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Christopher in Oregon “Deconstructs the Female” and Her Allegedly Very Stinky You-Know-What [UPDATE: Now With Dramatic Reading!]

Georgia O'Keefe: Probably Not Christopher in Oregon's favorite painter
Georgia O’Keeffe: Probably Not Christopher in Oregon’s favorite painter

It’s time for another visit into the fertile mind of Christopher in Oregon, perhaps the most viscerally misogynistic boob I’ve ever written about on this site. Most of the misogynists I write about here like to pretend that they’re not misogynists, or to dress up their misogyny in pseudoscientific terms, talking about the evils of female “hypergamy” or citing dubious evo psych to back up their reprehensible views.

Not old Chris. He’s an old-school, women are bad because their vaginas are stinky, woman-hater. And his 2007 manifesto “Deconstruct the Female,” which I recently found reposted on MarkyMark’s blog, may well be his masterpiece.

Let’s take a look at some of the highlights.

On the whorishness and deceit of all women (except Christopher in Oregon’s mom):

My mother was very vocal about women and their nasty ways. For this I will always be grateful. She told me in no uncertain terms that women were pretty much all whores and liars, and that for all practical purposes, there were no exceptions.

On the Impending Ugliness of All Women:

A woman’s looks almost always head for the gutter as she ages. … I’m not talking when she hits fifty, or even forty.

Thirty. Maybe sooner. …

This is one of the greatest secrets that few people talk about, and young men are almost never warned about. Women get ugly. BUTT UGLY.

Cellulite: Might Literally Eat You

Oh, God. Have you ever walked down the aisle in a store and observed the women waddling along in short pants? Have you ever looked at their legs? Their thighs? A ghastly sight. Cellulite jiggling in every direction. It’s like the old fifties sci-fi movie “The Blob”. Sometimes I’m afraid it’s going to jump out and envelope me.

Breasts: An Affront to All That is Good and True

Contemplate her breasts. Ah, yes. The twin orbs of pleasure that young men so foolishly lust after.

Why?

They’re a couple of sacks of fat with oozing nipples on the end. Very few women’s breasts look like the one’s you see in the movies. Normally, most breasts are NOT attractive at all. They droop. Sometimes they’re not identical. Some look like gourds. When children come along, they sag badly. Very badly. Sometimes down to their belly, which by this time is also sagging in a race to hit the floor. In a woman, everything heads south, my friends. NEVER forget this.

Vaginas: I Smelled One Once, and It Was Very Stinky

I’m going to be blunt. Have you ever smelled a vagina? Seriously. I mean in it’s natural, unwashed state? Really stuck your nose right down there and taken a deep breath?

Once.

My G-d. The stench could have knocked a buzzard off a shit wagon at fifty paces. To this day I swear there was a cloud of flies buzzing around that portal of doom. Sometimes when riding my Harley-Beasties around the rural roads here in Oregon, I encounter dead skunks. Road kill. We have a lot of them here, and when they’ve been baking in the summer sun, you can smell them a long way off even at sixty miles per hour.

Vaginas tend to be even nastier.

Vaginas, Part 2: He’s Not Done Yet

I have long said that a vagina is a cesspool of filth and disease, and that I will never place any part of my anatomy into such a sewer. With the odds that a woman has herpes or HPV, this statement is even more true today.

Nature has a clever trick to warn us of danger. Smell. If you encounter something that smells bad, or rancid, Nature is telling you to get away.

(Danger, danger Will Robinson!)

You are being warned that something is probably carrying disease, and is filthy. Definatley not fit for human consumption.

Consider what comes out of a woman’s vagina when she has a period. It’s not just blood, boys. Other nasty stuff sloughes off. If she has HPV, then dead warts (if she’s being treated) come oozing out. Or dead pre-cancerous lesions. Scabs. Brown slime that reeks.

Vaginas, Part 3: Also, They’re Near the Butt

Think about her rectum. Yep. Her butt-hole. Think about how close it is to her vagina. Do you REALLY want your gonads slapping up against her poop-shute?

Really?

How carefully does she wipe after she uses the toilet? Do you know? Of course not. You’re taking it on faith that she is very sanitary, and we all know we can trust women.

Women: They Also Have Mouths

Look at her pretty face. Think about her mouth. Can you say gingivitus? Tooth decay? Mucous? Plaque? The human mouth is FILTHY, and a woman’s mouth is no exception, bucko. She can also carry Herpes and HPV in her mouth from all those blow jobs she’s been giving out to every guy in town. Blow jobs that mysteriously disappear once married, I might add.

Oh, Eyes Too

Look at her beady little eyes. Will they look so pretty when she is squinting through glasses that are as thick as coke bottle bottoms? When they’re oozing? When they are dull and lifeless as she hits middle age?

