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Christopher in Oregon “Deconstructs the Female” and Her Allegedly Very Stinky You-Know-What [UPDATE: Now With Dramatic Reading!]

Georgia O'Keefe: Probably Not Christopher in Oregon's favorite painter
Georgia O’Keeffe: Probably Not Christopher in Oregon’s favorite painter

It’s time for another visit into the fertile mind of Christopher in Oregon, perhaps the most viscerally misogynistic boob I’ve ever written about on this site. Most of the misogynists I write about here like to pretend that they’re not misogynists, or to dress up their misogyny in pseudoscientific terms, talking about the evils of female “hypergamy” or citing dubious evo psych to back up their reprehensible views.

Not old Chris. He’s an old-school, women are bad because their vaginas are stinky, woman-hater. And his 2007 manifesto “Deconstruct the Female,” which I recently found reposted on MarkyMark’s blog, may well be his masterpiece.

Let’s take a look at some of the highlights.

On the whorishness and deceit of all women (except Christopher in Oregon’s mom):

My mother was very vocal about women and their nasty ways. For this I will always be grateful. She told me in no uncertain terms that women were pretty much all whores and liars, and that for all practical purposes, there were no exceptions.

On the Impending Ugliness of All Women:

A woman’s looks almost always head for the gutter as she ages. … I’m not talking when she hits fifty, or even forty.

Thirty. Maybe sooner. …

This is one of the greatest secrets that few people talk about, and young men are almost never warned about. Women get ugly. BUTT UGLY.

Cellulite: Might Literally Eat You

Oh, God. Have you ever walked down the aisle in a store and observed the women waddling along in short pants? Have you ever looked at their legs? Their thighs? A ghastly sight. Cellulite jiggling in every direction. It’s like the old fifties sci-fi movie “The Blob”. Sometimes I’m afraid it’s going to jump out and envelope me.

Breasts: An Affront to All That is Good and True

Contemplate her breasts. Ah, yes. The twin orbs of pleasure that young men so foolishly lust after.

Why?

They’re a couple of sacks of fat with oozing nipples on the end. Very few women’s breasts look like the one’s you see in the movies. Normally, most breasts are NOT attractive at all. They droop. Sometimes they’re not identical. Some look like gourds. When children come along, they sag badly. Very badly. Sometimes down to their belly, which by this time is also sagging in a race to hit the floor. In a woman, everything heads south, my friends. NEVER forget this.

Vaginas: I Smelled One Once, and It Was Very Stinky

I’m going to be blunt. Have you ever smelled a vagina? Seriously. I mean in it’s natural, unwashed state? Really stuck your nose right down there and taken a deep breath?

Once.

My G-d. The stench could have knocked a buzzard off a shit wagon at fifty paces. To this day I swear there was a cloud of flies buzzing around that portal of doom. Sometimes when riding my Harley-Beasties around the rural roads here in Oregon, I encounter dead skunks. Road kill. We have a lot of them here, and when they’ve been baking in the summer sun, you can smell them a long way off even at sixty miles per hour.

Vaginas tend to be even nastier.

Vaginas, Part 2: He’s Not Done Yet

I have long said that a vagina is a cesspool of filth and disease, and that I will never place any part of my anatomy into such a sewer. With the odds that a woman has herpes or HPV, this statement is even more true today.

Nature has a clever trick to warn us of danger. Smell. If you encounter something that smells bad, or rancid, Nature is telling you to get away.

(Danger, danger Will Robinson!)

You are being warned that something is probably carrying disease, and is filthy. Definatley not fit for human consumption.

Consider what comes out of a woman’s vagina when she has a period. It’s not just blood, boys. Other nasty stuff sloughes off. If she has HPV, then dead warts (if she’s being treated) come oozing out. Or dead pre-cancerous lesions. Scabs. Brown slime that reeks.

Vaginas, Part 3: Also, They’re Near the Butt

Think about her rectum. Yep. Her butt-hole. Think about how close it is to her vagina. Do you REALLY want your gonads slapping up against her poop-shute?

Really?

