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Christopher in Oregon “Deconstructs the Female” and Her Allegedly Very Stinky You-Know-What [UPDATE: Now With Dramatic Reading!]

Georgia O'Keefe: Probably Not Christopher in Oregon's favorite painter
Georgia O’Keeffe: Probably Not Christopher in Oregon’s favorite painter

It’s time for another visit into the fertile mind of Christopher in Oregon, perhaps the most viscerally misogynistic boob I’ve ever written about on this site. Most of the misogynists I write about here like to pretend that they’re not misogynists, or to dress up their misogyny in pseudoscientific terms, talking about the evils of female “hypergamy” or citing dubious evo psych to back up their reprehensible views.

Not old Chris. He’s an old-school, women are bad because their vaginas are stinky, woman-hater. And his 2007 manifesto “Deconstruct the Female,” which I recently found reposted on MarkyMark’s blog, may well be his masterpiece.

Let’s take a look at some of the highlights.

On the whorishness and deceit of all women (except Christopher in Oregon’s mom):

My mother was very vocal about women and their nasty ways. For this I will always be grateful. She told me in no uncertain terms that women were pretty much all whores and liars, and that for all practical purposes, there were no exceptions.

On the Impending Ugliness of All Women:

A woman’s looks almost always head for the gutter as she ages. … I’m not talking when she hits fifty, or even forty.

Thirty. Maybe sooner. …

This is one of the greatest secrets that few people talk about, and young men are almost never warned about. Women get ugly. BUTT UGLY.

Cellulite: Might Literally Eat You

Oh, God. Have you ever walked down the aisle in a store and observed the women waddling along in short pants? Have you ever looked at their legs? Their thighs? A ghastly sight. Cellulite jiggling in every direction. It’s like the old fifties sci-fi movie “The Blob”. Sometimes I’m afraid it’s going to jump out and envelope me.

Breasts: An Affront to All That is Good and True

Contemplate her breasts. Ah, yes. The twin orbs of pleasure that young men so foolishly lust after.

Why?

They’re a couple of sacks of fat with oozing nipples on the end. Very few women’s breasts look like the one’s you see in the movies. Normally, most breasts are NOT attractive at all. They droop. Sometimes they’re not identical. Some look like gourds. When children come along, they sag badly. Very badly. Sometimes down to their belly, which by this time is also sagging in a race to hit the floor. In a woman, everything heads south, my friends. NEVER forget this.

Vaginas: I Smelled One Once, and It Was Very Stinky

I’m going to be blunt. Have you ever smelled a vagina? Seriously. I mean in it’s natural, unwashed state? Really stuck your nose right down there and taken a deep breath?

Once.

My G-d. The stench could have knocked a buzzard off a shit wagon at fifty paces. To this day I swear there was a cloud of flies buzzing around that portal of doom. Sometimes when riding my Harley-Beasties around the rural roads here in Oregon, I encounter dead skunks. Road kill. We have a lot of them here, and when they’ve been baking in the summer sun, you can smell them a long way off even at sixty miles per hour.

Vaginas tend to be even nastier.

Vaginas, Part 2: He’s Not Done Yet

I have long said that a vagina is a cesspool of filth and disease, and that I will never place any part of my anatomy into such a sewer. With the odds that a woman has herpes or HPV, this statement is even more true today.

Nature has a clever trick to warn us of danger. Smell. If you encounter something that smells bad, or rancid, Nature is telling you to get away.

(Danger, danger Will Robinson!)

You are being warned that something is probably carrying disease, and is filthy. Definatley not fit for human consumption.

Consider what comes out of a woman’s vagina when she has a period. It’s not just blood, boys. Other nasty stuff sloughes off. If she has HPV, then dead warts (if she’s being treated) come oozing out. Or dead pre-cancerous lesions. Scabs. Brown slime that reeks.

Vaginas, Part 3: Also, They’re Near the Butt

Think about her rectum. Yep. Her butt-hole. Think about how close it is to her vagina. Do you REALLY want your gonads slapping up against her poop-shute?

Really?

How carefully does she wipe after she uses the toilet? Do you know? Of course not. You’re taking it on faith that she is very sanitary, and we all know we can trust women.

