This is the actual cover for a little self-published alpha-male how-to book I found on Amazon, and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a more awesome book cover in my life.
I mean, let’s just start with the fact that becoming an Alpha Male apparently makes you literally a giant, and somehow in the process removes any shadows or reflections that you might have previously cast upon the world. And it makes you irresistible to similarly gigantic women, provided they are standing at an angle that bears no relation to earth gravity and lit by their own light source.
And then there’s the weirdly ambiguous title of the book, which suggests you are becoming an Alpha Male for other men.
The book description is pretty awesome as well.
HOW TO BECOME AN ALPHA MALE FOR TODAY’S MAN. How to become an alpha male is the trending topic among men all across the world today. In this book you will find an easy to follow simplified guide to transforming into the man whom women are diligently seeking after but fail to find.
Why would you want to turn yourself into a man the women can’t find?
This informative book will satisfy your quest for who you are. You are an alpha male who deserves the excitement and pleasure and all the luxuries the life of an alpha male have to offer.
Like the luxury of expanding to THREE TIMES NORMAL HUMAN SIZE!
You will find proven techniques that will save you valuable time and money also sure fire methods that will guarantee promising results. Based on extensive and expensive field research the author T.Mills have scientifically gathered useful data that have been tried and tested with striking results.
Apparently he never tried and tested his promotional copy with a copy editor, though.
After reading this book you will find yourself excited about becoming an alpha male. Imagine being in control of unlimited pleasure. Your desires fulfilled simply by applying these step by step methods. Having your way in every situation without worrying about the threat of opposition. This is the life of an alpha male. How To Become An Alpha Male For Today’s Man contains the necessary tools in an intimate one on one encounter within this book.
Wait, what? Is he suggesting that we … have sex with the book?
Because that works for me. This book cover is just that irresistible.
I might even have to procure this work of literature and read it, or something.
The Secret. The goddamn bloody Secret. Screw James Frey, Oprah should never be forgiven for pushing that poisonous victim blaming piece of garbage on the public.
Yeah, there are children starving to death right now, but “Law of Attraction” is going to get some spoiled white people a raise and a third car. I guess those starving kids just don’r want food hard enough.
Fucksake…
RE: Kittehserf
Yeah. I mean, we’re multi, and I do have the rock-solid certainty that if there is something we can’t mentally deal with, our mind WILL create someone who can… but that’s not fluffy bunny fun time shit. The process is disturbing and awful as hell. And again, that’s not the universe being full of magic and sparkles. That’s us, that’s OUR BRAIN mutilating itself to squeeze more life out of us. Not exactly what these people seem to be thinking of.
And even then, our mind can only promise that it’ll create someone who can SURVIVE. It doesn’t make the horrible things any less horrible. It just means you won’t die from them.
You know, if he’s so Alpha, why doesn’t he just take a photo of himself in front of his mansion with some ladies for his cover?
RE: guffaw-ferrets
LBT, yeah, total agreement: “my mental state is finally good enough for me to function in certain ways” is definitely a lot better and a whole different kettle of fish than than “I imagined I had a million dollars, so by golly, I’m going to bring a million dollars into my hand/bank account WITH ONLY THE POWERS OF MY MIND.”
Yeah, and it’s not even that. I mean, I’m still fucking disabled, but right now, I’m more easily able to write and make connections regarding it. Once I was ready to really buckle down and treat it seriously, things started opening up for me. It’s not a matter of magical universe wanting me to succeed, it’s just that a bunch of useful factors came together: I came here and expanded my fanbase, I recovered enough brain to write, I learned some structure tricks from a fellow crowdfunder… it was a bunch of happy little coincidences that I was finally able to tie together.
But again, that’s not magical universe wanting me to succeed. That’s people, who care about me and wanting me to succeed, and ACTUALLY HELPING ME.
Seriously, if one of my fans tried to pay for a story with a copy of the Secret, I’d give them the bum’s rush.
Also: Here is photographic proof that I am Alpha.
That’s totally me in the center.
http://imgur.com/5YyrYE2
Noooooooo not that bloody Descartes!
guffaw-ferrets – just as well about the BYO popcorn. Caramel and cheddar would not be my thing. 😛
The Law of Attraction only works if you put your index fingers up to your temples and squint when you vision what you want. It’s entirely scientifical and based on quantum mechanics and, uh, mind waves.
You know, I’ve heard of the Secret, but never really knew what it was. I figured it was some pseudo-spirituality bullshit. You all have confirmed that for me.
La Strega “I’m perplexed by Amazon’s pricing. How come a new paperback version can be had for $7.50, but a used one costs $19.89? Not that I’m planning to buy it in any form, just idly curious.”, it’s because whoever used it first needs therapy and can’t afford it without price gouging.
