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Is that an egg in your ovary or are you just happy to see me?

These gals are totally ovulating, for sure.
These gals are totally ovulating, for sure.

So over on MPUAForum.com the other day, some of the aspiring master seducers were dicsussing ovulation. You know, like guys do.

No, they haven’t suddenly developed a genuine interest in the literal inner workings of women. It’s just that they think knowing a bit about ovulation will help them get laid. Because according to the tenets of something called Peak Ovulation Theory,

girls will fuck with the bad boy during peak ovulation and the rest of the menstrual cycle, they will get it on with the nice guys.

So … if your style of game is the bad boy vibe, you’ll get to fuck the girl at her horniest days.

Don’t worry: it’s all very scientific. They have studies and everything.

Indeed, we’ve discussed this topic before, and suggested a little mnemonic device to help pickup artists remember that the ladies will be especially open to game when they’re ovulating:

When she’s gettin’ eggy, it’s time to neggy

The only real problem is being able to tell at a glance if a woman is ovulating or not before you lay down your bad boy vibe on her. In other words: how do you fine tune your Ovuladar?

A site moderator with the slightly puzzling nickname poeticlyskuac offered these thoughts:

I don’t look for signs of ovulation… I look for signs a girl is dtf… this could be during ovulation but the point is girls counterfeit the same signals  …

studies show girls in some areas genuinely show less clothes during that time of the month especially during the day …

Movement is also something to pay attention to as women who are seeking sexual attention move accordingly … also a woman near ovulation will have clearer skin…

Ok, so if I understand this correctly, a woman who is ovulating, or maybe just horny, will be sashaying around practically naked. And she won’t have pimples.

The point is to look for behavioral patterns… certain things are going to be easy to detect… Other things such as skin redness… pupil size will be harder to tell but they aren’t impossible in a properly lit environment…

Wait. Is the skin supposed to be red or not? Just how big are the pupils supposed to be?

Most women are clueless to the 48 hrs they are ovulating… absolutely clueless.. Very few women know and feel their eggs dropping… Rare ones do and it can be quite painful if you are one of those that detect it… I would never ask a woman if she was ovulation because it’ll be a waste of time…

Also, I’m guessing she might give you this look:

Hellhound offered a simpler way to tell if a woman is ovulating: does she give you a boner? Let’s let him explain the science behind what we might call the Ovuladar in Your Pants.

Men are genetically wired to be providers and protectors while women are genetically wired to be nurturers. When men get horny with a particular woman who makes their dick hard, they have a tendency to spend more money on this woman and become overly protective and jealous. …

Moreover, when your dick gets hard, you are more likely to give women favors. When a woman asks you for favors, note that this behavior is mostly made in an unconscious, instinctive manner, she is actually trying to determine if your dick is getting rock hard for her. Why? …

In simple terms, the woman is genetically probing if you’ll be a good provider to her. Subconsciously, she is testing the hardness of your dick. Since your cock remains hidden inside your pants, she has to instinctively know if your dick gets hard for her by asking you to buy her a drink.

Ok, now that we’ve determined that your boner is a bit of a spendthrift when it comes to boner-inspiring ladies, what does this have to do with ovulation? Hellhound offers a video which presumably explains this all. I didn’t watch it, but let’s just assume that his SCIENCE is as tight as his pants. So on we go to his conclusion:

In summary, for the first indicator of peak ovulation, when your dick gets throbbing rock hard for a hot woman and you get the itch to buy her a drink or coffee, even when she’s not asking you for it, she is likely to be fertile.

Ok, but how do you tell for sure? Luckily for us, Hellhound has some suggestions that seem as ROCK SOLID as his you know what.

You will have a persistent hard on … with a fertile woman. To verify if she’s on her peak ovulation period and aroused enough with your hard on, give her some of these compliance tests:

1. Can I have some of these? However, I left my wallet at home. (Pause and wait if she’ll give you items for free) or…

2. Can I have some of these? I’ll pay you later/tomorrow because I forgot to bring my wallet. (If she complies, you’re good.)

3. I wanted to cook [name recipe here] but I don’t know how… (Pause and then bait her if she’ll volunteer. When she volunteers, isolate to your place. When you’re feeling bold, ask her to buy some of the ingredients.)

A woman’s arousal will escalate when you notice that she keeps on looking at your cock and her ear lobes turn red. This is also a good time for aggressive kino but don’t grab her ass or boobies in public. Isolate.

A woman with red ears who gives you things amd looks at your dick probably likes you. Check. Don’t grab her boobs or butt in public. Check.

Learning about science is fun!

A fellow by the name of Melodical, meanwhile, offers some scientific evidence of his own:

Although it hasn’t been studied in depth there is a school of thought that suggest that a woman at her peak sexual receptivity is more likely to wear the colour red at this time.

