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What Matt Forney’s “Case Against Female Self-Esteem” Reveals About His Own Deep Insecurities

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Matt Forney is desperate for attention; it’s as glaringly obvious as the giant MATT FORNEY that adorns the top of his blog, creatively named MATT FORNEY. And like some caricature of an emo teen “acting out,” the misogynistic manosphere blogger has decided that any attention — even bad attention — is better than no attention.

And so, perhaps at least dimly aware that his ideas are and his prose are both too lackluster to command much attention on their own, he seems to be trying to rile up as much of the internet as possible with posts that are deliberately designed to offend liberals and feminists and pretty much anyone who is not a woman-hating douchebag. He had a minor hit a this spring with a post entitled Why Fat Girls Don’t Deserve to Be Loved, which did in fact live up — that is, down — to its title.

Now he’s got an even bigger hit in a post titled The Case Against Female Self-Esteem.

Originally posted in mid-September — people have been sending me notes for weeks asking when I would be writing about it — the post has blown up in recent days, inspiring countless angry Tumblr posts and Tweets from feminists pissed off at its, er, argument. It’s even inspired some threats of violence from Feminists, which Forney seems to regard with glee, reposting them on Twitter alongside boasts about how much traffic his post has generated thus far — last count, 90,0000 views.

So what is there to say about the post itself? It’s already been ably dissected, line by line, by Stephanie Zvan at Almost Diamonds. Some of its more absurd assertions — 60, to be exact — have been highlighted in this post by Clara on That Girl Magazine. There’s nothing original about most of Forney’s argument; it’s merely a collection of misogynistic manosphere tropes arranged into an “argument” against female self-esteem that Forney clearly intends as a provocation.

But ironically this paean to female insecurity offers interesting insights into Forney’s own insecurities about women, and more broadly into the insecurities that seem to drive so much of the manosphere’s misogynistic rage. That makes it worth examining in some detail.

Forney starts out with the sort of confession that most men would save for their therapists, announcing his love of insecure women, and declaring:

Whenever a girl I’m talking to brags about how she’s “confident” and “strong,” I can feel my dick deflating like a punctured tire.

Yep, he said it: confident women render him impotent.

“I’d still bang her, of course,” he quickly adds, somewhat unconvincingly. With what? While there are plenty of ways to have amazing sex that don’t involve an erect penis at all, somehow I don’t think Forney is much interested in that kind of thing.

Eventually Forney gets to the thesis of his piece:

In order for America to right itself, there needs to be a massive and concerted war on female self-esteem.

He rehashes tiresome antifeminist arguments suggesting that women are pumped up from birth by too much praise, and grow up into stuck-up princesses who won’t give the Matt Forneys of the world the time of day.

Sorry, that last bit is just subtext. He doesn’t actually say that out loud.

Then he goes on to rehash more tired manosphere arguments about how women are worthless nothings compared to hard-working manly men.

Most girls have done nothing to deserve self-esteem.

In the world of men, respect—and by extension self-esteem—is based on actually achieving something of worth or having some kind of skill or talent.

Says a man whose only real accomplishment in life has been offending people on the internet.

Most girls’ so-called achievements, the ones they take pride in, are complete jokes. Wow, you have a master’s degree in puppetry?

Huh. Not sure where that’s offered. Meanwhile, Forney is involved in studying a far more serious subject: how to con women into bed using the science of “game” developed by eminent scientists on the internet with names like Heartiste and Badger Hut and The Captain Power.

Then it’s on to the similarly tired notion that women don’t work “real” jobs:

The vast majority of girls work useless fluff jobs … If every girl was fired from her job tomorrow, elementary schools would have to shut down for a couple days, but otherwise life would go on as usual.

If every man lost his job tomorrow, the country would collapse.

Yeah, I’m sure the world would tremble if Matt Forney stopped writing his blog posts.

Forney returns to the topic of insecurity, and the embarrassing personal revelations begin to flow once again:

[T]he girls I’ve loved the most were the ones who were the most insecure, the most emotionally vulnerable.

Somehow I don’t find this hard to believe.

So what group of men is sort of famous for being attracted to vulnerable women?

(Hint: It starts with “abus” and ends with “ers.”)

