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Hard Candy: What makes old ladies so crabby, according to crabby antifeminist Sunshine Mary? (Hint: It’s feminism.)

Just thought I'd give Sunshine Mary a heart attack with this.
Just thought I’d give Sunshine Mary a heart attack with this.

Have you ever wondered what makes crabby old ladies crabby? Maybe they’re having a bad day? Maybe younger people are being rude to them and they’re speaking up for themselves? Maybe they’ve always been crabby? Maybe they’ve lived a long life and don’t give a shit what people think of them any more?

According to Sunshine Mary — “Christian, wife, mother, and anti-feminist” — the real problem is feminism.

And she’s got proof!

In a blog post today titled The coarsening effect of feminism on elderly women she tells the horrifying story of how she personally witnessed some crankiness from an old lady while she was innocently going about her business shopping for groceries and silently judging other people:

As I approached the milk cooler, I observed an elderly woman, probably in her late seventies, and her husband, who was probably around eighty.  The woman was wearing brown pants that appeared to be Carhartts and rainbow colored sneakers; she looked ridiculous.  I have been noticing lately that even elderly women’s appearance has worsened; they often wear their hair in short, mannish styles, as opposed to the short but feminine style that elderly women used to wear, and they seem to be wearing men’s clothing now.

Ok, so far the only crabby person here seems to be Sunshine Mary herself, working herself into a lather over an elderly woman’s short hair and rainbow-colored sneakers.

But wait! Sunshine Mary continues with her tale of terror in the dairy aisle:

As I stood patiently nearby waiting to access the milk cooler, I eavesdropped on the elderly couple’s conversation.  I didn’t hear what the man had said, but the old woman was responding harshly with a nasty look on her face as she complained, “I want it, and I am going to get it.  I need to because you don’t take me shopping enough!”  They shuffled off down the aisle, she still crabbing and he pushing the cart silently.

I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE IT A WOMAN DEMANDING TO GET THE KIND OF YOGURT OR WHATEVER THE FUCK IT WAS THAT SHE WANTED TO GET, EVEN THOUGH HER HUSBAND FOR SOME REASON APPARENTLY THOUGHT SHE SHOULDN’T  GET IT, ACTUALLY WHY WOULD THAT BE ANY OF his business why am I yelling?

Sunshine Mary wonders what kind of world could create crabby old ladies like this:

I thought about her unfeminine appearance and harsh behavior and also recalled …  an article about how elderly women are divorcing and engaging in online dating and casual sex, resulting in a sharp increase in sexually transmitted diseases among the elderly, and I wondered…What has happened to our older women?  Why have they become so unfeminine?  Why do they revel in exhibiting coarse behavior and using foul language?

Elderly women didn’t use to be like this.

Huh. I’s sort of stuck on the sexually transmitted diseases thing, because unless all these old ladies have become lesbians — and I’m pretty sure Sunshine Mary would have said something about that if that were the case — then these evil sex-having, STD-spreading old ladies are having sex with, and spreading STDs with, sex-having, STD-spreading men. So why is it that the ladies are the ones getting all the blame?

Also, how did we get from cranky old ladies in the dairy aisle to sexy old ladies having sex?

Anyway, as proof that old ladies used to be nothing but sugar and spice, Sunshine Mary posts a picture of her grandmother in 1974, and she does indeed seem to be a very nice granny. Apparently she never swore or talked about sex, at least not in the vicinity of Sunshine Mary.

And apparently Sunshine Mary’s great-grandmother was a very nice lady as well — even though she worked outside the home!

So why are the old ladies of today such evil, crabby, yogurt-demanding monsters?

Oh, yeah, that’s right: feminism.

The women who are in their seventies now would have been young women when second wave feminism took off in the early 1970s, and it shows.   There are exceptions, of course, but in general they are far more coarse and unfeminine than the previous generation, and this is almost certainly due to the influence of feminism. …

Feminism was supposed to empower women, but instead it has turned all women into mere sex objects; all they bring of worth now is their sexuality, and when their youth fades, they have nothing left of value to offer.

