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Christopher in Oregon “Deconstructs the Female” and Her Allegedly Very Stinky You-Know-What [UPDATE: Now With Dramatic Reading!]

Georgia O'Keefe: Probably Not Christopher in Oregon's favorite painter
Georgia O’Keeffe: Probably Not Christopher in Oregon’s favorite painter

It’s time for another visit into the fertile mind of Christopher in Oregon, perhaps the most viscerally misogynistic boob I’ve ever written about on this site. Most of the misogynists I write about here like to pretend that they’re not misogynists, or to dress up their misogyny in pseudoscientific terms, talking about the evils of female “hypergamy” or citing dubious evo psych to back up their reprehensible views.

Not old Chris. He’s an old-school, women are bad because their vaginas are stinky, woman-hater. And his 2007 manifesto “Deconstruct the Female,” which I recently found reposted on MarkyMark’s blog, may well be his masterpiece.

Let’s take a look at some of the highlights.

On the whorishness and deceit of all women (except Christopher in Oregon’s mom):

My mother was very vocal about women and their nasty ways. For this I will always be grateful. She told me in no uncertain terms that women were pretty much all whores and liars, and that for all practical purposes, there were no exceptions.

On the Impending Ugliness of All Women:

A woman’s looks almost always head for the gutter as she ages. … I’m not talking when she hits fifty, or even forty.

Thirty. Maybe sooner. …

This is one of the greatest secrets that few people talk about, and young men are almost never warned about. Women get ugly. BUTT UGLY.

Cellulite: Might Literally Eat You

Oh, God. Have you ever walked down the aisle in a store and observed the women waddling along in short pants? Have you ever looked at their legs? Their thighs? A ghastly sight. Cellulite jiggling in every direction. It’s like the old fifties sci-fi movie “The Blob”. Sometimes I’m afraid it’s going to jump out and envelope me.

Breasts: An Affront to All That is Good and True

Contemplate her breasts. Ah, yes. The twin orbs of pleasure that young men so foolishly lust after.

Why?

They’re a couple of sacks of fat with oozing nipples on the end. Very few women’s breasts look like the one’s you see in the movies. Normally, most breasts are NOT attractive at all. They droop. Sometimes they’re not identical. Some look like gourds. When children come along, they sag badly. Very badly. Sometimes down to their belly, which by this time is also sagging in a race to hit the floor. In a woman, everything heads south, my friends. NEVER forget this.

Vaginas: I Smelled One Once, and It Was Very Stinky

I’m going to be blunt. Have you ever smelled a vagina? Seriously. I mean in it’s natural, unwashed state? Really stuck your nose right down there and taken a deep breath?

Once.

My G-d. The stench could have knocked a buzzard off a shit wagon at fifty paces. To this day I swear there was a cloud of flies buzzing around that portal of doom. Sometimes when riding my Harley-Beasties around the rural roads here in Oregon, I encounter dead skunks. Road kill. We have a lot of them here, and when they’ve been baking in the summer sun, you can smell them a long way off even at sixty miles per hour.

Vaginas tend to be even nastier.

Vaginas, Part 2: He’s Not Done Yet

I have long said that a vagina is a cesspool of filth and disease, and that I will never place any part of my anatomy into such a sewer. With the odds that a woman has herpes or HPV, this statement is even more true today.

Nature has a clever trick to warn us of danger. Smell. If you encounter something that smells bad, or rancid, Nature is telling you to get away.

(Danger, danger Will Robinson!)

You are being warned that something is probably carrying disease, and is filthy. Definatley not fit for human consumption.

Consider what comes out of a woman’s vagina when she has a period. It’s not just blood, boys. Other nasty stuff sloughes off. If she has HPV, then dead warts (if she’s being treated) come oozing out. Or dead pre-cancerous lesions. Scabs. Brown slime that reeks.

Vaginas, Part 3: Also, They’re Near the Butt

Think about her rectum. Yep. Her butt-hole. Think about how close it is to her vagina. Do you REALLY want your gonads slapping up against her poop-shute?

Really?

How carefully does she wipe after she uses the toilet? Do you know? Of course not. You’re taking it on faith that she is very sanitary, and we all know we can trust women.

Women: They Also Have Mouths

Look at her pretty face. Think about her mouth. Can you say gingivitus? Tooth decay? Mucous? Plaque? The human mouth is FILTHY, and a woman’s mouth is no exception, bucko. She can also carry Herpes and HPV in her mouth from all those blow jobs she’s been giving out to every guy in town. Blow jobs that mysteriously disappear once married, I might add.