Women Over Fifty are Rotting Carcasses

Surely you’ve seen a middle-aged couple walking along. The man is fifty. In shape. Pleasantly greying on the sides of his head. …

Then look at his wife

She looks like an open-casket funeral. The stench of death is about her. He’s just hitting his prime in looks, while she’s flying towards death. Yes, she may outlive him. If you can call occupying a rotting carcass living.

Women: They Also Poop

Women produce the same filth and excretions as men. They require deodrants both for underarms, and even worse, for down below. What happens when a woman uses the toilet? Do you think it comes out smelling like roses? Think again.

Do Not Allow The Human Female to Use You For Breeding Purposes

Consider the other examples in nature of males being used and cast aside after breeding. Once they have served their purpose, they are useless to the female.

Do you think you will be treated any differently when the female has used you for breeding? You will only be around as long as she feels she need you financially. No longer.

Spend Your Life Exercising Furiously Instead

Clear your mind of lust. Avoid looking at women. Avoid porn. Masturbate if needed when yonger- or older. Don’t date. Don’t socialize with women. Concentrate on your hobbies. Your work. Your exercising.

Huh. That’s a lot to take in.

But there’s just one thing. I don’t want to boast, but over the forty-some years of my life I have found my nose in close proximity to a human vagina on more than one occasion, and, um, dude, I think maybe you got a bad one.

For more from Chris, check out the archives.

EDITED TO ADD: And here’s a DRAMATIC READING of the whole manifesto, courtesy of Quietuus!

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Sporklift
Sporklift
7 years ago

Quietuus – that almost had a “Lake Wobegon” feeling about it. Or like a “Kids In The Hall” skit. That was awesome.

Neurite
Neurite
7 years ago

Shaenon: agreed – some gay men may brag about how unappealing they find women’s bodies (possibly as a kneejerk reaction against family/society trying to pressure them into being attracted to women, possibly because being gay doesn’t make you magically immune to misogyny), but the kind of obsessive, ranting, tortured, incoherent disgust that drips from this guy and impels him to churn out these interminable litanies of irrational revulsion… that seems more likely to come from someone who is tortured by his inability to stop being attracted to the very beings he also loathes and fears.

I just can’t see someone who simply isn’t interested in women caring enough to dwell on this so much. And this guy clearly cares so, so deeply. Which, if he’s a heterosexual guy who has been indoctrinated from childhood by his mother that women are all repulsive and evil, and then grows up to find to his horror that he can’t help feeling sexual desire for them… yeah, I could see that explaining this sorry mess.

::re-reads first quoted paragraph in OP::

Yikes. That truly is some Carrie-level stuff right there.

kittehserf
7 years ago

His mother (assuming he didn’t make that bit up) sounds like the perfect distillation of Carrie’s mother and Mrs Bates.

Now I’m seeing Norman Christopher going home from a long day at the morgue to see if Mother is comfortable upstairs.

grumpycatisagirl
grumpycatisagirl
7 years ago

OOH, Quietuus has a lovely voice, lovely accent! I could listen to it all day. It’s a real talent to read this content and still manage to be so mellifluous . . .

Howard Bannister
7 years ago

(I’d be really freaked out by the idea of having sex with someone who didn’t have to shit, brush their teeth, and so on. Like, what kind of alien android am I fucking here? Is it going to kill me later?)

…I would read this book.

Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

Quietuus – I LOVE the accent. 😀

grumpycatisagirl
grumpycatisagirl
7 years ago

I would also read that book.

Quietuus
7 years ago

Thanks!

Sporklift – my main reference for the delivery personally was the narrator from Dungeon Keeper: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=3OW0pb-psRQ#t=230

camasblues
7 years ago

Hm. Interesting how he mentions his dear old mum warned him of how awful women are. (Except herself I suppose – the lone exception on planet Earth).

This dude has more mommy issues than Norman Bates. No wonder he’s a bit of a mess, poor dear…

Bee
Bee
7 years ago

Marky Mark is the perfect combination of stupid, hateful, and absolutely clueless, and CIO is hilarious. I would LOVE to meet them for tea and furious notetaking. I feel like it would have to be hilarious … or perhaps just infuriating? I can’t tell sometimes. See, people like CIO are why I wasn’t sure about Dan Cardamon at first. He makes fun of himself.

Also, tonight is my first night with my new baby hedgehog. She is a doll, and she poops, and her poop smells pretty bad, but I love her. Because hey, baby hedgehog!

kittehserf
7 years ago

BABY HEDGEHOG!

Pictures! There needs to be pictures!

I don’t know how you’d manage that tea with CiO and MM. Because you’ve got girl cooties, and they couldn’t sit down at the same table as you or they might catch them.