Women: They Also Have Mouths

Look at her pretty face. Think about her mouth. Can you say gingivitus? Tooth decay? Mucous? Plaque? The human mouth is FILTHY, and a woman’s mouth is no exception, bucko. She can also carry Herpes and HPV in her mouth from all those blow jobs she’s been giving out to every guy in town. Blow jobs that mysteriously disappear once married, I might add.

Oh, Eyes Too

Look at her beady little eyes. Will they look so pretty when she is squinting through glasses that are as thick as coke bottle bottoms? When they’re oozing? When they are dull and lifeless as she hits middle age?

Women Over Fifty are Rotting Carcasses

Surely you’ve seen a middle-aged couple walking along. The man is fifty. In shape. Pleasantly greying on the sides of his head. …

Then look at his wife

She looks like an open-casket funeral. The stench of death is about her. He’s just hitting his prime in looks, while she’s flying towards death. Yes, she may outlive him. If you can call occupying a rotting carcass living.

Women: They Also Poop

Women produce the same filth and excretions as men. They require deodrants both for underarms, and even worse, for down below. What happens when a woman uses the toilet? Do you think it comes out smelling like roses? Think again.

Do Not Allow The Human Female to Use You For Breeding Purposes

Consider the other examples in nature of males being used and cast aside after breeding. Once they have served their purpose, they are useless to the female.

Do you think you will be treated any differently when the female has used you for breeding? You will only be around as long as she feels she need you financially. No longer.

Spend Your Life Exercising Furiously Instead

Clear your mind of lust. Avoid looking at women. Avoid porn. Masturbate if needed when yonger- or older. Don’t date. Don’t socialize with women. Concentrate on your hobbies. Your work. Your exercising.

Huh. That’s a lot to take in.

But there’s just one thing. I don’t want to boast, but over the forty-some years of my life I have found my nose in close proximity to a human vagina on more than one occasion, and, um, dude, I think maybe you got a bad one.

For more from Chris, check out the archives.

EDITED TO ADD: And here’s a DRAMATIC READING of the whole manifesto, courtesy of Quietuus!

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Smudge
7 years ago

What the hell?

Morrigan
7 years ago

His writing style reminds me of a small boy trying to produce a comprehensive work on the ickiness of girls. “Did you know they go poopie, too? Ewwww!”
His worst nightmare is probably a group of women surrounding him and laughing as they poke him with their ugly girl fingers.

Viscaria
Viscaria
7 years ago

The human mouth is FILTHY, and a woman’s mouth is no exception, bucko.

Women produce the same filth and excretions as men.

How strange that Christopher hates women for these things that he acknowledges are true for men as well, and yet he seems to think men are hunky-dory. I mean I don’t get the impression that every once in a while he’s brushing his teeth and he thinks “oh god, my mouth is FILTHY! I am a filthy creature! People shouldn’t socialize with me!” but he seems to think that’s a reasonable reaction to women having bacteria in their mouths.

By the way, this is the first time I’ve read evopsych nonsense claiming that Nature/evolution/instinct/whatever is trying to keep cis men away from vaginas.

drst
drst
7 years ago

This guy is living in a shuttered room with bottles of his own urine stacked around him right?

mrjeevesandme
7 years ago

OMG, this dude had the same mother as Carrie.

Tulgey Logger
Tulgey Logger
7 years ago

From my sample size of one, I can tell you that penises tend to look like Beluga whales. They also tend to sound like Beluga whales and live among Beluga whales in the chilly saltwater of the ocean. (Disclaimer: I may have once seen a Beluga whale.)

Freaking Beluga whales. Their mouths are super nasty from eating fish and sailors or whatever it is they eat, but when you, a sailor fish, get married to one, do you get eaten? No. Way.

Beluga Whales: Not Even Once.

Alice
Alice
7 years ago

Yes, women poop. It amazes me how often MRAs and PUAs have to bring this up.