I loved this sentence (Yes, I called it a sentence, deal with it.); “If they sense that you are not confident in yourself, if you can ‘not convince them enough to believe in what you are saying, If you show any sign of doubt through your lack of self- confidence, then they will judge and react to you the same way you are feeling. The Grammarly in me had a tiny shame orgasm.
My general rule of self-help books is that if they’re any good, they give down-to-earth advice that is simple to understand, but often damn difficult to follow. Once you put the requirement of pragmatism on there, it becomes much easier.
A shame Sturgeon’s Law is so prevalent in the genre. There are a couple that freakin’ changed my life, and I mean that earnestly. However, they were books like, How To Have Sex With Rape History, and How To Deal With Being Multiple.
How can a used copy cost more? Because no used copy exists, therefore, it’s non-existent, which makes it more valuable
Or, for the truly advanced…
I’ve seen other books on Amazon where the used cost more than the new, so it’s a general bit of Amazon weirdness, I think.
Watch out for evil, non-gender conforming queens , Cthulhu’s Intern.
Is there anything more amusing than bad photoshop? ‘Cause I can’t think of any…
😀
RE: thekidwiththereplaceablehead
I’d never heard of that Queen! Thanks for letting me learn about her.
The used price on Amazon is set by the individual seller, so it can be whatever they want it to be, which usually ends up being somewhere below the new price. However, if the price of the new book gets marked down (for some unfathomable reason) and the used book seller fails to adjust the price down, well…
(oops, posted too soon)
I’m betting this started at round $25 bucks, and that’s what the used prices were based off of.
So the kindest thing that can be said about the law of attraction (and it isn’t much) is that it’s mostly a way for people to deal with their personal fear of bad things happening to them (and, more broadly, to answer the general question of why bad things happen to people). They create explanations and at the same time create rules they can follow that they think will help keep themselves safe.
The fact that they are making themselves feel better at the expense of everyone who has actually had a bad experience is apparently okay to them.
LBT: yeah, I wasn’t clear. I don’t think anyone can will themselves out of any kind of disability (I’ve tried; I think every disabled person has, to some extent, because this culture is horrible to us). I just know that, personally, sometimes when my mental state is a certain way, I can function in ways that I can’t when my mind isn’t as good.
Like … sometimes I can go down the block to the grocery store, sometimes I can ride the subway and walk around lower Manhattan all day, sometimes I can’t even leave the apartment or get out of bed. Sometimes I can’t form a single coherent thought and can just look at animal videos on Youtube; other times I can bang out and edit a piece of short fiction, write a concise impromptu artistic criticism of Koons and Gaga as related to Abramovic, and go on to be caustic about “The Secret” an hour later. And all manner of stages in between.
It has nothing to do with willpower or magical thinking, and everything to do with current circumstances (chemical, neurological, environmental). So, in short, the Law of Attraction cargo cult can fuck right off trying to tell disadvantaged people … well, anything, really.
What I want to know is why people go for all this shit – where you have to work really hard to convince yourself that you can convince the world to give you something you want and, if it doesn’t pay off, all you’re left with is self-blame for failure and the same bad shit to deal with.
There are more positive ways. One family that we once had as clients had a “spiritual” approach to the world. Their view was that the world was abundant. There are wonderful and beautiful things all around and it was up to you to find them for yourself. As it happened, they turned themselves into multi-millionaires with a multinational business. If they hadn’t done that though, they would still see the world as a wonderful place with lots of opportunities for joy and wonder. So whether you do or you don’t achieve wealth or fame or health, this kind of approach to the world leaves anyone who adopts it with a positive and grateful view of the world. A much better place to be.
*Raises hand*
Uhh, question. Doesn’t being the alpha kinda lose all meaning if everyone is an alpha?
From this, I have devised two theories;
1. he is lying in order to keep the alpha-to-beta ratio balanced
or 2. he is planning to destroy the alpha-social structure by making it obsolete.
Ingenious ?
Hey ferrets! You’re in NYC? You’ll appreciate my stupidity! I got off at the 33rd st station heading for grand central…and ended up on 29th before I realized how backwards I was. I apparently shouldn’t be in NYC unsupervised (yeah LBT we should probably work out timing if you’ll be getting there via grand central too)
“I don’t think anyone can will themselves out of any kind of disability (I’ve tried; I think every disabled person has, to some extent, because this culture is horrible to us).”
Adding that to the list of thing to bash my psych upside the head with (or not, seeing how the top of the list currently is “I am not having this conversation, you can call [pecunium] and ask why not”)
LBT — …how old is Sneak? I want to say Gigi is like ten or something close, but Sneak is some sort of teenager? (Sorry Sneak!)
LBT — also, I’ve met you, and pecunium, before. The whole finding each other thing may go better if the two of you aren’t working out some “wait you call those ears? They’re tiny!” system. (You guys do have each other’s email right? Or you want me to send him yours?)
Yes I do always go all advance planning! Less shit gets fucked up that way.
Catfish – you mean he has a Cunning Plan? Is this book written by Baldrick? :O