Forney tries to justify his own skeeziness with some good old-fashioned misogynistic nonsense — complete with societal collapse and a side order of rape.

Insecurity is the natural state of woman. How could it be anything else? Given their lack of physical strength, a woman on her own should be frightened as hell without men to protect her. If society were to collapse, all the Strong, Independent Women™ who read Jezebel and xoJane would last about five minutes before they either found a man to cling onto or got raped and killed.

Now, I don’t actually believe, as Susan Brownmiller once famously wrote, that rape is “a conscious process of intimidation by which all men keep all women in a state of fear.”

But “arguments” like Forney’s above certainly give one pause. Essentially he’s saying the same thing as Brownmiller — except that he thinks this is good for men, good for women (and perhaps most importantly) good for his boner.

And, yeah, he actually spells that last bit out as explicitly as he can:

Confidence doesn’t give men erections; vulnerability does.

After saying that the fear caused by the threat of rape is good for women, Forney has the gall to suggest that feminism is causing mental illness among young women. Of course, like many backwards-thinking wannabe social critics, Forney thinks that psychiatric drugs — which can be quite effective in alleviating these illnesses — are just as bad as the illnesses themselves, because they remove the insecurities that make “girls” so sexy:

Ordinarily a depressed or insecure girl would seek solace in the loving embrace of a man, but daily hits from her good friend Saint Xanax short-circuit her feminine instincts.

Forney even throws a bit of evo psych paleobabble into the mix:

In squelching her inborn insecurity with you-go-grrlisms and drugs, the modern woman has become an emotional cripple. Like a fat slob eating Big Macs instead of a juicy steak from the supermarket, she substitutes having a dominant and confident man in her life with lotsa cocka and dating where she considers herself an “equal.”

The horror!

She views men as a life support system for a penis, an accoutrement, no different than her Manolo Blahniks or snazzy new iPhone. When she gets bored of her boy-toy, she tosses him in the trash and moves on to a newer, shinier model, and if she can get cash and prizes for trading in her old clunker, that’s just the icing on the cake.

Essentially, “confident” women are incapable of viewing men as human beings.

Gender-swap this little tirade (minus the MRA-lite bit about “cash and prizes,” code words for child support and alimony) and you have a capsule description of pretty much every “game”-obsessed dude in the manosphere

When manboobs and feminists say you should be happy that women today are “independent,” this is what they’re arguing for; a world in which romantic relationships are impossible.

Uh, most “manboobs and feminists” I know are actually in romantic relationships. Some of them with more than one partner.

Where men are nothing more than fashion items to help women show how cool or sophisticated they are. Sorry, but homie don’t play that game.

Sorry, homie, but I don’t think anyone is inviting you to that particular game. I’m trying to imagine a world in which the seething, petulant, hateful, overgrown emo kid that is Matt Forney is considered a “fashion item” to anyone, and my brain is seizing up.

And we’re on to more self-revelations:

So-called confident women are as threatening as a pile of dog turds. Sure, you can scrape them off your boots when you get home, but it’s better to not step in dog shit to begin with.

And more convoluted justifications. Now Forney wants to convince us that women don’t even really want self-esteem in the first place. No, they’d rather be spanked.

[I]n their bones, girls know that their toxic, feminist you-go-grrl ideology is a lie.  …

They want nothing more than for a man to throw them over his knee, shatter the Berlin Wall around their hearts, and expose the lovestruck, bashful little girl within.

Now, there are plenty of women (and plenty of non-women) who like a bit of spanking now and again as part of a consensually kinky sex life. Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s what Forney is talking about here. He seems to be suggesting that women want to be physically abused.

Game, at least as it was conceived by the seduction community, was all about this. All the hysterical nitwits blubbering about how “negging” and the like was designed to hurt girls’ self-esteem were precisely right, but that’s the thing; women are crying out for a man who will wound their self-esteem.

So I guess in Forneyland women love verbal abuse too.

“Confident” women are still women, and they still lust after men who dominate them, even if they can’t admit it to themselves. Because their self-esteem has been artificially boosted by society, today’s girls need extra-concentrated doses of dominance—i.e. game—in order to feel womanly, like a junkie chasing the dragon.

