This is the actual cover for a little self-published alpha-male how-to book I found on Amazon, and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a more awesome book cover in my life.
I mean, let’s just start with the fact that becoming an Alpha Male apparently makes you literally a giant, and somehow in the process removes any shadows or reflections that you might have previously cast upon the world. And it makes you irresistible to similarly gigantic women, provided they are standing at an angle that bears no relation to earth gravity and lit by their own light source.
And then there’s the weirdly ambiguous title of the book, which suggests you are becoming an Alpha Male for other men.
The book description is pretty awesome as well.
HOW TO BECOME AN ALPHA MALE FOR TODAY’S MAN. How to become an alpha male is the trending topic among men all across the world today. In this book you will find an easy to follow simplified guide to transforming into the man whom women are diligently seeking after but fail to find.
Why would you want to turn yourself into a man the women can’t find?
This informative book will satisfy your quest for who you are. You are an alpha male who deserves the excitement and pleasure and all the luxuries the life of an alpha male have to offer.
Like the luxury of expanding to THREE TIMES NORMAL HUMAN SIZE!
You will find proven techniques that will save you valuable time and money also sure fire methods that will guarantee promising results. Based on extensive and expensive field research the author T.Mills have scientifically gathered useful data that have been tried and tested with striking results.
Apparently he never tried and tested his promotional copy with a copy editor, though.
After reading this book you will find yourself excited about becoming an alpha male. Imagine being in control of unlimited pleasure. Your desires fulfilled simply by applying these step by step methods. Having your way in every situation without worrying about the threat of opposition. This is the life of an alpha male. How To Become An Alpha Male For Today’s Man contains the necessary tools in an intimate one on one encounter within this book.
Wait, what? Is he suggesting that we … have sex with the book?
Because that works for me. This book cover is just that irresistible.
I might even have to procure this work of literature and read it, or something.
“It says that obesity is caused by ‘fat thoughts’ and advises avoiding fat people to keep from creating fat energy. That ain’t general happiness, that’s bullshit.”
I didn’t know that. That’s horrible. Why do people buy into this book?
Re/ Fifty Shades of Grey, my (somewhat prudish) 64 year old gf read the whole trilogy last year, and I’m still teasing her about it. I’m so mean.
Because it means that I get to control what you think.
Are you unhappy, sad, fat, taller than you’d like, not as good at hanggliding and not able to use a percussion instrument?
You must be thinking the wrong thoughts, and no, I don’t need to help you. Especially not if you’re starving. You’re just thinking hungry thoughts! You should stop.
—
It’s a neat trick for making yourself less dependent on the whims of reality as it applies to everyone else.
RE: grumpycatisagirl
I didn’t know that. That’s horrible. Why do people buy into this book?
Oh, it’s more horseshit that allows people to think they can magically make their bodies whatever they want and treat others like shit for not conforming to their aesthetic principles. “Oh, you’re only X because you’re not TRYING hard enough.” What a comforting thought!
People who believe their thoughts create reality have never walked into a glass door.
All other beliefs aside, any advice that includes “treat others like shit” seems immediately discardable to me. It’s hard for me to understand why that’s okay with enough people for that book to be so wildly popular.
sad.
@Wetherby:
“Well, Baldrick could certainly do with dating tips, but I’m not sure he’d be a very convincing alpha.”
LOL I dunno, I think Baldrick would be more convincingly alpha than the dude who wrote this. At least Baldrick wrote some terrific poetry in WWI. It all rhymed!
@Kiwi girl – hi! ::waves excitedly::
I wonder what world the writer of The Secret lives in? A gated community where they measure your waist before they let you in? I’d love to see ’em avoid any particular sort of person if they had to use public transport or, y’know, just walk on city streets.
But they’re wrong anyway. It’s fat cats that do the ‘damage’ with their evil cuddly furriness. All those big fluffy bellehs …
And I guess I should add that there are people I like and respect who like The Secret. I could understand if only ass holes liked it.
