It’s time for another visit into the fertile mind of Christopher in Oregon, perhaps the most viscerally misogynistic boob I’ve ever written about on this site. Most of the misogynists I write about here like to pretend that they’re not misogynists, or to dress up their misogyny in pseudoscientific terms, talking about the evils of female “hypergamy” or citing dubious evo psych to back up their reprehensible views.
Not old Chris. He’s an old-school, women are bad because their vaginas are stinky, woman-hater. And his 2007 manifesto “Deconstruct the Female,” which I recently found reposted on MarkyMark’s blog, may well be his masterpiece.
Let’s take a look at some of the highlights.
On the whorishness and deceit of all women (except Christopher in Oregon’s mom):
My mother was very vocal about women and their nasty ways. For this I will always be grateful. She told me in no uncertain terms that women were pretty much all whores and liars, and that for all practical purposes, there were no exceptions.
On the Impending Ugliness of All Women:
A woman’s looks almost always head for the gutter as she ages. … I’m not talking when she hits fifty, or even forty.
Thirty. Maybe sooner. …
This is one of the greatest secrets that few people talk about, and young men are almost never warned about. Women get ugly. BUTT UGLY.
Cellulite: Might Literally Eat You
Oh, God. Have you ever walked down the aisle in a store and observed the women waddling along in short pants? Have you ever looked at their legs? Their thighs? A ghastly sight. Cellulite jiggling in every direction. It’s like the old fifties sci-fi movie “The Blob”. Sometimes I’m afraid it’s going to jump out and envelope me.
Breasts: An Affront to All That is Good and True
Contemplate her breasts. Ah, yes. The twin orbs of pleasure that young men so foolishly lust after.
Why?
They’re a couple of sacks of fat with oozing nipples on the end. Very few women’s breasts look like the one’s you see in the movies. Normally, most breasts are NOT attractive at all. They droop. Sometimes they’re not identical. Some look like gourds. When children come along, they sag badly. Very badly. Sometimes down to their belly, which by this time is also sagging in a race to hit the floor. In a woman, everything heads south, my friends. NEVER forget this.
Vaginas: I Smelled One Once, and It Was Very Stinky
I’m going to be blunt. Have you ever smelled a vagina? Seriously. I mean in it’s natural, unwashed state? Really stuck your nose right down there and taken a deep breath?
Once.
My G-d. The stench could have knocked a buzzard off a shit wagon at fifty paces. To this day I swear there was a cloud of flies buzzing around that portal of doom. Sometimes when riding my Harley-Beasties around the rural roads here in Oregon, I encounter dead skunks. Road kill. We have a lot of them here, and when they’ve been baking in the summer sun, you can smell them a long way off even at sixty miles per hour.
Vaginas tend to be even nastier.
Vaginas, Part 2: He’s Not Done Yet
I have long said that a vagina is a cesspool of filth and disease, and that I will never place any part of my anatomy into such a sewer. With the odds that a woman has herpes or HPV, this statement is even more true today.
Nature has a clever trick to warn us of danger. Smell. If you encounter something that smells bad, or rancid, Nature is telling you to get away.
(Danger, danger Will Robinson!)
You are being warned that something is probably carrying disease, and is filthy. Definatley not fit for human consumption.
Consider what comes out of a woman’s vagina when she has a period. It’s not just blood, boys. Other nasty stuff sloughes off. If she has HPV, then dead warts (if she’s being treated) come oozing out. Or dead pre-cancerous lesions. Scabs. Brown slime that reeks.
Vaginas, Part 3: Also, They’re Near the Butt
Think about her rectum. Yep. Her butt-hole. Think about how close it is to her vagina. Do you REALLY want your gonads slapping up against her poop-shute?
Really?
How carefully does she wipe after she uses the toilet? Do you know? Of course not. You’re taking it on faith that she is very sanitary, and we all know we can trust women.
Women: They Also Have Mouths
Look at her pretty face. Think about her mouth. Can you say gingivitus? Tooth decay? Mucous? Plaque? The human mouth is FILTHY, and a woman’s mouth is no exception, bucko. She can also carry Herpes and HPV in her mouth from all those blow jobs she’s been giving out to every guy in town. Blow jobs that mysteriously disappear once married, I might add.
Oh, Eyes Too
Look at her beady little eyes. Will they look so pretty when she is squinting through glasses that are as thick as coke bottle bottoms? When they’re oozing? When they are dull and lifeless as she hits middle age?
Women Over Fifty are Rotting Carcasses
Surely you’ve seen a middle-aged couple walking along. The man is fifty. In shape. Pleasantly greying on the sides of his head. …
Then look at his wife
She looks like an open-casket funeral. The stench of death is about her. He’s just hitting his prime in looks, while she’s flying towards death. Yes, she may outlive him. If you can call occupying a rotting carcass living.
