the Wayback Machine here. The quote is not any better in context.

Paul Elam on Why He Would Vote to Acquit All Rapists

Elam feels that courts are “patently untrustworthy when it comes to the offense of rape” and so, he explained in one post:

Should I be called to sit on a jury for a rape trial, I vow publicly to vote not guilty, even in the face of overwhelming evidence that the charges are true.

Original post here.

Paul Elam Explains How the Thought of Harming His Critics Sexually Arouses Him

No, I’m not making this up. Here are the strange, threatening remarks he addressed to an opponent of his Register-Her website (on which, more below).

Do you think I am going to stop?

It’s a serious question, because the answer to that question … should inform you of what will work for you or not work for you in dealing with me.

And the answer is, of course, no, I am not going to stop. You see, I find you, as a feminist, to be a loathsome, vile piece of human garbage. I find you so pernicious and repugnant that the idea of fucking your shit up gives me an erection.

Original post here.

Paul Elam on the Necessity of “Inflicting Pain” on Opponents

Progress for men will not be gained by debate, reason or typical channels of grievance available to segments of the population that the world actually gives a damn about. The progress we need will only be realized by inflicting enough pain on the agents of hate, in public view, that it literally shocks society out of its current coma.

You can see this quote in context here.

Paul Elam, the World’s Strangest “Pacifist”

From a post on family courts:

I am a pacifist. I do not advocate violence. But I tell you this. The day I see one of these absolutely incredulous excuses for a judge dragged out of his courtroom into the street, beaten mercilessly, doused with gasoline and set afire by a father who just won’t take another moment of injustice, I will be the first to put on the pages of this website that what happened was a minor tragedy that pales by far in comparison to the systematic brutality and thuggery inflicted daily on American fathers by those courts and their police henchmen.

It would not even so much be a tragedy as the chickens coming home to roost.

You can see the comment in context here.

Paul Elam on Mothers’ Day

To all you mothers of the world, please give your Mother’s Day flowers and give them all generously. Most importantly, give them where they will do the most good. Place a bunch of daffodils at a dumpster near you, perhaps one in which one of you, or one of your kind, has tossed an unwanted baby, leaving it there to slowly die alone in a pile of trash.

Perhaps you could lay a single rose at the base of a bridge that has been used by a mother to throw her baby into an icy river. Perhaps you can lay it there with hands that have beaten or shaken a baby to death. …

Inspired? Good. Now perhaps some of you could place large, colorful arrangements at the abortion centers where women go to have children cut out and laid to rest in those colorful and attractive biohazard containers that are all the rage in the clinics.

He continues on in this vein for some time before getting to this:

This is not a request for some mothers, or a percentage of them, but all of you. In fact, you don’t even have to be a mother. If you have a vagina, the blood of all those children, who are abused far more at the hands of women than men, has stained your skin and caked around the cuticles of your fingers.

And he continues on for several more paragraphs of abuse, until this:

In Daffodils for Dumpsters the gash gets you in, and you don’t really have a choice.

After several more paragraphs of this he makes clear that this time he’s not even claiming he’s writing satire:

Now, do I really mean all this? Yes.

You can read the whole remarkable thing here. He also wrote a similarly unhinged post about Valentines Day, which I wrote about here.

Now, Elam not only says many terrible things; he also does terrible things. Here are a few posts detailing some of these things.

Here’s a post about his website Register-Her, a fake “offenders registry” where feminist writers and activists are vilified alongside female murderers and child abusers, and threatened with the exposure of their personal information, in an attempt to silence them.

Here’s a post about A Voice for Men’s glorification of Thomas Ball, a disturbed man and self-admitted child abuser who set himself on fire on the steps of a courthouse in hopes that his death would inspire Men’s Rights activists to launch a campaign of firebombing attacks against courthouses and police stations.

Despite Elam’s claims of non-violence, A Voice for Men published Ball’s long terrorist manifesto — including his calls for firebombing — on its website, in its “activism” section. It was only after the Boston Marathon bombings that AVFM finally took the manifesto down.

Here’s a post about the time Paul Elam (along with a ragtag team of online misogynists and white supremacists) viciously attacked a young woman as an anti-male, anti-white bigot, resulting in threats directed at her and at her alma mater, Georgetown University. As it turned out, all the attacks on her, from Elam and other, were based on bogus information — as Elam would have known if he had taken ten minutes to fact check his sources.

