This is the actual cover for a little self-published alpha-male how-to book I found on Amazon, and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a more awesome book cover in my life.
I mean, let’s just start with the fact that becoming an Alpha Male apparently makes you literally a giant, and somehow in the process removes any shadows or reflections that you might have previously cast upon the world. And it makes you irresistible to similarly gigantic women, provided they are standing at an angle that bears no relation to earth gravity and lit by their own light source.
And then there’s the weirdly ambiguous title of the book, which suggests you are becoming an Alpha Male for other men.
The book description is pretty awesome as well.
HOW TO BECOME AN ALPHA MALE FOR TODAY’S MAN. How to become an alpha male is the trending topic among men all across the world today. In this book you will find an easy to follow simplified guide to transforming into the man whom women are diligently seeking after but fail to find.
Why would you want to turn yourself into a man the women can’t find?
This informative book will satisfy your quest for who you are. You are an alpha male who deserves the excitement and pleasure and all the luxuries the life of an alpha male have to offer.
Like the luxury of expanding to THREE TIMES NORMAL HUMAN SIZE!
You will find proven techniques that will save you valuable time and money also sure fire methods that will guarantee promising results. Based on extensive and expensive field research the author T.Mills have scientifically gathered useful data that have been tried and tested with striking results.
Apparently he never tried and tested his promotional copy with a copy editor, though.
After reading this book you will find yourself excited about becoming an alpha male. Imagine being in control of unlimited pleasure. Your desires fulfilled simply by applying these step by step methods. Having your way in every situation without worrying about the threat of opposition. This is the life of an alpha male. How To Become An Alpha Male For Today’s Man contains the necessary tools in an intimate one on one encounter within this book.
Wait, what? Is he suggesting that we … have sex with the book?
Because that works for me. This book cover is just that irresistible.
I might even have to procure this work of literature and read it, or something.
RE: Kittehserf
Thanks, me too! I’m still stumped as to why it worked though, seeing as I was pretty much just sitting in a chair with my shrink waving her hand in front of my face. By all rights, it SHOULDN’T have worked.
I’m going to the Social Security office tomorrow–or rather, Miranda is, because she kindly offered to take the hit for me. Tomorrow, I guess you guys will find out whether we’re sunk or saved!
If anyone wants to send me non-ridiculous, semi-flattering hats to consider, you know, feel free. Ideally, they should be about the circumference of a novelty sombrero, for best coverage. 😀
Random – I’m really glad that I didn’t inherit the typical Scottish spontaneously combusts in direct sunlight genes.
LBT – so hand-waving something away does sometimes work! 😛
Scots, Irish and German/Sorb genes here, so I’m pretty much combustible too.
Let’s see, wide hats … cloudiah, do you have long or short hair? Would a wide felt hat work, if it’s not too hot come summer?
PS thanks about the tunic! 🙂
I have … medium-length hair. Like a little below chin-length. Not sure how hot a felt hat would be, as a non-hat-wearing person.
*laughs at the combustible people* a quarter solid born-in-Italy Italian, I’m fire repellent!
Cloudiah — the dreaded fedora? You could be wearing it actually ironically instead of like a douche!
My friend’s daughter was wearing a lime green fedora the last time I saw her, but she is adorable so there was nothing at all douche-y about it.
I’m not sure I am adorable like that. 😀
LOL I was thinking of fedoras, Argenti! But they aren’t much good as sun hats, not even the Indiana Jones ones.
What about variations on a Panama hat?
http://s107.photobucket.com/user/elisson1/media/Family/PanamaMistress.jpg.html
Or not wearing a fedora ironically, either, but like Pecunium or Louis do – stylishly!
@cloudiah
Have you considered a sun umbrella? You can get some really nice ones.
In the spirit of “embrace the ridiculous,” I am now considering purchasing one of these.
But I will definitely consider both a sun umbrella and a panama hat.
Re: Hypnotism.
http://www.cervenytrpaslik.cz/scenare/EN-12-2_Parallel_Universe.htm
It’s a lot of text, skip over the song if you want, but stick around for Arlene to try hypnotism.
I’m kind of wired tonight, so just ignore me if I keep posting random things.
Like this funny cartoon.
Ally S I just clicked on that antifeminist link you posted. Much mockery and eye rolling ensued.
I would use that particular post as an object lesson in how NOT to write in an English class, and possibly in a philosophy 101 setting for logical fallacies and general bad reasoning . Oh, and possibly a science class where the definitions and theories he’s attempting to use are properly explained and comprehended .
That entire post read like an eight years old writing his first essay on why girls have cookies.
I know, right? I cringed so hard while reading that “essay” that I ended up hating the word “semiotics.”
Erm… Cooties that is. Damn autocorrect.
Well, certainly an 8-year-old acting like an MRA (the very thought of which makes me cringe) would be inclined to write about something like why girls have ALL THE COOKIES and boys don’t.
Jedi mind trick your way into never having to ever face any opposition in life? Snicker…
cloudiah, I LOLd at that cartoon. Truth!
Kim’s is the best idea – a parasol/light umbrella is the best shot for keeping the sun off. No hat hair, it shades much better, and you don’t have to worry about busting it if it needs to be shoved into a bag. Plus, if you ever get summer rain, you’re set.
/stating bleedin’ obvious
How about this one
http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/Lady-Flouncing-Princess-Dome-Parasol-Sun-Rain-Folding-Umbrella-Lotus-Leaves-Wave/251317018630
It has flouncing!
Did that link just trot out standard anti-evolution arguments in order to explain how feminists don’t understand life? O___O
Yes!!!!!! DNA holds the blueprint for proteins that, when acting together, copy the genome and make new proteins. Has he never taken a biology class? It’s seriously 101 type stuff.
And oh geeze…
“Patriarchy” is not “men.” Patriarchy is a system that advantages men.
No no, see, an alien would think that dogs are the superior race, because humans feed them and pick up their poop.
I’d keep going, but it keeps going, and I can’t. This guy thinks he’s really top stuff, that he’s hit upon some ingenious way of proving once and for all that feminism is wrong. Yet he discounts evolution (for some reason), misrepresents what feminism means and what topics feminists have addressed, and devolves into a really complicated tirade with a lot of vacuous science-esque shit. And then sometimes he hits upon something close to the right idea.
YES! Exactly! Men and women learn, accept, and propogate gender roles because they are taught to, not because of some inherent genetic traits. Thus, gender roles are arbitrary and people should not be forced to uphold them.
But no, his conclusion is that since gender roles exist, people must have chosen them because they are good, therefore they shouldn’t be challenged.
So much self-important faffing about… My poor head. -___-
Cheese and crackers almighty.
Argument:
– Cultural norms say that men pursue, and women are pursued.
– Cultural norms are good because people choose to fufill them (implied “freely”)
– Thus, “female” equates to “desired, pursued, cared for” and “male” equates with “desires, pursues, cares for”
– These could not have come from genetics, therefore they must have come from some philisophical first priniciple bull and can be accepted as fact without argument.
Well, “it’s not genetics, therefore we must obey it is a change from the standard “it is genetics, therefore we must obey it” argument…