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Is that an egg in your ovary or are you just happy to see me?

These gals are totally ovulating, for sure.
These gals are totally ovulating, for sure.

So over on MPUAForum.com the other day, some of the aspiring master seducers were dicsussing ovulation. You know, like guys do.

No, they haven’t suddenly developed a genuine interest in the literal inner workings of women. It’s just that they think knowing a bit about ovulation will help them get laid. Because according to the tenets of something called Peak Ovulation Theory,

girls will fuck with the bad boy during peak ovulation and the rest of the menstrual cycle, they will get it on with the nice guys.

So … if your style of game is the bad boy vibe, you’ll get to fuck the girl at her horniest days.

Don’t worry: it’s all very scientific. They have studies and everything.

Indeed, we’ve discussed this topic before, and suggested a little mnemonic device to help pickup artists remember that the ladies will be especially open to game when they’re ovulating:

When she’s gettin’ eggy, it’s time to neggy

The only real problem is being able to tell at a glance if a woman is ovulating or not before you lay down your bad boy vibe on her. In other words: how do you fine tune your Ovuladar?

A site moderator with the slightly puzzling nickname poeticlyskuac offered these thoughts:

I don’t look for signs of ovulation… I look for signs a girl is dtf… this could be during ovulation but the point is girls counterfeit the same signals  …

studies show girls in some areas genuinely show less clothes during that time of the month especially during the day …

Movement is also something to pay attention to as women who are seeking sexual attention move accordingly … also a woman near ovulation will have clearer skin…

Ok, so if I understand this correctly, a woman who is ovulating, or maybe just horny, will be sashaying around practically naked. And she won’t have pimples.

The point is to look for behavioral patterns… certain things are going to be easy to detect… Other things such as skin redness… pupil size will be harder to tell but they aren’t impossible in a properly lit environment…

Wait. Is the skin supposed to be red or not? Just how big are the pupils supposed to be?

Most women are clueless to the 48 hrs they are ovulating… absolutely clueless.. Very few women know and feel their eggs dropping… Rare ones do and it can be quite painful if you are one of those that detect it… I would never ask a woman if she was ovulation because it’ll be a waste of time…

Also, I’m guessing she might give you this look:

Hellhound offered a simpler way to tell if a woman is ovulating: does she give you a boner? Let’s let him explain the science behind what we might call the Ovuladar in Your Pants.

Men are genetically wired to be providers and protectors while women are genetically wired to be nurturers. When men get horny with a particular woman who makes their dick hard, they have a tendency to spend more money on this woman and become overly protective and jealous. …

Moreover, when your dick gets hard, you are more likely to give women favors. When a woman asks you for favors, note that this behavior is mostly made in an unconscious, instinctive manner, she is actually trying to determine if your dick is getting rock hard for her. Why? …

In simple terms, the woman is genetically probing if you’ll be a good provider to her. Subconsciously, she is testing the hardness of your dick. Since your cock remains hidden inside your pants, she has to instinctively know if your dick gets hard for her by asking you to buy her a drink.

Ok, now that we’ve determined that your boner is a bit of a spendthrift when it comes to boner-inspiring ladies, what does this have to do with ovulation? Hellhound offers a video which presumably explains this all. I didn’t watch it, but let’s just assume that his SCIENCE is as tight as his pants. So on we go to his conclusion:

In summary, for the first indicator of peak ovulation, when your dick gets throbbing rock hard for a hot woman and you get the itch to buy her a drink or coffee, even when she’s not asking you for it, she is likely to be fertile.

Ok, but how do you tell for sure? Luckily for us, Hellhound has some suggestions that seem as ROCK SOLID as his you know what.

You will have a persistent hard on … with a fertile woman. To verify if she’s on her peak ovulation period and aroused enough with your hard on, give her some of these compliance tests:

1. Can I have some of these? However, I left my wallet at home. (Pause and wait if she’ll give you items for free) or…

2. Can I have some of these? I’ll pay you later/tomorrow because I forgot to bring my wallet. (If she complies, you’re good.)

3. I wanted to cook [name recipe here] but I don’t know how… (Pause and then bait her if she’ll volunteer. When she volunteers, isolate to your place. When you’re feeling bold, ask her to buy some of the ingredients.)

A woman’s arousal will escalate when you notice that she keeps on looking at your cock and her ear lobes turn red. This is also a good time for aggressive kino but don’t grab her ass or boobies in public. Isolate.

A woman with red ears who gives you things amd looks at your dick probably likes you. Check. Don’t grab her boobs or butt in public. Check.

Learning about science is fun!

