This is the actual cover for a little self-published alpha-male how-to book I found on Amazon, and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a more awesome book cover in my life.
I mean, let’s just start with the fact that becoming an Alpha Male apparently makes you literally a giant, and somehow in the process removes any shadows or reflections that you might have previously cast upon the world. And it makes you irresistible to similarly gigantic women, provided they are standing at an angle that bears no relation to earth gravity and lit by their own light source.
And then there’s the weirdly ambiguous title of the book, which suggests you are becoming an Alpha Male for other men.
The book description is pretty awesome as well.
HOW TO BECOME AN ALPHA MALE FOR TODAY’S MAN. How to become an alpha male is the trending topic among men all across the world today. In this book you will find an easy to follow simplified guide to transforming into the man whom women are diligently seeking after but fail to find.
Why would you want to turn yourself into a man the women can’t find?
This informative book will satisfy your quest for who you are. You are an alpha male who deserves the excitement and pleasure and all the luxuries the life of an alpha male have to offer.
Like the luxury of expanding to THREE TIMES NORMAL HUMAN SIZE!
You will find proven techniques that will save you valuable time and money also sure fire methods that will guarantee promising results. Based on extensive and expensive field research the author T.Mills have scientifically gathered useful data that have been tried and tested with striking results.
Apparently he never tried and tested his promotional copy with a copy editor, though.
After reading this book you will find yourself excited about becoming an alpha male. Imagine being in control of unlimited pleasure. Your desires fulfilled simply by applying these step by step methods. Having your way in every situation without worrying about the threat of opposition. This is the life of an alpha male. How To Become An Alpha Male For Today’s Man contains the necessary tools in an intimate one on one encounter within this book.
Wait, what? Is he suggesting that we … have sex with the book?
Because that works for me. This book cover is just that irresistible.
I might even have to procure this work of literature and read it, or something.
I guess the other 5% of the time is when you say yes but are gesturing no at the same time.
That cover is so…UGLY. Ewwww.
I shall never worry about my photoshopping skills again…
I’d say we should have a competition to see who can make the most MRA/PUA-tastic book cover, but I’m not so sure that I want to propose a game where everyone loses :/
That’s some ace advice there, Sun Tzu. Wait long by the river, and
the bodies of your enemiesHB10s will float by.“Chapter 3: Anyway, how is your sex life?”
Philistine.
@Robert:
Tautology!
@katz:
I fancy aligning my verbal and physical words with something like, “YES, I want you to piss off,” while giving the totes alpha male a digital salute.
The irony in his talk about body language is that men are just as capable of reading it as women, but assholes choose to ignore all the “go away” signals and the fact that women are socialised not to give outright verbal rejections (with reason, given how easily assholes get aggressive).
Plus how does co-ordinating his own body and verbal language make him unstoppable? Wut?
@Falconer – happy half birthday, Eldritch Spoon Power Babies!
I must totes be an alpha female. Louis said this morning I’m queen of the worlds “whatever that Katie cat says.” Bein’ more alpha than an alpha kitty is pretty damn alpha.
Ooh, dustydeste, lets do it. I have my title. And I have craptacular photoshop skills, so that helps.
Katz, I read that and assumed that the other 5% is when you’re just making shit up. Although 5% seems kind of low for that, considering the source.
It reads like every promo of every pyramid scam ever written distilled down to one weird trick.
I think he’s ineptly mashing two poorly expressed ideas together here. The (supposed) percentage of your communication that is non-verbal and the (supposed) percentage of the time a person ignores verbal cues in favor of non-verbal ones are not linked, though from the way he writes it makes it seem like they are.
What I want to know is what the part about how people “90% of the time take physical words over your verbal words” is supposed to mean. Is he saying that 90% of the time when a person perceives verbal and nonverbal communication to conflict they go with the nonverbal? Because that’s the only interpretation I can see which makes a lick of sense in context.
The average Stoic Sophist of today:
Oh, haiiiiii, Lisa you so sexy!
kittehserf:
Best and truest laugh I’ve had in too long a while.
@the average Stoic Sophist of today – not to mention the sour joke of predators deliberately ignoring the body language that says “No” when there isn’t a definite and loud verbal “No,” as I said above. Bullshit these guys are going with the body language when it doesn’t say what they want to hear.
