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Red Pill Redditor: “If you are sexually attracted to a b*tch, not related to you, that you are doing favors for and not f***ing, you are her orbiter.

This may be the Red Pilliest quote ever! Here’s the full quote in all of its uncensored glory, straight from the Red Pill subreddit.

If you are sexually attracted to a bitch, not related to you, that you are doing favors for and not fucking, you are her orbiter.

And here is a picture of one big, sad beta orbiter and the bitch he adores.

small_dog_big_bed_big_dog_small_bed1

 

EAT THE RED KIBBLE!

Thanks to the Blue Pill subreddit for finding this bit of Red Pill goodness.

Speaking of which, some folks in the Blue Pill subreddit are tentatively planning some meetups. If you want to join them, check out this topic right here.

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tinyorc
7 years ago

I enjoy the way he had to qualify that the “bitch” one might be sexually attracted to is “not related to you” – it’s either atrocious sentence construction or a disturbing insight.

Historophilia
Historophilia
7 years ago

What is an orbiter? Does that means some kind of small planetary body orbiting a woman?

If they get friendzoned do men turn into the moon?

titianblue
titianblue
7 years ago

The sheer unimaginable privilege – that the worst thing that could possibly happen to you in this world is that a person to whom you are sexually attracted and to whom you are nice, does not f**k you.

cloudiah
7 years ago

That big dog is adorable.

Cthulhu's Intern
7 years ago

@Historophilia: From what I know, an orbiter is a guy who platonically hangs out with a girl.
Also, David, why isn’t the Blue Pill in the Antidotes to Boobery section yet? And for that matter, why isn’t the Red Pill in the Boobroll?

melody
7 years ago

The sheer unimaginable privilege – that the worst thing that could possibly happen to you in this world is that a person to whom you are sexually attracted and to whom you are nice, does not f**k you.

Exactly! We women NEVER have that problem.
Therefore, NOTHING that is done to us is oppression.
We are just confused about what oppression is.
I just looked in the dictionary and it totally says: when someone you are sexually attracted to is not sexually attracted to you/will not let you fuck them.
Yep, that’s websters definition.

Andrew Johnston
7 years ago

@Historophilia: An orbiter is a man who hangs around woman to whom he is attracted in the hopes that she’ll ask him out, therefore sparing him the risk of rejection. Basically, a subset of the Nice Guy, seen mostly (if not exclusively) among high school students. I believe the term was coined by Dr. Nerdlove, and in any case he uses it a lot.

chibigodzilla
7 years ago

My impression was that an “orbiter” is basically someone who has been “friendzoned”(yeah, I’m putting scare quotes, because term is such bulllshit), but either doesn’t realize it or won’t admit it.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

These guys are clearly not ready for any kind of friendship with people not related to them.

katz
7 years ago

Hey yo, anyone want to help me name my new fluffball? As you can see, she’s a bobtail.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Bob!

sparky
sparky
7 years ago

“…a bitch, not related to you…”

So there are “bitches” he is related to, which would be he’s saying he’s related to female dogs. Which makes him a male dog, right?

Which would explain a lot.

Or, he’s saying its perfectly acceptable to do nice things for female relatives you are sexually attracted to without expecting sexual favors in return. Which, ewwwww.

Chie Satonaka
Chie Satonaka
7 years ago

Hey guess what — no one is obligated to fuck anybody they don’t want to! And not wanting to fuck doesn’t make them a bad person! It’s totally mind-blowing, I know.

Thomas Moore
Thomas Moore
7 years ago

For these guys, I’m probably an orbitor because I stayed friends with a woman I’m attracted to, even though I’m not asking for or expecting sex. Yes it can be done, MRA lurkers.

Michael Søndberg Olsen

Friends? With girls? Don’t they have cooties? They don’t? Next, you’ll tell me they that DO have brains and ideas of their own… It’s a madhouse…. A MADHOUSE!

Alice
Alice
7 years ago

That picture is adorable. My friend showed a pic this morning of her tiny cat hogging the huge dog bed, while both dogs had to sleep on the floor. Typical!

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

Michael — well, we’re here, so of course it’s a madhouse! (Hope you don’t find my bad joke offensive)

Tangentially, the sub-in receptionist has failed to get my refills called in on my anti-PTSD-nightmare drug. You know, the one that I actually appreciate? Yeah. I want our usual receptionist back but her wee one is just about a month old currently so yeah, she’ll be back eventually.

kittehserf
7 years ago

katz – she looks like my Mamie with added fluff; would you like that name for her?

Falconer
7 years ago

Apropos of nothing: My son is approaching 20 pounds in weight, and my daughter is about a pound behind him.

Cute is the most dense substance known to science.

kittehserf
7 years ago

So if they’re dense enough, does that mean you and Beloved will be drawn in as orbiters? :O

Falconer
7 years ago

we already have to schedule everything around them, i don’t see how we can escape being their orbiters.

kittehserf
7 years ago

It’s the nat’ral order of things, isn’t it? Sort of like cats, really.