These quotes, and these articles, are really only the tip of the iceberg. I invite anyone interested in finding out more about what Paul Elam believes to look through my archives at some of my other posts about him, and about A Voice for Men more generally.

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Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

Just remembering that Elam actually espouses these views is terrifying.

He’s not for men. He’s against women.

Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

Also, that is one unfortunate screenshot of Elam.

Matt
Matt
7 years ago

10 PM? Aw, I’ll be too busy watching Comedy Bang Bang and The Birthday Boys 2nite on IFC! (dvr? what’s that? never heard if it!)

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

The DV one is probably the all-time champ in terms of showing what morally stunted person he is.

How bad did he piss of the makeup person? He looks like a corpse in that pic. A very surprised corpse.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Oh, wait. He probably refused makeup because that’s for women and manginas, not knowing what studio lights can do to a person.

bodycrimes
7 years ago

I read Matt Forney’s post about how ABC approached him and mentioned they couldn’t get anybody from the Manosphere to reply to their emails or agree to be interviewed. Funny, eh? These men stand for ‘men’s rights’ and yet when they have a golden opportunity, they run to ground. What a contrast to other civil rights groups, who take every opportunity to present their case.

sparky
sparky
7 years ago

Y’know, you’re not really a pacifist or non-violent when you say things like, well, violence is bad and all, but if it happens to happen that a woman is beaten senseless or a judge is dragged into the street and set on fire then I’d be ok with that because they totally deserved.

Ashley
7 years ago

If anyone knows whether or not this will be streaming anywhere, let me know. I won’t be able to catch it tonight but if they show re-runs tomorrow I will be (it’s been years since I’ve watched 20/20). Other than that, I hope someone uploads it.

dustydeste
dustydeste
7 years ago

Seconding the hope that someone uploads it; I don’t get ABC’s livestream where I am, alas.

Ashley
7 years ago

bodycrimes, I just got done reading Matt’s post on it. I laughed so hard. They made him look like the chump that he is. What’s even funnier is toward the end where he said that it will blow up in ABC’s face, as if most of the general public will love the manosphere, except for the feminists, leftists, and old bitties of course. Yeah, keep dreaming.

Bonelady
Bonelady
7 years ago

Has the man actually ever committed violence against anyone? Or is he one of those people who incites others to violence and then enjoys the results while the other person takes the risk of arrest? If so, he’s a coward as well as being a jerk.

Howard Bannister
7 years ago

Man, I wish I was going to be able to watch this tonight with you guys. It sounds HILARIOUS.

I’ll have to catch up Sunday.

Julie Gillis (@JulesAboutTown)

PLEASE record and post this interview!!!!

bodycrimes
7 years ago

Ashley the Manosphere is running hot with the news that the End of Feminism is Nigh. But I’m not sure they’re entirely tuned into the way the world works. I saw a post yesterday where someone expressed considerable surprise and dismay that she has a partner. Could. Not. Believe. It. That a man would want her – blew the whole ‘feminists are lonely cat ladies’ away.

pecunium
7 years ago

I tweeted a link to this.

Citizen Justin
7 years ago

Has he just seen a vagina?

marinerachel
marinerachel
7 years ago

Nah, he’d be far more disgusted. He really hates those things.

Walter
Walter
7 years ago

is there anyway to watch this story if you live outside of the USA?

benfenton2013
benfenton2013
7 years ago

Check out the lies in Matt Forney’s post about when ABC called him:

“We can make time for you, do the interview where you are.” This guy was wearing me down. “You live in Pennsylvania? New York?”
“…Iowa.” I lied.
“Fuck, that’s far,” Steve complained.

(Because that’s how ABC’s representatives talk. Just getting started though.)

Earlier in the interview, Matt claims:
Steve paused. “Matt, how would you feel about appearing on TV for an interview?”
“Umm,” I stammered, “I think I’ll pass.”
“Oh come on man, you’re a pussy!” Steve tried to pressure me. “What are you afraid of?”

(Yeah, I’m totes sure the producers called Matt Forney a “pussy.” Weely, weely I’m shore!)

These guys can’t take a single breath without telling a lie. And then he proceeds to claim the ABC producers are liars. These guys win the award for projection every. time.

Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

Walter – Hope that they record it it and put it on YouTube or Hulu or something?