So women want to be treated badly, “even if they can’t admit it to themselves.” So if they say “no,” or “stop,” or “why are you doing this to me,” I presume Forney thinks that’s just their false consciousness speaking?

This is how abusers think.

And then Forney moves on to another favorite MRA trope: the idea that feminists fight rape because it secretly turns them on.

Girls will all but die without masculine attention. Hell, I’m even starting to think that the feminist agita about “rape culture” is part of this as well. Pushing lies like the claim that one in three women will be raped during her lifetime and their constantly expanding the definition of rape are ways for feminists to indulge their desire for vulnerability in a way that doesn’t conflict with their view of themselves as “strong” and “empowered.”

Forney winds up the post with a concentrated dose of abuser-think:

At the end of the day, there are no Strong, Independent Women™. There are only shrews pleading for a taming.

That’s how abusers think.

All the posturing, the pill-popping, the whining and demands for “equality”; they’re a cry for help.

That’s how abusers think.

Girls don’t want the six-figure cubicle job, the shiny Brooklyn 2BR, the master’s degree, the sexual liberation, none of it. They want to be collectively led back to the kitchen, told to make a nice big tuna sandwich with extra mayo and lettuce, then swatted on the ass as we walk out the door.

That’s how abusers think.

I say we give them what they want.

That’s how abusers think.

And that’s how Matt Forney thinks — though how he thinks he’s going to be able to support a non-empowered, kitchen-dwelling woman off of his paltry e-book sales I have no idea.

So what have we learned here?

Matt Forney, who literally admits that his penis wilts when he’s faced with a confident woman, needs insecure women to bolster his ego and his erection. And if he can’t find them, he wants to make them, to undercut the confidence of women with insults and fearmongering, “warnings” of rape and threats of violence and verbal abuse.

And that’s the real problem. Forney may write posts like this for attention. But he seems to believe this bullshit sincerely. And so do many of his readers. And that’s why his posts are worth paying attention to, even thought that’s exactly what he wants us to do. Because he reveals a lot more about himself than he thinks in his writings. And the better we understand these guys, the better we can fight them.

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eumenidis
eumenidis
7 years ago

@kittehserf – Better yet if he’d just quietly drop dead; plenty of men not obsessed with their genitals & tuna sandwiches could use the job he’d leave vacant.

kittehserf
7 years ago

eumenedis – agreed!

Though “obsessed with their genitals and tuna sandwiches” put an image in my mind I coulda done without. 😉

Kai
Kai
7 years ago

Hey! My uncle did something that a lot of these guys dream of. After years of singledom and a failed marriage, he moved to Russia, and married a local woman. I mention this because she has a doctorate in puppet theater. They met at work- he has a doctorate in cinema. Oh, and she was 40 and a single mother of a wonderful girl who has now started a phd of her own. They have a very happy family. Funny how seeing potential romantic interests as people allows one to form deep connections based on shared interests, among other things, even if those interests ijclude puppetry…

freemage
freemage
7 years ago

Because I hate my soul, and want it to suffer, I followed SocialKenny’s link to the Forney column about him.

And I’ve gotta say, it’s a masterful piece of racism. Well, actually, it’s a nigh-incoherent bit of racism, but you can tell that MF really, really hates anyone with dark skin.

Kim
Kim
7 years ago

The takeaway from Forney’s article seems to be “being a strong and confident woman” is a very good thing as it repels MRAs/PUAs and probably other kinds of abusers too.

If we continue to work on female self-esteem and for all women to become strong and confident, then MRAs/PUAs will eventually die out.

All in all, a very positive message.

SpleenyBaggage
SpleenyBaggage
7 years ago

I’d rather spend my next 30-50 years alone on a mountaintop than spend 5 minutes in the same company as Matt Forney. What a pathetic douchehat.