Women: They Also Poop
Women produce the same filth and excretions as men. They require deodrants both for underarms, and even worse, for down below. What happens when a woman uses the toilet? Do you think it comes out smelling like roses? Think again.
Do Not Allow The Human Female to Use You For Breeding Purposes
Consider the other examples in nature of males being used and cast aside after breeding. Once they have served their purpose, they are useless to the female.
Do you think you will be treated any differently when the female has used you for breeding? You will only be around as long as she feels she need you financially. No longer.
Spend Your Life Exercising Furiously Instead
Clear your mind of lust. Avoid looking at women. Avoid porn. Masturbate if needed when yonger- or older. Don’t date. Don’t socialize with women. Concentrate on your hobbies. Your work. Your exercising.
Huh. That’s a lot to take in.
But there’s just one thing. I don’t want to boast, but over the forty-some years of my life I have found my nose in close proximity to a human vagina on more than one occasion, and, um, dude, I think maybe you got a bad one.
For more from Chris, check out the archives.
EDITED TO ADD: And here’s a DRAMATIC READING of the whole manifesto, courtesy of Quietuus!
The g0ys are one of them, yes, but compounded by various other ideology that makes them my favorite dead horse to whip: their belief that pederasty was totally fine, buttsex killed the Romans, and also the subtext that if those faggots just shut the fuck up and closeted themselves, everything would be fine.
NO NO NOT THE COCKRUB WARRIORS OF MARS AGAIN NOOOOOOOOO
(After searching through the F Plus archives, I’ve discovered that the group I was thinking of are the guys at heroichomosex.org…. which is also an eye wateringly badly designed website.)
Again, without the slurs this time:
The g0ys are one of them, yes, but compounded by various other ideology that makes them my favorite dead horse to whip: their belief that pederasty was totally fine, buttsex killed the Romans, and also the subtext that if those [insert gay slur here] just shut the fuck up and stopped acting so gay, everything would be fine.
See, the Cockrub Warriors are bad, but Bill Weintraub at least seems to care about gay people and have done some legitimate activism over the years. Also, he seems to possess a sense of humor, which the g0ys lack. The g0ys are just a delightful layer cake of shit; I’ve been MSTing them for YEARS.
“Buttsex killed the Romans” sounds like it should be sung to the tune of “Video killed the radio star”.
I know zip about the CWs other than the conversation we had here before; it’s their fiction that was soooooo baaaaad (plus even as a nonpenis’d person, I was all ow ow ow about what they were doing to each other’s bits).
The g0ys I will never be able to pronounce other than “goys” and that just adds a layer of unintentional weird to it.
“So that’s an Isle of Wight accent, then?”
It’s a middle class one with a bit of stage school on top. I used to do public speaking competitions and I do some amateur dramatics so I’ve picked up a bit. Jeremy Irons is the patron of one of the theatre companies I’m a member of, incidentally.
RE: Kittehs
Cockrub Warriors of Mars was hilaribad. G0y fic is just awful bad.
Aaaaand my next crash space offerer has folded, leaving me three days where I haven’t figured out housing yet. *sighs* I’m not really surprised, but I really would’ve liked some more advance warning.
Oh well. More excitement for me, I suppose.
Okay, it took me a while to write up my parody of CIO’s “Deconstruct the Female” thing. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: The following passage is a parody. I do not happen to hold any of these beliefs. I like and respect men, so please don’t dox me.
“Ladies,
I am luckier than most people in retrospect. One of the biggest things in my favor was when my parents warned me about MEN and their inability to stay committed to a woman. They were very vocal in expressing the fact that men would only want to bang you and then toss you aside, leaving you with only a series of unpaid bills in your name, lost time and money, and a child in your belly. For this, I am eternally grateful. All men are inherently stupid, lazy, disgusting slobs who play women, spending money like water while loafing around the house drinking beer and getting a beer gut, and only caring about themselves, with no exceptions. This view is also echoed in the various sitcoms of the day and in the past, such as in Family Guy and the Simpsons, if you’re still into that show after the tenth season (silly people, don’t you know that that show has gone downhill since?).
Probably the most important bit of information my parents gave me was that men do NOT age well. They kept telling me about how if I was able to avoid hitching up with men until I die, that I would be “home free”. I never understood this at first, but now I know what they meant. It’s not about the sex drive, but something more important. Men do not age well. Their looks and their intelligence head straight for the gutter as they age. The older they get, the more they deteriorate. I’m not talking when he hits fifty, or even forty.
I’m talking twelve. Maybe sooner.
This isn’t just the issue of how their faces become less cute. I recall reading this blog that tactfully said that men become disgusting slobs and dumbnuts when they turn forty. It said that men won’t really be able to regain their youth and their smarts. I thought “Yeah, they won’t really regain their good looks or their intelligence. Maybe a disgusting smell, but nothing positive.”