Remember the old saying “Red shoes, no knickers”

Most signs of sexual availability in the animal kingdom involve a female displaying red in some form or another, maybe there is still a hardwired neural behaviour in women to do still display this.

But not everyone in the thread has been completely convinced by Peak Ovulation Theory. SexAddict91 offered anecdotal evidence that some women are actually hornier during shark week than egg days:

In my experience, a woman’s horniest days are just before or during menstration. I’ve heard and seen it too many times from women for this not to be true. I’m not just talking an average level of horny, I’m talking super and aggressive horny.

But he’s open to evidence that challenges his observations.

If science does not support this, my only other logical conclusion is that they are horny throughout the cycle or at peek ovulation but because just before or during flow time they really can’t have sex even when enticed, it becomes much more relevant in their memory. ( as in, they want sex more because they can’t have it)

TheFury, meanwhile, argued that Peak Ovulation Theory is not particularly useful for pickup artists as a practical matter, responding to Hellhound with this less-than-supportive comment:

All this shit is worthless in practice as I have said 100x and said again here. Anyways, you are clearly a delusional idiot, keep sniffing women’s panties and measuring their skin temperature.

In a followup comment he added,

It is clear that I am right and that women being ovulating has little practical relevance for a PUA. Much more relevant is when a woman is having her period because many men won’t sleep with her then or she will be too embarrassed to sleep with you on her period. That is actually practical. This garbage is not. Plain and simple. …

Bottom line, you clearly do not know the difference between practical and statistically significant/some garbage someone wrote in an abstract or some tiny difference observed in a study. The most likely reason for this is that you have no actual experience with women other than watching porno and reading studies or jerking off to studies about ovulation, because if you had experience with women you would know nothing you linked to has almost any practical implication.

But how can anyone doubt such clear and incontrovertible data for Peak Ovulation as this chart here, posted to the discussion by Hellhound himself?

Gangestad et al Scatter Plot

That’s the kind of SCIENCE that gives Pickup Artists boners.

NOTE: I found my way to this wondrous discussion through a tweet from PUA.txt on Twitter, an account that regularly posts ridiculous real quotes from ridiculous real PUAs. It’s an account that’s well worth following if you’re on Twitter!

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Alice Sanguinaria
Alice Sanguinaria
8 years ago

Why would PUAs want to bang a woman who’s ovulating though? Especially if like some PUAs *coughcoughRooshcoughcough* prefer to go sans condom? What if the woman *gasp!* gets preggers and *gasp!* goes after you for child support?!

sarahlizhousespouse
8 years ago

I kind of agree with Crabby PUA TheFury. None of that ovulation “science” is going to help these losers.

Also, “testing the hardness of your dick”? Really? Is that really what she’s doing Freud?

grumpycatisagirl
8 years ago

Huh. I thought all men had to do was check if we were using our vacuum cleaners.
http://meloukhia.net/2009/01/advice_from_askmen.html

cloudiah
8 years ago

As a woman with rosacea I just want to say STOP STARING AT MY EARLOBES.

Falconer
8 years ago

WE HAVE REACHED PEAK GAMETE

kittehserf
8 years ago

“You will have a persistent hard-on with a fertile woman” – somehow I don’t think most penis-havers would really fancy priapism.

As to the blather about clearer skin: doesn’t this mean these sciencey science guys have to hang around a woman for at least a month to be able to see when her skin’s clearer? Or does he mean “clearer than other women’s” which, y’know, has zip to do with ovulation?

I also wonder if it’s ever occurred to them that some women might just dress for the weather. If it’s going to be cold, I’ll be warmly dressed. If it’s gonna be hot, then yeah, I’ll be lightly dressed (not skin exposed, ‘cos that’s not me and anyway I burn). It’s got naff all to do with what my ovaries might be doing. They don’t have to wear sunhats.

If stupid were an acid, these guys would have been eaten away completely by now.

Falconer
8 years ago

Wow, this is a long post. Before I read it, I’ll prepare a mental folder in the file cabinet right next to all the evidence that women’s retinas contain rods, cones and mops so they see dirt better than men.

kittehserf
8 years ago

Women’s eyes contain mops? No wonder my eyes have been sore lately.

Alice Sanguinaria
Alice Sanguinaria
8 years ago

kittehserf – “If stupid were an acid, these guys would have been eaten away completely by now.”

Now don’t wish that! If stupid was an acid, the Earth would have been fucked a long time ago.

Falconer
8 years ago

certain things are going to be easy to detect…

The easiest sign to look out for is a naked woman throwing you down on the bed and screaming GIVE ME YOUR BABIES. Others you at least have to have proper lighting for.

Because that totally happens.