Athywren
Athywren
7 years ago

I wanna see fifty shades of cats…
I also wanna know if it really is the best selling book of all time (in which case, BAD HUMANITY! GO SIT IN THE CORNER AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’VE DONE!) or if that’s just some drivel that MRAs like to parrot in order to argue that it’s reflective of anything real. Possibly the best that can be said of it is that it’s a popular book that deals with kink. Considering a world starved of pop kink fiction, the fact that it’s so ridiculously awful is going to be massively outweighed by the fact that you actually know about it.
(Also, book sales don’t indicate whether people like the book, surely this is obvious even to MRAs? You buy the book, then you read it. I’m reading the Sharpe series at the moment – that’s how you do a good book, and I’m not just saying that because I have a young Sean Bean in my mind’s eye while I’m reading.)

kittehserf
7 years ago

Fifty shades of cats!

Want!

Athywren
Athywren
7 years ago

“Magical Mister Mistoffelees raised the whip, testing its weight in his left paw.
‘Beg for it, slave,’ he growled seductively, ‘beg for your punishment.’
‘Oh please, master,’ Demeter purred with a growing need that pulsed and flowed through her, enkindling a flame that only her master’s touch could quench.”

*cough*
Aaaaaanyway.

kittehserf
7 years ago

No, no, it’s more like this:

Magical Mister Mistoffelees raised his head, fixing his narrow gaze on the human. “Beg for it, slave,” he growled commandingly.

“Oh, please, master,” the human grovelled. “Please, purr for me, just once. Just one little purr. Look, I have filled the bowl with your favourite food, and rubbed catnip into my hair.”

dustydeste
dustydeste
7 years ago

@Athywren – There’s no way in hell that Fifty Shades of Grey is the bestselling book of all time; it just hasn’t been in print long enough for that to be remotely possible. According to Wikipedia: “The Bible, the Qur’an, the Gita, The Communist Manifesto and Quotations from Chairman Mao are widely reported as the most-printed and most-distributed books in the world, with hundreds of millions of copies of each of them believed to be in existence.”

According to the same page, Fifty Shades of Grey is about as popular as Winnie-the-Pooh. So, y’know… popular but that doesn’t mean it’s the keystone of civilization or anything.

kittehserf
7 years ago

Maybe it’s “bestselling” as in “sold, then hastily flogged off to a secondhand store, bought, resold, etc.” 😉

Athywren
Athywren
7 years ago

You have a point there, kitteh… I really miss being owned by cats, with the purring and the cat-a-cake and the “tickle my belleh, slave!”

HAH! Fifty shades of ugh is only 5 million sales more popular than Left Behind!
A sick part of me really wants to read them too, but I get the feeling they’re just badly written apocalypse porn.

kittehserf
7 years ago

I was just reading some of the thousands of one-star reviews 50 Shades has on Amazon … snicker.

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

And that is officially better than 50 Shades of Fucked Up.

TMI time!
Bite me. No, really, right here please. Harder. <– my idea of a good time
/TMI

50 Shades had me yelling STOP BITING!!

When you make me want to sit you down and have a good long talk about kink and consent and respect, and this is how oh so many people are being introduced to BDSM, you are doing more harm than good.

Athywren
Athywren
7 years ago

(Though I guess it is worth mentioning that the Left Behind series is two decades old now, so maybe 50 shades is more popular than them by a more significant degree than is measured in that table.)

dustydeste
dustydeste
7 years ago

I can’t speak for the adult ones, but the teen-centered ones were pretty bad. My Nana bought a bunch of them for me when I was in junior high; pissed my mom off no end since I was supposed to be busy being a good Catholic girl. Anyways, you have to keep in mind that FSoG only had three books, whereas Left Behind had 16. Anyways, the rating is by books sold over the whole series, so arguably FSoG is significantly more popular on a per-book basis.

Athywren
Athywren
7 years ago

I think the very least a writer could do, if they’re going to reduce to matter of consent down to a contract, is have that contract be signed.

melee_mel
melee_mel
7 years ago

Tried to read some of the original blog post – but there’s no way I’m reading that wall o’ text. The synopses will have to do; why is it that all MRAs / Terpers insist on confusing verbosity with intellectualism? Do they reckon that the more inches they take up (bolstered by nonsensical thesaurus injections, in the case of Elam), the more valid their points are? Is a long blog post the equivalent of getting a really big truck to make up for certain physical deficiencies?