A fellow by the name of Melodical, meanwhile, offers some scientific evidence of his own:

Although it hasn’t been studied in depth there is a school of thought that suggest that a woman at her peak sexual receptivity is more likely to wear the colour red at this time.

Remember the old saying “Red shoes, no knickers”

Most signs of sexual availability in the animal kingdom involve a female displaying red in some form or another, maybe there is still a hardwired neural behaviour in women to do still display this.

But not everyone in the thread has been completely convinced by Peak Ovulation Theory. SexAddict91 offered anecdotal evidence that some women are actually hornier during shark week than egg days:

In my experience, a woman’s horniest days are just before or during menstration. I’ve heard and seen it too many times from women for this not to be true. I’m not just talking an average level of horny, I’m talking super and aggressive horny.

But he’s open to evidence that challenges his observations.

If science does not support this, my only other logical conclusion is that they are horny throughout the cycle or at peek ovulation but because just before or during flow time they really can’t have sex even when enticed, it becomes much more relevant in their memory. ( as in, they want sex more because they can’t have it)

TheFury, meanwhile, argued that Peak Ovulation Theory is not particularly useful for pickup artists as a practical matter, responding to Hellhound with this less-than-supportive comment:

All this shit is worthless in practice as I have said 100x and said again here. Anyways, you are clearly a delusional idiot, keep sniffing women’s panties and measuring their skin temperature.

In a followup comment he added,

It is clear that I am right and that women being ovulating has little practical relevance for a PUA. Much more relevant is when a woman is having her period because many men won’t sleep with her then or she will be too embarrassed to sleep with you on her period. That is actually practical. This garbage is not. Plain and simple. …

Bottom line, you clearly do not know the difference between practical and statistically significant/some garbage someone wrote in an abstract or some tiny difference observed in a study. The most likely reason for this is that you have no actual experience with women other than watching porno and reading studies or jerking off to studies about ovulation, because if you had experience with women you would know nothing you linked to has almost any practical implication.

But how can anyone doubt such clear and incontrovertible data for Peak Ovulation as this chart here, posted to the discussion by Hellhound himself?

Gangestad et al Scatter Plot

That’s the kind of SCIENCE that gives Pickup Artists boners.

NOTE: I found my way to this wondrous discussion through a tweet from PUA.txt on Twitter, an account that regularly posts ridiculous real quotes from ridiculous real PUAs. It’s an account that’s well worth following if you’re on Twitter!

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Falconer
7 years ago

Wild Hunt, I mean.

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

Sorta. Other vampires chase you down with intent to kill.

Falconer
7 years ago

Ah, okay, you’ve become a danger to the Masquerade and need to be eliminated. Gotcha.

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

Bingo.

Jools
Jools
7 years ago

Man am I the first one to go :O on the very concept of women being clueless about their current state of fertility because they can’t feel their eggs “dropping”? (And more so, that women are clueless, but /he/ can tell?)

Eggs “dropping.” Pssh. If he’s trying for the “scientific” angle, he already failed.

The majority of women don’t feel their ovarian follicle rupture because an egg is THIS SMALL: . <– that small. But even if a woman doesn't feel the actual moment her egg pops into the peritoneal cavity, she still experiences the other physical symptoms of ovulation. The most obvious one is cervical mucous, and it's hard for a woman to miss that.

So, even a woman who doesn't experience mittelschmerz can still be roughly aware of where she is in her cycle.

Also, as someone already pointed out, HERP DERP DERP, women on combined hormonal contraceptives /won't ever be ovulating/ because their follicle development is inhibited and even if it weren't, the spike in hormones required for a developed follicle to rupture and release an egg will never happen. Even progesterone-only contraceptives inhibit the ovulation process a percentage of the time.

Almost twenty percent of all women in the United States are using combined hormonal contraceptives, /dumbass/, so tell me how you're going to figure out when they're ovulating, huh?

…Muttermutterrantrant.

Wereterrier
7 years ago

@sarahlizhousespouse

Who coined the term PBS (Permanent Bitch Shield)?

I did, as far as I know. I hadn’t heard or seen it before I made that comment, anyway.

kittehserf
7 years ago

freemage – I just loved that Patrician picture and had to share! Glorious is the word.

emilygoddess – the maddening thing with the entire-lower-body-cramps is that they’ve just started again with perimenopause. Nobody told me it was like puberty all over again!

katz –

Baldur’s Gate you can play one-handed

Ew.

Wicked person. 😀

Jools – hi, and have a Welcome Package! (Would that be Jools as in Unseen Academicals, by any chance?)

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
7 years ago

The last time I went all Dalek on this site, I had to hand out the brain bleach by the gallon.