Which makes me wonder, do these twitasses ever catch public transport, or walk on crowded streets? How do they cope with being within the 197590 mile Radiation Infection Ewww Zone of the Vaginas from Hell?

Bee
Bee
7 years ago

Let’s see if this works … here’s a baby hedgehog pic.

Her name is Frances, and right now she’s playing with my hair and anointing herself. (I guess I smell good to her, which although not anything to brag about is much preferable to smelling good to Christoper in Oregon.)

Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

Bee – d’awwwwwww. So cute!

yaoi huntress earth
yaoi huntress earth
7 years ago

I showed this page in Let’s Laugh at Freaks section of Project A.F.T.E.R. and this response to the thing was great: http://www.projectafterforums.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=2656&view=findpost&p=220599

kittehserf
7 years ago

Frances is just adorable!

La Strega
7 years ago

@ Quietuus,

Great job with the audio. The material is considerably enhanced by your dramatic interpretation.

Alice
Alice
7 years ago

Perhaps Christopher would be happier with a vampire. They do not poop or urinate. But they will drink your blood.

kittehserf
7 years ago

But the blood drinking involves MOUTHS and TEETH and ewwwwww cooties!

Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

And vampires have spit on them and everything! :O

kittehserf
7 years ago

And I’ve never yet heard of a vampire brushing its teeth!

Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

Do vampires even bathe, come to think of it? Or are they scared of using the water in case it’s really holy water, or even worse, tainted with GARLIC?

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

Hmm. Is it vinegar that’s supposed to take out blood stains? Maybe they brush with that.

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

“I bathe…occasionally” — Jack in VtM:B

Vampires can brush their teeth, but nobody thinks to mention it!

And, uh, I’m not sure they would have saliva, seeing how organs are useless and that could include salivary glands.

Doesn’t his mouth squick involve other people’s mouths though? I mean, I presume he eats and thus ingests his own mouth’s nastiness (cuz mouths really are gross…universally and generally non-problematicly) Either that or he drools rather than (unconsciously) swallowing his saliva…or he doesn’t produce any…in either case, doctor, he needs to see one.

kittehserf
7 years ago

Vampires in eastern European legends were generally pretty gross, I think. I don’t know if they were mean to smell like corpses, but they were on the nose and generally Not Nice To Be Near even before we get to the sitting on your chest and ripping your throat out bits.

Alice – did you see the pic neuroticbeagle posted last night of Basement Cat bathing in holy water? 😀

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

Hydrogen peroxide, and it’s in my mouthwash, so that’s actually quite possible!

kittehserf
7 years ago

Yeah, I wonder how Norman Christopher copes with his own excretions?

Maybe Mommy wipes his ass for him.

Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

kittehserf – probably not, I was working on moving to my apartment today. Linky? 😀

marci
7 years ago

Oh god this is just too sad for words. How can anyone think like this, I can’t help but feel like this guy is taking the piss.

Also not to pile on, but I agree with others here, man repulsed by women does not equal gay. Interact with some gay men, especially in a social setting and you may find this out. The thing that I love most about going to gay clubs, rather than “regular” ones, is to be around these men. They are anything but repulsed by women! Being that I am stocky and deceptively strong for my height, I have had men literally jump into my arms and drape themselves onto me. Hugging and even groping is common among women and gay men (this sounds like some sort of anthropological survey). One of my friends was obsessed with boobs for a while and his girlfriends were happy to let him play around, within reason and context of course. I really hope that people can let go of this stupid idea that gay men are so grossed out by women, it’s not the first time I have heard it, because it is not true and it totally degrades the conversation about sexuality.

Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

Also, why would Christopher allow his mommy to wipe his ass? Her fingers are dripping in unholy disgusting dirt under her fingernails and who knows where it’s been?!

After all, he himself says that you can’t trust a woman to keep herself clean, and that has to include his own dear mum, right? *nodnod*

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

I’ve had more than one gay friend who’s insisted on having me sit on his lap at parties for easier cuddling access, so I’m going to go with “no” on the question of whether gay men find women viscerally disgusting.

kittehserf
7 years ago

Alice – behold Basement Cat

Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

kittehs – BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, I love the poor cat’s expression. 😀

Bee
Bee
7 years ago

Thanks, Alice S. and Kitteh Serf! I think she is too! I wish she would sit still for a better picture, though!

kittehserf
7 years ago

Bee, she’ll keep you running around trying to take pics, because you are the servant and she is one of the, ah, Spinynati?