(The content of the post is so eyeroll inducing that it down’t deserve a rehash, IMO. The dude clearly gets off on being a douche and ruffling feathers. No reason to give him the narcissistic supply he’s after.)

kittehserf
7 years ago

::looks up Left Behind::

warglewut

“Anyways, you have to keep in mind that FSoG only had three books, whereas Left Behind had 16.”

Ohgoddon’tgiveherideas

I can’t imagine getting through the first chapter of Dreck, let alone the whole book. Atrocious writing, bullshit story and fuckshite awful *cough* characters *cough*. If I wanna read about a sexual sadist with no ethics I’ll read my own stuff. Thirty years old and it’s still better than wossname’s rubbish.

Seranvali
Seranvali
7 years ago

Athywren:

*gasps from laughing*

You should write that. For serious. Just a short story….hmmm?

Agree completely about Fifty Shades of Badly-Written Crap. What Forney doesn’t seem to understand is that because some women enjoy…odd…fantasies doesn’t generally mean that they want those fantasies fulfilled. It happens a lot. People fantasize about bizarre things that they’d run from screaming if anyone tried to force on them. Any fanfic site will bring hundreds of these kinds of stories (usually far better written than FSoBWC) to light. They are fantasies, we don’t want this kind if stuff actually inflicted on us.

Seranvali
Seranvali
7 years ago

David:

Xanax is dangerous. It’s a benzodiazepine with a short half-life and those are all very addictive except in very short courses. I’m in the process of getting rid of a benzo dependency and it’s sheer hell, even doing it properly (I started using it while I was on chemotherapy in full awareness of a pretty much inevitable dependency but the thought of going through treatment without it was far worse that coming off it). I don’t regret having used it because of the circumstances under which I started but if bentos of any description are being handed out like sweets it needs to stop.

Athywren
Athywren
7 years ago

I actually think I might… procrastination has interrupted my main project, may as well procrastinate productively. I wonder though, does it need the original character names in order to be funny?

And yeah, like I said a little earlier, I’m reading through the Sharpe books – nearing the end of Sharpe’s Triumph – but that doesn’t mean I secretly want to lay face down in the dirt while my comrades are slaughtered by traitors….. or does it?
(no)
I mean, there’s reason it’s called fiction.

neuroticbeagle
7 years ago

Though “obsessed with their genitals and tuna sandwiches” put an image in my mind I coulda done without.

Don’t know what Kittehs imagined, but this is what that phrased brought to my mind:

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/dc/ee/46/dcee46229597f3c70e75a833f81d5636.jpg

thebobgoblin
7 years ago

As a single cis straight male who’s in the dating pool, I’d really for there to be some kind of conscientious objector status for guys like me when I read posts Forney’s.

What kind of man’s penis wilts in the presence of confident women? A coward’s.

kittehserf
7 years ago

Given MRAs seem to know jack shit about fiction (along with everything else) and I don’t doubt for a minute they’d love to inflict their fantasies on women, it’s probably not that surprising morons like Forney think any woman reading Drab Dreck wants that sort of thing done to her.

Possibly he’s just pissed that he’d be a failure even at being a douchebag like Grey.

thebobgoblin
7 years ago

Oops, left a couple of “likes” out of that post. Y’all can fill in the blanks. Sorry.

kittehserf
7 years ago

neuroticbeagle – nothing that appealing, it was more along the lines of a guy with a tuna sandwich wrapped round his bits!

dustydeste
dustydeste
7 years ago

To be completely honest, I read the entirety of the first Fifty Shades book. It was kind of an exercise in hatred, and it’s hella annotated now with “NO WHAT THAT’S NOT EVEN AN ACTUAL SENTENCE AND ALSO WHAT IS THIS SHIT THIS IS AWFUL,” but I will say that it makes pretty good comedy-fodder. I saw a standup show that was purely a reading of this in funny voices, interspersed with “tips” from the Fifty Shades issue of Cosmo… it was purer gold than the liquid gold we’ve heard so much about.

Also hilarious: Reading the “sexy” scenes, but with Christopher Walken’s voice as Mr. Abuser, and Christian Bale-era Batman’s voice as Ms. Pants. I almost veered off the road from sheer hilarity when someone did this on a road trip last summer. I had to ban further readings for the duration of the driving time.

kittehserf
7 years ago

Whoot!

