This is the actual cover for a little self-published alpha-male how-to book I found on Amazon, and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a more awesome book cover in my life.
I mean, let’s just start with the fact that becoming an Alpha Male apparently makes you literally a giant, and somehow in the process removes any shadows or reflections that you might have previously cast upon the world. And it makes you irresistible to similarly gigantic women, provided they are standing at an angle that bears no relation to earth gravity and lit by their own light source.
And then there’s the weirdly ambiguous title of the book, which suggests you are becoming an Alpha Male for other men.
The book description is pretty awesome as well.
HOW TO BECOME AN ALPHA MALE FOR TODAY’S MAN. How to become an alpha male is the trending topic among men all across the world today. In this book you will find an easy to follow simplified guide to transforming into the man whom women are diligently seeking after but fail to find.
Why would you want to turn yourself into a man the women can’t find?
This informative book will satisfy your quest for who you are. You are an alpha male who deserves the excitement and pleasure and all the luxuries the life of an alpha male have to offer.
Like the luxury of expanding to THREE TIMES NORMAL HUMAN SIZE!
You will find proven techniques that will save you valuable time and money also sure fire methods that will guarantee promising results. Based on extensive and expensive field research the author T.Mills have scientifically gathered useful data that have been tried and tested with striking results.
Apparently he never tried and tested his promotional copy with a copy editor, though.
After reading this book you will find yourself excited about becoming an alpha male. Imagine being in control of unlimited pleasure. Your desires fulfilled simply by applying these step by step methods. Having your way in every situation without worrying about the threat of opposition. This is the life of an alpha male. How To Become An Alpha Male For Today’s Man contains the necessary tools in an intimate one on one encounter within this book.
Wait, what? Is he suggesting that we … have sex with the book?
Because that works for me. This book cover is just that irresistible.
I might even have to procure this work of literature and read it, or something.
I’m a bit busy and haven’t had time to read through the thread, so maybe someone has already pointed this out, but…
you can’t logically BECOME an alpha man if it is already true that you ARE an alpha man. Make up your mind book!
” In this book you will find an easy to follow simplified guide to transforming into the man whom women are diligently seeking after but fail to find.”
Yes, all of us women are searching for just that ONE man. That’s why we’ve all partnered with the same bloke and the other 99.9999…% of cis men are unpartnered. And that bloke is really tired, needs a break, so he’s written this book. Buy it, he needs to offload some of those women…
“You will find proven techniques that will save you valuable time and money also sure fire methods that will guarantee promising results.”
I went to websites and found unsubstantiated assertions about methods with 100% guaranteed success. Because some random person’s comment on a website somewhere is proof. It’s science, so long as the comment was written by a cis-male.
“Based on extensive and expensive field research…”
Took one cis female out for a cup of coffee (and she paid for both, if the male pays that’s not alpha) and spent hours of his expensive time looking a web pages that support his self-confirmation bias.
“…the author T.Mills have scientifically gathered useful data…”
Yep, real scientists don’t match singular/plural forms when they spend time writing about their results. Grammar checking is for betas. Scientifically gathered = pulled out of my arse.
Useful data = stuff that matches what I believe.
“…that have been tried and tested with striking results.”
I tried out one technique on a cis-female and she whacked me.
“Imagine being in control of unlimited pleasure. ”
This part of the book sponsored by Trojan.
“How To Become An Alpha Male For Today’s Man contains the necessary tools in an intimate one on one encounter within this book.”
The sequel will be about how to be an alpha male in orgies.
“Buy this book now and learn EL Escondido Secreto Dentro De or The hidden secrets within.”
A non-English phrase makes me a man of the world and French is just so beta!
If it hasn’t already made an appearance, it needs to be submitted to this: http://lousybookcovers.tumblr.com/
How to design a book-cover like an alpha-male in five easy steps:
Step 1. Get a picture of a beautiful house from Houzz.com (Sneaky Tip: Use your screen capture tool. That evil feminist website does not allow users to save pictures.) Smirk at your own cleverness.
Step 2. Get picture of male model and two female models from Google Images.
Step 3. Photoshop them together and get hard copy.
Step 4. Grab your box of crayons. Spread newspapers on the floor. Draw a title using your favorite colors. Don’t forget author’s name.
Step 5: Forget the back cover – It isn’t going to show on the thumbnail. Forget spine – ‘Alpha males’ don’t need one. Forget the content of the book – Manospherians will be drooling to get their hands on your masterpiece anyway.
Well, Baldrick could certainly do with dating tips, but I’m not sure he’d be a very convincing alpha.
Until now, I’ve been under the impression that my love life has been pretty good over the years, but the fact that I’ve never once received a missive like this has made me feel strangely bereft.
Actually, come to think of it, if I did receive a letter like this after meeting its author only a few hours earlier, my instinct would be to run a very long way in the opposite direction, as it screams “desperate” to me. Or possibly “imaginary”, but I’ll suppress that mean and unworthy thought.
I thought The Secret was wishing for positive things, if not materialistic quantities (ie a million dollars) then at least general happiness?
