It’s time for another visit into the fertile mind of Christopher in Oregon, perhaps the most viscerally misogynistic boob I’ve ever written about on this site. Most of the misogynists I write about here like to pretend that they’re not misogynists, or to dress up their misogyny in pseudoscientific terms, talking about the evils of female “hypergamy” or citing dubious evo psych to back up their reprehensible views.
Not old Chris. He’s an old-school, women are bad because their vaginas are stinky, woman-hater. And his 2007 manifesto “Deconstruct the Female,” which I recently found reposted on MarkyMark’s blog, may well be his masterpiece.
Let’s take a look at some of the highlights.
On the whorishness and deceit of all women (except Christopher in Oregon’s mom):
My mother was very vocal about women and their nasty ways. For this I will always be grateful. She told me in no uncertain terms that women were pretty much all whores and liars, and that for all practical purposes, there were no exceptions.
On the Impending Ugliness of All Women:
A woman’s looks almost always head for the gutter as she ages. … I’m not talking when she hits fifty, or even forty.
Thirty. Maybe sooner. …
This is one of the greatest secrets that few people talk about, and young men are almost never warned about. Women get ugly. BUTT UGLY.
Cellulite: Might Literally Eat You
Oh, God. Have you ever walked down the aisle in a store and observed the women waddling along in short pants? Have you ever looked at their legs? Their thighs? A ghastly sight. Cellulite jiggling in every direction. It’s like the old fifties sci-fi movie “The Blob”. Sometimes I’m afraid it’s going to jump out and envelope me.
Breasts: An Affront to All That is Good and True
Contemplate her breasts. Ah, yes. The twin orbs of pleasure that young men so foolishly lust after.
Why?
They’re a couple of sacks of fat with oozing nipples on the end. Very few women’s breasts look like the one’s you see in the movies. Normally, most breasts are NOT attractive at all. They droop. Sometimes they’re not identical. Some look like gourds. When children come along, they sag badly. Very badly. Sometimes down to their belly, which by this time is also sagging in a race to hit the floor. In a woman, everything heads south, my friends. NEVER forget this.
Vaginas: I Smelled One Once, and It Was Very Stinky
I’m going to be blunt. Have you ever smelled a vagina? Seriously. I mean in it’s natural, unwashed state? Really stuck your nose right down there and taken a deep breath?
Once.
My G-d. The stench could have knocked a buzzard off a shit wagon at fifty paces. To this day I swear there was a cloud of flies buzzing around that portal of doom. Sometimes when riding my Harley-Beasties around the rural roads here in Oregon, I encounter dead skunks. Road kill. We have a lot of them here, and when they’ve been baking in the summer sun, you can smell them a long way off even at sixty miles per hour.
Vaginas tend to be even nastier.
Vaginas, Part 2: He’s Not Done Yet
I have long said that a vagina is a cesspool of filth and disease, and that I will never place any part of my anatomy into such a sewer. With the odds that a woman has herpes or HPV, this statement is even more true today.
Nature has a clever trick to warn us of danger. Smell. If you encounter something that smells bad, or rancid, Nature is telling you to get away.
(Danger, danger Will Robinson!)
You are being warned that something is probably carrying disease, and is filthy. Definatley not fit for human consumption.
Consider what comes out of a woman’s vagina when she has a period. It’s not just blood, boys. Other nasty stuff sloughes off. If she has HPV, then dead warts (if she’s being treated) come oozing out. Or dead pre-cancerous lesions. Scabs. Brown slime that reeks.
Vaginas, Part 3: Also, They’re Near the Butt
Think about her rectum. Yep. Her butt-hole. Think about how close it is to her vagina. Do you REALLY want your gonads slapping up against her poop-shute?
Really?
How carefully does she wipe after she uses the toilet? Do you know? Of course not. You’re taking it on faith that she is very sanitary, and we all know we can trust women.
Women: They Also Have Mouths
Look at her pretty face. Think about her mouth. Can you say gingivitus? Tooth decay? Mucous? Plaque? The human mouth is FILTHY, and a woman’s mouth is no exception, bucko. She can also carry Herpes and HPV in her mouth from all those blow jobs she’s been giving out to every guy in town. Blow jobs that mysteriously disappear once married, I might add.
Oh, Eyes Too
Look at her beady little eyes. Will they look so pretty when she is squinting through glasses that are as thick as coke bottle bottoms? When they’re oozing? When they are dull and lifeless as she hits middle age?
Women Over Fifty are Rotting Carcasses
Surely you’ve seen a middle-aged couple walking along. The man is fifty. In shape. Pleasantly greying on the sides of his head. …
Then look at his wife
She looks like an open-casket funeral. The stench of death is about her. He’s just hitting his prime in looks, while she’s flying towards death. Yes, she may outlive him. If you can call occupying a rotting carcass living.
Women: They Also Poop
Women produce the same filth and excretions as men. They require deodrants both for underarms, and even worse, for down below. What happens when a woman uses the toilet? Do you think it comes out smelling like roses? Think again.
Do Not Allow The Human Female to Use You For Breeding Purposes
Consider the other examples in nature of males being used and cast aside after breeding. Once they have served their purpose, they are useless to the female.
Do you think you will be treated any differently when the female has used you for breeding? You will only be around as long as she feels she need you financially. No longer.