How carefully does she wipe after she uses the toilet? Do you know? Of course not. You’re taking it on faith that she is very sanitary, and we all know we can trust women.

Women: They Also Have Mouths

Look at her pretty face. Think about her mouth. Can you say gingivitus? Tooth decay? Mucous? Plaque? The human mouth is FILTHY, and a woman’s mouth is no exception, bucko. She can also carry Herpes and HPV in her mouth from all those blow jobs she’s been giving out to every guy in town. Blow jobs that mysteriously disappear once married, I might add.

Oh, Eyes Too

Look at her beady little eyes. Will they look so pretty when she is squinting through glasses that are as thick as coke bottle bottoms? When they’re oozing? When they are dull and lifeless as she hits middle age?

Women Over Fifty are Rotting Carcasses

Surely you’ve seen a middle-aged couple walking along. The man is fifty. In shape. Pleasantly greying on the sides of his head. …

Then look at his wife

She looks like an open-casket funeral. The stench of death is about her. He’s just hitting his prime in looks, while she’s flying towards death. Yes, she may outlive him. If you can call occupying a rotting carcass living.

Women: They Also Poop

Women produce the same filth and excretions as men. They require deodrants both for underarms, and even worse, for down below. What happens when a woman uses the toilet? Do you think it comes out smelling like roses? Think again.

Do Not Allow The Human Female to Use You For Breeding Purposes

Consider the other examples in nature of males being used and cast aside after breeding. Once they have served their purpose, they are useless to the female.

Do you think you will be treated any differently when the female has used you for breeding? You will only be around as long as she feels she need you financially. No longer.

Spend Your Life Exercising Furiously Instead

Clear your mind of lust. Avoid looking at women. Avoid porn. Masturbate if needed when yonger- or older. Don’t date. Don’t socialize with women. Concentrate on your hobbies. Your work. Your exercising.

Huh. That’s a lot to take in.

But there’s just one thing. I don’t want to boast, but over the forty-some years of my life I have found my nose in close proximity to a human vagina on more than one occasion, and, um, dude, I think maybe you got a bad one.

For more from Chris, check out the archives.

EDITED TO ADD: And here’s a DRAMATIC READING of the whole manifesto, courtesy of Quietuus!

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LBT
LBT
11 years ago

RE: Marie

Well, yeah, plus I got raped by a cis man, so there was a lot of nasty associations in my head. Obviously, those associations have been mostly alleviated, courtesy of hubby. (And also, I didn’t blame ALL MEN for that, unlike some misogynists on the web.)

kittehserf
11 years ago

Marie – you’re cis, as a woman in a female body. 🙂

Marie
11 years ago

Dang, I feel like I blew up this thread from my confusion with words.

@kittehs

I know I’m cis, I think my brain just got confused over female/male body thing. Sorryz. I is easy to confuse.

@LBT

That sucks 🙁 Internet hugs if you want. Sorry if it came across like I was minimizing your experiences.

kittehserf
11 years ago

Pffft nothin’ wrong with regulars blowing up a thread. Off topic is on topic when we (as distinct from trolls) do it. 😉

Noadi
11 years ago

I know quite a few gay men and none of them are repulsed by my body. Some of them have seen me completely naked and some of them have done BDSM play with me while I was naked (or nearly so) and that STILL didn’t repulse them. Not attracted =/= repulsed.

LBT
LBT
11 years ago

Nah, it’s okay, Marie. It’s something I’ve laid to rest, and I know much nicer men now.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
11 years ago

Women Poop: The conspiracy theory so deep, even Dan Brown doesn’t know about it.

But there are coded messages in Renaissance paintings, if you know where to look.

Shaenon
11 years ago

I am personally intrigued by the news that only women have genitals near their buttholes. Where do you guys keep yours?

cloudiah
11 years ago

Kittehs, I watched that very Fawlty Towers episode last night. Do you have a hidden camera in my apartment? ::peers around suspiciously::

Check out this brand new Redditor’s comment over on a r/mr thread about “freebleeding”:

Consider what comes out of a woman’s vagina when she has a period. It’s not just blood, boys. Other nasty stuff sloughes off. If she has HPV, then dead warts (if she’s being treated) come oozing out. Or dead pre-cancerous lesions. Scabs. Brown slime that reeks.