Uh, since when has feminism been all about turning women into nothing but sex objects?

This is why we see old women either pathetically trying to look like a caricature of a young, sexy woman or just giving up and looking like old men.  If you have nothing beyond your sexuality to offer, if you have built no lasting family, if you have chucked your husband and devoted most of your life to a career, then you end up with no feminine dignity for anyone to celebrate.

Yeah, it’s not like having an interesting and/or accomplished life is worth celebrating.

We women who are not yet elderly need to think about this and consider our own conduct, language, and appearance.  What kind of elderly women do we hope to be someday?  The type who are desperately clinging to the hope that they are sexxxxay and hip in their dotage, looking and behaving just as crass as the younger women?

Sorry to break it to you, Sunshine, but when people live longer lives, their sex lives last longer as well. I don’t know if you realize this, but people you think are too old, or too unattractive, or too whatever to be having sex … are having sex all the time. That couple you saw in the grocery store may have had sex for three hours as soon as they got home. They may have even worked the yogurt into it.

I know that I don’t want to be that way.  I hope that I will be more like my grandmother and great-grandmother – a dignified, feminine, woman who is both respectable and respected, who takes care of her family and does not embarrass them with outrageously coarse behavior.

Don’t worry, Sunshine. You’re already plenty embarrassing.

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thebionicmommy
thebionicmommy
11 years ago

When I was young, I remember my grandmother lecturing me how no one in our family ever had sex other than with their spouse. Imagine my astonishment when looking into our family tree to discover the half dozen or so children born to her unwed aunts. I never realised how good a fibber Granny was.

My dear Granny used to paint the past like that, too. She would claim that people were so innocent, that women didn’t know what menstruation was, even while they were actually menstruating. Grandma was sweet as could be, but I didn’t believe that for a minute. And then mom told me that grandma’s sister actually wrote a book called Jewel of the Ozarks in which she told all of the family’s deep dark secrets and skeletons in the closet, and that they were definitely not as goody two shoes as they let on. Mom said the biggest scandal of the book was that the woman who wrote it somehow left off the part where her own daughter ran off to elope with her first cousin. Even I was shocked by that one.

And on the other side of the family, we read about a great great grandma of mine who had four children by four different men. She never married, so she was like the ultimate nightmare of MRA’s of the 1800’s.

extraterrestrial biological entity princess

Maybe elderly ladies, gentlemen and persons of all genders are grouches because they’ve endured so many years of annoying nonsense from people like Sunshine Mary?
Maybe by age 70 or so, people have found enough wisdom to not care what other people think of their clothes or manners, because they know better than to judge people so shallowly?
Maybe elderly people have become secure enough about their lives, their accomplishments, their ties to others, and wether they will leave the world better than they found it to care what someone with no sense and bad values thinks of them?

thebionicmommy
thebionicmommy
11 years ago

And I overheard an elderly woman in a dressing room recently, and she would have given dear Sunshine Mary the vapors. She was telling her adult daughter “Wow, that dress looks really fucking nice on you! I used to wear slutty shit like that all the time when I was young!”. Luckily my kids weren’t with me or I would have had to have done that little “earmuffs” thing parents do when someone’s cussing. Instead I just tried to stifle my giggles.

mildlymagnificent
11 years ago

I think poor old sunshine herself should have taken an interest in poetry.

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat that doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me,
And I shall spend my pension
on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals,
and say we’ve no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired,
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,
And run my stick along the public railings,
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people’s gardens,
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat,
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go,
Or only bread and pickle for a week,
And hoard pens and pencils and beer mats
and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry,
And pay our rent and not swear in the street,
And set a good example for the children.
We will have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
So people who know me
are not too shocked and surprised,
When suddenly I am old
and start to wear purple!