FalconMRA
8 years ago

In simple terms, the woman is genetically probing if you’ll be a good provider to her. Subconsciously, she is testing the hardness of your dick.

I mean, come on, cut us some slack, ladies. The female black rhino shit-tests the male by making him run a marathon before she grants vaginal access. That’s exhausting but simple. We men humans have to decipher females’ every drinks order.

augochlorella
augochlorella
8 years ago

This is also a good time for aggressive kino but don’t grab her ass or boobies in public. Isolate.

Nope nope nope nope.

FalconMRA
8 years ago

In simple terms, the woman is genetically probing if you’ll be a good provider to her.

Also, we male humans don’t tend to have the patience for all the pipetting, centrifuging and making gels that come with genetic probing. Not to mention the needles hurt.

Alice Sanguinaria
Alice Sanguinaria
8 years ago

Also, I just realized, PUAs do not know how to read scatterplots, do they?

I mean, it even states that there’s a very weak correlation between ovulation and attraction. It’s like the PUAs failed all of their stats classes and yet they think that “F” is “fabulous”.

kittehserf
8 years ago

Alice, that is alas all too true!

Falconer – I must never have ovulated then! I’m sure I’ve never screamed GIVE ME YOUR BABIES.

::checks::

Yup, the Sir’s pretty sure he’s never had that screeched in his ear either.

starskita
8 years ago

Arg I meant to not comment any more and I haven’t read the post yet but OMG have these guys not heard of hormonal birth control???? Which it is most likely that their target demographic will be on??? And is supposed to PREVENT OVULATION!!! rageragerage.

Ok, now to go read the post and see the idiocy in detail.

P.S. from a while ago: Falconer’s babies are cute

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Most women are clueless to the 48 hrs they are ovulating… absolutely clueless.. Very few women know and feel their eggs dropping… Rare ones do and it can be quite painful if you are one of those that detect it… I would never ask a woman if she was ovulation because it’ll be a waste of time…

I get the sense that he’s imagining the eggs dropping with comic sound effects. Those silly women who don’t even notice! I can tell, though, because they’re giving me that dtf look. No, that woman over there didn’t lose her contact lens, she totally wants me.

TMI time – I am least horny during the period where I ought to be ovulating. I figure that my desire not to make babies must go right down to the cellular level or something.

FalconMRA
8 years ago

A woman’s arousal will escalate when you notice that she keeps on looking at your cock and her ear lobes turn red.

It is generally my experience that women who want to fuck me get more aroused when they can see my penis. Also for some reason a lot of them blush to the roots of their hair. I don’t really need to look at her earlobes.

This is also a good time for aggressive kino but don’t grab her ass or boobies in public. Isolate.

OH GOD I KEEP SCRUBBING BUT I STILL FEEL THEM

FalconMRA
8 years ago

NB: My bedpost has one notch but it’s really deep.

kittehserf
8 years ago

What IS “dtf” anyway?

TMI time? Cool! I have no idea when I’m ovulating but my horniness can be any ol’ time.

I like the cellular level of not wanting to make babies theory. Works for me.

sarahlizhousespouse
8 years ago

Based on my own experience as a woman I have found that ovulation is correlated with never-ending hunger, bloating, and unbridled anger. Still think it’s sexy?

kittehserf
8 years ago

“NB: My bedpost has one notch but it’s really deep.”

FALCONER YOU OWE ME COFFEE NOW

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

More TMI! It is in fact possible to have sex while you’re menstruating. Trust me on this.

Alice Sanguinaria
Alice Sanguinaria
8 years ago

kittehserf – “dtf” I guess means down to fuck?

kittehserf
8 years ago

Yes! That’s often a time I’ll find earth-side sex happening (mostly we do it over the other side).

FalconMRA
8 years ago

at peek ovulation

The doctors charged Beloved a couple hundred dollars every time they peeked at her ovulation.

Anyways, you are clearly a delusional idiot, keep sniffing women’s panties and measuring their skin temperature.

SexAddict91 clearly favors dream interpretation, stargazing and that kind of divination that’s like a Ouija board but the shuttle is a live hen and there’s corn on each letter.

kittehserf
8 years ago

Alice – ewww!

I’d make it Don’t Try, Fucker with this lot. Or worse, if I can think of something nastier.

FalconMRA
8 years ago

Pardon me, TheFury, not SexAddict91. I apologize to any rape artists that I have offended with my lazy reading.

FalconMRA
8 years ago

That’s what I concluded “dtf” meant, too.

I don’t have a witty gloss for it yet.

FalconMRA
8 years ago

CassandraSays, your link seemed botched but I’m willing to hazard that it’s a thermometer or one of those skin-temperature measuring strip things.

Possibly a laser thermometer? No, god, keep those away from abusers.

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

What the…?!