Alice, there are a few good Basement Cat + holy water ones, like this:

http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2681/4188605974_218d9803af.jpg

😀

Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

Poor cat! 😛

*is laughing as quietly as possible*

kittehserf
7 years ago

Fear not, Basement Cat will rise again – and then, humans, tremble!

lionicle
7 years ago

I wonder if he realizes that dicks/balls don’t smell all that awesome unwashed either, and that they’re also located near the butt where the poop comes out.

Also, if the woman’s vagina smells worse than a skunk she probably needs to go to the gyno. I feel like I’d smell something like that near women more frequently than never if it were an epidemic level problem.

lionicle
7 years ago

Oh, and I bet he would be REALLY shocked to learn that there are actually people who willingly lick each other’s assholes in this world. He would just die.

kittehserf
7 years ago

I wonder if he’s been going around sniffing dead skunks and doesn’t actually realise that they aren’t women? He seems mightily confused about everything else.

… I wonder what PENGUIN WHORES smell like?

Dvärghundspossen
7 years ago

Penguin whores smell like SCENTED FUCKING CANDLES because they burn them all the time!

Deoridhe
7 years ago

Quietuus has too gorgeous a voice for reading this stuff… someone, quick, buy him Good Omens. 8D 8D 8D

kittehserf
7 years ago

::smacks forehead::

Of course, Dvarg, why didn’t I think of that?

😀

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
7 years ago

Ugh. Yet another MGTOW aversion-therapy manifesto, in which the author tries to convince himself how superior he is to the women who continually reject him. Only instead of going the moral “slutty sluts who slut” route, Christopher obsesses on physical deterioration, as if it’s a process that happens only to women.

If vaginas really are the flyblown, disease-riddled stinky cesspools of filth that he claims they are, the human race would have died out a long time ago.

What’s most dishonest about these screeds is the way they pretend that the author’s quirks/preferences/pathologies are universally true for everyone on the planet. If you don’t agree, you’re branded as degenerate and deluded and out of touch with reality (hello, projection). It’s astonishing, the lengths these people will go to to outsource their shittiness onto other people so they can continue on with the illusion that they’re morally superior.

Christopher, just quietly decide that women aren’t for you, put the internet down, and go develop some worthwhile hobbies. Stop trying to convince grownups that they’re disgusting for getting married, sharing a bathroom, and loving one another till death do them part.

Viscaria
Viscaria
7 years ago

I’m late to the party but Bee, your baby hedgehog is the cutest!

Gethsemani
Gethsemani
7 years ago

This sounds like the manifesto of a person suffering from cleanliness OCD. Seriously, the obsession with how dirty and unhygienic the cavities of the female body are feels less like “Women are evil” and more like “I need to wash my hands for an hour after looking at my own wang”.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

I don’t think CIO is OCD, he’s just an extra-large crank.

Athywren
Athywren
7 years ago

I had to do a dramatic reading of this. Quality is a bit low, on headset.

https://soundcloud.com/quietuus/deconstruct-the-female

This was gorgeous. It made me think, though, when you got to the part about the couple out in public: He, fit, healthy, attractive; she, a walking corpse. (This is actually the one part that did make me question his sexuality – he clearly does have an appreciation for the male form… but that could just be an unchecked ego at work.) If men have it so damned hard, if they’re the ones whose lives are hell from the horrors of living in a feminist dystopia… why does the man look awesome, while the woman looks haggard? I mean, take two people of a similar age, one who has lived a comfortable life, and one who has lived a hard life. The one who has lived the harder life tends to show more signs of ageing. Sleepless nights and long hours are harder on a person than feather beds and spa days, after all. So why does the held down and abused male come out looking better?

After that one finished, it moved onto “SRS: Not Even Once” and I was amused by this part:

…an entire generation will believe that whining about the world not being the way you want it is acceptable behaviour!

It’s funny because, not only is that the entire basis of social progress throughout history… it’s also all the MRM ever does. There’s nothing wrong with whining about the world not being the way you want it, guys. It’s just a matter of working out whether the way you want the world to be is an improvement or a deterioration.

This sounds like the manifesto of a person suffering from cleanliness OCD. Seriously, the obsession with how dirty and unhygienic the cavities of the female body are feels less like “Women are evil” and more like “I need to wash my hands for an hour after looking at my own wang”.

Speaking as someone with a mild level of cleanliness obsession, I actually only see the rampant filth on myself, pretty much everyone else sparkles…. unless they actually are the embodiment of Foul Ole Ron.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

I’m OCD too and pretty much the only time I think about other people’s personal hygiene (unless it’s obviously bad) is when I’m thinking about whether or not I want to either hug or fuck them. So, based on my experience, either he’s a very affectionate person or he walks around sizing up every woman he sees in terms of the potential for immediate sexytimes.

Mysterics
Mysterics
7 years ago

Sounds to me like someone never grew out of their “Girls have cooties!” paranoia.