But then the whole “without opposition” idea of his alpha alphaness, apart from being a load of tosh in life in general, heads straight into rape territory in the sexual context.
Hopefully he’s as laughable in person as he is on the page, so he doesn’t really get the opportunity to demonstrage his mad skillz.
Michael – glad to give you a laugh! 😀
It’s quite clear that whatever other skills an alpha male requires a facility with photoshop ain’t one of them.
“manipulate people or women”
How telling.
OMG y’all. I couldn’t resist. This is from the introduction. I don’t think I made any typos in this either. (I wrote “or” instead of “of” in the last one but I’m pretty sure everything else is original.)
Oh, and you can totes tell the “text” is from a real woman because there are lots of exclamation points and emoticons and shit.
I FELT I SHOULD SHARE THIS TEXT WITH YOU JUST TO ALLOW YOU TO SEE FIRST OFF THE EFFECTS OF APPLYING THE ALPHA MALE TECHNIQUE. THIS IS AN ACTUAL TEXT IN ITS ENTIRETY NO EDITS,
Nicki sends this text to me,
Good morning! I’m laying here in bed thinkig about how intelligent, sexy, exciting and beautiful you are!! I think that you are an amazing man. I feel very blessed and privileged to have not only met you but to have been selected to spend intimate time with you physically, sexually, emotionally, mentally as well as spiritually! How is it that we not only shared that much of each other in less than 6 hours but to add to it, WE WERE COMPATIBLE! Dana asked me, “What did you like about him?” I responded, “Everything! There is nothing that I dislike about him!” I’m laying here in my bed alone. Sometimes when I awake, I wonder why it is that I am so selective of who I share myself in any aspect with? I’m very choosy and my high standards have resulted in me living in solitude. Which is why I’m dumbfounded as to the outcome of our meeting. Well I will close this lengthy text with, “Thank you!” Thank you for trusting me with your intimate thoughts, beliefs, actions and feelings!
Sometimes people enter our lives and when they leave, as time passes, the memory of that person becomes fuzxy [sic] or it disappears. However I believe that even if I never see you nor hear from you again that T***** Mills will forever be a lasting, vivid memory; due to the stromg impression you have not only left on my mind but also on/in my spirit and heart! 🙂 if I didn’t know any better I’d swear you deposited something in me. Possibly inadvertently or on purpose because I seriously feel this strong connection with you that I think shoud be impossible! Although I liked you when I initially laid eyes on you, it grew as we talked, but after we had sex it became this….well I’m gonna close this message. Whateer it is I’m feeling I wecome it and it feels GREAT! :-* TTY!
THIS IS THE EFFECT, WHEN PERFECTLY APPLYING THIS EBOOK PLEASE READ EACH CHAPTER AND CAREFULLY INPLEMENT IT INTO YOUR LIFE OR STYLE. THIS IS NOT DONE TO MAINPULATE PEOPLE OR WOMEN BUT SIMPLY TO ADD SUCCESS, LOVE AND ROMANCE BACK INTO THE GAME OF COURTING AND/OR SOCIALIZING, MOST OF ALL TO TRIUMPH IN ALL YOUR ENDEAVORS. ENJOY,
Ew.
MorkaisChosen, yeah, “manipulate people or women”… that’s the kind of phrasing you’d expect to hear from an alien species that can’t quite grok humanity.
Okay, “Whateer” is a typo, but I swear “INPLEMENT” is not.
And now the wine is kicking in, supper is ready, and I must stop.
Serrana. Oh, what the everlovin’ hell…this is self-insert fanfic with sockpuppet self-fellatio.
I wanna go on a double date with T. Mills just to see if I can keep from laughing.
Dear /r/TheRedPill, I never thought this would happen to me…
He probably deposited a profound sense of self-loathing, writing that ridiculous fiction.
Au contraire, I think we would all WIN from seeing these book covers. We have something of a history of hilariously bad graphic arts around here.
honestly it’s the one customer review that scares me. the fact that it has a customer review, and from a counselor who uses the term “feminization of men”, i mean. bleh.
however, i love this bit, from lesson 6:
“When you reach the playing field to work your magic with hopes to become the MVP of the night”
i stopped there. there’s no need to go on.