Over on Roosh’s Return of Kings blog, a dude who calls himself Tuthmosis has provided a useful list of “24 Signs She’s A Slut” in order to help aspiring PUAs to figure out whether or not the HB 6 they’ve been negging all night is going to eventually succumb to their drunken, er, “charms.”
Much of the list is basically rehashed PUA conventional wisdom: sluts have tattoos and lots of piercings; they dye their hair unnatural colors, wear revealing clothes, and have daddy issues.
PUAs really have a thing about women with tattoos, huh?
Others simply reflect a certain assertiveness on the part of the women in question: they curse, they talk about drugs or sex. Oh my! Must be a slut!
But Tuthmosis has a few more, well, novel additions to the list. Like #5 here:
Not ticklish. I’ve noticed that girls who aren’t ticklish aren’t so because they’re used to being handled (by men). Almost every prude is super ticklish, while sluts are rarely so. Sluts may have a physical response to light touching, but it’s rarely a tickled sensation.
Really? When I was young, I was very ticklish. Now, not at all. I haven’t been handled by a lot of men. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)
I actually tried to look up what SCIENCE says about ticking only to discover that it doesn’t say much. But I’m going to go out on a giant limb and say that Tuthy’s theory here is complete bullshit. Some people are more ticklish than others. Some people start out ticklish and get less ticklish. Some people like being tickled, some people hate it. People who look to Roosh for advice on how to lead their lives are assholes.
Tuthy’s #9 reason is pretty special:
Has extra body hair (arms, girl-sideburns, girl-mustache) and/or a low speaking voice. This, I’m told, is simple biology. More hair and low voice equals more testosterone. It’s an imperfect metric, though, because women of certain ethnicities are just more hirsute by default.
Oh, that’s why it’s an “imperfect metric.”
Oh, and speaking of “imperfect metrics,” here’s #3, which is probably my favorite:
Has “slut face.” You either recognize it or you don’t.
Works for men, too. Here’s Roosh himself. TOTAL slut face!
And then there’s #22:
Describes herself as a feminist or with any of its jargon (“pansexual,” “demi-sexual,” “cis-gendered”). You may not be able to stand a feminist long enough to bang her yourself but, in trying to prove she can do everything a man can do, she likely fucks with impunity.
Yeah, that’s not actually why feminists have sex. They have sex because they like sex. Feminists may be — on average — more blunt and straightforward about sex than most people, because feminism helps to clear out some of the fucked-up attitudes about sex that get in the way of people dealing with sex in a not-totally fucked-up way. At least that’s been my experience.
Also, you might want to learn what some of that ” jargon” actually means before spouting off about it. A woman who describes herself as demisexual isn’t going to have a have a one-night-stand with you, even if you do manage to successfully hide what a total douchebag you are for a few hours.
Then again, someone who calls herself a pansexual probably isn’t going to either, but that’s because you’re a fucking tool who posts terrible crap on Return of Kings, and there’s really no way you can hide that much douchebaggery.
Might as well do this too
Female. Check
Foul mouth. Check
Uses feminist jargon. Check
Has non-traditional piercings. Nope
Has tattoos. Nope
Enjoys sex. Nope (default answer since I’m a virgin)
Has incipient moustache, hairy ankles, knees and toes. Check.
Dresses sluttishly – Unless a pair of track pants and a t-shirt are what could be considered “slutty”, nope.
These criteria are so ridiculous that I’m surprised he’s not saying that drinking water is a sign of sluttiness. I mean, really, anything goes for these folks.
You guys have to see the full list on the page itself. Cuz I’m apparently a total slut. I talk about drugs unprompted and, AND MDMA!!!
Yes, I’m serious.
I’ve become less slutty since I got my IUD in, since it’s made my body hair a lot less visible. It’s also given a giant boost to my libido, but who cares, because… hair, guys.
MDMA – as in ecstasy?
Well of course that’d upset them. They don’t want women knowing there’s such a thing in any sense of the word, ‘cos they’re the last blokes to be able to provide it.
Serrana – I keep thinking Doosh is trying to look like David Tennant in a serious moment, but overdoing it with the beard and droopy lip.
Viscaria, I just had the weirdest image of either migratory body hair, or a furry IUD. Or maybe a fur-lined uterus.
… I think I’ve inhaled too much cat hair.
Slut Face? Is that like housemaid’s knee or tennis elbow?
Female. Yup.
Foul mouth. Yup.
Uses feminist jargon. Yup.
Has non-traditional piercings. Nope, nor traditional ones either.
Has tattoos. Nope.
Enjoys sex. Yup.
