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Is that an egg in your ovary or are you just happy to see me?

These gals are totally ovulating, for sure.
These gals are totally ovulating, for sure.

So over on MPUAForum.com the other day, some of the aspiring master seducers were dicsussing ovulation. You know, like guys do.

No, they haven’t suddenly developed a genuine interest in the literal inner workings of women. It’s just that they think knowing a bit about ovulation will help them get laid. Because according to the tenets of something called Peak Ovulation Theory,

girls will fuck with the bad boy during peak ovulation and the rest of the menstrual cycle, they will get it on with the nice guys.

So … if your style of game is the bad boy vibe, you’ll get to fuck the girl at her horniest days.

Donā€™t worry: itā€™s all very scientific. They have studies and everything.

Indeed, weā€™ve discussed this topic before, and suggested a little mnemonic device to help pickup artists remember that the ladies will be especially open to game when theyā€™re ovulating:

When sheā€™s gettinā€™ eggy, itā€™s time to neggy

The only real problem is being able to tell at a glance if a woman is ovulating or not before you lay down your bad boy vibe on her. In other words: how do you fine tune your Ovuladar?

A site moderator with the slightly puzzling nickname poeticlyskuac offered these thoughts:

I don’t look for signs of ovulation… I look for signs a girl is dtf… this could be during ovulation but the point is girls counterfeit the same signalsĀ  …

studies show girls in some areas genuinely show less clothes during that time of the month especially during the day …

Movement is also something to pay attention to as women who are seeking sexual attention move accordingly … also a woman near ovulation will have clearer skin…

Ok, so if I understand this correctly, a woman who is ovulating, or maybe just horny, will be sashaying around practically naked. And she wonā€™t have pimples.

The point is to look for behavioral patterns… certain things are going to be easy to detect… Other things such as skin redness… pupil size will be harder to tell but they aren’t impossible in a properly lit environment…

Wait. Is the skin supposed to be red or not? Just how big are the pupils supposed to be?

Most women are clueless to the 48 hrs they are ovulating… absolutely clueless.. Very few women know and feel their eggs dropping… Rare ones do and it can be quite painful if you are one of those that detect it… I would never ask a woman if she was ovulation because it’ll be a waste of time…

Also, Iā€™m guessing she might give you this look:

Hellhound offered a simpler way to tell if a woman is ovulating: does she give you a boner? Letā€™s let him explain the science behind what we might call the Ovuladar in Your Pants.

Men are genetically wired to be providers and protectors while women are genetically wired to be nurturers. When men get horny with a particular woman who makes their dick hard, they have a tendency to spend more money on this woman and become overly protective and jealous. …

Moreover, when your dick gets hard, you are more likely to give women favors. When a woman asks you for favors, note that this behavior is mostly made in an unconscious, instinctive manner, she is actually trying to determine if your dick is getting rock hard for her. Why? …

In simple terms, the woman is genetically probing if youā€™ll be a good provider to her. Subconsciously, she is testing the hardness of your dick. Since your cock remains hidden inside your pants, she has to instinctively know if your dick gets hard for her by asking you to buy her a drink.

Ok, now that weā€™ve determined that your boner is a bit of a spendthrift when it comes to boner-inspiring ladies, what does this have to do with ovulation? Hellhound offers a video which presumably explains this all. I didnā€™t watch it, but letā€™s just assume that his SCIENCE is as tight as his pants. So on we go to his conclusion:

In summary, for the first indicator of peak ovulation, when your dick gets throbbing rock hard for a hot woman and you get the itch to buy her a drink or coffee, even when sheā€™s not asking you for it, she is likely to be fertile.

Ok, but how do you tell for sure? Luckily for us, Hellhound has some suggestions that seem as ROCK SOLID as his you know what.

You will have a persistent hard on … with a fertile woman. To verify if sheā€™s on her peak ovulation period and aroused enough with your hard on, give her some of these compliance tests:

1. Can I have some of these? However, I left my wallet at home. (Pause and wait if sheā€™ll give you items for free) orā€¦

2. Can I have some of these? Iā€™ll pay you later/tomorrow because I forgot to bring my wallet. (If she complies, youā€™re good.)

