Similar thing, really – if the person asking the question isn’t trying to process stuff about zirself from an abuser, it becomes much clearer that it is abusive. Jerkbrain sits down and shuts up.
emilygoddess
11 years ago
I get where you’re coming from, Ally. It took me a long time to understand my mom’s behavior as abusive, and even then, I find myself questioning whether some of the smaller things “count” as abusive because they look so small compared to the more obviously abusive things she did.
(It doesn’t help that my mom comes from a long line of dysfunctional families, was probably just continuing patterns she learned from her parents, and has a mental illness that’s not always well managed. It’s easy for me to go “oh, well, she didn’t mean it that way” and feel bad for labeling it “abuse”)
One thing my dad to me when I was younger was physically restraining my body against my will and then biting my arms and legs. I can barely even begin to describe how terrifying that was for me – it was as though he had full control over me and my boundaries had no importance to him at all. It was also extremely painful, of course, but he never caused any severe physical damage – what was most damaging was the feeling of being trapped and violated. Nevertheless, I can remember my mom rubbing isopropyl alcohol on a bite mark on several occasions because she was worried about me being infected.
Because he told me it was just his way of showing affection for me, I ignored those feelings of being hurt and violated and just tried to see him in a better light. I tried to see it as some “small” thing I should just forget about. Now I can recognize it as abuse – the worst he has ever done to me, in fact, since that was one of the things that destroyed my trust in him. Just so you folks know, he stopped doing this to me once I was 12, although he hasn’t shown any remorse for his actions because, after all, it was just “tough love” to him.
Dude, no. You do not bite people without permission once you’re old enough to go to school. Small children doing it, okay, they’ll learn, but adults? You’d damned well better have permission.
TMI time
So, a certain masochist likes being bitten, I mean, really likes. I’ve never, not once, had my skin break. If he was biting hard enough to risk infection, he was biting hard enough to risk serious damage regardless wtf he said. You DO NOT DO THAT.
He’s a fucking asshole six ways to Sunday. (No, really, biting me is most definitely a sign of affection when I’ve fucking asked you to, otherwise it’s fucking assault — restrained with no way out and he won’t stop? Abuse Fucking Asshole)
Grah, that infection risk isn’t minor either, human mouths are gross.
Oh fuck. My little sisters and/or my step-mom may have gotten their hands on these note cards that were for my public speaking class speech on trans* people. The notes explicitly talked about trans* people and even things like the murder of trans* women such as Angie Zapata.
This is making me nervous. I really fucking hope that they forget about what they just saw. Or if they don’t forget I hope they have the mercy to not spread it around and arouse the suspicion of others. At least the co-op in Santa Cruz still has room in case things escalate and I need to get the hell out of the house.
Cryptic notes are, in this case, excellent. I can guess at what that card translates to, but that it’s personal? Not remotely apparently from a tiny list of news references and two sentences.
They may take it as meaning you support trans* people, but I really doubt cards that vague will accidentally out you.
Really though, how they react could be useful for future reference when you do come out.
Oh and good luck with your speech 🙂 I did a few violin solos back in grade school and a word of advice? Look at something on the wall over their heads. Makes it look like you are looking at the audience but you can’t see their expressions.
Actually, I did that speech in my last semester of community college. =P I was pretty awkward, although the class seemed to like it. My main problems with the speech were that I asked the class to support the HRC (before I really understood why so many trans* people (rightfully) hate that organization) and that I was feeling very melancholic because the speech was personal to me. It was about the ways in which trans* people are oppressed and how trans* people can be supported. Fortunately I seemed to have no problems with eye contact.
It’s probably true that they won’t think “Ah, so [Ally] is trans*!” once they see it, but they will be suspicious. And I really don’t want to cause any suspicion because that’s very dangerous for me.
This may be a very strange thing to vent about, but…
I seem to have damaged my short-term memory permanently via marijuana usage. I’ve smoked since the age of 15, and for the past few weeks I’ve been smoking almost every single day. Since I don’t have access to therapy and I often want to get my mind off of stressful things and just relax, marijuana has become something like a means of coping for me.