Has incipient moustache, hairy ankles, knees and toes. Nope, except for the knees, but it’s pale blond hair so hard to see unless you are intimate with my knees — in which case you are unlikely to be a PUA.
Dresses sluttishly. Hardly. Has terrible fashion sense, but not in a “sluttish” direction.
Ticklish. EXTREMELY.
Knee intimacy for the win.
Reminds me of a Goon Show episode where Henry Crun complained about Major Bloodnok having lured Minnie Bannister away from him with his “sensual Caucasian knee-dancing”.
I had elevated testosterone levels for a while, and I’ve never been so horny in my life. So that’s not all bad. Then again, I have tattoos, so that IS all bad. Do the tattoos cancel out the horny? I’m so confused.
But you’re not allowed to be horny unless you’re a dude! Or at least, unless you’re responding to the gold-plated wonder peen of one of these dudes. Anything else suggests you might have your own desires and thoughts and stuff, and we can’t be having that now, can we?
My husband is extremely ticklish. I’m so relieved he’s not a slut. I can rest easy at night knowing that hoards of women (and men) haven’t handled my darling piece of property.
I’ll be on the lookout for fake tans, foul language, and frat friends.
True dat, Kittehserf. Plus, I’m a tad over 25 (19 years worth of tad) so it’s all moot, I guess. I can kick back with my tattoos and potty-mouth and crimson-dyed grey hairs and enjoy the simple pleasure of never being bothered by any of these horrendous dudebros, ever. Age has its privileges.
There were a few times in junior high and high school when I said “stop, that tickles,” when I meant “stop, you don’t have permission to touch me and I don’t need a ‘good reason’ to ask you to stop.” I wonder if that’s where this ticklish idea comes from.
Here’s some others I’ve found on another site…
Celebrity worship
Wears Leopard print
Claims she was “abused” in the past
Fakeness (Bleached or dyed hair, boob job, fake nails, hair extensions, penciled on eyebrows)
Moves frequently
Fucks the first night you meet her (basically whatever date you fuck her on is what date guys usually fuck her on)
She doesn’t live near her family
Claims she never wants kids
Has a gay bff and/or orbits several gay guys and/or loves gay culture in general
Dates younger men (no matter what her age or how small the age gap)
Has nude pictures of herself on her phone or computer
Single mother
She’s attractive, yet goes long lengths of time without a boyfriend
Smoker
Wears hoop earrings
In pictures she tries to look sexy or sultry with closed lips instead of giving a warm, geniune smile
Has a messy bedroom
Wears bright red lipstick
Loves clubbing
Is really into the concert or electronic dance scene
Can’t get along with girls
Has lots of “guy friends”
Posts “selfies” on social media
Has male hobbies (sports, gambling, etc.)
Drinks beer
Shows little concern for condom use
Drinks to excess often
Constantly has her iPhone glued to her hands
Is on multiple social media accounts that she updates
Gives an especially skilled blowjob (as Andrew Dice Clay says…where do you think she learned that?)
Comes from a poor or lower class family
Has an unhealthy diet
Claims bisexuality
Hates to cook. Most of her meals come from eating out or ordering in.
Her friends are sluts
Uses drugs (the words “coke” and “whore” go together like peanut butter and jelly
She did pageants
Is a bartender or (to a lesser extent) a waitress
“She’s attractive, yet goes long lengths of time without a boyfriend.”
But she’s a slut. That TOOOOOOTALLY makes sense.*
(*may not actually make any sense at all)
I still haven’t worked out if I have slut face (his description is so vague). Maybe I should just approach random strangers on the street and ask if they think I have slut face?
Are you fucking kidding me? V_V
“I still haven’t worked out if I have slut face (his description is so vague). Maybe I should just approach random strangers on the street and ask if they think I have slut face?”
You can ask folks on the street. Me? I’m going to ask a dermatologist, “Doc… do I have slut face?”
It gets more and more weird!
Let’s see.
Celebrity worship – nope.
Wears Leopard print – GOD NO
Claims she was “abused” in the past – not even without scare quotes
Fakeness (Bleached or dyed hair, boob job, fake nails, hair extensions, penciled on eyebrows) – dyed hair and pencilled eyebrows (to cover grey, not replace hair)
Moves frequently – as in “moves house” I presume rather than “doesn’t sit like a statue all day” – nope
Fucks the first night you meet her (basically whatever date you fuck her on is what date guys usually fuck her on) – not on any night with you, sonny
She doesn’t live near her family – yes and no (has this twit ever heard of people living interstate?)
