Like a turtleneck that’s too tight – it’s uncomfortable, and you feel like you’re being ever so slowly strangled even though you know it’s not and you’re actually likely breathing fine, but it’s not enough to really “complain” about, ya know?
Ouch. That sucks. My brain problems are not the same as yours, so I don’t have any advice or useful things. But I do hope you find a coping strategy and the client isn’t around much longer (I’m guessing they’re doing skeevy behavior? That’s what my mind pops to when I hear “reminds me of an abusive x”.)
Meanwhile, have some rat musicians if you think that they’re cute (ofc I thinkg they’re adorable, but not everyone is rat people XD)
Would it help to have info on the adrenal system and the flight/fight/freeze responses? I’m guessing you know about them anyway, but it helped me a lot to be able to look at anxiety/stress as overacting physical responses instead of not knowing wtf was going on.
He’s not being skeevy, that’s the problem. He’s actually a really nice guy, just he looks and acts like him. I didn’t notice at first because of that, but now that I have I’m finding it impossible to avoid it, and it’s like fml, I’m having a hard time even looking at him let alone talking to him, and they’re going to be in my care for a while yet so not going anywhere anytime soon…
kitteh, thanks, I don’t know what specifically is causing me to feel like it’s sitting in those particular places… And it’s kinda weird because I’m not stressed, just anxious? I’ve been stressed a few times in my life and I pretty much know how to deal with that – I’m really good at not worrying about things if I can’t change them, except for this, and it just drives me up the wall… >.> prolly doesn’t help me that being the case…
Also, I love your wedding photo, you both look awesome.
I wouldn’t be surprised if the anxiety’s kicked in ‘cos of guy-that-looks-like-abuser being there (this is your free internet diagnosis!). That’s how anxiety hits me, anyway – it can be related to something that happened years ago, or just an association the brain made, and the trigger’s several steps away from the original problem or threat, so you’re left thinking “WTF am I so anxious about?” It’s the system going on autopilot, which is majorly unhelpful.
Thank you about the pic! I’d never have thought I’d end up wearing pink at my own wedding, after the Pink Crinoline Bridesmaid Horror c.1985. 😛
And Ally, just about every educational institution has a counselling department that’s free to students. Take advantage, even if it’s only to have a safe person to vent to. Having a horrible home-life, even when due to roommates who *aren’t* your parents, sucks up a LOT of mental and emotional energy that you need to get through your classes, and develop your social skills/life/persona.
Today was my first day of school, actually. I wanted to walk around campus and look for the counseling place, but my brother was itching to go home so I couldn’t spend much time there. =[
I wouldn’t be surprised if the anxiety’s kicked in ‘cos of guy-that-looks-like-abuser being there
Yeah, he was the only one who ever made me anxious, and it started again once I realised the similarities. They’re pretty clearly related. Last time I fell into scratching my skin to deal with it… which was not good… and took forever to heal… and that’s pretty much all I’ve been thinking about since I realised it last week…
I’ve got a job interview tomorrow. I’m a mediocre programmer, so I don’t know how it’s going to go, but I really hope I get the job (seriously, I’ll probably get at least $20 hourly wages in this job). What’s making me very nervous is the whole part about me being tested on web development knowledge.
Also, I just got another very short haircut today. Since my dad is the one who is taking me to the interview and I’ll be working alongside him (*sigh*), I have no say on what my hair length can be. I can’t do anything to get away with long hair – even when I tell him that I can style it so that it looks “professional,” he tells me that the problem is the hair length, not my hairstyle.
Is anyone here a whiz at YouTube? For some reason, just this past week, it’s stopped playing videos at 360 quality properly. Every other quality plays fine, but if it’s preset to 360 I get a green line down the screen towards the right side and the rest of the image is in black and white, and covered in some weird mesh-looking blur.
CassandraSays
11 years ago
Also, to get even more confusing, some videos set to that quality play fine, and I can’t figure out what the difference is between them and the others that don’t work. Where there are multiple quality settings available upping the setting to a higher quality fixes the problem, but obviously that won’t work for videos where that option isn’t available.
Myoo
11 years ago
@CassandraSays
It doesn’t seem to be doing that to me. If you could link to a video that is doing that it might help.
Welp, my email with my folks went down the way I expected it to; it too has been tossed into the familial memory black hole.
Our father asked, “Why aren’t you speaking to us anymore?” I replied (in much more thorough, blistering language) that it was because whenever anything happened they didn’t like, they just pretended it never happened and never acknowledged it, whether it be the family incest, our rape, or our multi, and until they actually changed that behavior, I had no intention of being with them.