Athywren
Athywren
7 years ago

o.O
Uh…
“So, lovely weather we’re having today, huh?”
“HAVE YOU EVER SMELLED A VAGINA!”
“Is that… a question?”
“UNWASHED VAGINAS DON’T SMELL NICE!”
“….unwashed *anything* doesn’t smell nice…”
“WOMEN POOP!!!”
“Ok… hey, I think that…. lamp post is waving at me… gotta go.”

titianblue
titianblue
7 years ago

Perhaps Christopher of Oregon should read his Jonathan Swift –

Thus finishing his grand survey,
Disgusted Strephon stole away
Repeating in his amorous fits,
Oh! Celia, Celia, Celia shits!

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/180934

Malitia
Malitia
7 years ago

I just want to know (OK. Not really.), what kind of people don’t know that living women have bodily functions? Are they confusing half of humanity with blowup dolls?

sarahlizhousespouse
7 years ago

I read some choice bits of Chris’s commentary on the vagina to my husband. We were in stitches.

mildlymagnificent
7 years ago

She can also carry Herpes and HPV in her mouth from all those blow jobs she’s been giving out to every guy in town. Blow jobs that mysteriously disappear once married, I might add.

So you don’t want a blowjob from this super stinky cootie carrying person. But you’ll complain once those blow jobs “mysteriously disappear”.

I don’t know what I could possibly say that would display the same pellucid logic as that – in two statements one after the other.

/wonderingsarcasm

Maude LL
Maude LL
7 years ago

I have such a soft spot for MarkyMark (and, by extension, for Chris’s manifestos). Marky’s fierce rebuttal of that friendzone onion article is pretty much the reason why I became a regular manboobz reader in the first place.

I any case, those two should keep thinking vaginas are icky. Natural selection at its best. But entertaining nonetheless. (I can’t help to feel like Chris of OR is a fake. Poe’s Law, I guess.)

Jena
Jena
7 years ago

As a lesbian, this is why I am highly convinced that many men, especially MRAs, are homosexual. Not because they can’t get women or anything, but because I’ve never seen any creature more critical and disgusted by female bodies, especially natural female bodies.

Wereterrier
7 years ago

Dang! So much oozing! A full-body absorbent suit, full of activated charcoal and baking soda, is clearly in order. Why, I can barely see my monitor for the cloud of blowflies surrounding me (not to mention the fact that I lost my Coke-bottle glasses last night whilst performing an estimated thirty-nine-thousand-four-hundred-and-twelve blow jobs all over town). Oh well, no sense crying over spilt liquid gold, and anyway, it’s time to go poop! Yay!

Bob Goblin
Bob Goblin
7 years ago

Wait, women poop?

That’s it. I’m done dating.

wereterrier
wereterrier
7 years ago

I read some choice bits of Chris’s commentary on the vagina to my husband. We were in stitches.

I woke up all the other mammals in the house laughing at this one. How quaint that there are still shit wagons in Oregon! I had no idea it was so rustic up there!

wereterrier
wereterrier
7 years ago

Freaking Beluga whales. Their mouths are super nasty from eating fish and sailors or whatever it is they eat, but when you, a sailor fish, get married to one, do you get eaten? No. Way.

Love this. LOVE IT.

I’M OLD GREGG!!!

yaoi huntress earth
yaoi huntress earth
7 years ago

Reading the first entry, it makes me realize that Ed Gein’s mom had more than one child.

Emily
Emily
7 years ago

I have never been so turned on in my life then I have when reading Chris’s article.
Now where did I put my stinky, discharge-caked, HPV-infested vibrator…

wereterrier
wereterrier
7 years ago

See, all those scented candles are NECESSARY.

sarahlizhousespouse
7 years ago

@Maude LL

Mr. Geologist and I agree with you. Chris has got to be a Poe.

I’d love for Chris to do a commercial in which he imitates this fellow exposing the NWO:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmToueIgoNY&w=560&h=315]

Scene opens with two women, one in her 30’s one in her 70’s standing in the produce department of a grocery store. They strike up a conversation about how to pick the best cantaloupe.
Then! Chris runs in flailing his arms and yelling incoherently. But wait! There is a feminine wash in one of those flailing hands. Over the din, the two women can barely discern that Chris is telling them their vaginas are filthy and stinky. He says they need to cleanse their fetid cavities of carnal pleasure. He throw the feminine wash on the floor and running, still flailing his arms, retreats to the frozen food section.