Oh, Eyes Too

Look at her beady little eyes. Will they look so pretty when she is squinting through glasses that are as thick as coke bottle bottoms? When they’re oozing? When they are dull and lifeless as she hits middle age?

Women Over Fifty are Rotting Carcasses

Surely you’ve seen a middle-aged couple walking along. The man is fifty. In shape. Pleasantly greying on the sides of his head. …

Then look at his wife

She looks like an open-casket funeral. The stench of death is about her. He’s just hitting his prime in looks, while she’s flying towards death. Yes, she may outlive him. If you can call occupying a rotting carcass living.

Women: They Also Poop

Women produce the same filth and excretions as men. They require deodrants both for underarms, and even worse, for down below. What happens when a woman uses the toilet? Do you think it comes out smelling like roses? Think again.

Do Not Allow The Human Female to Use You For Breeding Purposes

Consider the other examples in nature of males being used and cast aside after breeding. Once they have served their purpose, they are useless to the female.

Do you think you will be treated any differently when the female has used you for breeding? You will only be around as long as she feels she need you financially. No longer.

Spend Your Life Exercising Furiously Instead

Clear your mind of lust. Avoid looking at women. Avoid porn. Masturbate if needed when yonger- or older. Don’t date. Don’t socialize with women. Concentrate on your hobbies. Your work. Your exercising.

Huh. That’s a lot to take in.

But there’s just one thing. I don’t want to boast, but over the forty-some years of my life I have found my nose in close proximity to a human vagina on more than one occasion, and, um, dude, I think maybe you got a bad one.

For more from Chris, check out the archives.

EDITED TO ADD: And here’s a DRAMATIC READING of the whole manifesto, courtesy of Quietuus!

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Marie
Marie
7 years ago

dammit that two comments ago was supposed to be intersectionality. Only spelled right. I trusted autocorrect to fix it but it said intentionally 🙁

kittehserf
7 years ago

People actually do that to PoC, Marie? Urgh, I didn’t know that. I didn’t think anyone could be that mind-bogglingly awful and stupid. Apologies to any PoC reading this! Scrap that analogy.

cloudiah
7 years ago

I am full of sympathy and kindness for reformed former bigots, but anyone still hanging onto their bigotry can go step on all the LEGOs far as I’m concerned.

juliebreeze
juliebreeze
7 years ago

Kittesehrf wrote:”As hellkell said (ninjaing me by hours, again!) these guys hate women, feminist or not, and the idea of “feminist outreach” for them is laughable. It goes back to the racism thing: would you suggest an outreach group for PoC to reach the KKK?”

Thanks kittehserf for throwing me under the bus. I need to be further educated how hateful human groups are against other groups in our world. But I guess as a woman I am sort of shameful that my “maternal instinct” came out towards these MGTOW boys. I was thinking before I wrote this post how if I let my “maternal instinct” come out especially in sociopolitical discussions of gender, it will surely blur my perspective. I guess as women feminist or not when we see someone hurting another human being we have an instinct to try to help. I may have erroneously have gotten too much compassion or feel sort of sorry for these MGTOW guys who I still see in some sort of conflict between hating woman and desperately wanting some type of feminine nurturing.

Hellkell wrote”I’m sure these dudes would just LOVE a feminist outreach. They already piss and moan how feminism isn’t doing enough to help men–like, hello, do you know what feminism is?

These are grown ass men who’re angry that not every woman they meet wants to fuck them/mommy them/be around them.

I’m sure you mean well, but fuck that noise.

Hellkell lol, yes you know my intentions but you still were brutally honest with your opinion on any type of feminist outreach to the mgtow.

It reminded me Hellkell of the old Peanuts comic strip.where I believe it was Lucy who charges for 5 cents for psychiatry in a makeshift booth she sits in. Imagine in a perfect world, a feminist would charge whatever the going rate at the time is for psychiatry to an mgtow. If the session was successful she would end up kissing him . Lol. Imagine a comic strip on that theme.

