This is the actual cover for a little self-published alpha-male how-to book I found on Amazon, and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a more awesome book cover in my life.
I mean, let’s just start with the fact that becoming an Alpha Male apparently makes you literally a giant, and somehow in the process removes any shadows or reflections that you might have previously cast upon the world. And it makes you irresistible to similarly gigantic women, provided they are standing at an angle that bears no relation to earth gravity and lit by their own light source.
And then there’s the weirdly ambiguous title of the book, which suggests you are becoming an Alpha Male for other men.
The book description is pretty awesome as well.
HOW TO BECOME AN ALPHA MALE FOR TODAY’S MAN. How to become an alpha male is the trending topic among men all across the world today. In this book you will find an easy to follow simplified guide to transforming into the man whom women are diligently seeking after but fail to find.
Why would you want to turn yourself into a man the women can’t find?
This informative book will satisfy your quest for who you are. You are an alpha male who deserves the excitement and pleasure and all the luxuries the life of an alpha male have to offer.
Like the luxury of expanding to THREE TIMES NORMAL HUMAN SIZE!
You will find proven techniques that will save you valuable time and money also sure fire methods that will guarantee promising results. Based on extensive and expensive field research the author T.Mills have scientifically gathered useful data that have been tried and tested with striking results.
Apparently he never tried and tested his promotional copy with a copy editor, though.
After reading this book you will find yourself excited about becoming an alpha male. Imagine being in control of unlimited pleasure. Your desires fulfilled simply by applying these step by step methods. Having your way in every situation without worrying about the threat of opposition. This is the life of an alpha male. How To Become An Alpha Male For Today’s Man contains the necessary tools in an intimate one on one encounter within this book.
Wait, what? Is he suggesting that we … have sex with the book?
Because that works for me. This book cover is just that irresistible.
I might even have to procure this work of literature and read it, or something.
OT, but I want to share this magnificently terrible piece of anti-feminist writing that I stumbled upon when I was 16. It’s so terrible that it was actually one of the reasons I became forever averse to anti-feminism: http://members.iinet.net.au/~tramont/protruth/parash.html
If some dude tried that anal “mind control” on me, I’d be dead from laughter.
RE: augochlorella
does anyone know what they mean exactly by “pick-up hypnotism”?
Considering you can only hypnotize someone who consents to it, and even then, they’ll only do what they’d be willing to do, I doubt it’s even close to what actual hypnotism is.
RE: Argenti
And let’s not discuss my ability to bang fish tanks
Mac says you’re a very dirty person, and asks if you got wet.
I mean, come on, it’s just as doofy as that ‘TRUE PUA SEDUCTION’ crap posted earlier!
RE: tkwtrh
OMG. I dunno about you folks, but when I go in for a good ass-banging, the last thing I want is something rearing up from behind, taking me off-guard. You have to assk me first. If you don’t, you’re dirt–sod to me.
*is shot and never heard from again*
Hugs back, hrovitnir!
Luckily for me, I was young enough when my idiot parental unit left that I didn’t cop the worst of his stupidity. It was worse for my brother and sister, who’re a good bit older. Worst effect on my life has been financial – uni wasn’t going to be a happening thing on Mum’s income (not that I had the slightest idea of a course or any studies, so it’s hypothetical either way).
When I see what some people here have gone through parent-wise, I think I’m damn lucky.
OW.
Truth! I’ve been through therapeutic hypnosis and it’s nothing like the “goes into trance and has no idea what’s going on”or “you are under my power” BS. It was an altered state, not unconsciousness. Hell, I was silently critiquing the script the guy was using all the time (“A grand bedroom at the bottom of a flight of stairs? What sort of dud architect built this place? How’m I meant to go under when I’m being distracted by such stupid descriptions?”).
Kitteh’s: totally OT, but guess who has a maroon Slant Six dress coming her way? She mentioned shipping some items to Australia, so I guess you did some shopping too.
RE: Kittehserf
Yeah. Never been hypnotized (it might be the stereotypical therapy for multis, but we were having none of it), but I did do EMDR which is… kiiiiinda similar? Definitely an altered state, though. I still bloody yawn every time I think about it. *yawns*
::does quick wiki check::
I’d never heard of EMDR. It sounds … I dunno, squicky? Did you find it helpful at all?
::gives LBT quick virtual don’t-fall-asleep nudge::
Hellkell – whoot! Yes, I got the notice this morning that my olive Emphella Shell is on its way.
I loved the designs of the Slant dressses but the colours weren’t for me. I’d better pray she never does stuff in rose and sage, or I will be lost, lost I tell you!
That vest she just promoted was gorgeous too, but I REALLY need to keep my spending down. 🙁
You’ll have to post a pic of that shell, I bet it’s gorgeous in the olive.
He might be twelve feet tall, but that fountain is totally cockblocking him.
I will – and you’ll have to post a pic of the Slant Six. 🙂
Bad line breaks! No dessert for you!
“Mac says you’re a very dirty person, and asks if you got wet.”
Always, and they’re directly related, fish tank water is gross even when not apparently gross.
You gotta know some poor schmuck went into a bar and started chatting up a stranger about chairs while pointing to his penis. I very nearly feel sorry for the d00d who gets suckered by this con.
RE: Kittehserf
EMDR was weird. I went in like, “This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, BUT it seems harmless enough and it’s not like I couldn’t use the help.” (At the time I was dealing with rape triggers.) Much to my surprise, it helped, and in a different way than I expected. My triggers just got less intense. I’ve never experienced anything like that in such a short time frame.
That I still don’t understand how it works just proved to me that life is a mysterious thing.
OT clothes announcement!
The knitted tunic is done at last!
(Yes, I did a rough photoshop; the sun bleached my face out in the original.)
That took about five weeks, give or take.
I’m really glad it worked, LBT!
what is it these dudes have about chairs?
Lovely tunic, Kitteh!
Is it cold in Australia right now? I notice that you always seem to be in hats.
Thanks, hellkell!
Cassandra, yup, we’re having the coldest winter in years in the south. It was 6C last night, and pretty brisk this morning (I took this pic about 8am). It’s only going up to 13C today. It’s a lot warmer up north; my sister (who’s a couple of hours north of Brisbane in Queensland) said it’s been about 25C for a week up there.
Mind you I wear hats whenever I can anyway, ‘specially since I learned to knit berets. 🙂
I’m not a hat person, but the berets are cute on you! I always feel like they’re squishing my hair.
Thank you! 🙂
Hat hair is definitely A Thing. I’m paying the price for wearing that one now.
Curly hair + wool hat is especially problematic.
Love the tunic, kittehs! I need to start dealing with hat hair. My dermatologist gave me a stern lecture about walking to and from work hatless. It’s sheer vanity, because (a) I don’t like the way I look in hats, and (2) I hate hat hair. She said I should just embrace it, and get the goofiest straw hat I could find and be like “Yeah, I know I look ridiculous but fuck you, I’m a pale Scandihoovian and should really just live underground like a mole.”
(I might have made up the part where she told me to live underground like a mole.)