Xen
Xen
7 years ago

Ok, this is off topic, but the comments are so stupid: http://atlanta.cbslocal.com/2013/09/10/study-men-with-smaller-testicles-are-better-fathers/

I love how everyone thinks it’s a “fem conspiracy”.

cloudiah
7 years ago

I missed katz’ new kitty the first time I waltzed in here. What a cutie. My very first cat, Mollie, was a rare female orange tabby with a short tail that was shaped exactly like a question mark.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
7 years ago

Only do favors for ugly people. Got it.

Falconer – I’m orbiting a binary system also (22 months and ~30 lbs. apiece). The gravitational field is intense. And constantly fluctuating.

kittehserf
7 years ago

Buttercup, you do realise snorting cheese ‘cos of laughing is painful, don’t you? Cruel person.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
7 years ago

Just returning the favor, kitteh – you’ve made me snort countless times.

For which I’m grateful, because the stuff David posts is so thoroughly appalling.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
7 years ago

(clarification – that should say REposts. David’s commentary is hilarious and spot on.)

kittehserf
7 years ago

Yes, but was it the agony of a Cheese Snort? There’s snorts and there’s snorts, y’know.

Michael Søndberg Olsen

(Hope you don’t find my bad joke offensive) Oh fuck, I did it again.

Michael Søndberg Olsen

Sorry.

DoubleDogDarrow
7 years ago

So, it is ok to do nice things for a bitch that I’m sexually attracted to as long as I’m related to her? I’m confused.

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

Huh? That was pre-emotive in case you didn’t want me referring to it as a madhouse since we’re both here, not sure how comfortable you are with joking about your sanity (or lack thereof), whereas me? Consider me well and truly dangerously nuts when I stop joking.

And VtM:B apparently will not let me kill that damned shark demon thing, it keeps crashing on him! But I don’t wanna go be the mandrian’s test subject yet!

freemage
freemage
7 years ago

Brainbleach: The Furrinati response to a fedora:

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

I want a cat in a hat too. I don’t think my cat will be very happy about this.

cloudiah
7 years ago

FEMINISM WILL WHACK ALL MRAS WITH LITTLE HATS is the message there. Wear big hats and you should be okay.

Shaenon
7 years ago

My favorite comment from the Blue Pill thread:

How many times am I going to here about these guys not having sex ? Seriously just make something up already. This is the Internet, you can pretend to not be a complete loser here honest.

Michael Søndberg Olsen

Argenti, if I can’t even laugh at myself, then what right do I have to laugh at others, is pretty much my yardstick. I was just worried I once again blurted out idiocy.

kittehserf
7 years ago

POOR BABY KITTY let me give you a cuddle d’awwwww … ::melts::

Jessay (@jessay)
7 years ago

hahaha oh but they try to pretend they’re having sex but it’s just so hard to not let that contempt for the women not having sex with them seep through.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
7 years ago

It’s fascinating how sexual attraction complicates their hatred. Unlike racism, where they can hate melanin-gifted people cleanly from the aloof haven of Turd Island, there’s an extra layer of resentment and mental gymnastics involved in raging at a group they also desire. They can never truly go their own way. It must really eat at them.

Kitteh – there was a tapioca incident a few weeks back. Not painful per se, but kind of messy.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
7 years ago

I mean, for supposedly being Casanovas, they sure do spend a lot of time inventing reasons why they’re not having sex. My spooge is much too valuable and must be hoarded! I’ll be falsely accused of rape! Domestic violence laws are preventing me from forming relationships! Western women suck! All women over 25 are withered hags!

Most of them can’t even be bothered to write fanfics about their imaginary encounters.

Sporklift
Sporklift
7 years ago

So it’s okay to be an “orbiter” if “the bitch” that you’re sexually attracted to is related to you, but you better be having sex with those all other “bitches”. That totally makes me feel creeped out for this dude’s female relatives. He’ll do favors for them, but only because he can’t have sex with them. Everyone else has to put out.

May he encounter fields of Legos on a daily basis.

Hyena Girl
7 years ago

Has anyone established the proper sexual favors for male services? I need a rate sheet as I’m clearly falling behind.

Howard Bannister
7 years ago

The rate sheet is going to be skewed, of course, because as near as I can figure the ladeez still owe the manly menfolks for slaying the mammoth.

The interest on that one must be a killer.

Hyena Girl
7 years ago

I’m not going to fulfill the mammoth claim unless they can produce a receipt.

Falconer
7 years ago

@Buttercup: My twin primaries are learning Spoons right now. The first step in Spoon is to grip the spoon firmly, it doesn’t matter where. The second step is to deposit half the spoon’s load in your eye. Lastly, lick the spoon clean.

Apparently I’ve been doing it wrong all this time.

My little boy makes this adorable scrunched-up face when we give him pear puree or pear juice after oatmeal. I guess he doesn’t like it, even though the oatmeal has pear in it.

totient
totient
7 years ago

If said favors involve settling disputes on her behalf, you are her orbiter arbiter.

Good
Good
7 years ago

The sheer unimaginable privilege – that the worst thing that could possibly happen to you in this world is that a person to whom you are sexually attracted and to whom you are nice, does not f**k you.

That’s the truth. I know so many instances of guys refusing to f**k a certain lady being accused by that lady of being gay. I don’t why so many ladies feeling that straight guys should never refuse their offers of sex.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Shut up, Good. And take your straw ladies with you.

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