(Does Hulu work outside of the US? The mind wonders…)

I can’t get it livestreamed where I live right now, either, so I’ll be here wondering too.

MrFancyPants
MrFancyPants
7 years ago

This post reminds me of the comment-thread debate over at Ally Fogg’s blog, David. I pasted some of those same quotes to that murdoch guy who insisted that in two years of reading AVfM he had “not seen one example of misogyny.” Of course, he ignored me.

These people are unhinged.

Alice:

(Does Hulu work outside of the US? The mind wonders…)

Sadly, no. I believe Hulu is a US-phenomenon, only.

JaclynF
7 years ago

Hi all! Longtime lurker, first time posting. This is Jaclyn Friedman: one of the feminists interviewed for the 20/20 piece. Got word today that it is NOT AIRING TONIGHT after all, so I wanted to let y’all know. I’ve been trying to reach David but clearly haven’t reached him yet, didn’t want you to waste all that popcorn and tears of men on nothing. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news! Carry on being awesome!

Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

MrFancyPants – DAMN IT. So if I move out of the US, then I won’t have either Hulu OR Pandora? *pouts*

dustydeste
dustydeste
7 years ago

@Alice: Also, assuming you use Netflix, your selection there will be vastly decreased!

Christo
Christo
7 years ago

Please, please, please let the powers that be at 20/20 see this information!

Tulgey Logger
Tulgey Logger
7 years ago

I love Matt Forney’s ABC post. Dude is so delusional he thinks “the whole Internet” disagreed with the SPLC and that manosphere-led comment Zerg rushes serve as a barometer of public opinion. His head might as well literally be up his own ass.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Jaclyn: Thanks for letting us know. Guess this means I gotta put the bon-bons and scented candles away.

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

Well, I doubt he’s seen a vagina, it’ skins a dark in there. Vulva…well, he calls it a “gash”, so I have my doubts.

Also, ATTACK THE NEWB!!

…with kittens. And a Welcome Package.

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

It’ skins a = it’s kinda. My autocorrect has yet to learn contractions.

grumpycatisagirl
grumpycatisagirl
7 years ago

Jaclyn: Hi! Nice to meet you! You are awesome. Thanks for WAM.

Do you know why they’re postponing the story, after announcing it in and suffering that nasty barrage of MRA comments and everything?

katz
7 years ago

Oh well, looking forward to seeing you in the interview whenever it does air, Jaclyn!

rabbitwink
rabbitwink
7 years ago

Hi Jaclyn- loved your most recent blog post!!

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

Auggz — check out his Mother’s Day post, it’ squirted it’s quoted above — “In Daffodils for Dumpsters the gash gets you in, and you don’t really have a choice.”

(wtf autocorrect, they are called contractions, please let me form them!)

JaclynF
7 years ago

Awwwww! My very own welcome package! I’ve dreamed of this day!

I have no idea why they postponed. But these shows are like that. Could be that something wasn’t finished in time, could be that the story they’re running tonight instead is more urgent somehow (or it could even have something to do with internal politics about which producer has more pull to get their story ahead in the queue or something.) Could be they’re saving it for a week something falls through, since it’s not time-sensitive. Could be they think it’s going to be huge, and want to save it for November sweeps! Insert your own theory at the beep.

TV is just like this. Impossible to predict, let alone control. What I find curious is that, last it checked, AVFM had posted nothing about the postponement. Are they all still tuning in, hoping to see Dear Leader?

BEEP.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

If they are, they’re gonna be pissed, it’s a story about a young woman who was killed.

Cassie
Cassie
7 years ago

Doesn’t he make a lot of money? Why can’t he afford a suit that fits for a tv interview…

cloudiah
7 years ago

That screenshot…

Chris Wilson
Chris Wilson
7 years ago

I saw the promo for Paul Elam’s 20/20 appearance, and he did the showing the whites around his eyes thing every few seconds. I think it’s either his sincere look, or his “Oh no, I’m talking to an attractive intelligent woman and she is REALLY frowning at me” look.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

“I am comically shocked by the fact that this woman is arguing with me!”

Except that if he’s a clown he’s this one.

kittehserf
7 years ago

Also, that is one unfortunate screenshot of Elam.

Is there any other kind?

La Strega
7 years ago

Omigod, that clown is terrifying.