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@juliebreeze

I guess as women feminist or not when we see someone hurting another human being we have an instinct to try to help.

as woman? What the fuck? we aren’t a monolith…

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

OK, juliebreeze is just fucking with us.

kittehserf
7 years ago

juliebreeze – Riiiight, so disagreeing with you and pointing out that it isn’t women’s responsibility to coax these fuckers to treat us like human beings (you know – living up to the baseline of human decency, which I would have thought was their own responsibility) is “throwing you under the bus”.

Just how, precisely?

And will you cut the gender essentialist bullshit and talking as if women are a monolith (as Marie pointed out? Nobody’s saying YOU can’t feel as maternal as you like toward misogynists. We’re objecting to the idea that you expect us, or anyone else, to treat them that way, or feel the same way you do.

Also, for pity’s sake, if you’re a lurker here you would KNOW how hellkell expresses herself. Is it really such a surprise that she’s going to do so (in a very mild way, ha) when she sees this sort of baloney being trotted out?

None of what you’ve said sounds particularly feminist to me anyway. It’s more like the old idea of women on a pedestal, the sweet woman whose gentle ways soothe the savage male beast with our natural and identical womanly, maternal virtues. It’s positively Victorian.

Does the notion that women are individuals and not necessarily maternal, or cis, or heterosexual, ever occur to you? You’re talking about women in very narrow, stereotyped ways.

kittehserf
7 years ago

hellkell – sockpuppet, d’you think? I didn’t think so but I’m starting to wonder.

Fade
7 years ago

I may have erroneously have gotten too much compassion or feel sort of sorry for these MGTOW guys who I still see in some sort of conflict between hating woman and desperately wanting some type of feminine nurturing.

Okay, you feel however much compassion you want. As far as I’m concerned, it’s hard to get too much compassion.

But don’t try to tell us how much to feel at the people who hate us.

Also, nurturing isn’t gendered.

If the session was successful she would end up kissing him

NNOOOOOOOOO

No

you’re not supposed to get involved with your patients. I may be remembering that wrong, but I am ninety nine percent sure it like, violates some professional code of shrinkery.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Hmmm, the pearl clutching and the funky quoting reminds me of someone.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Kitteh’s: it sounds like some dude pretending to try and write like a woman whose second language is English–what he thinks a feminist would say, and the lack of quoting reminds me of that Jason idiot.

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

RE: titianblue

no one says of a racist “Well, they must have been hurt or traumatised by a PoC at some point earlier in life. We should feel sorry for them. They needs a chance to get therapy & heal.

No one says of a homophobe “Well, they must have been hurt or traumatised by an LGBT person at some point earlier in life. We should feel sorry for them. They needs a chance to get therapy & heal.”

Uh, actually, I HAVE encountered these things. A good few times, actually. So, uh, you might want to think before you try and pull those examples.

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

Also, speaking as a man and a survivor of abuse, I find the idea that I require some feminine nurturing to heal my wounds… kinda creepy, not gonna lie. I mean, hubby is a nurturing wonder of the world, but he does it for its own sake, not to heal my deep masculine wounds or something.

Please don’t go around trying to “fix” me, people! It’s creepy as all get out!

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

“Hellkell lol, yes you know my intentions but you still were brutally honest with your opinion”

Yep, that’s hellkell in a nutshell!

Fade — having sex with your patient/client will land you on Megan’s list here, it’s sexual assault. (It would be rape if CT had a crime called “rape” but we call it all “sexual assault”)

And yes, this sounds a bit familiar. Might be my own socks I smell, they did spend a day at the natural history museum in NYC (pecunium turns into a kid around dinosaurs, just so y’all know)

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@auggz

we don’t have a thing against obvious statements, do we? I hope not.

Anyway, I’ll add to rather obvoius statements. Mras aren’t for men who are:
-POC*
-gay (or bi, I assume, but I haven’t seen much they say about bi people :/)
-trans*
– and I may be missing some. I doubt they’re good to disabled men, but haven’t read enough to know.

*asterik cuz they do bring up men of color sometimes, like when they talk about prison stats, but they try to act like white men and black men or hispanic men (in US) get similar # of arrests/ length of prison sentences and apply it just to men, when it’s more of a racism thing.

okay I’m done rambling I think .

kittehserf
7 years ago

hellkell – it started out fairly subtle but I’m side-eyeing the whole “throw me under the bus” and maternal instinct stuff from someone claiming to have been a feminist for 17 years.

(Tricky, side-eyeing while your eyebrows are trying to ascend to the stratosphere, too.)