I wonder how many people end up feeling worse because they buy into this nonsense and then don’t find themselves turning into whatever it is they want to be? It’d be nice to think someone could discard it and say “Well that was a load of crap,” but they’d need to have bought it out of curiosity, or not knowing how toxic it is, rather than from a more vulnerable place, I think.
OT typing with big rings on is tricky. 😛
Yeah, I guess a lot of these “Secret” bullshit guru types build their empires on people who are feeling extremely vulnerable and are desperate for a place to turn. Really really not cool.
Kittehserf when I was little I had a piano teacher who always had big rings on and they would go click click a lot. I always wondered how she managed. 🙂
Howard, was it this blog? http://badbooksgoodtimes.com
They’ve finished it a while ago and are now reading the various sequels / rip-offs (yes, someone actually wrote a book based on a book that was based on the fanfiction about a book), but the old posts should still be there.
/off-topic
Enh. People see in it what they want to, or just chuck the parts they don’t like. It’s why I still have books like got parts? and Amongst Ourselves on my shelf, even though I heavily disagree with their definitions of multi. (Plus, I’ve never actually much needed them myself. Godsends for the ickle new multis who pop up around me, though!)
Hmm… no, but that looks interesting.
As mentioned previously, I can throw no stones in the ‘I liked this, and it was actually a terrible book’ department. (Oh, Terry Goodkind…)
If there’s somebody here who has never been embarrassed in retrospect by their tastes… I suspect you are employing selective memory techniques.
mind control, traps, eliminating opposition, being impossible to find… are we sure he didn’t just re-purpose a D&D strategy guide for Rogues?
is there a chapter on lockpicking?
Arh! Everything about this was making me laugh so hard I was crying… in public. Until we got to the part about horrible, horrible parents and magical thinking. Now I am sad.
Lots of positive thoughts (ha!) for the awesome people that have survived being related to such douchebags. You’re awesome, guffaw-ferrets and kitteh and every non-troll person here! *group hug for huggy people*
I can only hit-and-run today, but a friend sent me this link to cool Dutch safety posters which I am sending along as yet another set of examples of people who can make better posters than MRAs. All of them have succinct, clear messages, and nice graphics — except for one, which is a little confusing.
Selected translations:
Poster #2: A touch! Monsters lurk on electric lines.
The one with the traffic signs and skull: Beware! The traffic ghost is lurking.
Ties and drill bits are “arch enemies.”
The confusing one is the one with the birds: Birds are not to be sneezed at. [The only thing we could think of was that maybe birds were considered a disease vector, so you should buy a cat?]
The big thumb: Look out. Sharp.
Don’t worry, I’m not teaching you to manipulate people or women. I’m just teaching mind control.
So I’ve seen a lot of PUA types promising to teach hypnotism as a pick-up strategy, but I’ve never read through exactly what they’re teaching. I’m suspecting it’s all bunk, of course, but does anyone know what they mean exactly by “pick-up hypnotism”?
“People who believe their thoughts create reality have never walked into a glass door.”
You’re killing me! Totally managed that. And let’s not discuss my ability to bang fish tanks (they are, thankfully, pretty fucking solid)
My favorite PUA hypnotism.
Allthe TW
http://www.fastseduction.com/guide/03_Approaching/11_The_Patterns/p_b ackdoor.shtml
(point to schlong)
Sorry, phone is hard. http://www.fastseduction.com/guide/03_Approaching/11_The_Patterns/p_backdoor.shtml
Yeah… I figured it’d be stuff like that. That was pretty good for a laugh, though.
Have I been following the manosphere too long when I’m not surprised by tips to subconsciously trick your partner into having anal sex with you?
That sentence got broken up in an unfortunate place.
The Secret doesn’t just appeal to people who want to be thought police, but to people who want to get what they want without any effort. They want to find the cheat code for reality, which is what all that scam self-help expolits.
And no discussion of The Secret is complete without The Chaser’s take on it.