Open Thread for Personal Stuff: September edition

So I’ll say what I thought about the Scalzi book: I thought it was a clever premise, and he’s a very entertaining writer — I laughed out loud several times. But I thought the character development was pretty weak, and it seemed like nearly all of the actual storytelling was accomplished through characters explaining the story to each other. I’m a total noob to SciFi, not an expert critic or anything.

I wouldn’t mind reading something else by him, though. Should I have started with something else? Old Man’s War?

Ah, sorry, Marie, I thought you’d talked about this earlier with your dad, or at least raised the subject.

Only one way you’re going to find out how he’ll react, though. I think you need to tell him clearly what’s going on. Who knows, maybe he’ll have some good ideas himself!

Also: he knows you’re lesbian, right? He must have heard you and your stepmother talking? Has he any reason to think her talk wouldn’t be distressng you? Is he just trying to ignore it and not rock the boat, do you think?

I tend to think “Good.” when people feel attacked when I point out they’re being assholes, but that’s mostly because I usually am attacking them. Then again, most people I “attack” aren’t people I ever have to see again so that’s not really helpful.

You should definitely recruit your guinea pigs. And your Dad.

More seriously, I’m of the opinion that your approach should be different depending on what you’re trying to do. Are you trying to get her to actually think about what she’s saying/doing? Are you trying to get her to just stop what she’s saying/doing?

If you’re trying to get her to think about it, it’s a lot more difficult and you’ll likely have to withstand a lot more homophobia. When my aunt was doing this I gave up on trying to educate her and just flat out told her “I know you love me, and people who love each other don’t say those kinds of things to each other. I think we’re family, but if you keep talking to me in ways that I find hurtful I’ll have a hard time thinking you feel the same way about me” because it was easier than trying to show her why she was wrong. She was a bit awkward for a bit, but I suspect that was because I made her feel ashamed, which granted, was definitely me being a bit of an asshole. Now she doesn’t say anything and I think she’s mostly forgotten about it.

He knows I’m gay. He’s kind of passive in arguments though. I know he talked to her some when it started up but I don’t know how much sense then. He did ask my sister to talk to her about it though :/ Which isn’t the best thing ever. I think he thinks she explains things more…diplomatically than me. Which is true. But still, just because she can do the whole-holding-your-hand thing through isms doesn’t mean it should be necessary. And she said when she tried being diplomatic and more gentle with stepmom stepmom basically just walked all over her.

That got rambly and maybe there was a point in there somewhere you guys can decipher.

ps I should go to bed but I’ve been away from manboobz so long.

pps apparently I’m keeping my sister up since I have the GED tomorrow and she wants to make sure I get to bed.

@sittiekitty

I tend to think “Good.” when people feel attacked when I point out they’re being assholes, but that’s mostly because I usually am attacking them.

attacking how? I mean I don’t see how pointing out someone’s an asshole is attacking them. (I mean I get why they think it feels like that? Kinda.)

My reaction is more of ‘world’s tiniest violin. 😛

You should definitely recruit your guinea pigs. And your Dad.

I don’t think stepmom would appreciate the guinea pigs cuz one of them isn’t potty trained all hte way 😛 she still pees on us when she’s out occasionally.

Are you trying to get her to actually think about what she’s saying/doing? Are you trying to get her to just stop what she’s saying/doing?

tbh, my main goal atm is to let her know what I think. I don’t know how to compromise/argue with her. especially since last time we were arguing she just ended up ignoring me and repeating the same thing :/

@cloudiah

You’re fine 😀 we don’t mind your conversations (or couldn’t tell if you thought we did). okay I hsould actually be using I here because I don’t speak for everyone here have disconnected from the hivemind, but I don’t think it’s causing annoyance. plus you are awesome.

And sorry if I’mmaking no sense I’m tire +ansty not a good combo.

@ Marie – Would Argenti’s imaginary reinforcements idea help when you talk to your stepmom, maybe?

@ NonServiam – Hello! I was just going over the thread and noticed your post – sometimes first posts get lost in the shuffle since they have to be moderated. I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time right now. Would internet hugs help at all?

@nonserviam

No good advice from me, but jedi hugs if you want them.

attacking how? I mean I don’t see how pointing out someone’s an asshole is attacking them. (I mean I get why they think it feels like that? Kinda.)

It’s not really attacking them, I’m just making them feel attacked with my knowledge and words and sometimes I feel like I brought a sword to a spoon fight.

especially since last time we were arguing she just ended up ignoring me and repeating the same thing :/

Ah, yea, that sucks. I pretty much gave up with my aunt because she was just going on and on about some bible-related thing about it. I just took the “make her feel ashamed even if she can’t figure out why because she’s too homophobic” route because it was easy and I was tired of hearing about her bullshit. I didn’t really care to explain it to her or educate her on the subject, I just showed her the personal cost to me (slightly exaggerated so it would have more of an impact) and let her choose whether she wanted to continue or not. If she’d chosen not, I prolly would have just exploded at her the next time (it had been going on for months, and she’d been starting to weave some slut-shaming into it which I was so not taking).

More internet hugs (if they’re wanted) for nonserviam. No great advice. Are you a Captain Awkward reader? I recommend.

Marie – Oh, I see. In that case, I just wish you good luck. I do think bringing your dad into the discussion is probably a good idea.

Go to bed then, we’ll still be here tomorrow 🙂

And recruit the guinea pigs. Cuz cute.

Cloudiah — I will not partake in that intervention as I am prone to arguing with myself (I find it quite productive actually)

NonServiam — I have nothing useful, besides *hugs*, but wanted to squee at another Latin nym. And *gasp* I think you’re the first to have not screwed it up in some form or fashion (I have a stray R and pecunium…well, yeah…not a male noun [declining issues aside, he rocks])