This is one of the greatest secrets that few people talk about, and young women are never warned about. Men get ugly and dumb. BUTT ugly and SUPER dumb, not to mention EXTREMELY resentful. Even if they win Nobel Prizes or become sex symbols, the fact does not change that they will start to degrade and post on the Spearhead.
The Spearhead.
Oh, gods. Have you taken a look at the stuff that men post over there? Have you ever read one of their articles, or the highly upvoted comments of many of the regulars? A ghastly sight. They post about how as men, they are the most oppressed and most disadvantaged group in the world. Just the other day I caught an article by a man named W. F. Price where he claimed that one can easily debunk the idea of privilege by asking those who speak of it why the non-whites are not avoiding white neighborhoods or why women are seeking to enter male institutions. It’s like trying to explain and correct a creationist who claims that the second law of thermodynamics disproves evolution. I’m sometimes afraid that this amount of stupid and hatred will jump out and devour me.
Ick.
Ponder his beliefs. In all likelihood he calls himself an atheist who refuses to follow dogma, while they turn around and accept misogyny uncritically as if it were fact. He confuses atheism with skepticism, and all the while he misuses terms and abuses the dictionary and the thesaurus in such a way that Stephanie Meyer would cry in horror.
His hatred and his fear stem from his stupidity. He refuses to use his free time more productively, preferring to write up anti-woman screeds on the Internet and getting drunk on absinthe. I was discussing men with a few friends of mine, and they all agreed that these men are the most unintelligent yet. A man’s brain will quickly turn into mush in short order. It rarely, if ever, becomes full and whole again.
Contemplate his abs. Oh, yes. Women are always after a six pack, foolishly lusting after that sculpted physique.
Why?
They’re just muscles, hard and uncomfortable shapes that recall their fatal undoing. Very few men’s abs look like the ones you see in movies. Normally, they’re NOT attractive at all. They are often hidden under layers and layers of fat, flabby and squishy like a rotten orange. As these men get older, these sag more and more, becoming more and more like overgrown and overripe berries than anything. And they will sag to the floor, by which case his man boobs and his skin and everything else is falling towards the floor. It’s a race to the center of the earth, and everything heads south, my friends. Never forget this.
I’m going to be blunt. Have you ever smelled their cock? Seriously, I mean smell his cock in their unwashed, natural state? Really stuck your nose up there and take a deep breath?
Once.
Oh gods. The stench could destroy the nasal passages of bloodhounds from over thirty miles away. To this day I swear that there were maggots crawling away on the head of his cock and the sack that is the testicles. Sometimes when biking down the street I come across chicken feces. We have a lot of them here, and when they’ve been sitting and stewing there in the shade and water, you can smell them a long way off even at eight miles an hour.
Cocks tend to be even nastier.
I have long said that cocks are the magnets to filth and disease, and that I would never allow myself to let any part of my anatomy get close towards such a thing, let alone touch it or—gasp!—letting it inside of me. With the odds that a man has HPV, this statement is even more true today.
Nature has a clever way of warning us of danger. Smell. If you encounter something that smells bad or rancid, you’re to run like the wind, get away from that thing and keep it out of your sight.
Warning, diseases and filth ahead! Danger!
You are being warned that something is filled with disease, that it will sicken you and make you ill. Definitely not fit for human consumption.
Consider what comes out of his cock while he masturbates. It’s not just sperm, ladies. It’s sugar and it’s water and it’s chemicals that will neutralize your vagina’s natural pH, and all of it drying out and caking around that old, crusty tube sock. Or even worse, inside of the fleshlights that they love so much, all while lusting over images of impossible woman, and imagining himself having his way with her. That crust off his favorite wanking toy isn’t going to stay on that toy, you know.
Don’t believe me? Dive into their trashcans, or visit one of the numerous websites dedicated to masturbation, sex toys, and pornography, and read their stories. It’s enough to make your vaginas wither and dry up in horror.
And they wonder why so many women refuse to have anything to do with these men…
Think about his urethra, his rectum. Yes, I’m talking about his number one and his number two respectfully. Think about their location on the male anatomy. His number one is the part that goes inside of you, and his number two is right there behind. Do you really want to imagine him banging you with the same instrument that he uses to excrete waste, or touching the same place where he just made a big dump?
Really?
How carefully does he clean himself? Do you know? Of course not, you’re taking his hygiene on faith, and we all know how great men are with their personal hygiene, how we can all trust them.