I hate clowns.

kittehserf
7 years ago

I hate clowns too, but oddly the clips of Pennywise don’t seem as gross as some – maybe ‘cos he’s meant to be terrifying instead of funny? Real clowns (or paintings of them, UGH) give me the heebiejeebies.

news producer
news producer
7 years ago

That transcript of Matt Forney’s “conversation” with the ABC producer is HI-LARIOUS. I’m a TV news producer in a similar role as whoever Forney would’ve spoke to is, and I promise, in a miiiillion years we’d never speak to a potential guest that way. GUEST is the key word. Seriously, you’re trying to entice this person to come on the air and give them all of the rope they could ever possibly need. You don’t go running at them with the noose held out in front of you. What an idiot Forney is to think that anyone would believe his “version” of that conversation. TV news producers are definitely a slick bunch (she says proudly) but we’re not a STUPID slick bunch.

Tracy
7 years ago

So dissapoint!

To non-USians, you can access Hulu using a proxy server or VPN. I use a service called unblock.us to access all Netflixes (Netflixs’? Netflixi?) and Hulu. Costs about $5 a month. Not illegal.

Trigger warning: rape

While all Elam’s comment make me cringe, the rape comment above (‘They’re begging for it’) highlights his complete disconnect from actually wanting to help men. I mean, the same argument, then, could be made about men drinking and flirting in bars, and bringing a woman home. Would he say that such a man has consented to every possible sexual activity because he brought someone home?

For example… if during consensual sexual activity the woman suddenly rammed her finger in his ass, and he said ‘no, stop’, and she didn’t stop and kept doing it, trapping him so he couldn’t get away – he would have deserved that (been begging for it) because well, he was drinking! And flirting! And brought her home!

If he gave a shit about men and boys, you think he’d see how his comments could go both ways. He’s far more concerned about hurting the type of women he despises than he is about actually, you know, HELPING MEN AND BOYS.

Would he say the same about male-on-male sexual violence?

ostara321
ostara321
7 years ago

Yeah, count me among those who aren’t buying Forney’s producer story. I’ve known some producers and they don’t even talk to temps or interns like that. Admittedly the producers I’ve known haven’t been the ABC producer variety but there’s this thing called professionalism that most people employ while working in a professional capacity.

How’s the saying go? Cool story bro

MordsithJ
7 years ago

It’s amazing how all the people Matt Forney meets, talk exactly the same way he writes. What are the odds?

katz
7 years ago

It’s because Forney is so incredibly persuasive that everyone who ever meets him unconsciously picks up his way of talking.

Scary Loot (@AaronMDellutri)

And the answer is, of course, no, I am not going to stop. You see, I find you, as a feminist, to be a loathsome, vile piece of human garbage. I find you so pernicious and repugnant that the idea of fucking your shit up gives me an erection.

So this ogre of a man considers his sexuality as tied to his urge to destroy. That’s frightening, but could be a weakness for him as well. If your sex is violence then it’s harder to control your violence — or your sex.

Dan
Dan
7 years ago

Very mature. Take Paul’s words out of context. Last time I checked, rape is a felony and it will cause a man or woman to have a felony record, a life time membership to the sex offender’s club, and time spent behind bars. So please show me where Paul advocating men to ruin their lives.

Based on logic of Mr. Futrelle, men who flash their money, tell a woman how much money he earns, and uses his financial influence to attract women are asking to be used up financially.

Like I said in another post on this site. I am a fair and just person. Just like women shouldn’t come off as sluts in order to get what they want out of a man and risk being raped; men should not come off as a charity foundation and then complain about being take advantage of.

Men need to stop buying random women drinks at the bar, stop spending money on women unless the women are having sex with them, and to stop acting like tricks.

Women need to stop using their bodies to taunt men.

See, that’s equality. However, I seriously doubt posters on here will see it as such since I called out both sides.

Come on out Mr. Futrelle. I am willing to have a clean debate with you. I am willing to debate you on blogtalk radio, terrestrial radio, on TV, or in person.

I am not like Paul. I will use logic. Don’t be scared kitten. I won’t keep you on your back too long.

Ally S
7 years ago

You’re fair and just? Sure, if by that you mean you support the just world theory, lol. I’m pretty sure that David wouldn’t want to argue with a misogynistic, victim-blaming asshole like you.

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