Their email responses are each one sentence long, and don’t engage with any of that.
Two weeks later, I get an email saying, “You’re invited to Christmas! We hope you can make it; we haven’t seen you in such a long time.”
I feel like one of those stereotypical old Chinese martial arts masters, shaking his head sadly and intoning, “You have learned… nothing.”
I’m a little sad, but not really surprised. I feel a little sorry for them, honestly, going around in little loops. They probably don’t even understand why this is happening.
[Content note: shitty attitudes towards trans* men]
You just reminded me to bring up something from Tumblr. I’ve just started see some trans* folks showing huge amounts of contempt for trans* men. Apparently all trans* men are invasive and don’t care about trans* womens’ boundaries ever. Or something. I think it’s fair to say that there’s a difference between highlighting a gendered problem and fucking demonizing an entire group, but maybe I’m just being silly. Of course both cis and trans* men are, as a group, more likely to be harassers, invasive, etc. because of the patriarchy, but why can’t people just point that out instead of just outright declaring hatred for trans* and cis men? I mean, it’s not like I’m MRA finding misandry where it doesn’t exist – these folks are very open about their feelings towards trans* men.
I’m really sensitive to this kind of stuff. I mean, I’d be pissed off if a cis or trans* man tried to mansplain my feelings, harass me, etc. but branding all of them as trans*-misogynistic is way out of line.
Ah yes, now some folks mocking trans* men undergoing HRT. Jokes about a trans* man’s voice and actual stereotypes based on the notion that trans* men undergoing HRT act like jerks because they can’t handle the T.
This will probably go unseen, but that is okay. I’m just venting.
2013 has seen my mother get an intestinal tumor, for which she has decided to stop taking medication (because cure is worse than disease). And one of my best friends died of breast cancer. Another had a heart attack. And now one of my other best friend’s mother has had a stroke and her family has decided to forego any attempts to resuscitate, as per her wishes. I just got off the phone with her.
2013 sucks and I want it over.
I get that as you get older you see more people close to you die (because they’re older too), but this has been a fucking hard year. I mean, do they all have to die at once?
We Hunted The Mammoth
Like a turtleneck that’s too tight – it’s uncomfortable, and you feel like you’re being ever so slowly strangled even though you know it’s not and you’re actually likely breathing fine, but it’s not enough to really “complain” about, ya know?
@Sittiekitty
Ouch. That sucks. My brain problems are not the same as yours, so I don’t have any advice or useful things. But I do hope you find a coping strategy and the client isn’t around much longer (I’m guessing they’re doing skeevy behavior? That’s what my mind pops to when I hear “reminds me of an abusive x”.)
Meanwhile, have some rat musicians if you think that they’re cute (ofc I thinkg they’re adorable, but not everyone is rat people XD)
Dumbo rats are adorable by any standards, I think.
SittieKitty, that’s awful. All the hugs!
Would it help to have info on the adrenal system and the flight/fight/freeze responses? I’m guessing you know about them anyway, but it helped me a lot to be able to look at anxiety/stress as overacting physical responses instead of not knowing wtf was going on.
Those are totally adorable Fade. Thanks.
He’s not being skeevy, that’s the problem. He’s actually a really nice guy, just he looks and acts like him. I didn’t notice at first because of that, but now that I have I’m finding it impossible to avoid it, and it’s like fml, I’m having a hard time even looking at him let alone talking to him, and they’re going to be in my care for a while yet so not going anywhere anytime soon…
Those ratties are adorable!!
kitteh, thanks, I don’t know what specifically is causing me to feel like it’s sitting in those particular places… And it’s kinda weird because I’m not stressed, just anxious? I’ve been stressed a few times in my life and I pretty much know how to deal with that – I’m really good at not worrying about things if I can’t change them, except for this, and it just drives me up the wall… >.> prolly doesn’t help me that being the case…
Also, I love your wedding photo, you both look awesome.
I wouldn’t be surprised if the anxiety’s kicked in ‘cos of guy-that-looks-like-abuser being there (this is your free internet diagnosis!). That’s how anxiety hits me, anyway – it can be related to something that happened years ago, or just an association the brain made, and the trigger’s several steps away from the original problem or threat, so you’re left thinking “WTF am I so anxious about?” It’s the system going on autopilot, which is majorly unhelpful.