Spend Your Life Exercising Furiously Instead
Clear your mind of lust. Avoid looking at women. Avoid porn. Masturbate if needed when yonger- or older. Don’t date. Don’t socialize with women. Concentrate on your hobbies. Your work. Your exercising.
Huh. That’s a lot to take in.
But there’s just one thing. I don’t want to boast, but over the forty-some years of my life I have found my nose in close proximity to a human vagina on more than one occasion, and, um, dude, I think maybe you got a bad one.
For more from Chris, check out the archives.
EDITED TO ADD: And here’s a DRAMATIC READING of the whole manifesto, courtesy of Quietuus!
@hellkell
I did try it. And my sister didn’t even think it looked like a side eye 🙁
Oh thank God, I didn’t want to be the first person to go “yeah, this really doesn’t sound like a woman.”
I think most women rarely, if ever, say “as a woman,” nor do they generally go on about their nurturing maternal instincts.
@katz
sorry if this is OT, but now I feel tempted to work “as an x” into my comments.
…as a woman, I enjoy reading manboobz.
As a lesbian, I find myself attracted to other girls.
As a manboobzer, I like cats.
I’m done now 😛 I hope.
LOL! Even Spock might have trouble doing that move.
Marie, love picturing you trying to do that and Fade saying “Nope.” 😀
Ooh, can we do “as an X” lists now?
As a woman, I like cats.
As a cat person, I like dogs.
As a manboobzer, I mock misogynists.
As a train traveller, I sometimes miss my stop (like yesterday … zzzzz)
As a queen, I still have to clean the litter.
As a woman, I just bought some macaroni and cheese.
As an Irish person, I have five cats.
As a married person, I did a jigsaw puzzle last night.
“I’d sooner gargle with ammonia”
Hey, as long as you don’t swallow it’d probably be harmless. Bit weird, but shouldn’t harm you. I don’t think. Not sure I’d try it, but may be less harmful than kissing an MRA!
As a man, I find collating comics pages to be ASS. However, as an artist, I’m really excited to be working on it!
As a person who can’t walk without pain, I use a wheelchair.
As a student, I study.
As an artist, I hate fine detail.
As an idiot, I forgot to check how much water evaporated while at pecunium’s and just had a bit of a fish emergency. (Crisis averted, no worries)
As an aquarist, I had pizza for dinner.
As a guest, I promised not to kill anyone on the subway…pecunium did not keep up his end of that deal, and yet I refrained from committing murder.
As his friend, I forgave his failure (inb4 he apologizes again)
As a depressed teenager, I just got me and my sister some one minute warm up brownies that taste very good.
As a woman, I had steak for dinner.
As a married person, I’m watching Game of Thrones.
I was trying to think of something awful to gargle/use as mouthwash and got stuck. Preferably something that would be horrible and painful, if not fatal, ‘cos that’s how I feel about the alternative (even if the guy wasn’t an MRA). Any ideas?
As a woman, I am drinking coffee.
As a married person, I am sitting at my desk at work.
As an employee, I’m not doing a whole lot of work.
As an Australian, I have a major knitting project underway.
Kitteh — sulfuric acid.
That’ll do! 🙂
auggz – but is the gum pink? If not, you’re failing your evopsych biotruthiness.
Erm…no, ammonia is a toxicity 3 corrosive. It would fuck your mouth up.
auggz – if you have an account on imgur or one of those sites, just upload the pics and put the link in here.
I am definitely seeing your kitty as the John Lennon of the cat world since some evil person here mentioned that.
Maybe a blend of sulphuric acid and ammonia for hyperbolic effect?
If we’re entering the Feminism Olympics, I think my 40+ years is gonna whup a feeble 17 years.
And, by the by, waaaaay back in the 70s feminists were opposing the idea that it was our job to “fix” men. It was a first wave feminist idea that ev.er.y.thing would be better, kinder, nicer, gentler when women got to vote and hold high office because women were much betterer people all round than those war-like brutish men. It was the 70s when we stood up and said out loud that women were very much the same as men intellectually, emotionally and socially. And the nice-kind-gentle idea took a massive smack after people like Golda Meir and Maggie Thatcher and Indira Gandhi and Sirimavo Bandaranaike got their hands on real power.
Claiming to be a feminist and then maintaining that nice, supportive feminists should smooth the fevered brows of hateful men is walking a very frayed tightrope.
A frayed tightrope woven from old socks, perhaps?
I’m wondering, cos I don’t generally pick up on troll tells: Mr 90%? None of the others has the skill to hold off melting down even this long.
As a GQ person, I have heard this. Nearly verbatim. From several different people :/
As an insomniac, I’m going to try cleaning tonight instead of sleeping.
As a lurker/occasional commenter, juliabreeze reminds me of that troll in the ZImmerman thread, with the “This person commented…” and the lack of paragraphs.
As a manboobzer, I want to remind you all how awesome you are! (I’ve just caught up on that 900+ thread and everything else I missed today) You are all amazing people and I have infinite hugs and/or other non-touching luv for all of you.
Hugs for you too, sittiekitty! Especially after getting through that thread with those horrible, terrible very bad dudes. Everyone who likes hugs should get them after that.
I was especially sad because PotO was something that helped me through a rough patch and it was depressing to see someone like that using it… idk, silly things. I was also surprised they didn’t get banned quicker, the victim-blaming I was like o.o over, esp as a survivor, but I’m glad they got it eventually!