I’m not addicted to the substance in that I don’t suffer from any harmful withdrawal effects when I stop smoking for a while, but it has damaged my short-term memory. For instance, I now find conversations in general more difficult, even while sober, because it’s harder to keep track of everything – although it’s not severe in any way.
Sometimes even when I comment here (and I’m sober) I forget some of the things I said previously. So I just want to say that I’m very sorry if any of my comments seem incoherent, inconsistent, or overly repetitive from time to time.
I need links to old comments though. If anyone has any handy…
emilygoddess
11 years ago
I vote for a kitchen-themed title, or “make your own damn sandwich”. Then the tagline could be something like “recipes for freeze peach and the tears of oppressed white men”.
SittieKitty, I just posted one on my blog, and I know I saved one more. If you create this blog, I will link to you in my blogroll. Since I get thousands dozens of hits a day month, this should send a ton of very little traffic your way.
Also, try searching in google: “site manboobz.com recipe” and see if you get anything.
cloudiah, it was your blog that gave me the idea! And since i love to cook/bake, I figured it would be a great way to start some kind of blog that actually had content. Since I’m terrible at coming up with content myself.
We Hunted The Mammoth
Argenti, don’t you mean “How would I react if I heard this (abusive stuff) said to someone else?”
Well, that too, but I was thinking more if one of us had said what Ally said, how would she respond?
Oh, gotcha!
Similar thing, really – if the person asking the question isn’t trying to process stuff about zirself from an abuser, it becomes much clearer that it is abusive. Jerkbrain sits down and shuts up.
I get where you’re coming from, Ally. It took me a long time to understand my mom’s behavior as abusive, and even then, I find myself questioning whether some of the smaller things “count” as abusive because they look so small compared to the more obviously abusive things she did.
(It doesn’t help that my mom comes from a long line of dysfunctional families, was probably just continuing patterns she learned from her parents, and has a mental illness that’s not always well managed. It’s easy for me to go “oh, well, she didn’t mean it that way” and feel bad for labeling it “abuse”)
Ugh, I’m sorry to hear that, emilygoddess.
[Content note: physical abuse, boundary violation, emotional abuse]
One thing my dad to me when I was younger was physically restraining my body against my will and then biting my arms and legs. I can barely even begin to describe how terrifying that was for me – it was as though he had full control over me and my boundaries had no importance to him at all. It was also extremely painful, of course, but he never caused any severe physical damage – what was most damaging was the feeling of being trapped and violated. Nevertheless, I can remember my mom rubbing isopropyl alcohol on a bite mark on several occasions because she was worried about me being infected.
Because he told me it was just his way of showing affection for me, I ignored those feelings of being hurt and violated and just tried to see him in a better light. I tried to see it as some “small” thing I should just forget about. Now I can recognize it as abuse – the worst he has ever done to me, in fact, since that was one of the things that destroyed my trust in him. Just so you folks know, he stopped doing this to me once I was 12, although he hasn’t shown any remorse for his actions because, after all, it was just “tough love” to him.
Dude, no. You do not bite people without permission once you’re old enough to go to school. Small children doing it, okay, they’ll learn, but adults? You’d damned well better have permission.
TMI time
So, a certain masochist likes being bitten, I mean, really likes. I’ve never, not once, had my skin break. If he was biting hard enough to risk infection, he was biting hard enough to risk serious damage regardless wtf he said. You DO NOT DO THAT.
He’s a fucking asshole six ways to Sunday. (No, really, biting me is most definitely a sign of affection when I’ve fucking asked you to, otherwise it’s fucking assault — restrained with no way out and he won’t stop? Abuse Fucking Asshole)
Grah, that infection risk isn’t minor either, human mouths are gross.
Oh fuck. My little sisters and/or my step-mom may have gotten their hands on these note cards that were for my public speaking class speech on trans* people. The notes explicitly talked about trans* people and even things like the murder of trans* women such as Angie Zapata.