This poem by Jenny Joseph http://www.barbados.org/poetry/wheniam.htm has inspired a whole movement in Australia. Whenever there are concerts or other events in a major city, you can sometimes spot several women in red hats and purple outfits. Some of my mum’s friends do it. The younger sister of one of my school friends has been doing it for years.

And I do believe some of these women ::whispers:: have sex sometimes.

mildlymagnificent
11 years ago

Oh dear. It wasn’t the blockquote monster that ate my poem, it was the spam monster. I’m sure one of the Futrelle ferret family will get busy and release it soon.

yaoi huntress earth
yaoi huntress earth
11 years ago

I’m assuming she’s one of those middle class or higher anti-feminists (AKA Serena Joys) who enjoy the rights that other women fought for while trying to tear them down. She’d hate the society she’s fighting for: no rights, second-class-citizen at best, being mistreat is ok and no financial independence.

Athywren
Athywren
11 years ago

Aren’t we supposed to respect our elders? What a disrespectful child this Sunshine Mary is! In my day, the youth were silent until spoken to, and didn’t tell their elders – and betters! – what they should do with their lives!!

sparky
sparky
11 years ago

Yeesh. For some reason, I felt the need to go and read Sunshine Mary’s original blog post. Down near the bottom, she has 3 pictures of the “wrong” kind of “little old lady,” and, I tell you what, they all looked like pretty cool people who’d be a lot more fun to know than Sunshine Mary.

Love how she makes snap judgements about people in the grocery store based entirely on their clothes and a snippet of overheard conversation.

SredniVashtar
SredniVashtar
11 years ago

Somewhere on Sunshine Mary’s blog there’s a column and its associated comments in which Sunshine and the manospherians seriously discuss the benefits of retracting the 19th amendment (women’s right to vote).

Their reasoning is that apparently women, as a block, are voting in the wrong direction.

Sometimes I just get so tired of the stupidity of people (usually manospherians).

Shadow
Shadow
11 years ago

I aspire to be like this old lady

kittehserf
11 years ago

YOGURT IS MISANDRY

thebionicmommy
thebionicmommy
11 years ago

Down near the bottom, she has 3 pictures of the “wrong” kind of “little old lady,” and, I tell you what, they all looked like pretty cool people who’d be a lot more fun to know than Sunshine Mary.

I agree. I especially like the one holding the “Gators suck” plate. I don’t care anything about college football, but I like her style. I’d ask to hang out with her, and even agree Gators suck just to have that opportunity.

Cunning Pam
11 years ago

My mother-in-law fits all of Sunshine Mary’s requirements for elderly women. She’s never seen by anyone, including her husband, without her hair curled and ‘done’, full makeup, and suitably conservative clothes (think pull-on polyester slacks and coordinating twinsets) and jewelry (tasteful, small gemstones and gold chain type stuff). She’s never worked outside the home, had a husband who retired from a corporate presidency at 55, and has always been the dutiful Donna Reed type, at least on the outside. I think she’d have an attack of the vapors if anyone ever confused her for a feminist. And you know what? No one wants to spend more than five minutes around her. She’s a nasty, meddlesome, entitled, self-important, dismissive, racist, classist, sexist whiny harpy, even if everything is said in the most moderated tones and with the most charmed affected southern accent. Her “I’m a lady, though and through” exterior and demeanor masks the fact that down deep, she is an ugly, ugly person. Her own son (my husbeast) couldn’t care less for her at this point in her life, sadly.

But, she’s feminine, and dignified, and respectable, so it’s all good?

Meeting all of Mary’s requirements doesn’t mean you’re a good person, or that people will want to be around you, or that you’ve left the world a better place than you found it.

Marie
Marie
11 years ago

nties, and her husband, who was probably around eighty. The woman was wearing brown pants that appeared to be Carhartts and rainbow colored sneakers; she looked ridiculous.

I’ve got no idea what Sunshine Mary is talking about, cuz rainbow sneakers sound awesome! I would wear those all the time.