Or rather, “Help! Help! I’m being repressed!”

kittehserf
7 years ago

(My previous post referred to cloudiah’s blog, NOT Fifty Shades.)

Say, how would 50 Shades sound read by sarumanangry?

dustydeste
dustydeste
7 years ago

Probably fabulous 😀

katz
7 years ago

As far as I’m concerned, literally the only thing worth doing with 50SoG is reading it in funny voices. Or making it into a cooking show. (Patrick Stewart voice!)

takshak
takshak
7 years ago

@ Alice Sanguinaria Okay, seriously, fuck this guy.

…not even with Thunderf00t’s dick.

Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

takshak – No, not literally! Oh gods, I wouldn’t wish that on ANYBODY. O_o

Seranvali
Seranvali
7 years ago

Dustydeste:

Yeah, I know what you mean. I read it with the kind of horrified fascination usually reserved for sinking ships and train wrecks!

ignotussomnium
ignotussomnium
7 years ago

I can’t think of 50 Shades without hearing Gilbert Gottfried’s flawless dramatization.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5K1RcKJVbHA&w=560&h=315]

kittehserf
7 years ago

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH we’ve just had our first huntsman invasion of the season

melody
melody
7 years ago

Wow…wow…wow.
I don’t even know what to say to that load of BS.

daintydougal
daintydougal
7 years ago

In their apocalypse fantasies are they suggesting that every woman has to be paired with a man (only straight cis people after the downfall of civilization plz) to prevent him from joining the apparently inevitable wandering bands of rapistmurderers?

It’s always funny when they go on about the ‘dangers’ that women face while at the same time squealing with fury about the precautions women take. Like ‘You should defo be afraid of us cos we’re powerful and mighty but at the same time being told we’re scary hurts our precious fee-fees so you mustn’t do it!’

titianblue
titianblue
7 years ago

In the UK, charity shops are asking people to stop donating copies of 50 Shades of Grey, they have so many. I’m not normally a fan of burning books but “alternative fuel source” occurs to mind, in this case.

I follow 50 Sheds of Grey on twitter. It’s hilarious.

Karak
Karak
7 years ago

I can’t help it but be so baffled when the “meaningless chick jobs* meme comes up. Women are overwhelmingly nurses, aides, and CNAs–healthcare runs on the back of our girlie sparkly labor. We also run most fast food joints, something I’m *sure* Matty can’t do without.

palmedfire
7 years ago

What scares me the most about 50 Shades of Grey is the number of my (female) coworkers have read and loved the 50 Shades trilogy, and talk about how Christian is such a romantic hero and they wish they had a guy “just like him” – actual words from more than one of them.

It’s especially scary when I remember most of them are on the dating market.

daintydougal
daintydougal
7 years ago

The ‘girls don’t do real work’ is often part of the same nonsense as ‘coding is the impost important clever difficult work there is’.

Knowing html doesn’t make you some kind of legendary wizard.
Being a nurse or other ‘fluff’ jobs kind of do make you a wizard.

Athywren
Athywren
7 years ago

The ‘girls don’t do real work’ is often part of the same nonsense as ‘coding is the impost important clever difficult work there is’.

Heh, coding is like speaking french. It’s just a new language with a simpler syntax. I’ve worked a nursing job…… I lasted a month. *macho pose*

Athywren
Athywren
7 years ago

… I’m not saying French has a simpler syntax than English, only that it’s another language. The simpler syntax is only referring to coding languages.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

I’m guessing you can get a puppetry degree at Evergreen State.

I’m not sure how many elementary school teachers can afford to rock Manolos (which, seriously, there are way better high-end shoes out there. MBs are straight-up marketing, like Patron tequila). Has Forney ever met a woman, like, for real?

I’d like Forney to do my “puff” job for day. Yeah, it looks cool on paper, but I bet he’d be under the desk sucking his thumb by noon. Hell, I want to do that some days.

daintydougal
daintydougal
7 years ago

Women might well make up 50% of the workforce, but they all do fake jobs which means real men doing real jobs* get paid 50% less.

*Have they ever declared what they consider to be real jobs?

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Real jobs to them are probably miners, garbage men, etc. In short, it’s jobs that the vast majority of MRAs do not have.