As someone with acute anxiety disorder who has gone through many hours of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy isn’t the goal to change your thoughts from pessimistic to
Optimistic, from glass half empty to glass half full?
It is possible to change your outlook on life
If this were truly the most alpha male book cover ever, the building would be exploding.
Very true. Although it might conceivably be on fire – look at the interior lighting.
No, it’s for attracting both positive and negative things, even physical ones, in the universe.
PS. Sorry for the Daily Fail link, but it includes the author’s words which seem clear enough, even taking it with the requisite grain of salt.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-450745/Its-fastest-selling-self-help-book-The-Secret-doing-harm-good.html
This is actually pretty common in new-agre philosophy, and has been expressed by my parents, including my father, in response to his own cancer (which was thankfully caught early and treated successfully)
This is another hilarious book I found in amazon earlier. Called:
The Manosphere: A New Hope For Masculinity
“Aimed squarely at feminism’s tropes and misandry”
“Men today are struggling, searching, healing, and fighting . . . but they are more and more coming to the feminism-inspired conclusion that the time has come for them to pursue their interests as men, often independent of women or their interests.”
“It’s not a world of equality, it’s a world of equilibrium. It’s not a world where men become better at serving women, but where men become better men.”
http://www.amazon.com/The-Manosphere-Hope-Masculinity-ebook/dp/B00D74DQ8E
What?
I can’t help but notice how many of the manosphere types choose names that sound to me like porn nyms (and to be frank without the intention of sounding homophobic, gay porn).
The reviewer taking this book seriously claims to be a professional counselor. ugh ugh ugh.
Also, the Kindle version has a different cover: http://www.amazon.com/Become-Todays-Attract-Seduce-ebook/dp/B00BTKVNLU/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376931130&sr=8-1&keywords=How+to+Become+an+Alpha+Male+For+Today%27s+Man+%28Learn+How+to+Attract+and+Seduce+Women%29
Ah, Ian’s book. Now that you’ve opened the Gate Way, he is sure to find himself here in the comment section soon. It’s what he does.
You fool. With your careless act, you’ve doomed us all. Doooomeeeed.
q:
From the book description, “Why is FIfty Shades of Gray so popular, and what can married men do about it?”
LOL.
From the reviewers’ comments on Amazon:
“Being Alpha means to be able to live its own life without being dependent on women.”
We’ve already noted that manosphereans struggle with subject-verb agreement. I think we need to add pronoun reference to the list of grammatical challenges.
The writing style gives me an impression of some business genius who creates books by searching for “trending topics” and writing a program that generates word salad on any given topic. Either that, or he wrote the book in some other language and Google-translated it. The letter Serrana quoted seemed comparatively well-written so it was probably plagiarized from someone else’s work.
Kiwi girl:
Moviebuff2:
:D:D:D
…is the answer ‘break out the handcuffs and wiggle your eyebrows suggestively’?
Not that I think that’s a GREAT idea, but, you know, probably the least offensive suggestion possible after that WONDERFUL introduction.
Least offensive: “Read the book, talk about the contents”?
@Fibi
Nope! I’ve read enough excerpts and sporking that I’m pretty sure that encouraging others to read it is somehow a violation of the Geneva convention.
Oh, dammit, that blog I was following was about halfway through the book… and I lost the link. Now I’ll never know how it ends!
Hahah.
I remember buying the book as a gift for a friend who was moving away to live on her own for the first time (we also included actual gifts), and the person I was shopping with at one point sat down and flipped through it.
Sure, we had time, so I circled the store and browsed books and other nice things.
Eventually I come back around to my reading companion, who at this point is hunched over, book hovering near her eyes, occupied.
As I get closer to ask if she’s done reading, she very quietly muttered: “Wait, he did what with the toothbrush?”.
I will never forget. And it also convinces me that the book cannot be that bad. q:
RE: Argenti
(yeah LBT we should probably work out timing if you’ll be getting there via grand central too)
Actually, due to the mysterious workings of buses, I won’t be arriving at Grand Central, but I’ll be getting off the bus within walking distance. We can meet up there; I’m still kinda crappy about getting around, but I can at least make my way.
…how old is Sneak?
You got it right; zie’s a teenager. More than that, and zie’s given up on hammering down an exact year. Thing is, you’re not a close family member.
And it’s just as well that we do planning now, while I still have stable housing.
RE: starterlifesydney
I thought The Secret was wishing for positive things, if not materialistic quantities (ie a million dollars) then at least general happiness?
It says that obesity is caused by ‘fat thoughts’ and advises avoiding fat people to keep from creating fat energy. That ain’t general happiness, that’s bullshit.
I’ve converted from pessimist to optimist, but I sure as hell didn’t do it by avoiding fat people! And as a recovering anorexic, I’m INFURIATED by the idea that my weight was entirely based on my emitting skinny energy, and not, you know, horrifying eating and exercise habits.
And oh god, Fifty Shades of Grey. I owe it a boon because it kept me alive during a very bad point… but I think it says just how sick I was that reading that book made me feel BETTER. Seriously, it’s a squicky rapefest and a half, with a bizarre refusal to use adult words for body parts.