The women just look after him dumbfounded. 😀

Tam
Tam
7 years ago

Come home, Sigmund Freud, all is forgiven.

Daphne
Daphne
7 years ago

‘The human mouth is FILTHY, and a woman’s mouth is no exception, bucko.’

Humans and women: two different species.

And these non-human also poop?!? We want better sex objects!

Robert
Robert
7 years ago

That was disturbing. And disturbed. The only upside is that he will, most likely, not get close enough to any actual women in real life to bother them. But sheesh! What a conundrum to be revolted by that to which you are attracted. The pathology of a mother instructing her son on the perfidy and noxiousness of women is more than I can wrap my mind around.

katz
7 years ago

titianblue: I was thinking of Swift as well. They share that inability to suppress their misanthropic disgust at the very existence of normally functioning human bodies.

cloudiah
7 years ago

Yesterday, I was browsing around the Reddit manosphere, and spotted a cartoon that totally reminded me of Christopher in Oregon. Here it is in context (NSFW, and also fat-shaming). The only difference is that the artist apparently thinks only feminists who read Shit Reddit Says have stinky vaginas. Someone proudly posts one that’s even worse in the comments.

katz
7 years ago

Cloudiah: And…that’s supposed to be hilarious? Literally the whole thing is “There is a woman! And she’s fat! And she stinks!” These guys have an incredibly low bar for humor.

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
7 years ago

Sometimes I’m afraid it’s going to jump out and envelope me.

How Freudian.

My mother was very vocal about women and their nasty ways. For this I will always be grateful.

No, seriously, are we sure Freud didn’t write this?

That thing where we’re all supposedly comparing our partners to our opposite-sex parents and resenting said partners because they never measure up? That’s not supposed to be true, Chrissykins.

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
7 years ago

I haven’t seen a lot of O’Keefe’s paintings, but I really like the idea of having them around my house. Stealth erotic art! The one on this post is particularly…um…I would totally hang that on the wall.

cloudiah
7 years ago

@katz, and the “attractive” women are drawn so that there doesn’t seem to be enough space inside them to house any internal organs. So maybe they don’t poop!

hometeampaper
hometeampaper
7 years ago

Wait, wait, wait.

Women POOP?

I wasn’t briefed on this. I’m out of here.

hometeampaper
hometeampaper
7 years ago

Damn, didn’t see Bob Goblin’s post. Sorry, Bob Goblin! I respect your instincts!

Emily
7 years ago

HEY CHRISTOPHER, SOME QUESTIONS FOR YOU

1. If you hate women so much, why not shut the fuck up and just leave them alone?

2. Are you afraid my cellulite-covered thighs are going to jump out and envelope you? Because maybe they are, they think you’re as much of a tool as I do.

3. Do you think unwashed cock ‘n’ balls smell like roses and loveliness? I think not.

4. Are you *actually* surprised that women have the same mouth germs and butt poopiness as men do? Really? Is this something that is just becoming apparent to you? Perhaps your mother should have spent less time telling you how women are whores and liars and more time making it clear to you that they are human and stuff.

MRAs who hate vaginas and boobs so much should just shut up and leave them alone. Leave the boobs and vaginas for people who like them.

Kendra
Kendra
7 years ago

I’m pretty sure this is what he thinks a woman looks like (sorry, don’t know how to do links):

http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/241/a/2/alien___h_r__giger_pitch___by_adonihs-d2xjobm.jpg

La Strega
7 years ago

Christopher of Oregon’s piece really merits an audio production. I’d love to hear it narrated by Christopher Waltz or Werner Herzog, for example.

Bonelady
Bonelady
7 years ago

Ze muzzer, ve look to ze muzzer… And this guy seems to have (have had?) a real prize. I’d almost feel sorry for him if he wasn’t such a jerk.