@titanblue

A few years back, I was driving along the road & I was overtaken by an old, grey-haired lady driving a bright red MG convertible. And I thought “That. That is going to be me in my old age”.

Seconded! 😀

@thebionicmommy

. She was telling her adult daughter “Wow, that dress looks really fucking nice on you! I used to wear slutty shit like that all the time when I was young!”

She sounds like a great old lady 😀 Or at least one I’d love to hang out with.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

Sunshine Mary sounds like she’s about as much fun to be around as a root canal done without painkillers, honestly. Bitterness will do that to a person.

kittehserf
11 years ago

Sunshine Mary’s such a misery she’d probably have complained about JC turning water into wine.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

And then if he’d turned it back again she’d complain about that too. She’s what my granny calls an old miseryguts.

fizzingwhizzbees
fizzingwhizzbees
11 years ago

both my grandmothers wear their hair in a supposedly “short, mannish style”…because it has thinned out due to chemo. this woman needs to cool it with the snap judgments. i guarantee you neither of the sassy, independent older ladies i’m fortunate enough to be related to would take her shit for even a second. when i’m older i fully intend to be exactly the type of outlandish lady miss sunshine would despise.

kittehserf
11 years ago

Your granny’s right.

I find myself wondering if Sunshine Mary gets any pleasure in life at all. She sure doesn’t sound like she gets any joy from her religion, despite harping on about being Christian. A good advertisement for it she ain’t.

karak
karak
11 years ago

Wait. Wait. It’s 2013. A woman 70-80 years old would have been born in 1943-1933. She would been an adult–around 20– in 1963-1953.

By the 1970s she would have been 30-40 years old. Since when has 30 been our “formative years”?

MRAs: bad at math and sense… again.

Alice Sanguinaria
Alice Sanguinaria
11 years ago

Sunshine Mary sounds like a misnomer. After all, if you’re wandering around finding things to be offended by, how could you be as happy as sunshine?

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

If I’m lucky enough to live to be 80 I’ll wear my hair however I damn well please.

(So no change, then.)

kittehserf
11 years ago

Sunshine Mary would have a shitfit if she saw my mum. Short hair and she had a tattoo done when she was seventysomething.

Alice Sanguinaria
Alice Sanguinaria
11 years ago

When I grow old, I’m going to enjoy it. *nod*

Fade
11 years ago

What kind of elderly women do we hope to be someday?

I hope to be the sort of elderly woman who can help her friends find mobility products, since by then I’ll have so much experience being disabled.

I’ll be like “now, if you get armrests on your wheelchair, make sure they won’t interfere with your ability to push the wheels.” “get a quad cane if your arms are unstable. My single point only lasted for a couple months”

Then we’ll all get outfitted in cool mobility devices and roll down the hills flicking misogynists and ableists off.

@katz

Okay, that lady is badass. 😀

@hellkell

My grandma was such a good liar, she had my little self convinced she was 36 for years. I was a chatty child, and the lady I told that to in the grocery store almost lost her eyebrows raising them when I told her how young my grandmother was.

I feel that if I had that lying ability and was old, I would fib in the other direction and get my grandkids to say I was like, 400.

@yaoi huntress earth

I’m assuming she’s one of those middle class or higher anti-feminists (AKA Serena Joys) who enjoy the rights that other women fought for while trying to tear them down. She’d hate the society she’s fighting for: no rights, second-class-citizen at best, being mistreat is ok and no financial independence.

But in our current society, it’s even worse. WOMEN CAN VOTE FOR THINGS SHE DOESN’T APPROVE OF.

Their reasoning is that apparently women, as a block, are voting in the wrong direction.

Okay, SredniVashtar, you beat me to it. XD

If I’m lucky enough to live to be 80 I’ll wear my hair however I damn well please

If my hair is too thin to wear in my current short style, I think I will wear outlandishly coloured wigs…