The dude who reads ridiculous man rants on the Internet in a voice vaguely resembling that of legendary actor Christopher Lee as Saruman has brought us all a little gift this morning: A nearly ten-minute dramatic reading of “My Seed is Liquid Fucking Gold” by LaidNYC.
Now all we need to do is to convince the dude who does those True Facts videos to do one.
Okay, I need some help. I’m trying to pick a roughly ten second clip of the reading to make into a notifyer for new manboobz posts.
Any votes on the bets line to use? I can’t decide.
“Your magical unicorn pussy”
“My saucy essence and genetic code”
“The ceiling for my accomplishment is LIMITLESS!”
Hey, does anyone have a gift basket for Sparky??
I do! One Welcome Package!
And a pair of songs for restoring my faith in humanity, ymmv
I suggest…sweetly tell me “Thank you, sir”…
Thank you, Argenti!
Those are lovely songs for restoring faith in humanity. Here is another.
Welcome, Sparky! 🙂
*dies*
Oh, dreams do come true! This is even better than I imagined it to be! YAY!
Welcome, Sparky!
Side note to anyone about Welcome Packages: Anyone can offer them. Over on the right, there’s a section called More Man Boobzy Fun. Step 1: Read all of A Voice for Pierre. Step 2: Click on Artistry for Feminism and Kittens, and then at the top of the page look for the link for the Complimentary Welcome Package.
Any other lurkers? Say hi! We’re pretty nice to anyone who isn’t an asshat. XD
How about music with the actual Christopher Lee?
Yep, Christopher Lee does heavy metal. At 91 years old, he’s the oldest heavy metal artist in history.
Sir Christopher Lee, magnificent!
This reading is hilarity. Liquid hilarity.
As Saruman himself would say, LaidinNYC is “a lesser son of greater sires”.
“And even CHEFS!!!” That really got me. LOL.
WOWEEE!! I didn’t think that manifesto could get any funnier! Thanks for this!”
Okay, this was something I didn’t expect to be funny, funny… but at least worth a chuckle. But It’s even better. This is hilarious.
The dude goes on about how magnificent his pedigree is… but you know, not everyone can be a winner. Even the greatest racehorses produce duds every once a while.
I also find it amusing that he completely leaves out half of his genetic material – the half he got from his mother. Which just makes me wonder if he had one, or if instead he was born by budding from his old man’s testes or something.
It’s also funny how he talks about viability of ones eggs… when any released egg generally lives for like, what, a day? Sperm viability on the other hand can be affected by quite a few things. His boasting about being able to repopulate a village is nothing incredible though. I don’t know if he understands it or not, but in general most functioning testicles tend to produce enough to keep the entire race going – but then of course the level of inbreeding will eventually take it’s toll.
I also find at least two things rather disturbing, despite the hilarity.
1. His constant comparison of women to inanimate things. The objectification is very blatant. Also, it tells me rather much what he thinks of sex if his idea of a woman’s role in it is to spread their legs… Dunno about the rest of you guy but that sounds rather boring to me, if the other participant isn’t really, well, participating. Ever.
2. The blatant supremacist attitude. I don’t know if this guy realizes that it doesn’t account to jack-shit how good the genetic material is. Not even when both parents are cream of the crop. The offspring will not fulfill their potential if their conditions aren’t allowing it.
It’s also rather ridiculous to assume that it doesn’t matter if the copulation isn’t intended to result in pregnancy. People might be willing to boink a lot of people they would never have kids with.
So much wrong. So, so much hilarity.
I love it when they don’t intend the silliness, it tends to produce the best comedy.
The dude goes on about how magnificent his pedigree is… but you know, not everyone can be a winner. Even the greatest racehorses produce duds every once a while.
I like that his pedigree isn’t even magnificent. It’s just a bunch of regular jobs (plus jobs he made up for his ancient ancestors, like “warrior”). The only reason I can imagine he’d think “and even CHEFS!” is impressive is that he has done exactly jack and shit with his own life.
My eggs carry the lineage of steelworkers, boxers, corrupt cops, and countless drunk Irish people. BOW BEFORE ME SUBHUMANS.
He does include farmers, though. That was a very common occupation for most of the last five thousand years. I was going to write ‘popular’, but that’s not quite accurate.
I do firmly believe that even if his ancestors were amazingly awesome, he is the dud they eventually produced.
Besides, even if his glorious swimmers were as mighty as he claims, the fact has little relevance if they don’t get to fertilize anything. Survival of the fittest also does not mean “one who has the most awesome family history” or “one who has the most copious amounts of copulations” but simply who has the most kids that live long enough to reproduce themselves.
Ofc, he’s not talking about his own fitness, it seems – just tries to convince people that no matter how little he achieves, at least his sperm is awesome. To be fair, we have no proof that his semen is anything apart from ordinary. And I’m sure neither does he.
Quite frankly… I fail to be amazed by this. Even if it were true, there are plenty of non-assholes whose stuff is just as, if not more, valuable 😀
Exhibit A: Hank Williams Jr.
Also hilarious: the inversion of the standard evo-psych trope in which eggs are rare and expensive and sperm is cheap, therefore women monogamous men promiscuous ugh ugh grunt. Apparently, when you only produce 100 billion new sperm every few days, you’re forced to be super choosy and parsimonious.
It’s the Franklin Mint technique: announce that your product is a “limited edition” collectible heirloom in an attempt to create an aura of scarcity, even when no one is fooled by the fact that millions are churned out each day.
If he wants to rattle on about amazing sperm, it’s his ancestors who have descendants who won the reproduction lottery – though if they look at him, they might think it wasn’t much of a prize. Nor does it take that much for a person to have lots of descendants anyway. Louis and his first wife Anne had two children, a low number even then (Anne had six pregnancies but four miscarried). But in those three and a half centuries, they’ve had some one hundred thousand descendants. It doesn’t prove a thing.
If I was somehow able to come back and check out what my descendents were up to in a few hundred years and they turned out to be people who spent their lives ranting on the internet about how to get laid and how awesome their spunk was? I would be so, so disappointed. And embarrassed.
Stop bringing shame upon your ancestors, dude.
GUYSGUYSGUYSGUYSGUYS!!!
Ahem.
I became a Discworld convert because of you guys (I’ve chewed through the first five or six of Pratchett’s novels) and I just discovered that Sir Christopher Lee was the voice of Death in the TV movie adaptation of “The Colour of Magic.”
[Simmers with glee]
If you go back far enough, most of us have multiple ancestors in common. So where does Laid get off claiming exclusive bragging rights to his set of chefs, astronauts, lumberjacks, and lion tamers?
If his ancestors built ALL THE CIVILIZATIONS, then so did all of ours. He doesn’t get to claim special snowflake status because of it.
He’s going to have to come up with a better cover story to rationalize his lack of success with teh ladeez. This one is just too ripe for satire.