KittySnide
KittySnide
7 years ago

oh mylanta.
is this dude under the impression that unwashed balls smell like clean laundry or spiced cider?
’cause Chris, honey, unless you’ve got one of those Glade Automatic Spray things down where the rest of us have human-type genitals, you maybe don’t want to be pointing at everyone else and yelling “SMELLY STINKY WOMEN STINK!”
ignore the poop fleck in your neighbour’s eye until you’ve dealt with the log in your own and such.
wait. that went to an unexpected gross place…

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

The PNW has a lot of serial killers, and Chris sounds like he fits right in. He needs to go talk to someone about the number Mrs. Bates did on his head.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Maude LL: Marky Mark is my favorite manosphere goofball, hands down.

leftwingfox
7 years ago

Some dudes have issues. This guy has subscriptions. Likely to medical journals.

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

“Will they look so pretty when she is squinting through glasses that are as thick as coke bottle bottoms?”

Remember when we did selfeyes? Well pecunium took his without his coke bottle glasses. Everybody go retract your complements! Oh, right, male, never mind.

On topic…is he twelve? Hopefully not since he claims to have been up close and personal with vaginas (why do I suspect he means vulvas?), but he sure acts like girls have cooties.

Yes, mouths are gross, yes, this includes women’s…and men’s…and everyone else’s. T’is a fact of humanity, sorry dude. Some (most) of us deal with that, if we think of it at all, by either shrugging or deciding it’s worth the risk (disclosure here, of the TMI sort, I have a thing for being bitten, which makes the grossness of the human mouth quite relevant to my interests…it’s entirely worth the risk IMO)

Also, ya think maybe unwashed post-period genitals don’t smell like flowers but more like dead blood?! Wtf dude, no, you try bleeding for a week and see if you don’t need to wash up to smell fresh I mean really now. And how clean is your anus, cuz vaginas and yeast infections, kinda more likely to matter than needing to wash your balls (which you’ll probably need to do anyways since sex is often sweaty…we, women sweat?!?)

And uh, something is amiss if PiV involves her rectum. Those do indeed tend to have trace amounts of poop at all times, barring an enema (fleet enemas are really stellar from what I’ve heard, but never used one so idk). Dude // fool, ya meant her anus. And vulva. Rectums and vaginas are INTERNAL.

Anatomy is misandry!!eleventy!!!1!!!11!!!

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

Oh and Georgia O’Keefe has been one of my favorite artists since I was a kid, long before I caught the genital appearance of her paintings. The contrast of sharp edges and beautiful shading, the use of color, the way she brings out the beauty of nature. It makes me a happy Argenti.

/art tangent

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

*O’Keeffe

If anyone finds an f running around, swap it with the d in duck and send the result to Christopher.

thebionicmommy
thebionicmommy
7 years ago

When children come along, they sag badly. Very badly. Sometimes down to their belly, which by this time is also sagging in a race to hit the floor. In a woman, everything heads south, my friends. NEVER forget this.

Babies need to apologize. They selfishly drink breastmilk even though they know that the breasts could sag afterwards and give Chris in Oregon’s boner a sad. And I don’t give a damn if my boobies are in the deep south. You know how much money you save on formula by nursing? It’s in the thousands. There are a lot of health benefits for the baby, too.

ivyshoots
7 years ago

She told me in no uncertain terms that women were pretty much all whores and liars, and that for all practical purposes, there were no exceptions.

Devil in Bedazzled: “Everything I’ve ever told you’s been a lie, including that.”
Stanley: “Including what?”
Devil: “That everything I’ve ever told you’s been a lie. That’s not true.”
Stanley: “I don’t know what to believe!”
Devil: “Not me, Stanley; believe me!”

ivyshoots
7 years ago

A woman’s looks almost always head for the gutter as she ages. … I’m not talking when she hits fifty, or even forty.

Thirty. Maybe sooner. …

This is one of the greatest secrets that few people talk about, and young men are almost never warned about. Women get ugly. BUTT UGLY.

How is this great secret kept? Simply by not talking about it? How does a young man reach marriageable age without EVER seeing with his own eyes a woman over the age of 25? No family members, teachers, neighbors, coworkers are ever, as Oscar Wilde put it, “fully forty-two, and more than usually plain” for their age?

scarlettpipstrelle
7 years ago

Off topic, but check out this anti-victim-blaming video produced in India in the wake of some horrific attacks. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hC0Ng_ajpY

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