Who cares? Like, seriously. This is circular logic at it’s finest:

If she’s ovulating, she’ll want to fuck you. If she looks down to fuck, she’s ovulating and thus wants to fuck you.

Or maybe, idk, she looks down to fuck cuz she is! Novel concept but sometimes women just want some sexytimes and there isn’t some magical hormonal ev psych reason making her more susceptible. They really think women never actually want sex don’t they? You have to trick them into it and take advantage of these subtle hormonal things?

Fairly sure that most women actually do want sex sometimes, but usually from people who aren’t jerks. Which, of course, excludes them.

——

Cassandra’s right (of course), assuming cramps aren’t making anything of the sort impossible, there’s no reason you can’t lay down a damned towel.

Alice Sanguinaria
Alice Sanguinaria
8 years ago

kittehserf – Hm, a more creative, more accurate acronym for DTF?

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Admitting that sometimes women want sex would mean thinking about the reasons it never seems to happen to them, and clearly we can’t have that.

Alice Sanguinaria
Alice Sanguinaria
8 years ago

FalconMRA – yeah, it’s a thermometer. Of course, a basal thermometer and checking vaginal secretions might be more accurate, if you’re checking to see if a person’s ovulating but that would me that you’d trust a PUA enough to stick a thermometer up inside you.

And I trust PUAs with sticking things inside of me like I trust a cat to not like mouse-shaped toys.

Darth Conans
Darth Conans
8 years ago

“jerking off to studies about ovulation” just became my go-to line for insulting evolutionary psychologists.

kittehserf
8 years ago

“Fairly sure that most women actually do want sex sometimes, but usually from people who aren’t jerks. Which, of course, excludes them.”

DING DING DING we have a winner!

It’s such a laugh (well, if you’re not being subjected to their abuse) to read about these supposedly so-cool guys who are soooo successful at getting teh secks … yet they have to go into all this nonsense. If they were what they claim, they’d be attractive, appealing men, and would have neither time nor interest for all this internet blather.

PUAs, giving fedoras a bad name for no good reason at all.

… “I like your hat. Pity it’s being worn by a fuckwit.”

Lili Fugit
Lili Fugit
8 years ago

“Red shoes, no knickers.” I did not know that fashion rule, or “saying”, or whatever. Definitely not up there with “No white shoes after Labor Day.” Hm.

Of course I never wear knickers, so I guess when I wear red shoes, it’s true. Like how a broken clock is right twice a day. (ie– WAY more often than a PUA. Those dudes are right in, like, negative numbers at this point.)

Alice Sanguinaria
Alice Sanguinaria
8 years ago

Oh man, the red thing. If wearing read means that I’m ovulating, then I was ovulating for the last couple of weeks.

DAMN IT, IF I WERE OVULATING FOR THAT LONG THEN I WOULDN’T GET PERIODS. DAMN YOU WORLD!!1!1!

kittehserf
8 years ago

Alice – my acronyms would get long and unwieldy, like DPYLG (Don’t Push Your Luck, Gobshite), YMBK (You Must Be Kidding), GUS (Grow Up, Sonny), DMML (Don’t Make Me Laugh), or the good old FOC (Fuck Off, Creep).

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

If I never wear red shoes does that make me a never-nude?

Tulgey Logger
Tulgey Logger
8 years ago

As the old saying goes: sed shoes in the morning, sailor’s warning; red shoes at night, sailor’s on the Isle of Wight. Or something like that.

girlofthegaps
girlofthegaps
8 years ago

I thought it was no white pants after Labor Day, not shoes? Oh well. Fashion rules are bullshit anyways 😀

Except for “no white pants during your period;” that rule’s pretty useful…

kittehserf
8 years ago

Red shoes = I’m taking a chance that they won’t rub my feet. (One pair, cherry-red boots, tied with satin ribbon, but OW do they rub.)

As to no knickers, well, even if that were a thing with me, there’s no way anyone but Sir’s gonna know, and he ain’t telling.

Wereterrier
Wereterrier
8 years ago

In addition, the scatterplot they’re using is looking at women’s attraction to *extra-pair* men, which means that to the extent it applies to any woman, it only applies to a woman already in a relationship. I guess they think “extra-pair” means four breasts?

kittehserf
8 years ago

Say, what about red socks? Do they count? I have one pair, the meaning of which is “bed socks do not coordinate with jammies”.

Wereterrier
Wereterrier
8 years ago

And wear brown pants if you’re going to eat barbecue.

kittehserf
8 years ago

“Extra pair” men?

… four testicles sounds really uncomfortable.

kittehserf
8 years ago

Wereterrier – hi, are you new? If so, help yourself to a Welcome Package!

Brown for barbecue reminds me of once when a friend and I (both food spillers) were congratulating each other on wearing clothes that coordinated with the food we ordered.

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