This is making me nervous. I really fucking hope that they forget about what they just saw. Or if they don’t forget I hope they have the mercy to not spread it around and arouse the suspicion of others. At least the co-op in Santa Cruz still has room in case things escalate and I need to get the hell out of the house.
Here’s what one card says:
(I know, I know – I wrote cryptic notes for that speech. >_>)
Cryptic notes are, in this case, excellent. I can guess at what that card translates to, but that it’s personal? Not remotely apparently from a tiny list of news references and two sentences.
They may take it as meaning you support trans* people, but I really doubt cards that vague will accidentally out you.
Really though, how they react could be useful for future reference when you do come out.
Oh and good luck with your speech 🙂 I did a few violin solos back in grade school and a word of advice? Look at something on the wall over their heads. Makes it look like you are looking at the audience but you can’t see their expressions.
Actually, I did that speech in my last semester of community college. =P I was pretty awkward, although the class seemed to like it. My main problems with the speech were that I asked the class to support the HRC (before I really understood why so many trans* people (rightfully) hate that organization) and that I was feeling very melancholic because the speech was personal to me. It was about the ways in which trans* people are oppressed and how trans* people can be supported. Fortunately I seemed to have no problems with eye contact.
It’s probably true that they won’t think “Ah, so [Ally] is trans*!” once they see it, but they will be suspicious. And I really don’t want to cause any suspicion because that’s very dangerous for me.
“It’s probably true that they won’t think “Ah, so [Ally] is trans*!” once they see it, but they will be suspicious.”
Should be “It’s probably true that they didn’t think “Ah, so [Ally] is trans*!” once they saw it, but they might be suspicious now.”
This may be a very strange thing to vent about, but…
I seem to have damaged my short-term memory permanently via marijuana usage. I’ve smoked since the age of 15, and for the past few weeks I’ve been smoking almost every single day. Since I don’t have access to therapy and I often want to get my mind off of stressful things and just relax, marijuana has become something like a means of coping for me.
I’m not addicted to the substance in that I don’t suffer from any harmful withdrawal effects when I stop smoking for a while, but it has damaged my short-term memory. For instance, I now find conversations in general more difficult, even while sober, because it’s harder to keep track of everything – although it’s not severe in any way.
Sometimes even when I comment here (and I’m sober) I forget some of the things I said previously. So I just want to say that I’m very sorry if any of my comments seem incoherent, inconsistent, or overly repetitive from time to time.
Ok, so… I’m really thinking about creating a blog full of all the manboobz recipes.
Thoughts?
Names?
Links to previous recipe threads?
Although I might totally steal this name… ;^.^ Assuming there’s no objections.
Baking with the Tears of Oppressed White Men
SittieKitty — as the creator of that name, go for it!
I need links to old comments though. If anyone has any handy…
I vote for a kitchen-themed title, or “make your own damn sandwich”. Then the tagline could be something like “recipes for freeze peach and the tears of oppressed white men”.
SittieKitty, I just posted one on my blog, and I know I saved one more. If you create this blog, I will link to you in my blogroll. Since I get
thousandsdozens of hits adaymonth, this should senda ton ofvery little traffic your way.Also, try searching in google: “site manboobz.com recipe” and see if you get anything.
cloudiah, it was your blog that gave me the idea! And since i love to cook/bake, I figured it would be a great way to start some kind of blog that actually had content. Since I’m terrible at coming up with content myself.
http://eatingmanboobz.wordpress.com/
There’s nothing on it but I’m making LBT’s vegan chocolate cake as my first entry right now.
Haha, *awaiting moderation* oops, sorry David, I forgot I changed my email ;-.- This is the one I’ll be using from now on.
omg, first entry is up, and tasty if I say so myself.
It’s “site:manboobz.com recipes” that you need, I think. I’ve fairly sure the site:[url] part is the secret to that trick.
*I’m
Long day. I got roped into doing inventory at the shop and am apparently the only one who can work a tape feed calculator.
SittieKitty, I’ll link to you on my blog too. I have all of 32 followers!
Goody, something new to add to the More Manboobzy Fun category!