Doubt me? Visit any HPV forum and read the stories. It’s enough to make a Billy-Goat puke.

And they wonder why so many men don’t want to perform oral sex……

Sound familiar? The only other thing he’s done on Reddit is post a video over in /r/atheism claiming that black Christians are “Uncle Toms.”

Shaenon
11 years ago

I’ve known a few gay guys who brag about how much women’s bodies gross them out (Dan Savage loves doing this for some reason), but it’s not very common. Christopher just sounds like a straight misogynist tortured by the shame of being attracted to those horrible, horrible women-things his mother warned him about.

LBT
LBT
11 years ago

Dan Savage is an asshole, that’s why.

Athywren
Athywren
11 years ago

And they wonder why so many men don’t want to perform oral sex……

Well…. yeah. Why wouldn’t you? Maybe if you stopped freaking out over how icky icky icky ewwwwwww they are, you’d notice that they’re actually fine. Or maybe it’s just that the people with low enough standards to get naked with those guys just don’t wash? I can’t say I really believe that, but it would explain the consistency of the tales of the smelly ladybits.

Fibinachi
Fibinachi
11 years ago

Where do you guys keep yours?

Near my butterfly collection.

Kind of weird though, all this. I mean. Someone being sick isn’t actually an argument for not talking to someone who isn’t sick. Does Christopher from Oregon understand the concept of individuality?

I’m serious. Does he understand that there is such a thing as different people?

Marie
11 years ago

@Athywren

Or maybe it’s just that the people with low enough standards to get naked with those guys just don’t wash?

Yeah, um I”m not sure why but this is just giving me wtfs. :/

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

Oh, this guy again. I still think it’s hilarious that he thinks that bodily stuff that’s perfectly acceptable on men, like plaque and shitting, is incredibly disgusting when associated with women. Maybe fucking a Real Doll has given him unrealistic expectations?

(I’d be really freaked out by the idea of having sex with someone who didn’t have to shit, brush their teeth, and so on. Like, what kind of alien android am I fucking here? Is it going to kill me later?)

Marie
11 years ago

And last apology for messing up this thread (athywren feel free to ignore what I just typed to you.) I feel like my brain is shot and I can’t communicate atm so um…I’ll be back tomorrow. But I need a small break cuz I can’t think.

quantumscale
quantumscale
11 years ago

I think the logic goes like:

a. They find women’s bodies repulsive
b. Therefore they must not be sexually attracted to women
c. Therefore they must be gay

Except b does not follow from a, and c does not follow from b.

LBT
LBT
11 years ago

If only humans were so simple and easy. *eyeroll*

Unimaginative
Unimaginative
11 years ago

I’ll just (ahem) drop this here:

Quietuus
Quietuus
11 years ago

I had to do a dramatic reading of this. Quality is a bit low, on headset.

https://soundcloud.com/quietuus/deconstruct-the-female

kittehserf
11 years ago

Kittehs, I watched that very Fawlty Towers episode last night. Do you have a hidden camera in my apartment? ::peers around suspiciously::

Ceiling Cat was watching you!

Dan Savage is an asshole, that’s why.

Precisely what I was going to say.

I’m serious. Does he understand that there is such a thing as different people?

On the evidence so far, I’d say nope. Or add that he doesn’t understand that women are people (I know, that much is screamingly obvious).

Alice
Alice
11 years ago

I’m serious. Does he understand that there is such a thing as different people?

And by different people I assume you mean different cats and different ferrets in different human suits, right?

kittehserf
11 years ago

Alice – correct! 😀 😀 😀

dustydeste
dustydeste
11 years ago

Oh. My. God. Unimaginative, a million billion thanks for putting me onto this year’s Christmas present for my sister. Probably packaged along with this!

dustydeste
dustydeste
11 years ago

Huh, I looks like I borked that link. Probably forgot the ending quotation marks :/