Claims she never wants kids – that ain’t no claim
Has a gay bff and/or orbits several gay guys and/or loves gay culture in general – do a gay stepson and his husband count?
Dates younger men (no matter what her age or how small the age gap) – Louis and I have had this debate before: are we counting earthly years or just years in general?
Has nude pictures of herself on her phone or computer – pfft hardly!
Single mother – only of cats
She’s attractive, yet goes long lengths of time without a boyfriend – being married can have that effect
Smoker – light that thing near me and I’ll shove it up your nostril
Wears hoop earrings – would if they’d sell any I like
In pictures she tries to look sexy or sultry with closed lips instead of giving a warm, geniune smile – nope to all three
Has a messy bedroom – sometimes
Wears bright red lipstick – pfft not for a couple of decades
Loves clubbing – of course (wait, you don’t mean playing whack-a-troll? Forget it then)
Is really into the concert or electronic dance scene – you have GOT to be kidding
Can’t get along with girls – I prefer women. You know, as in adults?
Has lots of “guy friends” – not unless you count online communities
Posts “selfies” on social media – selfEYES, idiot, get it right
Has male hobbies (sports, gambling, etc.) – oh, hobbies are male and female? Someone tell all the knitters and sewers of centuries past they were really women
Drinks beer – puke no, horrible stuff
Shows little concern for condom use – nil personal concern ‘cos irrelevant to me
Drinks to excess often – only if tea counts
Constantly has her iPhone glued to her hands – I don’t have a fucking iPhone or iAnything. Also if it’s glued, “constantly” is redundant
Is on multiple social media accounts that she updates – nope
Gives an especially skilled blowjob (as Andrew Dice Clay says…where do you think she learned that?) – ask my husband, not me
Comes from a poor or lower class family – nope
Has an unhealthy diet – nope
Claims bisexuality – lol no
Hates to cook. Most of her meals come from eating out or ordering in. – I do better than that, I don’t know how to cook
Her friends are sluts – whaddya think, friends? Are you?
Uses drugs (the words “coke” and “whore” go together like peanut butter and jelly – peanut butter and JAM thank you, we’re not all Americans. Also haven’t drunk Coke since high school
She did pageants – did what to ’em? Never been to a pageant in my life. Once again, we’re not all USians (shocking, sonny, I know)
Is a bartender or (to a lesser extent) a waitress – nope
““I still haven’t worked out if I have slut face (his description is so vague). Maybe I should just approach random strangers on the street and ask if they think I have slut face?””
Let’s see – big gold eyes, little folded down ears, brown fur. No, you don’t have slut face, you have PET FACE.
I think the assumption is that if she’s attractive then she’s getting sexytimes, so no boyfriend means lots of casual sex.
Kitteh — yeeep. Apparently that makes me easy…well, assuming I’d be female in their eyes, which I hope not!
Female. Disinclined to reveal what’s in my pants, so we’ll go for “sorta”
Foul mouth. Oh fuck yes.
Uses feminist jargon. Seeing how it’d be needed to explain my answer to “female”…yes
Has non-traditional piercings. Eh? Yes? Ear cartilage and 2g lobes, so I guess that counts?
Has tattoos. *is broke and indecisive*
Enjoys sex[ytimes]. PiV no, other such sex acts to be defined before commencing, yes.
Has incipient moustache, hairy ankles, knees and toes. Uh…Italian. ‘Nuf said.
Dresses sluttishly. Um, please define? Seeing how at most my arms are exposed, we’ll go for no (yes I wear long pants in August…and I tie…some cross between business and punk? Ask pecunium?)
@Argenti
Did you have a bar in your ear cartilage?
“Loves clubbing – of course (wait, you don’t mean playing whack-a-troll? Forget it then)”
*dies*
And pageants is short for beauty pageant, e.g. Miss America (I assume there’s a Miss Australia as there’s a Miss Universe pageant…yeah, I want the aliens to enter too, it amuses me every time I see it, hence how I remember that it exists)
I should note that the bit about hairy knees etc was my comment about myself, not the original list! Love the way it’s been assimilated tho’. 😀
“some cross between business and punk?”
You mean like this?
I knew he meant some sort of beauty pageant (every time I think of those things I think of poor Jon-Ramsay Benet) but seriously, how many people even in the US go into pageants of any sort? Strewth.
I was debating it but never got the top hole done, so just a stud.
TMI ALERT
Totally slutty though, I got it put through where my ex-fiancé dented my cartilage having a bite. Masochist me was all harder, harder, YELP!! So it’s kinda a physical reminder of very good sexytimes. See, totally slutty!