Hint taken. *offers apologies and brain bleach for anyone who was too crept out by my joke*

Fibinachi
Fibinachi
7 years ago

… Okay, I’m going back to D&D where the spells are nailed down and can’t be twisted that much.

Prestidigation.

Prestidigation.

Prestidigation.

My travelling fortune-telling shuckster of a Tiefling with a heart of goldsquishy meat expressed through my bad writing uses it for anything, or, in a pinch, makes do with Bestow Curse.

And don’t get me started on that one time I let a bard use Disguise Self.
Christ

Falconer
7 years ago

Hint taken. *offers apologies and brain bleach for anyone who was too crept out by my joke*

Nah, my joke wasn’t about PUA or kino escaladio or anything like that. It went MASTURBATE! MASTURBATE! and I forget the context.

@Fibinachi: I have one friend who almost always plays a wizard or sorcerer just in order to cast Polymorph Self and turn into a dragon.

We had several fights drag out because we had to work out his new stats.

Falconer
7 years ago

Oh, in the last campaign we played this guy was a flashy rogue who managed to get ahold of an item that let him teleport like three times a day.

Comes down to the final fight against the Big Bad and the Big Bad’s Dragon is literally a dragon, so this guy wants to let the dragon swallow him because “it’s softer inside! I’ll just teleport out!”

Fibinachi
Fibinachi
7 years ago

I can’t fault that derring-do or bravado. I salute that rogue, and all it stands for.

SittieKitty
7 years ago

It went MASTURBATE! MASTURBATE! and I forget the context.

Lol. Ok, now you owe me a cup of coffee, for having actually read that in a dalek voice.

Falconer
7 years ago

@Fibinachi: We all made it out of the campaign. I think the DM was a bit lenient, tbh.

OTOH it really stings when I lose a character.

kittehserf
7 years ago

Arctic Ape – a Dalek PUA is a whole lot funnier than any real ones!

Well, as long as it stays in its machine. Otherwise, eww, that makes tentacle sex look … um, less gross?

emma
7 years ago

I hate it when misogynists use “science” to back double standards and women-trashing. Most of the time, I notice these people don’t have a single science degree, much less a degree in biological science. How do these people not realize that they sound ridiculous? (Although I guess they would say as a woman, what good does it do for me to study biology? Whatevs…)

Sarah Daniels
7 years ago

‘a woman near ovulation will have clearer skin’. I wish that were true. During the middle of my cycle I break out in cystic acne. So do some other women. I also find this quite contradictory to the fact that these MRAs complain about getting women pregnant and child support and they complain about women telling lies about being on contraception, yet they are condoning seeking out a woman who is ovulating? I also read the rest of the article, I felt embarrassed for the poor guy that wrote it. I thought that men were all supposed to be the logical ones? It looks like this Special Ed was dropped on his head; hard.

katz
7 years ago

Yo, Sarah, while you’re necro’ing threads, I’m fascinated to find out how Christianity invented fat-shaming.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

This “Special Ed?” Jesus Christ, a thread necromancer, asshole atheist, and kind of an ableist.

Sarah, do yourself a favor and just stop.

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

Oh gods, I missed the “this” while I was grumbling about the ableism (SSI hearing this morning has kinda left me in no mood to politely noptopus that). I read it as though Special Ed, the thing, had been dropped on his head. Like, idk, if I were to go drop a piece of candy on my brother’s head.

Nope, Sarah actually referred to him as “this Special Ed” like Special Ed kids don’t have names and personalities even. They’re interchangeable and we’re just talking about this one right now. Akin to “whoops, wrong mouse” (something I do all the time while running my laptop next to the spare computer at the shop [Vampire on one screen, y’all on the other, it rocks])

And of course we have necromancers, they got lots of practice last night and don’t want to give it up for the year just yet.

kittyrawr1rawr
kittyrawr1rawr
6 years ago

this is probably one of the weirdest things i have ever read….. weird mannerisms to speaking as well. all woman are different i suppose but i do know it is normal for a woman ovulating to be hornier, it is natural instinct. the want to reproduce, as it were, causes woman to have more chemicals running through their body; these “feel good” chemicals could defo cause a girl to do crazy things for sex! i wouldn’t seek it out myself although I’m a girl in any case.. but, i tend to have an odd pattern and tend to actually ovulate around the curse of the month haha… hat being said i get super horny during my time, like i mean drag me down here and now now and take me 50 times! although this article is slightly demoralising and very poorly displayed i do have to admit some things are true in it, while others lack understanding… but if your into romping with that sex crazed girl good on ya! she probably needs it!

creepycupcake
creepycupcake
5 years ago

‘when women ovulate they usually have clearer skin’. I break out in terrible pimples when I ovulate, especially around my chin and my skin goes all blotchy.

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