3. I wanted to cook [name recipe here] but I donā€™t know howā€¦ (Pause and then bait her if sheā€™ll volunteer. When she volunteers, isolate to your place. When you’re feeling bold, ask her to buy some of the ingredients.)

A woman’s arousal will escalate when you notice that she keeps on looking at your cock and her ear lobes turn red. This is also a good time for aggressive kino but don’t grab her ass or boobies in public. Isolate.

A woman with red ears who gives you things amd looks at your dick probably likes you. Check. Donā€™t grab her boobs or butt in public. Check.

Learning about science is fun!

A fellow by the name of Melodical, meanwhile, offers some scientific evidence of his own:

Although it hasn’t been studied in depth there is a school of thought that suggest that a woman at her peak sexual receptivity is more likely to wear the colour red at this time.

Remember the old saying “Red shoes, no knickers”

Most signs of sexual availability in the animal kingdom involve a female displaying red in some form or another, maybe there is still a hardwired neural behaviour in women to do still display this.

But not everyone in the thread has been completely convinced by Peak Ovulation Theory. SexAddict91 offered anecdotal evidence that some women are actually hornier during shark week than egg days:

In my experience, a woman’s horniest days are just before or during menstration. I’ve heard and seen it too many times from women for this not to be true. I’m not just talking an average level of horny, I’m talking super and aggressive horny.

But heā€™s open to evidence that challenges his observations.

If science does not support this, my only other logical conclusion is that they are horny throughout the cycle or at peek ovulation but because just before or during flow time they really can’t have sex even when enticed, it becomes much more relevant in their memory. ( as in, they want sex more because they can’t have it)

TheFury, meanwhile, argued that Peak Ovulation Theory is not particularly useful for pickup artists as a practical matter, responding to Hellhound with this less-than-supportive comment:

All this shit is worthless in practice as I have said 100x and said again here. Anyways, you are clearly a delusional idiot, keep sniffing women’s panties and measuring their skin temperature.

In a followup comment he added,

It is clear that I am right and that women being ovulating has little practical relevance for a PUA. Much more relevant is when a woman is having her period because many men won’t sleep with her then or she will be too embarrassed to sleep with you on her period. That is actually practical. This garbage is not. Plain and simple. …

Bottom line, you clearly do not know the difference between practical and statistically significant/some garbage someone wrote in an abstract or some tiny difference observed in a study. The most likely reason for this is that you have no actual experience with women other than watching porno and reading studies or jerking off to studies about ovulation, because if you had experience with women you would know nothing you linked to has almost any practical implication.

But how can anyone doubt such clear and incontrovertible data for Peak Ovulation as this chart here, posted to the discussion by Hellhound himself?

Gangestad et al Scatter Plot

Thatā€™s the kind of SCIENCE that gives Pickup Artists boners.

NOTE: I found my way to this wondrous discussion through a tweet from PUA.txt on Twitter, an account that regularly posts ridiculous real quotes from ridiculous real PUAs. It’s an account that’s well worth following if you’re on Twitter!

222 Comments
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Alice Sanguinaria
Alice Sanguinaria
11 years ago

kittehserf – Honestly, I wish that I were that creative with acronyms.

CREEP – crappy, rapey, extremely evil people.
PUA – pick-up assholes
MRA – men rage abundantly
AVFM – assholes voicing fucking misogyny

Alice Sanguinaria
Alice Sanguinaria
11 years ago

“ā€œExtra pairā€ men?

ā€¦ four testicles sounds really uncomfortable.”

Maybe they have the second pair stuck into their ears?

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

I thought the rule was “no white shirts if you intend to eat pasta”.

Wereterrier
11 years ago

Yay! Thank you for the Welcome Package, kittehserf! šŸ™‚

And LOL re: four testicles. Heavy.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

PUA – Pathetic Undesirable Assholes

MRA – Men Ranting Anonymously

kittehserf
11 years ago

You’re welcome, Wereterrier! (Great nym, btw.)

“Maybe they have the second pair stuck into their ears?”