Thank you about the pic! I’d never have thought I’d end up wearing pink at my own wedding, after the Pink Crinoline Bridesmaid Horror c.1985. 😛
Today was my first day of school, actually. I wanted to walk around campus and look for the counseling place, but my brother was itching to go home so I couldn’t spend much time there. =[
Yeah, he was the only one who ever made me anxious, and it started again once I realised the similarities. They’re pretty clearly related. Last time I fell into scratching my skin to deal with it… which was not good… and took forever to heal… and that’s pretty much all I’ve been thinking about since I realised it last week…
Is there any chance you could speak to a counsellor or psychologist about this, someone who could talk you through it and help you with strategies?
I don’t know… I don’t really know any, though I know a good centre waiting lists are super long and I obviously can’t do it tonight.
I’ve got a job interview tomorrow. I’m a mediocre programmer, so I don’t know how it’s going to go, but I really hope I get the job (seriously, I’ll probably get at least $20 hourly wages in this job). What’s making me very nervous is the whole part about me being tested on web development knowledge.
Also, I just got another very short haircut today. Since my dad is the one who is taking me to the interview and I’ll be working alongside him (*sigh*), I have no say on what my hair length can be. I can’t do anything to get away with long hair – even when I tell him that I can style it so that it looks “professional,” he tells me that the problem is the hair length, not my hairstyle.
http://calmingmanatee.com/img/manatee19.jpg
Is anyone here a whiz at YouTube? For some reason, just this past week, it’s stopped playing videos at 360 quality properly. Every other quality plays fine, but if it’s preset to 360 I get a green line down the screen towards the right side and the rest of the image is in black and white, and covered in some weird mesh-looking blur.
Also, to get even more confusing, some videos set to that quality play fine, and I can’t figure out what the difference is between them and the others that don’t work. Where there are multiple quality settings available upping the setting to a higher quality fixes the problem, but obviously that won’t work for videos where that option isn’t available.
@CassandraSays
It doesn’t seem to be doing that to me. If you could link to a video that is doing that it might help.
It’s so short I can’t even style it into a pixie, unfortunately. But I don’t like how pixies look on me.
Welp, my email with my folks went down the way I expected it to; it too has been tossed into the familial memory black hole.
Our father asked, “Why aren’t you speaking to us anymore?” I replied (in much more thorough, blistering language) that it was because whenever anything happened they didn’t like, they just pretended it never happened and never acknowledged it, whether it be the family incest, our rape, or our multi, and until they actually changed that behavior, I had no intention of being with them.
Their email responses are each one sentence long, and don’t engage with any of that.
Two weeks later, I get an email saying, “You’re invited to Christmas! We hope you can make it; we haven’t seen you in such a long time.”
I feel like one of those stereotypical old Chinese martial arts masters, shaking his head sadly and intoning, “You have learned… nothing.”
I’m a little sad, but not really surprised. I feel a little sorry for them, honestly, going around in little loops. They probably don’t even understand why this is happening.
Sorry to hear that, LBT. =[
[Content note: shitty attitudes towards trans* men]
You just reminded me to bring up something from Tumblr. I’ve just started see some trans* folks showing huge amounts of contempt for trans* men. Apparently all trans* men are invasive and don’t care about trans* womens’ boundaries ever. Or something. I think it’s fair to say that there’s a difference between highlighting a gendered problem and fucking demonizing an entire group, but maybe I’m just being silly. Of course both cis and trans* men are, as a group, more likely to be harassers, invasive, etc. because of the patriarchy, but why can’t people just point that out instead of just outright declaring hatred for trans* and cis men? I mean, it’s not like I’m MRA finding misandry where it doesn’t exist – these folks are very open about their feelings towards trans* men.
I’m really sensitive to this kind of stuff. I mean, I’d be pissed off if a cis or trans* man tried to mansplain my feelings, harass me, etc. but branding all of them as trans*-misogynistic is way out of line.
I presume this is what you meant when you said that the trans* spaces in Tumblr can be toxic? (Sorry if I talked to you about all of this before.)
Ah yes, now some folks mocking trans* men undergoing HRT. Jokes about a trans* man’s voice and actual stereotypes based on the notion that trans* men undergoing HRT act like jerks because they can’t handle the T.
What the fuck is wrong with this website V_V
This will probably go unseen, but that is okay. I’m just venting.
2013 has seen my mother get an intestinal tumor, for which she has decided to stop taking medication (because cure is worse than disease). And one of my best friends died of breast cancer. Another had a heart attack. And now one of my other best friend’s mother has had a stroke and her family has decided to forego any attempts to resuscitate, as per her wishes. I just got off the phone with her.
2013 sucks and I want it over.
I get that as you get older you see more people close to you die (because they’re older too), but this has been a fucking hard year. I mean, do they all have to die at once?
🙁 Wow, that’s really rough.
(Hugs cloudiah)