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@auggz

I kind of want to make more of these kitty profile pictures, but I don’t want people to get confused between them.

::votes:: go for it! (if you want to :P) personally, I don’t get too confused once I know people, though I can see why there would be confusion.

also, if you don’t like me calling you auggz you can tell me to stop. Idk if it bothers you? sorry if it does.

Fade
7 years ago

Anyway, I’ll add to rather obvoius statements. Mras aren’t for men who are:
-POC*
-gay (or bi, I assume, but I haven’t seen much they say about bi people :/)
-trans*
– and I may be missing some. I doubt they’re good to disabled men, but haven’t read enough to know.

Also

-not an asshole

grumpycatisagirl
grumpycatisagirl
7 years ago

“Imagine in a perfect world, a feminist would charge whatever the going rate at the time is for psychiatry to an mgtow. If the session was successful she would end up kissing him . Lol. Imagine a comic strip on that theme.”

To quote my grumpy heroine:

NO

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@fade

yeah, they don’t like people who disagree with them 😛 but I was going for less ‘opinion’ things.

@grumpycatisagirl

magine in a perfect world, a feminist would charge whatever the going rate at the time is for psychiatry to an mgtow. If the session was successful she would end up kissing him . Lol. Imagine a comic strip on that theme

wow somehow I missed this paragraph of juliebreeze’s at first O_o Your no is so right. I am trying to find words.

I am failing to find words.

all the ew.

ps, juliebreeze, I have no interest in kissing any men, and it’s not cuz I hate them 😉

kittehserf
7 years ago

Dittoing the NO to kissing an MGHOW.

I’m a feminist. Been one for decades. I have never kissed (as in, on the lips or in a sexual/romantic sense) any man except my husband. Nor do I intend to; I’d sooner gargle with ammonia. The idea that women should do low-level prostitution to get these scum to be nice is the sort of thing an MRA would suggest.

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

My shrinks have been wonderful… but I would never, EVER want either of them to kiss me. I don’t care if I’ve just reached Enlightenment under their tutelage.

kittehserf
7 years ago

Plus which, if it was a perfect world, there wouldn’t BE any of these fuckshite MGTOW, MRAs and so on. Misogyny, sexism, kyriarchy, racism and all the other bigotries would not exist. There wouldn’t be a need for feminism, let alone for women to kiss men for any other reason than wanting to.

Talk about a failure of imagination in which that sort of fucked-up scenario is perfect. I’m definitely thinking troll or sockpuppet here. A feminist proposing this shit? Don’t think so.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Kittehs: if I tried side-eyeing while raising an eyebrow, I’d sprain my face.

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@auggz

Cool, just figured it didn’t hurt to check 🙂

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@hellkell

Kittehs: if I tried side-eyeing while raising an eyebrow, I’d sprain my face.

I did try it. And my sister didn’t even think it looked like a side eye 🙁

katz
7 years ago

Kitteh’s: it sounds like some dude pretending to try and write like a woman whose second language is English–what he thinks a feminist would say, and the lack of quoting reminds me of that Jason idiot.

Oh thank God, I didn’t want to be the first person to go “yeah, this really doesn’t sound like a woman.”

I think most women rarely, if ever, say “as a woman,” nor do they generally go on about their nurturing maternal instincts.

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@katz

sorry if this is OT, but now I feel tempted to work “as an x” into my comments.

…as a woman, I enjoy reading manboobz.

As a lesbian, I find myself attracted to other girls.

As a manboobzer, I like cats.

I’m done now 😛 I hope.

kittehserf
7 years ago

Kittehs: if I tried side-eyeing while raising an eyebrow, I’d sprain my face.

LOL! Even Spock might have trouble doing that move.

Marie, love picturing you trying to do that and Fade saying “Nope.” 😀

Ooh, can we do “as an X” lists now?

As a woman, I like cats.

As a cat person, I like dogs.

As a manboobzer, I mock misogynists.

As a train traveller, I sometimes miss my stop (like yesterday … zzzzz)

As a queen, I still have to clean the litter.

katz
7 years ago

As a woman, I just bought some macaroni and cheese.

As an Irish person, I have five cats.

As a married person, I did a jigsaw puzzle last night.

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

“I’d sooner gargle with ammonia”

Hey, as long as you don’t swallow it’d probably be harmless. Bit weird, but shouldn’t harm you. I don’t think. Not sure I’d try it, but may be less harmful than kissing an MRA!