Look at his face. Look at his mouth. That mouth spews out hatred and uttermost ignorance upon every subject that he has ever come across. It is a filthy mouth, bathed in the alcohol that he constantly downs and anointed with the potty words and slurs that come out of it whenever someone correctly refutes his mishmash of letters that he calls an argument. His mouth can also spew out chunks of rotten food, ooze mucus and pus from the sores within his gums, and reek of the WORST breath this side of the Milky Way.
Look at his eyes. They brighten when he thinks that alcohol or money or bitches are on his way, but they dull at all other times. Brighten? I should have said wilt. Their eyes are dead, bleary and unable to see anything other than his alcohol, his unearned money, and the bright screen of the monitor as he reads and agrees with misogynistic screeds on the Internet while staring at caricatures and images of impossible perfection that he calls woman and rubbing his filthy dick with his crusty two year old tube sock.
Are you attracted at this, ladies? Is this what you want?
Have you seen how his eyes sag and become exhausted, red eyes and a glazed look, while his main hand is thicker for having rubbed one out every single day? Oh, not just one. Several. Multiple times. Enough to fill your one cup measure with, and all thick and gooey and crusting.
Take a look at the modern day woman. The woman, she shines with life. She is in the peak of her happiness, full of potential and radiating a glow of happiness as she learns that she is to be promoted after several years of hard, fulfilling work. She is alive, she is vibrant and intelligent.
Then look at the modern day man.
He looks like a rotten tomato. He is a corpse, bulging stomach and smelly butt crack and hairy ears and nose. He is death personified, a living example of decomposition. If you look closely, you can even see the stalks of fungi growing out of his orifices and down below on his feet.
Is this what you want ladies? Is this the sexy ideal?
He is alive, but decomposing. Is this what you want?
Men are even more disgusting than women. Don’t believe me? Walk into one of their locker rooms, and take a sniff of that manly goodness, of power and of strength! Oh, it’s making you gag and wishing that you lost your sense of smell? That is the essence of the human male. Go to some random single man’s house, lounging in that man cave of his, take a closer look at his face, pay attention to what he’s watching and what he’s approving of both on the telly and online. Oh, you want to gouge your eyes out and pierce your eardrums to save you from that horror? That is the essence of the human male.
Understand that your sex drive is irrational. It is designed to get you to breed, and once that’s done, his drive diminishes and he will leave you to hump yet another unsuspecting woman while you’re stuck with the bill. Nature doesn’t want him to stay faithful, nature wants him to hump as many women as he can and spread his disgusting man seed around.
Stop and analyze why you are attracted to men. You’re being manipulated to accept a partner who is unable to commit, unable to stay clean, and unwilling to grow up. He will hate you and despise you, and he will never respect you. Consider the other examples from nature, where the males all abandon the woman, or who die, leaving her alone with his offspring. They become useless pieces of shit.
Is this what you want?
Understand what the male is. Understand his motivations, understand his nature.
Despise the male. Hate him, don’t lust after him and his kind.
Avoid pornography. Avoid erotic novels. Reject all premises of needing a man to complete you and live. Enjoy life.
The choice is yours.”
BWAHAHAHAHAHA
Now how long before some idiot troll comes along and treats this as TOTES HOW FEMINISTS FEEL?
I love the “age twelve” and making Stephanie Meyer weep bits. Priceless.
Actually all of it was priceless.
Also, sorry for long comment. It’s 2000 words long, and by comparison CIO’s rant is 1567 words long.
kittehs – *bows* I put in the disclaimer in the beginning for this reason. If they didn’t read it, then that’s their fault. 😛
I’m glad you enjoyed it. It was pretty fun to write, a good writing exercise.
We left our golden age in 200 BC.
Depsite both our stength and our technology
we’ve been undone by homosexuality.
Oh a-oh!
Alice, that is a work of art.
augochlorella – love it! 😀
Yay, my new avatar is up!
Yes it’s longer, but I’m thinking that a dirty anus near a vagina is worse than a dirty anus near a penis. Seeing how the former are prone to yeast infections and such and last I checked dirty balls don’t require more than soap and water.
Argenti – Plus, honestly, I don’t think dirty balls reach that far down.
The reference was to anal sex, as in a woman sticking her finger up his ass to get him off.
“Plus, honestly, I don’t think dirty balls reach that far down.”
I certainly hope not. That’s some slack elastic.
I was commenting on the general principle of it, not practical issues. Since it’s take real skill to manage to get your anus near her vagina in PiV sex since, you know, there are balls between the penis and anus. And while, in theory, you could maybe manage to get your balls on her anus, wash ’em off! Big deal, you do wash your balls anyways right?!
“Big deal, you do wash your balls anyways right?!”
Being CiO, one wonders. Can he even bring himself to touch icky bits down there, or are manly men bits so wonderful they don’t need washing?
(Not that his bits are likely to be in any danger of getting that close to anyone else’s, of course.)
XD