Dammit, there goes another cup of coffee.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

I have lots of red shirts, and a few red dresses. I wonder what that means? That I’m a slut, presumably. Or that I ovulate a lot.

kittehserf
11 years ago

I used to think MRA meant Male Rape Apologists.

(Well, it does, of course, just not officially.)

cloudiah
11 years ago

Wereterrier has a cute ‘nym. I don’t think I could be that afraid of a wereterrier, because so many terriers are so cute!

Exhibit #1
Exhibit #2
Exhibit #3

Alice Sanguinaria
Alice Sanguinaria
11 years ago

kittehserf – I mean, there’s one other place where they could be, but honestly, I think having them stuck in their ears makes more sense. šŸ˜›

kittehserf
11 years ago

Oooh, what’s it going to mean when I wear my Joseph-eat-your-heart-out multicolour jacket? It’s got pretty well every colour of the rainbow except blue in it.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

MRA – Misogynistic Rage Affliction

Alice Sanguinaria
Alice Sanguinaria
11 years ago

CassandraSays – Do you think a hot pink dress count as red for the PUAs?

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

I think a hot pink dress counts as showing people your butt, like a babboon.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

“Red shoes at night, fallopian delight.”

Do these guys imagine that women are passive, helpless victims of their hormones, whipsawing back and forth between different types of men every two weeks? One day it’s Justin Bieber, the next it’s Vin Diesel! Whee!! Fickle!

kittehserf
11 years ago

cloudiah – I dunno, I’d be a bit worried about this wereterrier!

(That wouldn’t be your work, would it, Wereterrier?)

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

If I’m attracted to the same kind of men all the time does it mean that my ovaries aren’t working?

kittehserf
11 years ago

Buttercup – in a word, yes.

Though of course it doesn’t matter whether it’s hypergamy or hormones or fickleness or what; these cretins are going to spend their lives in a futile effort to explain the fact that women are not attracted to them.

kittehserf
11 years ago

Cassandra – it must mean that. Plus, never screaming about BABIES when leaping on a chap.

Alice Sanguinaria
Alice Sanguinaria
11 years ago

CassandraSays – Oh shit.

PUAs: I WAS RUNNING ERRANDS YESTERDAY AND PUT IT ON BECAUSE IT WAS HOT, NOT BECAUSE I WANTED TO FUCK YOU.

Yelling because they might not listen otherwise. And they probably won’t listen anyways.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

Um…I tend to find men more attractive if they like babies and babies like them? Not because I want one, just because it’s cute and it tends to indicate a nurturing personality.

Wereterrier
11 years ago

Cloudia, thank you! I named myself after my doggie, when she hackles and goes insane because she sees another dog that she wants to chase. šŸ™‚ Terriers are adorbs!

Quackers
Quackers
11 years ago

These guys are so fucking creepy I can’t even…they talk of women like they are nothing but test subjects to be analyzed, it’s so dehumanizing. Ever notice the way many MRAs/PUAs often discuss women in a pathological way, as if we are some kind of disease that need to be cured in order to better please their boners.

I gotta be honest, this type of stuff makes me not want to open up to men at all, unless I know them well enough to be absolutely sure they aren’t one of these freaks.

And this constant perversion of science…just because a study said one thing does not mean it applies to ALL WOMEN, ALL THE TIME, in the same situation ALWAYS. There are variations, there are tons of other things to take into account, different cultures, for example. Its such a dumbing down of actual science.

For instance, it’s true that for me personally, my horniest is around a week before my period, and sometimes during and after. However I also wear red lipstick everyday, not just during “peak sexual receptivity” nor does my style of dress change, OR my taste in men OR my fucking politics (yes, apparently women’s political leanings change depending on their period…SCIENCE!!!1) of course none of this matters since they would just give men the borderline rapey advice “don’t listen to what she says”

Women aren’t test subjects…, sorry to Godwin but the way they talk makes me think they’d get along with Mengeles…

drst
drst
11 years ago

I have severe dry skin so my skin on my face is usually clear. I almost never have acne anywhere. Does this make me a stealth ovulator?

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

The same principle also applies to cats, puppies, and similar creatures that hot men can interact with in an “aw look how sweet and affectionate and playful he is” way.