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

As a man, I find collating comics pages to be ASS. However, as an artist, I’m really excited to be working on it!

Fade
7 years ago

As a person who can’t walk without pain, I use a wheelchair.

As a student, I study.

As an artist, I hate fine detail.

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

As an idiot, I forgot to check how much water evaporated while at pecunium’s and just had a bit of a fish emergency. (Crisis averted, no worries)

As an aquarist, I had pizza for dinner.

As a guest, I promised not to kill anyone on the subway…pecunium did not keep up his end of that deal, and yet I refrained from committing murder.

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

As his friend, I forgave his failure (inb4 he apologizes again)

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

As a depressed teenager, I just got me and my sister some one minute warm up brownies that taste very good.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

As a woman, I had steak for dinner.

As a married person, I’m watching Game of Thrones.

kittehserf
7 years ago

I was trying to think of something awful to gargle/use as mouthwash and got stuck. Preferably something that would be horrible and painful, if not fatal, ‘cos that’s how I feel about the alternative (even if the guy wasn’t an MRA). Any ideas?

kittehserf
7 years ago

As a woman, I am drinking coffee.

As a married person, I am sitting at my desk at work.

As an employee, I’m not doing a whole lot of work.

As an Australian, I have a major knitting project underway.

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

Kitteh — sulfuric acid.

kittehserf
7 years ago

That’ll do! 🙂

auggz – but is the gum pink? If not, you’re failing your evopsych biotruthiness.

katz
7 years ago

“I’d sooner gargle with ammonia”

Hey, as long as you don’t swallow it’d probably be harmless. Bit weird, but shouldn’t harm you. I don’t think. Not sure I’d try it, but may be less harmful than kissing an MRA!

Erm…no, ammonia is a toxicity 3 corrosive. It would fuck your mouth up.

kittehserf
7 years ago

auggz – if you have an account on imgur or one of those sites, just upload the pics and put the link in here.

I am definitely seeing your kitty as the John Lennon of the cat world since some evil person here mentioned that.

kittehserf
7 years ago

Maybe a blend of sulphuric acid and ammonia for hyperbolic effect?

mildlymagnificent
7 years ago

If we’re entering the Feminism Olympics, I think my 40+ years is gonna whup a feeble 17 years.

And, by the by, waaaaay back in the 70s feminists were opposing the idea that it was our job to “fix” men. It was a first wave feminist idea that ev.er.y.thing would be better, kinder, nicer, gentler when women got to vote and hold high office because women were much betterer people all round than those war-like brutish men. It was the 70s when we stood up and said out loud that women were very much the same as men intellectually, emotionally and socially. And the nice-kind-gentle idea took a massive smack after people like Golda Meir and Maggie Thatcher and Indira Gandhi and Sirimavo Bandaranaike got their hands on real power.

Claiming to be a feminist and then maintaining that nice, supportive feminists should smooth the fevered brows of hateful men is walking a very frayed tightrope.

kittehserf
7 years ago

A frayed tightrope woven from old socks, perhaps?

I’m wondering, cos I don’t generally pick up on troll tells: Mr 90%? None of the others has the skill to hold off melting down even this long.

SittieKitty
7 years ago

No one says of a homophobe “Well, they must have been hurt or traumatised by an LGBT person at some point earlier in life. We should feel sorry for them. They needs a chance to get therapy & heal.”

As a GQ person, I have heard this. Nearly verbatim. From several different people :/

As an insomniac, I’m going to try cleaning tonight instead of sleeping.

As a lurker/occasional commenter, juliabreeze reminds me of that troll in the ZImmerman thread, with the “This person commented…” and the lack of paragraphs.

SittieKitty
7 years ago

As a manboobzer, I want to remind you all how awesome you are! (I’ve just caught up on that 900+ thread and everything else I missed today) You are all amazing people and I have infinite hugs and/or other non-touching luv for all of you.

grumpycatisagirl
grumpycatisagirl
7 years ago

Hugs for you too, sittiekitty! Especially after getting through that thread with those horrible, terrible very bad dudes. Everyone who likes hugs should get them after that.

SittieKitty
7 years ago

I was especially sad because PotO was something that helped me through a rough patch and it was depressing to see someone like that using it… idk, silly things. I was also surprised they didn’t get banned quicker, the victim-blaming I was like o.o over, esp as a survivor, but I’m glad they got it eventually!